The Theatre of Love, Sex, Marriage and Beyond

By Gaglozoo H. A. Berdie

It is through a deep reflection that I have been able to frame the title of this book, which is The Theatre of Love, Sex, Marriage and Beyond.

In fact, the contents of this book take their roots from the title.

This book is designed to cover as much as possible, a substantial number of the various aspects of the subjects I have discussed, as dealt with specifically by the innumerable authors at one time or the other. It is without the slightest doubt that not all or every aspect of the subjects of love, sex, and marriagewritten or propounded by authors, researchers, psychologists, sexologists, and medical scientistscan be found in one book.

These different and innumerable ideas, theories, hypothesis, and research findings are as scattered in uncountable books, articles, newsprints, or papers and magazines.

I will, in all honesty, admit that what I have attempted to do in this book is only a tip of the iceberg, considering the infinitude of the intellectual input and output of others in the myriad of data on the subject.

I have divided this book into four parts: love, sex, marriage, and the beyond.

These notwithstanding, I hope this humble rendition, however inadequate, would give readers a general overview of the essentials of these enigmatic subjects of love, sex, marriage, and the beyond.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Africa
• Release date: Apr 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781482862362

Gaglozoo H. A. Berdie

The author was born on July 24, 1946, at Koforidua in the Eastern Region of Ghana. He started his Basic Education in 1953 at Sarkodiee Memorial Primary/Middle School and completed in 1962. He was employed as a messenger at the Regional Education Office, Koforidua, from 1963–1965. He attended Teacher Training College at Konongo-Odumase Training College in the Ashanti Region and SDA Training College at Asokore Koforidua in the eastern region between 1965 and 1970. After his graduation as a professional teacher, he was posted to Babianaha L/A Primary School in the Suhum District as Headteacher from 1970 to 1976. The author entered the University of Ghana, Legon, in 1976 and graduated in 1979 with a bachelor’s degree in political science and ancient history. After graduation, he taught at New Juaben Secondary/Commercial School between 1979 and 1981 and left for Nigeria. The Author got employed as a teacher in Oyo State of Nigeria at Origbo Anglican Grammar School, at Ipetumodu, near Ile Ife. The Author returned to Ghana in 1985, and in 1986, he was reengaged by the Ghana Education Service as regional statistics / IPPD officer, and he held that post until his compulsory retirement in the year 2006. While still in the education service, the author enrolled in the Ghana School of Law to study law and graduated as a professional lawyer in the 2005 at the age of fifty-nine.

Book preview

Copyright © 2016 by GAGLOZOO H.A. BERDIE.

ISBN:  Softcover  978-1-4828-6237-9

            eBook       978-1-4828-6236-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Toll Free 0800 990 914 (South Africa)

[phone] (outside South Africa)

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Contents

PREFACE

CHAPTER ONE: The Other Definition Of Love Part I

CHAPTER TWO: The Other Definition Of Love - Part II

CHAPTER THREE: The Physical Differences Between Men And Women

CHAPTER FOUR: Sexuality Of Men And Women

CHAPTER FIVE: Sexual Addiction - A Negative Component Of Male And Female Sexuality

CHAPTER SIX: Rape - A Negative Component Of Male Sexuality

CHAPTER SEVEN: Prostitution

CHAPTER EIGHT: Homosexuality - A Perversion Of Heterosexuality

CHAPTER NINE: Pornography – Nudity And Sex In Public View

CHAPTER TEN: Male Circumcision And Female Genital Mutilation – A Primitive Heritage

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Dating And Courtship

CHAPTER TWELVE: Marriage Compatibility Between Men And Women The Search For A Compatible Partner - The Rational Method

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: The Spiritual Or Quasi-Spiritual Choice Of A Compatible Partner

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Dowry

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Marriage

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Marriage Life

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Children

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Divorce

CHAPTER NINETEEN: Widowhood

CHAPTER TWENTY: Attachments – The Artificial Imprisonment Of The Mind

INDEX

PREFACE

It is through a deep reflection that I have been able to frame the title of this book which is THE THEATRE OF LOVE, SEX, MARRIAGE AND BEYOND.

In fact the contents of this book take their roots from the title.

This book is designed to cover as much as possible, a substantial number of the various aspects of the subjects I have discussed, as dealt with specifically by the innumerable authors at one time or the other. It is without the slightest doubt that not all or every aspect of the subjects of Love, Sex and Marriage written or propounded by Authors, Researchers, Psychologists, Sexologists and Medical Scientists, can be found in one book.

These different and innumerable ideas, theories, hypothesis and research findings are as scattered in uncountable books, articles, newsprints or papers and magazines.

I will in all honesty admit that what I have attempted to do in this book is only a tip of the iceberg considering the infinitude of the intellectual input and output of others in the myriad of data on the subject.

I have divided this book into four parts – Love, Sex, Marriage and the Beyond.

These notwithstanding, I hope this humble rendition however inadequate, would give readers a general overview of the essentials of these enigmatic subjects of Love, Sex, Marriage and the Beyond.

I know the contents of this book will definitely generate a great deal of controversies and controversial reactions from sections of the general public, but blunt as I am, that is how I feel it should be. I know myself that I have stepped into some sensitive territories that many authors would deliberately try to avoid, for personal reasons, religious or moral courtesies. I have however held the conviction that ones conviction, truths or facts must be clearly stated no matter how it may hurt some sections of the public.

