Vulnerability: Poems & Short Stories

By Luxi Xu

Originally a private collection written as a form of self-reflection, it is now being publicized as a manner of revealing my innermost thoughts and a tentative first step toward becoming a writer. The overflowing thoughts of a sixteen-year-old fit into words and stanzas, paragraphs and verses. I cram them into broken poems and strings of words threaded together by an array of artistic nothingness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 31, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496944160

Luxi Xu

She is a sixteen-year-old Chinese girl who was raised in Portugal and considers English her first language. She is a perfect example of someone who had to live with the clash of Eastern and Western culture and education. Even though these are not directly mentioned in her writing, there are points at which her opinions and morals seem conflicted and contradictory, which is a clear sign of opposite influences at different stages of her life. These are her genuine views, and albeit naive and at times “plastic” and sickeningly positive or overly cynical, in some ways it directly portrays the sheep mentality our society and the younger generation has adopted. It also shows that even though she is aware of it and attempts to express her individualism, she still falls in the trap of the herd mentality. She phrases emotions either eloquently or crudely—there is no in between, often painting her own views and objections of her limited world into her vast ideas. She shows us through her writing that she is the perfect example of human growth and the fallacies that bias and emotion created within one's personal bubble. Although her writing is quite childish and to adults may seem overused and meaningless or blatantly obvious, through her collection she shows a progression of thoughts and a development in writing style, gradually creating her own voice. This is very relatable for young teenagers who might be struggling through the same issues and don't want an all knowing command and instead seek an equally perplexed companion.

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© 2014 Luxi Xu. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Ken Xyro / kenxyro.wordpress.com

Book design by Luxi Xu /worldofluxi.wordpress.com

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/29/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4969-4417-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-4416-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014917972

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Writer’s Note

Vulnerability

SHORT STORIES

Pondering Realization

Harsh Reality

My Voice

Tyranny

Tired

Stress

Defeat

Lost

Dreams

Complicated Love

Go Away

Raindrops

Sleepless Sleep

Just Sad

Tears

Truly Alive

Perfect Man

Cut Off Thoughts

Autumn

Nightmare Corridor

Didn’t Know

Just Tired

Dr Davis

Smile On

Waiting

Childish Tales

Education of Today

You Snooze, You Lose

Stop It

Truthful Lies

Just Grow Up Already!

Jumbled Inside

Thread of Destiny

Heartbeat

Honest Words

Love

Sometimes

Counting Sleep

Smiles

World Through My Mind

Epiphany

Chaos

Home

Beach

Walk

Mr Ackerman

Between Seasons

POETRY

Sad Shenanigans

Wonderland

Roses

Flower of Doom

Storm

Mirror

Factory

Feeling

Timid

Every Night

This morning I woke up

Beautiful Sorrow

Scars of beauty

Confusion

Spiralling

Layers

Insomnia

Memories of Me

Lives Worth Living

Meaning of Life

Poetry

Roller Coaster

Willow

Promise

Pressure

One Day My Dad Took Me Fishing

Ignorant Words

Life and Humanity

Sky

Bittersweet

Blank

Misplaced Gibberish

Cloud

Panic

Rain

Milk

Paper Crane

Rubber

Haikus

Post Examination

Trapped

Wish You Were Here

Mockingbird

To Kill All Mockingbirds

Love & Longing

Farewell

Friendly Love

Thorns

Chilled to the Bone

If Only

Frozen in Time

Voice

I Love You

Warmth

Describe

Secret Potatoes

My Deepest Gratitude

I

dedicate this book to:

My parents who have supported my dream throughout the years.

My friends; Arabella Ho You, Mafalda Clara, and Diya Dey, each one helping me develop my own unique style.

And St. Julian’s School of Portugal for the infinite opportunities.

Writer’s Note

Ever since I was 11 years old I have wanted to be a writer, I have imagined my name upon the shelves and my tales on the big screen. I have fallen in love with countless characters and hidden away with dreams of my fictional self, leading a happier, more fulfilling life.

I have never excelled at anything, not even English in many ways, yet I have always fed this need for recording my every thought and idea.

Writing has helped me along through a lot and I resort to it both when I have nothing left and when I have everything. It is the only thing that I can do for hours on end. My patience for these romanticised words is infinite. In the following pages you will see the core of my very being.

Vulnerability

I present to you my beating heart,

Pumping my dreams across your shoes.

I offer you my silenced lips

To tenderly kiss till love bears fruit.

I give to you my mind

Scarred and dented with slivers of absolute.

Accept me as I am before you

Stripped bare and bleeding truth.

Crying tears through drying routes

Torn apart by darkness and youth.

Perpetually changing, rambling,

And my words sealed with the silence.

My thoughts trapped at my fingertips

While I embrace them as my soul.

I present to you my shattered heart

Stomped on and spat on by your careless words.

I offer you my trembling lips

With cracked smiles that can hide no more.

I give to you my soul

As you rip it from me and call it your own.

Accept me for who I am and not

What I have come to believe.

See me for the real me and not

What the world perceives.

You’ve taken my heart, my mind, my soul,

And it all comes down to my stupidity.

I am now left with nothing. Breathless.

Alone with my vulnerability.

December 2013

Harsh Reality

When we are children, we imagine ourselves as pure, unique creatures that will one day possess the universe and understand all mysteries in life. Oh, how wrong we are. Life will forever lead us on a pointless chase, teasing and cackling just around the corner. We are like fallen angels with broken wings that we drag behind us as we stumble and trip on this arduous road called life. We are like shadows that rely on the light and are unable to move, robbed of our free will, stuck forever in the midst of brightness unable to morph or escape from the form which we have been sown upon. But what if one day we escape from this maze? What if we are able to break free from the shackles of life and the burden of society and are left all alone. Left lost and out in the open. All roads are gone but your wings are still broken, the voice that once led you will never again be heard and the silence is suffocating. The light has disappeared and you are immersed in darkness, the chilling darkness where you become blinded and forget your true form. And suddenly you yearn for the