Challenged Lovers

By Fadzai Zimunya

This is a book about the power of love over all else.

Both Danai and Fadzai are first-born children and expectations were understandably very high.

The central message here is that parents need to impart all they believe their offspring need to get and this needs to be during the formative years. Young adults are subjected to societal influences that may not be in line with what the parents have in mind. Life lessons must be given but respect of the young mind is critical to maintain balance.

Most parents find that they are busy with the day-to-day life demands, to the extent that their offspring are left to find their ways. Outside influences end up shaping the young minds.

In this true story the challenge came when the two young adults fell in love and decided to marry.

Their love was stronger than all efforts to separate them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 21, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493113545

Fadzai Zimunya

Lovemore Farai Mufute is a Zimbabwean, born in a mission hospital at Mutambara, eastern Zimbabwe. He went to school mostly in the city of Mutare and later in Harare and became an accountant. He also studied strategic management at Harvard University in Boston. He married Ruth Chisina in 1975 and they have four children, Chido, Edward, Farai and Tinashe and they now have seven grand children. After working for many years in the Zimbabwean Government in its very early years and the private sector for eleven years, he left to start his own management consulting and auto body companies in 1994 and currently employs over forty people. He has been a member of the Lions Club of Marlborough in Harare, and was its president for two years. His interests are in general body fitness, reading, soccer and boxing.

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Copyright © 2013 Fadzai Zimunya

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013918532

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4931-1353-8

                Softcover       978-1-4931-1352-1

                Ebook            978-1-4931-1354-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 11/05/2013

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141348

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Family Background

Early Childhood

Going to School

As Young Adults

Meeting Danai

The Raid

The First Escape

Back in Chipinge

Mount Selinda Mission

Together at Last!

Our First Child!

Our Second Child

Our Life in Harare

Our Third Baby

Our Fourth Child and Our Wedding

Concluding

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I t hank Danai the girl I met and fell in love with many years ago for inspiring and encouraging me to write this book. Without her the story would not be told.

Danai is my wife, friend and adviser with whom I have shared years of happiness. Danai, the mother of my four wonderful children, grandmother to my seven grandchildren, stood steadfastly with me through challenging times in my life.

I also thank and acknowledge my four wonderful children Rudo, Netsai, Fambai, and Nash who have made me proud together with their spouses and seven beautiful children. The fruit always falls close to the tree!

I thank my in-laws for Danai and for all the lessons I got from my relationship with them. May God bless their souls.

I thank my parents for bringing me to life and their many years of wisdom, strength and support.

Diane and Bill Reilly, our good family friends, many thanks for your support and input during the write up of this book.

Tendai Mawane, a brother in marriage, many thanks for your valuable contributions and support.

I thank all those who contributed positively in one-way or the other in shaping this story.

Above all I thank God.

Fadzai Zimunya

October 2013

INTRODUCTION

I t was like we had not done this before, our secret date in my room late at night. This night was special; we could not sleep at all. Then around three in the morning, there was tremendous noise outside, someone knocking on my window, loud voices demanding that I open the door. Unfortunately, my housemate and his wife were not in, and I could not get any help on what to do. I realized that the game was up and we were in serious trouble. This was clear confirmation that our love was challenged. An idea of Danai escaping through the window came to my mind. I soon realized that they were covering all windows. We moved from my little room into the common room to await our fate. We somehow thought that the lounge would present a more innocent scenario to the men demanding to come in. I quickly realized that the men outside were the Sondos. My main concern was on what would happen to my Danai, who stood there at a loss on what to do. I resolved that I was going to open the door, be a man, and face the consequences. After all, we had deliberated on the possibility of getting caught, and I was ready for whatever was coming my way.

At twenty-three in 1974, I had hopelessly fallen in love with this stunningly beautiful young girl. I never imagined, though, that my love affair would be characterized by so much turbulence. This is a story about love and what it can do to two people. This is a story about the power of fate over all else, about how what is meant to be will be. Fadzai, the young man, and Danai, the nineteen-year-old young girl, had a magical meeting, as if all the stars lined up for the event, and there was absolutely nothing that could prevent the occurrence. It was meant to be. When two people meet and they fall truly in love, there is no mistaking it—they will know. Love has a powerful influence over two people; it literally engulfs them. They are willing to fight or even die for it, if that becomes necessary.

What is it that first brings two people together in love? There are many reasons why people come together and end up in a love relationship. One has to distinguish the type of attraction to another person. A lot of times, what may just be a physical attraction can be mistaken for love. But then again, what may start as a physical attraction may develop into a true love relationship. Physical attraction can be a part, only a part, of a love attraction, for there are other ingredients to this thing called love. Can you spend hours just sharing various subjects of common interest without necessarily engaging in a sexual encounter? By doing so, you will actually be getting to know each other; you will soon know if you are compatible enough to spend your time together for a long time, for a lifetime, if that’s the intended goal.

When I met Danai back in ’74, we spent most of the time we could get together, talking not only about ourselves but of the various subjects of mutual interest. I was, and still am thirty-eight years later, very much attracted to her physically. I still find myself unable to function correctly without her. But I think what has made the difference for us is that it is almost like our DNA had fused into one. The chemistry was just right, and we became inseparable. The discussions we had during those drizzly nights in my little room in Gaza Township of Chipinge made the difference. Although we spent nights together, this time was spent creating a meeting of the minds. Yes, there was definitely physical attraction, which I believe was kept in check by the desire to do the right things. I never wanted to make the mistake of getting seriously involved to the extent of engaging in the sex act unless I was sure I was in love with her enough to last a lifetime, and she felt the same. There is never a way one knows that they are truly in love the very first few days. Since I had just met Danai and felt so attracted to her, that did not mean we would be compatible, and that, then, meant I needed to control myself whenever I was with her but also remained myself. We both took big gambles here, but strong willpower made the day. So our connection was at a higher level. The fact that our love was soon to be challenged also tested the depth of our feelings toward each other.