My aim is just to put into the public domain, an open Pandora’s box that will perhaps unravel certain myths, mysteries and misconceptions that have shrouded certain aspects of Love, Sex, Marriage, the Spiritual Worlds, Religion, Astrology, Numerology, etc.

Readers will therefore find in the course of reading this book, the attempt to integrate spiritual, religious, moral, cultural, legal, political, economic and intellectual thoughts by myself and other authors before me.

I have done my best to build a pyramid of ideas from:

(a) Other Eminent Authors on the subjects.

(b) Those I have developed myself from those of these Authors.

(c) My own original ideas and personal life experiences into this work or book.

In many cases especially on highly sensitive issues of spiritual, moral, cultural, religious nature, etc. readers would think I have deviated or digressed completely from the main theme of the book.

This notion should it arise, should be discarded.

For these seeming or apparent deviations or digressions are just whistle stops along the path to explain certain points into some details so as to unravel some myths or misconceptions about these issues that some sections of the general public may take for granted, be ignorant of or which the Doubting Thomas’s would discard as nonsense, impossible or superstition.

This book is also designed to educate in some ways and also serve as a Counseling Handbook or a Guidebook in the subjects treated herein.

My gratitude and acknowledgement go to the numerous Authors of books, articles in the Newsprints, on the Internet, Newspaper Publishing Companies, ie. Pupil and Places (P & P), Top Story, the Mirror, (all of them News Publishing Companies in Ghana).

Finally, my gratitude and acknowledgement goes to Mr. George Aboagye, who typed the manuscripts.

In conclusion, I wish and fervently hope that the contents of these four divisions namely; Love, Sex, Marriage and the Beyond of this book would be mind pricking enough to generate public debate of substantial value.

In fact and indeed criticisms, suggesting, comments, I will gladly welcome.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

TABLE OF STATUTES

Intestate Succession Law 1985 PNDC Law 111

Customary Marriage and Divorce (Registration) Law 1985 PNDC Law 112

Matrimonial Causes Act 1971, Act 367

Marriage Ordinance CAP 127

Mohammedan Marriage Ordinance CAP 129

TABLE OF CASES CITED

Nyarkoa Vrs. Mansu – 1967 GLR 523

1969 CC53

Pettit Vrs. Pettit 1962 3 All England Law Report CA Page 37 – 45

Aning Vrs. Kingful 1980 GLR Page 404

Hyde Vrs. Hyde 1866 LRIP and D 130 Act 133

Major Kwame Asante CA/93 dated 14th December, 1993 (unreported Supreme Court Case)

De Reneville Vrs. De Reneville 1948 one All ER 56 @ 60

De Vrs. AG (Dr. Lushington J)

W Vrs. W (Brandon J)

PART I LOVE

Introductory:

This part consist of two Chapters – namely;

(a) The Other Definition of Love Part I

(b) The Other Definition of Love Part II – Types of Love

The theme of this part is a departure from the conventional Definition of Love which is Love an attraction to and a strong attachment to the object of affection like human beings, pets, cars, etc.

Love in these two chapters I have argued comprises of components, ingredients or virtues the aggregates of which is what we call love. The components or ingredients are as follows: Tolerance, Patience, Compassion, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Selfless Service, Respect, Charity, Honesty and Devotion.

There are other numerous nomenclature that can be used but these ten words I feel are more than enough to constitute the blueprints of what we term love.

In these two chapters, I have ventured to state what we assert to be love in Sexual Relationship is rather Sexual Passion or lust but not love in the pure and divine sense that we generally know it to be. That is why sexual relationship and marriages run into more unusual difficulties than ordinary platonic friendships and familial relationships. In fact the foundations upon which the contents of these two chapters are built were laid by Algeo’s article.

In Chapter One, I have tried to trace love from the rudiments of attractions in the mineral world through plant and animal worlds to its human form which is the expression of Divine love at its apex.

Chapter Two is more or less a critical analysis or a critique of Algeo’s categorization of love into types.

In fact my rendition on the meaning of love would not be the best but surely the message is to show my readers and the general public that every form of human relationship including sexual and marriage relationship can only survive through the application of the components or ingredients of Divine love. I hope the two chapters would offer some substantial explanation on how expedient it is to apply the ingredients of love in all forms of human relationships.

CHAPTER 1

THE OTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE PART- I

CHAPTER 2

THE OTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE PART II -

TYPES OF LOVE

PART 2 SEX

Introductory

Part two covers sex itself as a natural act for procreation and recreation.

Under this segment I have tried to feature the physical differences between the male and female sexes, their individual sexualities and the various forms of manifestations of the sexual attitudes and behaviors of each of the sexes eg. Rape and peudaphelia as a form of male sexuality and prostitution as a form of female sexuality.

Homosexuality and Sexual Addiction are features as manifestations of sexuality common to both sexes.

I have also dealt with male and female circumcision and their negative effects on sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

All the eight chapters in this part are designed to bring into focus both the positive and negative manifestation of human sexuality.

Contents

This segment I hope will bring an integrated understanding of the main characteristics of human sexuality.

