The Theatre of Love Sex Marriage and Beyond

By Gaglozoo H. A. Berdie

About the Book: I have always described this Book, as Controversial and Complex, but a life- long Companion and Counsellor. Each chapter, in this Book, is almost a complete book, in itself. Readers will find, in almost, every chapter, of this Book, that, the contents are diametrically opposed to some entrenched, Secular, Religious and Cultural Beliefs and Norms. I know, that some readers will read them, with an open mind, some will read them and start having second thoughts and others will read them as offending their traditional beliefs and Norms. However, in whichever way, Readers, may, see them, these are my candid opinions, so, forgive me. I would sincerely urge my Audience: Just read on and at the end of it, you would have gained. It is an incredible data of knowledge and wisdom, that cannot be found, in any single Book. ‘’IT IS AN OCEAN, DATABASE’’.

About the Author: I was born at Koforidua, the capital town of the Eastern Region, of Ghana. It is predominantly an Akan Ethnic region and the language is Twi. But I come from Anyako, a town in the Anlo Ewe speaking area of the Volta Region, of Ghana. I had my basic school education and my Teacher Training at the S D A Training College, Asokore, Koforidua. I taught for six years and gained admission to the University of Ghana, Legon, in Accra, after obtaining my G C E, ‘O’ and ’A’ Levels N 1979, I graduated from the University, with a BA, Honours Degree in Political Science and Ancient History. From the University, I came back to teach at the New Juaben Senior High School, Koforidua for two years, and left for Nigeria and taught at the Origbo Anglican Grammar School, at Ipetumodu, in Oyo State, I returned to Ghana in 1985 and was re-engaged by the Ghana Education Service and posted to the Regional Office as the Regional Statistics and IPPD Officer, in 1986. Whilst there I gained admission to the Ghana School of Law, in Accra and graduated as a Professional Lawyer in 2005. I went on retirement from the Teaching Service in 2006. I am also not in active Legal practice, at present. My hobbies are reading in areas of Science, Technology, Medicine, Politics, Astrology, Numerology, Spirituality, Religion, Culture, and Current Affairs. I also watch documentary videos on these areas and about Nature, including, flora and fauna. Readers will find testimonies of these reflecting in the contents of this book. I also enjoy the music of all kinds, including Traditional and Modern: Chorch Hymns, Gospels, Classical Music, Raggae, Country Music, etc. Well, the list is inexhaustible. There is a lot more about me in the book itself. This book is a revised version of the first one, I published in 2016. At present, I am working on another book that will explain the nature of God, Creation, Evolution, Reincarnation, and the Law of Karma. I am very confident that this book will finally lay to rest, any doubts, on the minds of Sceptics and Doubting Thomas’, about the existence of GOD. The next book will be about LAW and JUSTICE and the INJUSTICES of the WORLD JUDICIAL SYSTEMS. Readers can contact me by phone and e-mail. E-mail: [e-mail] Mobile: [phone] {0504687695}

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pencil
• Release date: Jan 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9788194804512

Gaglozoo H. A. Berdie

The author was born on July 24, 1946, at Koforidua in the Eastern Region of Ghana. He started his Basic Education in 1953 at Sarkodiee Memorial Primary/Middle School and completed in 1962. He was employed as a messenger at the Regional Education Office, Koforidua, from 1963–1965. He attended Teacher Training College at Konongo-Odumase Training College in the Ashanti Region and SDA Training College at Asokore Koforidua in the eastern region between 1965 and 1970. After his graduation as a professional teacher, he was posted to Babianaha L/A Primary School in the Suhum District as Headteacher from 1970 to 1976. The author entered the University of Ghana, Legon, in 1976 and graduated in 1979 with a bachelor’s degree in political science and ancient history. After graduation, he taught at New Juaben Secondary/Commercial School between 1979 and 1981 and left for Nigeria. The Author got employed as a teacher in Oyo State of Nigeria at Origbo Anglican Grammar School, at Ipetumodu, near Ile Ife. The Author returned to Ghana in 1985, and in 1986, he was reengaged by the Ghana Education Service as regional statistics / IPPD officer, and he held that post until his compulsory retirement in the year 2006. While still in the education service, the author enrolled in the Ghana School of Law to study law and graduated as a professional lawyer in the 2005 at the age of fifty-nine.

Book preview

Mind.

CHAPTER ONE

THE OTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE PART 1

This chapter is a frantic attempt on my part, to define this enigmatic four -letter word, LOVE. Way back in historical memory, Philosophers, Theologians, Social Psychologists, Mystics and Scholars have tried to define LOVE, but it seems all of them have ended up categorizing the types of love rather than giving a satisfactory definition to it. The main theme of this chapter, is to attempt to show the difference between love and sexual passion or sexual attraction. My contention in this respect, is that what we call love, in respect of, the relationship between a man and a woman is rather sexual passion or sexual attraction.

