Grit To Grace

By Ethan Nicolas, Janine Stowe and John Powell

Grit to Grace is a walk through the life of author Ethan Nicolas, and his story of survival. From early childhood abuse to business owner and advocate, join Ethan on his journey from surviving to thriving.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9781312268470

Book preview

Foreword

Life is a journey full of unexpected turns, formidable challenges, and moments that test our strength. It is during these trials that our true character shines through, and the potential for growth and transformation becomes apparent.

In Grit to Grace, Ethan Nicolas takes us on a compelling exploration of what it means to overcome adversity, to rise above our circumstances and forge a path towards brighter horizons.

Ethan Nicolas, a name that resonates with resilience, serves as an inspiring testament to the power of human spirit. With each turn of the page, he invites us into his world, where hardship becomes a catalyst for strength, and obstacles become steppingstones to greatness. Through his sincere and vulnerable storytelling, Ethan's words illuminate the indomitable nature within us all, reminding us that life's most profound triumphs often emerge from its most profound challenges.

This book is not simply a recounting of personal struggles and triumphs; it is a guide that connects with readers at their core, empathizing with their pain and struggles while offering invaluable insights and practical advice on overcoming life's adversities. Ethan infuses his narrative with the wisdom he has gathered on his own journey, generously sharing the lessons he learned along the way. Through his words, he extends a supportive hand to those enduring their own trials, reminding us all that even amidst chaos and despair, it is possible to navigate towards serenity and fulfillment.

Grit to Grace reveals Ethan Nicolas' unwavering commitment to self-discovery and personal growth. As he unveils his experiences with raw honesty, he demonstrates the transformative power of embracing vulnerability and facing life head-on, while exuding a genuine passion to guide others towards their own paths of resilience. Through his stories of extraordinary courage, Ethan encourages us to confront our own fears and embrace our individual strengths, kindling a flame of hope within our hearts that flickers even in the darkest moments.

I am honoured to have been asked to write the forward for this project and am excited for you to uncover the beauty, pain and humour in the following pages.

Strap in your Fother Muckin seatbelts!

Jesse Lipscombe

Acknowledgments

There are so many people I need to thank for their support and help with this book. Yes, that’s a cliche I dislike using, but it rings true.

Thank you to Jesse Lipscombe for being a mentor, supporter, friend, karaoke duet partner, and confidant, and for the many, many roles he has held in my life, mission, and circle, none more critical than brother. For challenging me to write this book, supporting me through the 25-day time crunch, and pushing me through the last few years sitting on Grit to Grace, guiding me into a new and exciting chapter… pun not intended.

To Stuart and Jenny, for opening your home to me, walking through the darkness, and navigating my healing journey with me. I may never be able to put into words how important you two have been in my story.

My beautiful daughter Amara, for being the constant and awe-inspiring reminder to play and love and love and play… For helping to turn this angry, defensive, hardened heart survivor into a kinder, gentler, more vulnerable, and empathetic advocate.

My therapist, who is an absolute fucking gem of a human being. A human I hold a great deal of respect and love for, which may sound odd for a professional relationship. However, when a human decides they are going walk through hell with you every step of the way, navigating every booby-trapped memory, every explosive episode, every self-harm-suicidal-holy-shit moment, and then some… when someone reminds you and reassures you that you belong… they earn a spot close. He isn’t just a guy I pay to listen to my problems. He is a member of the team, of my team, the circle that helps keep this absolute locomotive of a shit disturber moving forward!

Finally, (channeling my inner Snoop Dee Oh Double Gee)

I need to thank me! For putting in the work. For surviving. For choosing to answer the call. For returning to the darkness, to the trenches. For holding the lantern and showing people there is more, there is a better. I thank me for every ounce of effort it took to make this book, this work, and this mission happen.

Table of Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Table of Contents

Trigger Warning

Preface

From What I Can Remember

Running in Circles

Faithfull-less?

Sins of the F***er

The Shift

*Stank-Face*

Anywhere But Home

Survival Expert

Big Black Ethan

Tectonic Shifts

Better Together

Holding The Lantern

Song Index

Citing

Trigger Warning

First of all, thank you for picking up this book! It means the world to me that you have chosen to spend time reading, learning, and healing, but I must issue a warning before you dive in.

This book is going to speak on weighty topics. It is a journey of horrific acts of violence and abuse, depression and suicide, life and death. Some events may bring up awful memories and trigger an emotional response.

Please ensure you have the emotional and mental space to read this book. I know how taxing that can be, so please take this book in manageable doses!

There is no time limit and no recommended schedule for finishing reading it. Please take it at your own pace.

Since this book is about authentic, lived experience, there is some colorful language that you may find offensive, slurs and words that you may not have seen in a book up to this point. Please try your best to hold on through the ugly parts to get to the beauty.

If you do not already have one or have not taken the step yet, I suggest you seek counseling or therapy.

It is a highly recommended step, whether that be support in your school, workplace, or from an outside source. This book is not only a life story but is intended to open up conversation as well as help guide you to taking your own steps towards healing.