CHAPTER 3

THE PHYSICAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

MEN AND WOMEN

CHAPTER 4

SEXUALITY OF MEN AND WOMEN

CHAPTER 5

SEXUAL ADDICTION - A NEGATIVE COMPONENT

OF MALE AND FEMALE SEXUALITY

CHAPTER 6

RAPE – A NEGATIVE COMPONENT OF

MALE SEXUALITY

CHAPTER 7

PROSTITUTION

CHAPTER 8

HOMOSEXUALITY - THE PERVERSION

OF HETEROSEXUALITY

CHAPTER 9

PORNOGRAPHY – NUDITY AND SEX

IN THE PUBLIC VIEW

CHAPTER 10

MALE CIRCUMCISION & FEMALE GENITAL

MUTILATION – A PRIMITIVE HERITAGE

PART 3 MARRIAGE

Introductory

This part embraces the traditional preliminaries before Marriage, Marriage itself and Marriage Life.

The traditional preliminaries include Dating and Courtship, Dowries etc.

The other is the Marriage ceremony itself and Marriage Life.

Marriage is the manifestation of the instinct of humans to foster the procreation of the human race in some orderly manner ie. through the male and female sexes coming to live together to start a family unit to procreate and ensure the survival of the Human race.

The Lower Animals do not need marriage to procreate and ensure the survival of their species.

Because of the intelligent and the rational mind that the Creator has endowed human’s with, humans have established or evolved unique processes to serve as assurance landmarks before plunging into the Institution of marriage itself. However meticulous these processes are by the various cultures across the globe, none seem to produce a perfect result.

Even though nothing in this material world is perfect, the current reckless shedding and shredding of established or time tested values of interrogation before plunging into marriage, have rendered marriage as an across the counter product that one can buy at a cheap moral price or not at all.

In our modern fast world, dating and courtship lasts from a few days to a few weeks or months on the average before marriage. The consequences are that couples do not have the time and the reflection to discover the hidden time bombs in each other that may or can eventually land their marriages on the rocks.

Apart from the rational methods that I have dealt with extensively in this book, I also feel strongly that it is only the combination of both the Rational and the Spiritual and the quasi-spiritual methods of choosing a life partner that can lead us to a near perfect choice from marriage. The Spiritual and the Quasi-Spiritual methods may not appeal to the rationalists or skeptics, but where the rational methods are not working out the desired results, then one should try the gamble plunge, ie. combine the rational with the Spiritual and Quasi-Spiritual.

I am saying this with emphasis because seemingly material as this physical universe is, there is also a spiritual content which is the driving and sustaining force of the material or physical content of this universe and this latter invisible and intangible component should not be ignored or be taken for granted.

Contents

I am saying this because, not even the Atheists have any control over what the next split second will bring into their lives.

In reality, we are all including every creation in this universe at the mercy of the invisible and intangible forces of nature or the Creator.

Consequently, the first three chapters of this segment should provide a vivid guide to intending couples who want to marry.

I must make it clear that not everybody is destined to marry but for those blessed or destined to experience it, it can, it would and it does come at the late hour of life.

The last four chapters of this part discusses Dowry, Types of Marriages, namely - Monogamy, Polygamy and Polyandry, Married Life which gives some insight into how married couples can live in harmony with each and finally children who in my view are the gifts of God irrespective of whether they come through fornication, rape, marriage, prostitution or adultery.

CHAPTER 11

DATING AND COURTSHIP

CHAPTER 12

MARRIAGE COMPATIBILITY BETWEEN MEN AND

WOMEN, THE SEARCH FOR A COMPATIBLE

PARTNER- THE RATIONAL METHOD

CHAPTER 13

THE SPIRITUAL OR QUASI-SPIRITUAL

CHOICE OF A COMPATIBLE PARTNER

CHAPTER 14

DOWRY

CHAPTER 15

MARRIAGE7

CHAPTER 16

MARRIED LIFE

CHAPTER 17

CHILDREN

PART 4 THE BEYOND

Introductory

This fourth or last part of this book deals with the potential negatives or aftermaths that raze initially promising and hopeful marriages to the ground.

Principally, these potential negatives are: Divorce and Widowhood. These two elements form the point of discussion in the first two chapters of this fourth part of this book.

In fact the last chapter of this part, which is also the last chapter of this book, deals specifically with a problem that starts right from Dating and Courtship, through marriage itself to Divorce and Widowhood.

This last chapter itself deals with Attachment in general but with particular emphasis on negative, physical, emotional and psychological attachments in sexual and marital relationships.

These negative attachments tend to create an indelible mind set of the indispensability of an object of affection even long after that object of affection has outlived its usefulness and should be disposed of to make room for an alternative replacement.

Consequently, such attachments yield stresses, traumas, depressions and insanity in those who are most vulnerable and cannot cope with the magnitudes of the loss of their objects of affection.

The three chapters of this part are designed to free the minds of members of the public though not all, from the shackles of negative attachments because the souls of all living entities have been endowed with positive freedom, ie. the freedom to do good and being good, by the Creator.

Contents

For that matter as reflections or images of the Divine source negative thoughts, words, attitudes, character, behavior and acts should not be allowed to imprison us physically, emotionally and psychologically in our everyday life.

