My Journey: a Look into the Life of a Grieving Teenager

By Kaela Stubenvoll

The disease came with a vengeance and shocked his system totally. It took eight weeks from diagnosis; in a flash he was gone.

Where do you even start when the one person who has been there for you throughout your young life is taken away from you before your eyes? For teenager Kaela Stubenvoll, cancer claimed her beloved father. For you it may be the loss of a sibling, a cherished pet, or a close friend. Grief doesnt discriminate. What does matter is the path you choose and the journey you take from the darkest place to your future, brighter self.

Written by Kaela for other teenagersor anyone grieving a great lossthis book contains anecdotes, advice, and personal poems as she reveals her grief, truth discovered, lessons learned, and how she ultimately triumphs. Reality has been a lot harder than any dream, and through this twisted humor that became my life, this journey is perfectly imperfect.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Nov 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504331555

Kaela Stubenvoll

Kaela now lives in Johannesburg, South Africa, with her mother and younger sister. She is trying to come to terms with the loss of her daddy, who was and still is such a big part of her life. Her family has changed drastically, and in the wake of this sorrow a very unique bond has been created, one that has been built upon each of their own strengths and individual bravery. As the days pass, she has slowly learned to let go and move on while still cherishing the memory of the man who has inspired this journey.

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Copyright © 2015 Kaela Stubenvoll.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3154-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3155-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015906199

Balboa Press rev. date: 11/03/2015

For my Daddy and Abba Lyn.

No matter the distance, spanning the greatest of oceans and the largest of skies, our hearts will be eternally connected.

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Death

The Big C

Collide

Daddy

Goodbye

Daddy

Haunted Memory

Death

Forget

Burden

Pain

Paralyzed

Fade

Scream

Time

Words

Empty Promises & False Words

Upside Down

Mine

Limitless

A Grieving Teenager

Afterword

About The Author

Butterflies hover and feathers appear, whenever passed loved ones or Angels are near.

- Mary Jac

Preface

The greatest challenge I have been faced with has been trying to put words onto a page and reliving the horror only I know. Written for those around me to fully understand the pain and anguish I have felt and still feel today. This task has taken a huge toll on my emotions and through this confrontation of realization; I am feeling I have finally conquered this loss in my life.

These words which eventually started forming sentences and slowly turned into numerous pages, started out as a release for my anger and unconditional denial to the realization that my life would never be the same again. The anger quickly turned into guilt and through these harsh yet comforting words, in my teenage mind, I slowly but surely tried to make sense of all the darkness around me. Eventually, the darkness turned into light and the clouds surrounding my mind started lifting.

Being able to portray these emotions and the mixture of pain, sadness and heartache through these words is a pride and satisfaction I finally feel within myself. A pride such as this spans deeper than any other and defies all senses of integrated levels on which this no longer fits. This could never be shown through any letter or punctuation, because this greatness could never be depicted on a page, as it would never be done any justice.

A pride like this, I have only felt once before and that is every morning when I wake up and look at the smile and happiness radiating from my mother’s soul. How could anyone ever start over as she has? She is an absolute inspiration to me. The plain and simple truth is that without her, I would never have put these words on this page and I would never have had the courage to confront these dark emotions and the pain that is still raw within my heart today.

Acknowledgements

I am truly grateful for friends who have silently stuck by me for a rollercoaster ride of emotions I could not even fathom but for those who have held my hand in spirit and walked with me every step of this horrid path. My gratitude for these friendships is bigger than I can describe – who would have thought that when these friendships were started as children, they would have to withstand such horror? Friends who knew the truth and what my heart did not want to feel.

My gratitude cannot be explained on paper or fabricated into words, I