This is only a suggestion, but the weight of this book can sneak up on you, bringing up wounds that are fresh or some that you have buried deep. If it does dig up painful experiences from your past, having a safety net and a support person or network in place is a must! So please consider your mental and emotional safety as you embark on this journey with me.

Preface

Trying to write this book was a huge pain in the ass. I am a fairly creative human, but writing a book? Nope. It wasn’t on my list of talents or skills, nor was it on my radar of things to do, if I’m being honest! It took a lot of prodding from some good people and mentors to start the process.

One of my mentors, Jesse, figured out how to get me to just start. He challenged me to enter a BIPOC submission contest, and now you’re reading it!

This book is my first attempt at sharing my story in its entirety in one go. My story is painful, ugly, and gross. But it’s also powerful and motivating. It’s a conqueror’s story, and it might also be your story.

It could be your husband’s story, your brother’s, your nephew’s, an uncle’s, a friend’s, a colleague’s, or an acquaintance’s story. You see, my story is not a new one.

My story is not something that has never happened before. My story is a horror script that’s 27 years long. My story, unfortunately gets buried with its owner long before it has had a chance to be heard or healed.

My story is not new, but it’s rarely told, and I REFUSE to be silent about it anymore. This story is my power, and I will use that power for good. That power is going to change the world. I CHOOSE to use what was intended to harm me and turn it into something good to save lives like mine, yours, and your loved ones (Gen 50:20). I am not alone. YOU are not alone.

WE ARE NOT ALONE, and this story, my story, proves just that!

As I write this book, I find it hard to give it a proper genre because I’m not sure what to call it. Is it an autobiography, is it a novel, is it a short story, or a self-help book? It’s a little bit of each!

This book might be an autobiography to you, but a self-help book for your brother or sister. It might be a collection of stories for your cousin or an educational tool for your high school principal. For me, this is an autobiographical self-help book.

As I write this, I want to tell you pieces of my story as I can recall them. I also want to give you resources, tips, and tricks as we go along to help you grow in your own healing. I want you to see that you’re not alone as you read my story.

I want you to see that many other people, not just me, are out there fighting for change. I want you to know that you can do this. You can get better, you can heal, you can grow, and you can have an incredible life! I want you to see that you can get through the suck to the other side, and I want the power of success to be in YOUR hands.

As I say all this uplifting stuff, I also need you to know that my success comes from the evil I had to endure. I don’t want you to get stuck on the ugly — but unfortunately for me, there is a lot of ugly. I won’t lie to you; there is a lot of it, but there is also a lot of good, and it’s taken me a long time to learn that.

So, as you read this book, I hope you see the silver linings; I pray you see and experience the hope. But, most of all, I urge you to let yourself feel and experience all this book has to offer you as you work your way through it.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I appreciate your support and desire to grow in your healing. My vision for you in reading this book is that it reminds you that we are all walking this life together.

Some of us are dealt unfair hands but continue to play to get to the next round. If that resonates with you, I want you to see that life is NOT over just because it feels like the world is burning all around you.

I want you to see that when evil falls on you, there are people on this planet who CAN and DO fully understand what you are going through, care about you, and want to see you succeed, no matter how many factors point to the contrary.

I want every reader to know they are LOVED by a human they may never meet, but who cares so much about their healing and thriving nonetheless? I want that one person who just happened to come across this book, who is knocking on the door of leaving us, to keep fighting. I want to create a worldwide community of love and support.

This life requires community, and I hope to shatter the stigma of fighting alone! I’ve got your back, my friend. It’s time to have your own.

Grace and peace,

Ethan

Chapter One

From What I Can Remember

"Ethan, Ethan, tell me you love me true!

You’re my baby, and oh, I love you!

Cause you’re so sweet right down to your feet.

And that’s why I love you!"

I was born late at night on October 6, 1990, in Edmonton. My mom brought me into this world, ready as she could be to parent her first child, a boy. Now, as far as moms go, I didn’t draw the shortest stick, that’s for sure.

Mom was a hard-working lady, loyal to her work, a God-fearing, decent human being. She prayed for a boy, a sensitive boy, a boy who would show love to the world the way she loved him! That’s EXACTLY what she got… until she didn’t, but we will get to that later.

By all accounts, I was a happy, healthy baby boy who was ahead of the curve in many ways, including physical strength. That may or may not be a humble brag, as a personal trainer and strong human in my adult life. One could say they saw it coming as my career choice based on a well-known story in my family.

As my mom tells it, "We could never have plants in the house and leave Ethan alone. For whatever reason, he either hated or loved the plants. We couldn’t tell because he would rip them out of their pots if given the chance. It was not just little ones; we had a few dieffenbachias (big-leafed toxic tropical plants— because, you know,— go big or go home) that he didn’t want to stay potted.

He would crawl over to it, grab the entire plant at its stems and pull the damn thing out of the pot, dirt and all. And that’s not all. That little adventurer would use his arms to pull himself out of the crib with no care for his well-being. He would fall, and by the time I’d get there, he’d be playing with whatever caught his eye in the first place. No tears, just a smile and back to playing."

By way of parents embarrassing their kids with stories from childhood, I’d say I got off pretty lucky.