CHAPTER 18

DIVORCE

CHAPTER 19

WIDOWHOOD – NATURE’S DISSOLUTION

OF MARRIAGE IN DISGUISE

CHAPTER 20

ATTACHMENT - THE ARTIFICIAL

IMPRISONMENT OF THE MIND

REFERENCES

BOOKS

Holy Bible

The Holy Quran

An Introduction to Social Anthropology – Other Peoples Worlds by Joy Hendry

Cultural Anthropology – Haviland

The Pengiun Medical Encyclopedia by Peter Wingate

The Complete Guide to Dreams – Paul Roland

Dream Themes by Dr. Fiona Starr and Jonny Zucker

Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary – New Special Price 7th Edition

The Numbers Book by Sepharial

Teach Yourself Books – Jeff Mayo. Astrology

The Message of the Stars by Max Heindel and Augusta Foss Heindel

Reincarnation by Annie Besant

Man and His Bodies by Annie Besant

Hindu Astrology by (Joytisha-Shastra) by Shil-Ponde

Family Law in Ghana by William E. Offei

New Standard Encyclopedia

ARTICLES FROM THE INTERNET

UNHCR/Relworld/Ghana: Wid. http://www.unhcr.org/relworld/topic

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/maltrilineality

Blakoe Energizing Ring - http://www.google.com.gh/search?...

Post Partum Depression Symptoms – htpp://healthmytimes.com/health/gui…

Dr. Kegel exercise googlesearchhttp.//www.google.com.gh/search

Causes of Divorce and Post Divorce -htpps:divorcesupportabout.com/od….

Post Traumatic Stress Disorders – http://www.google.com.gh/search

Widowhood rites – https://www.google.com.gh/search

Machismo and Marriage – https://www.google.com.gh/search

Feminism – https.//www.google.com.gh/search

Akan People – Wikipedia - htpp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/akan.P--

Disparities between men and women – http:webcache.googleusercontent - Gender Difference – http://www.warandgender.com/wg...

Male and Female sexuality – google search - http://wwwgoogle.com.gh/search?...

Frigidity in women- googlesearch.http://wwwgoogle.com.gh/search?

Virginity google search – http://www.google.com.gh/search?

Blakoe Energizing Ring – googlesearch - http://www.google.com.gh/search?

Cohabitation – Wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cohabit...

Webcache.googleuser content.com.search?q = cache:-BPGAWZMQE8m

Intactamerica.org/resources/decision

https:/www.google.com.gh/search?q = CIRCUMCISION & ie = utf – 8&oe:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/female-genital-mutilation

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disorders-of-Sex-Development#Conditions