In everyday life, men and women, who are sexually attracted to each other, make such magical remarks or expressions to each other as, ‘I am in love with you’, ‘’I and Peter love each other so much’’. These expressions by men and women towards each other, when they are attracted to each other sexually, only unconsciously, give an outward impression of a relationship, that is expected to last, for a lifetime, in absolute bliss, peace and contentment. But what is the reality on the ground between dating, courtship and marriage? The answer invariably, is that many couples claiming to be deeply and inseparably in love, either break up the relationshipx during courtship or end up in divorce after marriage, or live in the darkness of a loveless marriage, where there is a communications black out for the rest of their married lives.

In my view, the use of the word, LOVE, in any sexual relationship between a man and a woman is a misnomer. In fact, if the ordinary man or woman in the street, is asked the question, What do you understand as ‘love?’ or ‘what is love?, about ninety-nine percent would give vague, ambiguous or fragmented answers that would be unsatisfactory. Those who have made the attempt to define love as I have already said, have only ended up showing types of love or the colours of it.

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary (Special Price 7th Edition) defines Love as, "a strong feeling of deep affection for somebody or something especially a member of your family or a friend. This definition to my mind, is iconic which when clicked will expand and reveal the real substance of what I am driving at.

The authors went on to highlight some types or categories of love such as:

(a) Romantic love: that is defined as, a strong feeling of affection for somebody that you are sexually attracted to.

(b) Enjoyment: that is defined as, the strong feeling of enjoyment that something gives you.

(c) Somebody or something that you like: that is defined as a person, a thing or an activity that you like very much.

Of these three definitions given in the Oxford Dictionary, the first or (a) rhymes with the theme of this chapter, that what we refer to as love in sexual relationships is a mere sexual passion or sexual attraction. The first definition forms a lead or a clue to unravel the meaning of the word love. But before doing so, I would like to cite another approach to the definition of Love from the Magazine Theosophist of September, 2003. At page 446, John Algeo, in his article, the ‘Seven Loves’ categorized love into seven types namely;

Love as Desire.

as Friendship.

Love as Familiarity.

Love as Romance.

Love as Conjugality.

Love as Altruism.

Love as Oneness.

Even though the article is very graphic and intellectually spectacular, it does not, to my mind, strike satisfactorily at the core of the subject. The preceding paragraph of the article, only gave some hint about how some mystics and theologians have classified and compared love with other qualities, qualifications, or virtues. The paragraph in question reads as follows: "At the feet of the Master is a small-in-size, but large in importance as a spiritual guide book that gives four qualifications for the path. The last of the four is love and the Master whose teaching that book records, says that love is the most important for it is strong enough – it forces us to acquire all the rest and without it, it would never be sufficient. In thus giving primacy of place to love, the Master was agreeing with another great spiritual teacher, St. Paul, who wrote in a letter to the Corinthians about what have come to be called the three Theological or Spiritual virtues. Now there are these three, Faith, Hope, and Love but the greatest of the three is Love’’.

In the course of unravelling the mystery of love, I will bring home to readers, the fact that even hope and faith. are not different from love, but are integral parts of it even though the preceding paragraph depicts faith and hope as qualities distinct from love.

Before I go on to comment on the definitions and classifications of love as given above, I will first state my perception of love thus: ‘’Love is the highest evolution, maturation or manifestation of physical attraction in the human psyche, consciousness or mind, of the natural phenomenon of attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment intrinsic in physical mineral matter.

It is common knowledge that from the time of the Greek Philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, etc. man has known that matter is comprised of very tiny particles called atoms. We also know these atoms be it iron, copper, tin, carbon or oxygen, do attract or repel each other. Humans also know that matter exists in tangible and intangible forms of solids, liquids and gases respectively.

Analogously, matter also exists as a visible and an invisible substance, e g. we can see solids and liquids but we can only feel the presence of the air or smell some other gasses.

There is another category of matter in the form of light which is visible but intangible and cosmic radiations like X-rays, Alpha and Beta particles, radio waves, soundwaves, television signals, Radioactive fallout from nuclear materials e g. Uranium, radium etc. which are also invisible and intangible as well.

All these variations of matter as mentioned are perceptible to us in one form or the other through the phenomena of attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment properties of the atoms that constitute matter. These properties make atoms of the various elements congregate or aggregate into perceptible forms as interpreted by our five senses or through some specialized scientific equipment.

It is amazing to note that nature or God in its wisdom, does not limit the phenomena or properties of attraction, attachment, repulsion and detachment to the physical proximity of the individual atoms, to each other. These are very phenomenal properties of matter that manifest in the form of electromagnetism and the force of gravity, in matter as a mass.