The extent of the challenge to our love relationship was legendary, for Danai’s parents, more obviously her father, clearly expressed their dislike for me personally as their daughter’s friend, lover, and later, spouse. I do honestly believe that our relationship must have taken them by surprise although Danai was nineteen when we met. They must have thought that their firstborn girl child was still very young for a love relationship that would lead to marriage. Her father’s utterances directly to me, though, highlighted the fact that he had certain aspirations for his daughter, and I did not fit into the picture he had in his mind. Having aspirations for your child is normal, and he was entitled to have them, but I believe a parent has to allow their child to be whom and what they want to be as a growing and developing individual.

I believe that parents must start early in imparting their values to their offspring, values that would then be used by the child as they grew into adulthood. I am not sure that most parents are even sure of those values, for her father had discouraged her, on a number occasion, when she earlier wanted to pursue some career. Her mother’s role in all this is not clear. I guess she decided to let the head of the house lead the way. I know that women, especially African women from that age, would want to stay in the background although they wielded a lot of power in the household. The father would mostly be the representative of the family to the outside world. What was difficult to understand was why Danai’s mother did not do more to normalize her daughter’s marriage situation for all the years that this saga took. Was she perhaps in agreement with what was happening, even if that meant she would not be able to see her daughter for all this time? She might have simply feared the consequences of going against her husband, and that is understandable. Their resultant position in this case did not allow the realization that their girl child had fallen in love and that she too, like them, had her own position.

What this story highlights is that parents need to communicate fully with their children from when they are still young, from the womb as it were. Doing this ensures that the child will take up as much of the parents’ character, thinking, and family culture as possible. The best time to do this successfully is when the parents still have a greater percentage of time with the child, and this is when they are still very young. As the kids start going to school, the less and less time the parents have. In any case, even when you do have the kids everyday, if you do not consciously make an effort to effectively communicate with them, they will be influenced by the environment they spend most of their time in; they will formulate their own ways, which may be far removed from yours. Modern gadgets like toys and television in the home do not help the situation. In Danai’s case, they did not have a chance; in fact, they did not give themselves a chance as they shipped her off to her grandmother when she was still far too young, at six months of age. By the time she rejoined the family, she was a grown woman with her own mind. It is clear, therefore, that culture directly affected the relationship between parents and child.

Our culture does not ordinarily allow openness between parents and children to the extent that the imparting of one’s values is not deliberately done. Where values are imparted, it’s done more subconsciously than not. The child will pick up what they can along the way. The changing social fabric, the coming of the global village, even in the limited scope of a locality, makes it even more difficult to nurture your child into what you may want. I do not remember my parents sitting me down for a lesson of who I was or should be. I believe this is so in many families even now. The situation is made even worse by the fact that rarely do we document our folk laws and history. It is, therefore, true that neither of us was educated by our respective parents on who we were and what we should have been aiming for in life. We, therefore, set our own courses as we went along.

FAMILY BACKGROUND

I was born Fadzai Zimunya at Mutambara Mission Hospital, a United Methodist Church establishment in the southeastern part of Zimbabwe (Rhodesia) along the Mozambique border on the November 23, 1951. I am the firstborn of the seven children. My father and mother were also born and raised in the same general area. My mother originated from the Vumba area, just east of the city of Mutare (Umtali), and my father originated from the area just northeast of Mutambara Mission. This area of Zimbabwe, like all areas along borders in the rest of Africa, was badly affected by the establishment of the border between Mozambique and Zimbabwe (Southern Rhodesia). In fact, it is said that my clan has an area in Mozambique under its traditional leadership. Those who drew up the borders in Africa back then did not consider or care about the effects of their appropriation lines on the indigenous people. This act by the colonizers had very long-term negative effects.

My parents married in 1950, had a church wedding that is reported to have been quite some event. When he was ready to find a girl to marry, around 1948, my father sought the help of a half brother’s wife who identified this young girl at her church, Apostolic Faith Church, in the Vumba area. At this point, my father was working in Johannesburg, in far-off South Africa. My mother reports that she asked for my father’s photo before she accepted his proposal. He must have asked for her photo as well. After some time, he came home, and they met in person. So they started their long-distance love affair. My father soon started saving for the bride price, roora (also referred to as lobola), and a church wedding. His employer’s wife played a very significant part in the saving up of the roora; she paid him double salary for about a year without the knowledge of her husband. My father, therefore, had a lot of money to use for the roora and for the wedding.

This kind of meeting between young men and women was quite common back then. The idea was that one would be, to an extent, assured or would have some level of satisfaction that they were associating with a known person. The assumption was that the matchmaker would have checked the girl or boy characterwise. In fact, people wanted to marry those from the same area. There was, and still is, a commonly held belief that meeting someone who belongs to some church and professes to be a believer or Christian has advantages. Of course, I am not sure that this is true in most cases because many people frequent churches not because they are Christians or that they necessarily have higher moral values but because they either want to create some impression and/or they are on the lookout for what they