NEWSPAPERS

P & P (People and Places) Accra, Ghana

1. 1995

a.  May 4th - 11th 1995 Page 2

b.  June 29th – July 6th 1995 Page 5

c.  November 2nd – 8th 1995

2. 1996

June 10th – 16th 1996 Page 4

3. 1997

a.  No. 168, January 23rd – 29th 1997 Page 2

b.  March 26th – April 2nd 1997 Page

c.  No. 188, June 12 – 18th 1997 Page 2

d.  July 3rd – 9th 1997 Page 4

e.  December 18th – 21st 1997 Page 8 (Dating) *

4. 1998

a.  No. 229, April 2nd – 8th 1998 Page 2

b.  No. 248, August 13th – 19th 1998 Page 2

c.  No. 249, August 20th – 26th 1998 Page 2

d.  September 10th – 16th 1998 Page 2

e.  September 24th = 30th 1998 Page 4

f.  November 26th – December 2nd 1998

5. 1999

a.  No. 275, February 25th – March 3rd 1999 Page 2

b.  February 18th – 21st 1999 (Problems of Marriage) *

c.  No. 276, March 4th – 10th 1999 Page 2

d.  No. 282, April 15th – 21st 1999 Page 2

e.  No. 284, April 29th – May 5th 1999 Page 2

f.  No. 289, June 3rd – 9th 1999 Page 2

g.  June 17th – 23rd 1999 Page 4

h.  August 26th – September 1st 1999 Page 4

i.  September 9th – 14th 1999 Page 4

j.  No. 304, September 16th – 22nd 1999 Page 2

k.  No. 306, September 30th – October 6th 1999 Page 2

6. 2000

a.  No. 325, February 17th – 23rd 2000 Page 2

b.  May 4th – 10th 2000 Page 4

c.  No. 348, July 27th – August 2nd 2000 Page 2

d.  October 12th – 14th 2000 Page 11

7. 2001

No. 394, April 11th = 18th 2001 Page 2

8. 2003

a.  No. 423, May 29th – June 1st 2003 Page 2

b.  No. 531, June 26th – 29th 2003 Page 2

c.  September 8th – 10th 2003 Page 9

d.  September 10th – 13th 2003 Page 9

e.  September 18th – 21st 2003 Page 8

f.  September 22nd – 24th 2003 Page 9

g.  October 9th – 12th 2003 Page 8

h.  October 16th – 19th 2003 Page 8

i.  October 27th – 29th 2003 Page 6

j.  No. 568 November 3rd – 5th 2003 Page 2

k.  November 20th – 23rd 2003 Page 8

9. 2004

a.  April 29th – May 2nd 2004 Pages 8 & 9

b.  April 26th – 28th 2004 Page 9

c.  June 17th – 20th 2004 Page 9

d.  September 9th – 12th 2004 Page 8

e.  2004 Page

10. 2005

a.  No. 703, March 14th = 16th 2005 Page 2

b.  November 3rd – 5th 2005 Page 5

11. 2009

a.  July 13th – 15th 2009 Page 7

b.  July 20th – 22nd 2009 Pages 3 & 7

c.  August 17th – 19th 2009 Page 7

12. 2010

a.  June 25th – 27th 2010 Page 7

b.  No. 1276 November 29th – December 1st 2010 Page 2

TOP STORY

1. 1999

a.  No. 23, Monday, November 29th – December 5th 1999 Page 2

b.  Monday, September 27th – October 3rd 1999 Page

c.  No. 8, Monday, August 16th – 22nd 1999 Page 2

d.  No. 20, Monday, November 8th – 14th 1999 Page 2

e.  No. 22, Monday, November 22nd – 28th 1999 Page 2

f.  Monday, November 29th – December 5th 1999 Page 2

g.  No. 26, Monday, December 20th – 26th 1999 Page 2

2. 2000

a.  No. 28, Monday, January 17th – 23rd 2000 Page 2

b.  No. 29, Monday, January 24th – 30th 2000 Page 2

c.  Monday, January 31st – February 6th 2000 Page 2

d.  No. 31, Monday, February 7th – 13th 2000 Page 2

e.  No. 32, Monday, February 14th – 20th 2000 Page 2

f.  Monday, February 28th – March 5th 2000 Page 2

g.  Monday, March 6th – 12th 2000 Page 3

h.  No. 36, Monday, March 13th – 19th 2000 Page 2

i.  No. 37, Monday, March 20th – 26th 2000 Page 2

j.  No. 38, Monday, March 27th – April 2nd 2000 Page 2

k.  No. 40, Monday, June 19th – 25th June 2000 Page 2

l.  No. 41, Monday, April 17th – 23rd 2000 Page 2

m.  No. 46, Monday, May 29th – June 4th 2000 Page 2

n.  No. 47, Monday, June 5th – 11th 2000 Page 2

o.  No. 48, Monday, June 12th – 18th 2000 Page 2

p.  No. 50, Monday, June 26th – July 2nd 2000 Page 2

q.  No. 51, Monday, July 3rd – 9th 2000 Page 2

r.  No. 53, Monday, July 17th – 23rd 2000 Page 2

s.  No. 55, Monday, July 31st – August 6th 2000 Page 2

t.  Monday, September 11th – 17th 2000 Page 2

u.  Monday, September 25th – October 1st 2000 Page 2

3. 2002

Monday, June 24th – 30th 2002 Page 2 *

4. 2003

a.  No. 209, Monday, August 18th – 24th 2003 Page 2

b.  No. 212, Monday, September 8th – 14th 2003 Page 2

c.  No. 214, Monday, September 22nd – 28th 2003 Page 2

d.  No. 216, Monday, October 6th – 12th 2003 Page 2

e.  No. 219, Monday, October 27th – November 2nd 2003 Page 2

f.  No. 223, Monday, November 24th – 30th 2003 Page 2

g.  No. 227, Monday, December 22nd – 28th 2003 Page 2

h.  No. 228, Monday, December 29th 2003– January 4th 2004 Page 2

MIRROR

a.  Saturday June 24th 1995, Page 7

b.  Saturday March 15th 1997, Page 9

c.  Saturday March 1999 Page 10

d.  Saturday April 10th 1999, Page 9

e.  Saturday May 13th 2006, Page 13

MAGAZINE

Mayfair (Entertainment for Men) Vol. 15 No. 12

OTHER ARTICLES

a.  Seduction Actions in Ghana: Benya Vrs. Lawani by L.K. Agbosu

b.  Theosophist of September, 2003, page 446.

c.  The Essentials of A Customary Marriage: A New Approach by Kofi Oti Adinkrah

d.  Woman Talk – Marrying An Acada Woman, Chronicle, Saturday, March 1st, 2003, Page 10

CHAPTER ONE

The Other Definition Of Love Part I

This chapter is a frantic attempt on my part to define this enigmatic four letter words LOVE.

Way back in historical memory Philosophers, Theologians, Social Psychologists, Mystics and Scholars have tried to define love but it seems all of them have ended up categorizing the types of love rather than giving a satisfactory definition to it.

The main theme of this chapter is to attempt to show the difference between love and sexual passion or sexual attraction.

My contention in this respect is that what we call love in respect of the relationship between a man and a woman is rather sexual passion or sexual attraction.

In everyday life, men and women who are sexually attracted to each other make such magical remarks or expressions to each other as ‘I am in love with you’, ‘I and Peter love each other so much’.

These expressions by men and women towards each other when they are attracted to each other sexually only unconsciously give an outward impression of a relationship that is expected to last, for a lifetime in absolute bliss, peace and contentment.

But what is the reality on the ground between dating, courtship and marriage? The answer invariably is that many couples claiming to be deeply and inseparably in love either break up the relationship during courtship or end up in divorce after marriage, or live in the darkness of a loveless marriage where there is a communications black out for the rest of their married lives.

In my view the use of the word LOVE in any sexual relationship between a man and a woman is a misnomer. I would call it sexual passion or sexual attraction.

In fact if the ordinary man or woman in the street is asked the question: What do you understand as ‘love’? or ‘what is love? About ninety-nine percent would give vague, ambiguous or fragmented answers that would be unsatisfactory.

Those who have made the attempt to define love as I have already said, have only ended up showing types of love or the colours of it.

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary (Special Price 7th Edition) defines Love as "a strong feeling of deep affection for somebody or something especially a member of your family or a friend.

This definition to my mind is iconic which when clicked will expand and reveal the real substance of what I am driving at.

The authors went on to highlight some types or categories of love such as:

(a)  Romantic love: that is defined as a strong feeling of affection for somebody that you are sexually attracted to

(b)  Enjoyment: that is defined as the strong feeling of enjoyment that something gives you.

(c)  Somebody or something that you like: that is defined as a person, a thing or an activity that you like very much.

Of these three definitions given in the Oxford Dictionary the first or (a) rhymes with the theme of this chapter that what we refer to as love in a sexual relationship is a mere sexual passion or sexual attraction.

The first definition forms a lead or a clue to unravel the meaning of the word love.

But before doing so I would like to cite another approach to the definition of Love from the Magazine Theosophist of September, 2003.

At page 446 John Algeo in his article the Seven Loves categorized love into seven types namely;

Love as Desire

Love as Friendship

Love as Familiarity

Love as Romance

Love as Conjugality

Love as Ultruism

Love as Oneness

Even though the article is very graphic and intellectually spectacular, it does not to my mind strike satisfactorily at the core of the subject lie. The meaning of love.

The preceding paragraph of the article only gave some hint about how some mystics and theologians have classified and compared love with other qualities, qualifications, or virtues.

The paragraph in question reads as follows:

"At the feet of the Master is a small-in-size, but large in importance as a spiritual guide book that gives four qualifications for the path. The last of the four is love and the Master whose teaching that book records says that love is the most important for it is strong enough - it forces us to acquire all the rest and all the rest without it would never be sufficient. In thus giving primacy of place to love, the Master was agreeing with another great spiritual teacher, St. Paul, who wrote in a letter to the Corinthians about what have come to be called the three Theological or Spiritual virtues now there are these three, Faith, Hope, and Love but the greatest of the three is Love.

In the course of unraveling the mystery of love, I will bring home to readers the fact that even hope and faith are not different from love but are integral parts of it even though the preceding paragraph depicts faith and hope as qualities distinct from love.

Before I go on to comment on the definitions and classifications of love as given above I will first state my perception of love thus: Love is the highest maturation or manifestation of physical attraction in the human psyche, consciousness or mind of the phenomenon of attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment intrinsic in physical mineral matter.

It is common knowledge that from the time of the Greek Philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, etc man has known that matter is comprised of very tiny particles called atoms. We also know these atoms be it iron, copper, tin, carbon, oxygen do attract or repel each other.

Humans also know that matter exists in tangible and intangible forms of solids, liquids and gases respectively.

Analogously, matter also exists as a visible and an invisible substance, eg. We can see solids and liquids but we can only feel the presence of the air or smell some other gasses.

THE THEATRE OF LOVE, SEX, MARRIAGE AND BEYOND.

There is another category of matter in the form of light which is visible but intangible and cosmic radiations like X-rays, Alpha and Beta particles, radiowaves, soundwaves, television signals, Radioactive fall out from nuclear materials eg. Uranium, radium etc. which are also invisible and intangible as well.

All these variations of matter as mentioned are perceptible to us in one form or the other through the phenomena of attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment properties of the atoms that constitute matter.

These properties make atoms of the various elements congregate or aggregate into perceptible forms as interpreted by our five senses or through some specialized scientific equipment.

It is amazing to note that nature or God in its wisdom does not limit the phenomena or properties of attraction, attachment, repulsion and detachment to the physical proximity of the individual atoms to each other.

These are very phenomenal properties of matter that manifests in the form of electromagnetism and the force of gravity in the matter as a mass.

It is common and undisputed knowledge that a piece of magnet placed some distance away from a metal say an iron filing or rod, will attract the metal.

We are also blessed with the scientific wisdom of Sir Isaac Newton that there is a law or property of gravity which every planet or star in the cosmos manifests towards each other and this gravity is proportionate to the mass and density of each of the heavenly bodies.

He demonstrated this by showing why things fall back to the ground when up or thrown into the air. This is simply because of the gravitational pull of the earth of everything on it.

Science and Technology has also confirmed that the high and the low tides of the oceans, seas, lakes, and rivers are also due to the gravitational pull of the moon on things on earth.

One key doubt on the minds of scientists is whether the gravitational pull of other heavenly bodies like the stars, planets, black holes etc. do have any effect on earth.

My simple answer to this question is a big yes. This is because it is the interaction or interplay of the gravitational forces exerted by all the bodies in the cosmos that sustains the balance to enable each move within its orbit in the vastness of space.

By this deduction my conviction is that space as we see it is not a vast and an indefinite expanse of emptiness and blind darkness but rather it is a substance by itself comprising of a subtler form of electromagnetism which even modern science and technology have not yet discovered. Space in short is an ocean of a subtler form of electromagnetism, within which all the entities of the cosmos swim and float.

In fact I have to go to this extent in my analysis just to show readers that physical attraction in matter is no limited by distance.

This is why all life forms including humans move over vast distances of space to perform some activities in which they are spurred on by the thrust of attraction or repulsion.

Elementary attractions as I have already said starts from the atoms but this does not end there.

I might not sound ridiculous and naïve, perhaps to say that lower forms of life like plants and animals have this intrinsic qualities of attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment.

For example if you enter a forest, you find herbs, shrubs, trees and animals of all sizes co-existing in the same habitat.

It is the attractions of the environment that has congregated them together. In this forest scenario plants and animals live and depend on each other as symbionts or as parasites. The large and the tall trees serve as shades or canopies for the protection of the smaller and tender plants and of animals from the vagueries of the weather.

Many life forms in the animal world including humans move or live in flocks or groups.

All these behavioral patterns are basically governed by physical attraction or repulsion, attachment and detachment.

The lower animals also manifest this in various ways in choosing mates and in many cases the male species would fight off other males from their territory so as to monopolize their females.

At the human level love perse is the transformation of physical attraction, repulsion, etc into an aesthetic, ethical and moral fabric. This is because humans are endowed with higher emotions, higher faculties of the mind. Eg. Reasoning, logic, wisdom, knowledge and sense of judgment.

These features of humans have clothed ordinary physical attraction with the following:

i. Tolerance

ii. Patience

iii. Compassion

iv. Forgiveness

v. Charity

vi. Gratitude, selflessness or voluntary service, honesty, respect and devotion.

In fact there are numerous more words to use to give a reasonable definition of love but the foregoing words I think more than satisfy the qualities or ingredients that give love a near optimal degree of meaning.

I will now take these words one by one and explain how each functions to express the meaning of love.

The first of these I will take is Tolerance.

Tolerance by popular definition or acceptance is the situation whereby one accepts or live with somebody or something or some event or happening even though one might not like or agree with that person, thing or the happening of such an event or events.

From time immemorial, men of Religion and Philosophers and Mystics have been issuing this injunction to their audience and followers that they must be as tolerant as a tree or a rock. By this they mean all humans must tolerate each other as a tree or a rock withstand the torments of the weather, whether it rains, storms, showers or it is hot or cold.

In stressing this injunction on humans, the sages had in mind the diverse nature of humans, animals and plants. But animals and plants to some extent tolerate each other in the same environment.

Life cannot go on smoothly if there is no tolerance in our emotional, spiritual and moral make up

Tolerance therefore forms the very foundation or substructure upon which all the other characteristics of love are built.

Even in the lower animal and plant kingdoms, tolerance is the basis for living in the same habitat.

Remove tolerance from the lives of humans and there will be chaos of unbridled dimension in the world.

The manifold conflicts bedeviling humanity from the dawn of creation have their roots in intolerance.

Sarcastically even the lower animals and plants are more tolerant of each other than humans. If we lift our eyes up to the heavens the stars, planets and galaxies tolerate each other and seem to recognize the potential contribution each of them brings to enhance their smooth co-existence.

From a down to earth point of views, our own physical bodies are made up of different organs that tolerate each other even though each organ has a different function to perform for its own benefit and sustenance as well as for the benefit and sustenance of the other organs.

Take the skin for example, it protects all the other internal organs and systems of our bodies from environmental harm as well as give us at least the nominal beauty that we appreciate of each other. Take the skin off the body and there will be a definite fatality.

The heart pumps blood to all parts of the body to nourish itself and the other organs like the brain, liver, lungs and eyes with nutrients to keep us healthy and alive. If the heart stops beating, then life also terminates automatically.

The lungs also supply the oxygen and the other gases we need to live and if our lungs fail to function, there is death all the same. We can go on and on to cite many examples in and around us but these few things mentioned above I hope have brought home to everybody how significant and important tolerance is in our lives and in our day to day expression of love to each other, whether consciously or unconsciously.

It is common knowledge that intolerance by humans is what leads to conflicts in homes, work places, in public, among communities and even nations.

The uterine sibling of tolerance is patience. I would not dare to say tolerance and patience are identical twins or fraternal twins.

Perhaps it is the shadow or the mirror reflection of tolerance. Patience simply means the ability to endure delays and obstacles however unpleasant until our aspirations, objectives and aims are realized or until some problem is resolved or some unpleasant thing or event comes to end. Like intolerance, impatience also breeds conflicts right from the home through to the community, and even among nations.

Compassion is a derivative of tolerance or vice versa. Here I can confidently say the link between the two is time, period and duration.

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary aforementioned defines compassion as: A strong feeling of sympathy for people who are suffering and a desire to help them.

Really to show compassion towards others who are suffering one has to sacrifice one’s time and resources to relieve the suffering of the other person.

So we come back to the status quo: Tolerance and patience. If you are intolerant or impatient you cannot have compassion for others who are suffering.

When you get yourself involved in a compassionate activity it means you are taking some time off from your regular or routine schedules in order to alleviate the suffering of one or the other person(s).

It is worth noting that compassion is not only an intra human quality and activity but as humans we extend it to animals too. For examples Veterinary Institutions treat ailing or injured animals both domestic and those in the wild. Further there are numerous Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) and substantive governments that are now involved in saving some animal species that are considered endangered species, eg. Chimpanzees, Gorillas, Whales, Dolphins, Penguins and some other birds.

Let me now ask the bizarre million dollar question: "Is the race by the nations of this planet to reduce the Greenhouse effect of fossil fuel burning and to stall the depletion of the ozone layer by reducing Chlorophoral Carbon emissions, a compassionate act for the planet, earth and its inhabitants including humans?

Thus we see NGO’s and governments rushing to aid disaster victims of tsunami in Indonesia, earthquakes in Pakistan, Iran and Haiti, havocs caused by floods, hurricanes, monsoons, typhoons and cyclones in Asia and America.

All that I have said above boil down to compassion.

One can imagine a human race without compassion and what will one get? indifference, callousness, cruelty and sadism.

Just as I have said already that tolerance and patience are uterine siblings compassion and charity or ultruism and tolerance are also the same. It is out of compassion that we become charitable towards the suffering who need our help.

Therefore whatever goes here for compassion go for charity and tolerance as well.

Compassion also goes with selfless or voluntary service to some one indeed. Selfless service also involve forgoing one’s precious time and resources to satisfy the needs of others. However one does not need to be compassionate to render voluntary service at a friend’s or relatives weeding, outdooring and naming ceremonies of a newly born child.

In our part of the world you see people volunteering to cook food, serve food and drinks, erect canopies and arrange chairs and tables for guests at any function be it a private or public.

I am sure since we are just humans the quality to volunteer to serve others without any material reward resonates across boundaries, different cultures and races all over the world.

The next component of love to be considered is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a voluntary act to refrain from or restrain oneself from paying back another for the wrong he or she has done against you.

It means self restraint from revenge for another’s offence against you. Revenge is fueled and driven by anger and once you stop being angry to revenge against the wrong of a neighbor a friend, a relative or any other person then you are on the path of forgiveness.

It means you are no more going to recall the forgiven episode if and when the same person wrongs you again another time. It is a ‘let bygones be bygones’.

There is this popular cliché that one can forgive but not forget. This is absolutely true for every mentally active person. But what about someone with dementia or Alzheimer disease, perhaps all things being equal these persons can be the near perfect forgivers since most will not even be able to remember the offence committed against them.

I was once listening to a program on an F.M. Radio Station. The program was on the act of forgiveness.

When the radio station opened the phone lines for views of the public on the topic some of the callers said they would find it difficult to forgive others in many cases.

But there was one elderly caller who said he believes in forgiveness but you cannot forget the wrong done you by someone.

In fact he gave the impression that the word forgiveness is not the right word.

The caller spoke in the Twi language. Bone fakye (borneh facher) which is the Twi word for forgiveness should rather be Gyae ma enka which literally means leave it to stay.

In the twi language the word ‘kye’ literally mean presenting gift so fakye literally means give it out as a gift. Bone literally means sin or a wrong and we all know that a gift is something we present to another out of love from our hearts for that person. It may be to thank that person for some good done to us in the past or is done out of love or liking for that person.

Gyae (Jai) in the Twi language means either stop doing something or leaving something or somebody alone.

Enka means ‘Let it stay’. The word is derived from the word ‘aka’ meaning it has stuck or it cannot move eg. The vehicle has got stuck in the mud and so cannot move.

So Gyae ma enka literally means live it to stay where it is.

My interest in the old man’s explanation is the fact that we can forgive but not forget. And it is because of this he rather prefers to say that there is nothing like forgiveness but that we only leave the matter where it is whenever some one offends us since we cannot forget the incident itself.

Forgiveness plays a substantial role in our lives by fostering peace and harmony among humans and reducing the arena of conflicts and it invariably carries an element of compassion.

The next component of love is gratitude simply it is the expression of thanks for something good that someone has done for us.

One great thinker once said that if you show gratitude to another for what that person has done for you however little, you open the doors for future opportunities.

It is common that we commit our time and resources to help friends, relatives, children, brothers and sisters, etc. But if they show no appreciation for what we have done for them we brand them as ungrateful. Only few people will overlook the ingratitude of others and give such people any further opportunities in future. Most people will definitely withdraw into their shells, from such ingrates.

Gratitude invariably cannot be divorced from compassion because it is perhaps the immediate expression of humans of appreciation by the one who benefits from the compassionate or charitable act of another towards him or her.

My next component for consideration is devotion.

Devotion also embraces tolerance, patience, compassion, forgiveness, selfless service and respect. For without these qualities no one would be able to commit one’s time and material resource to a course one has set ones mind to or chosen to pursue in life. Devotion in one way or the other is needed to achieve one’s purpose or objective. It entails endurance and courage in the face challenges along a course one has chosen.

Like all other components of love it should be a quality of everyday application in whatever we do.

My penultimate consideration deal with respect.

I have always grappled with the difference between love and respect but somehow, come to some conclusion that it is the shadow or mirror image of love.

I feel it is the gateway to showing love for others. It is just like a glow of light from sunlight and moonlight on the horizon before these two luminaries appear fully on the horizon.

In real life we show some concern for those we respect where they are in some difficulty or we pour our appreciation on them for their level of attainment in life.

The Oxford Dictionary aforementioned defines respect as (1) "a feeling of admiration for somebody or something because of their good qualities or achievements and (2) a polite behavior towards or care for somebody or something that you think is important.

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