It is common and undisputed knowledge, that a piece of magnet placed some distance away from a metal, say, an iron filing or rod, will attract the metal.

We are also blessed with the scientific wisdom of Sir Isaac Newton that, there is a law or property of gravity, which every planet or star in the cosmos manifests towards each other and this gravity is proportionate to the mass and density of each of the heavenly bodies. He demonstrated this by showing why things fall back to the ground, when up or thrown into the air. This is simply because of the gravitational pull of the earth of everything on it.

Science and Technology has also confirmed that the high and the low tides of the oceans, seas, lakes, and rivers are also due to the gravitational pull of the moon on things on earth. One key doubt on the minds of scientists is whether the gravitational pull of other heavenly bodies like the stars, planets, black holes etc. do have any effect on earth.

My simple answer to this question is a big yes. This is because it is the interaction or interplay of the gravitational forces exerted by all the bodies in the cosmos that sustain the balance to enable each move within its orbit in the vastness of space.

It is also scientifically certain now, that, QUANTUM PHYSICS/MECHANICS, has proved that, quantum particles’ / dark matter activity at one corner of the UNIVERSE, instantly triggers off a reaction at the opposite end of the universe. Therefore, it is now scientifically naïve, to say that the distant heavenly bodies, e g galaxies, stars, planets black holes e t c. have no gravitational effect on things or events on earth.

By this deduction, my conviction is that space as we see it, is not a vast and an indefinite expanse of emptiness and blind darkness, but rather it is a substance by itself comprising of a subtler form of electromagnetism, which even modern science and technology have now discovered by virtue of quantum physics/mechanics. Space in short is an ocean of a subtler form of electromagnetism, within which all the entities of the cosmos swim and float.

In fact, I have to go to this extent in my analysis just to show readers that physical attraction in matter is not limited by the vast spatial distance of space. This is why all life forms including humans move over vast distances of space to perform some activities in which they are spurred on by the thrust of attraction or repulsion.

Elementary attractions as I have already said, starts from the atoms, but this does not end there. I might not sound ridiculous and naïve, perhaps, to say that lower forms of life, like plants and animals have these intrinsic qualities, of attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment. For example, if you enter a forest, you find herbs, shrubs, trees and animals of all sizes co-existing in the same habitat.

It is the attractions of the environment that has congregated them together. In this forest scenario plants and animals live and depend on each other as symbionts or as parasites. The large and the tall trees serve as shades or canopies for the protection of the smaller and tender plants and animals from the vagury of the weather.

Many life forms in the animal world, including humans, move or live in flocks or groups. All these behavioural patterns are basically governed by physical attraction, repulsion, attachment and detachment. The lower animals also manifest this in various ways in choosing mates and in many cases the male species would fight off other males from their territory so as to monopolize their females.

At the human level love perse is the transformation of physical attraction, repulsion, e t c into an aesthetic, ethical and moral fabric. This is because humans are endowed with higher emotions, higher faculties of the mind. e g. reasoning, logic, wisdom, knowledge and sense of judgment.

These features of humans have clothed ordinary physical attraction with the following:

i. Tolerance

ii. Patience

iii. Compassion

iv. Forgiveness

v. Charity

vi. Gratitude, selflessness or voluntary service, honesty, respect and devotion.

In fact, there are numerous more words to use to give a reasonable definition of love but the foregoing words, I think more than satisfy the qualities or ingredients that give love a near optimal degree of meaning. In my view, ‘LOVE’, is the evolution to vitality ‘OF LIFE AS FOUND IN PLANTS AND ANIMALS, INCLUDING HUMAMS’, of physical attraction, repulsion, attachment detachment, heat, cold, contraction, expansion, electromagnetism, gravity e t c. as found in the mineral kingdom.

I will now take these words above one by one and explain how each operates, to express the meaning of love.

The first of these I will take is Tolerance.

Tolerance, by popular definition or acceptance, is the situation whereby one accepts or live with somebody or something or some event or happening, even though one might not like or agree with that person, thing or the happening of such an event or events.

From time immemorial, men of Religion, Philosophers and Mystics have been issuing this injunction to their audience and followers that they must be as tolerant as a tree or a rock. By this they mean all humans must tolerate each other as a tree or a rock withstands the torments of the weather, whether it rains, storms, showers, or it is hot or cold.

In stressing this injunction on humans, the sages had in mind, the diverse nature of humans, animals and plants. But animals and plants to some extent tolerate each other in the same environment more than humans do.

Life cannot go on smoothly if there is no tolerance in our emotional, spiritual and moral make up.

Tolerance therefore, forms the very foundation or substructure upon which all the other characteristics of love are built.

Even in the lower animal and plant kingdoms, tolerance is the basis for living in the same habitat.

Remove tolerance from the lives of humans and there will be chaos of unbridled dimension in the world.

The manifold conflicts, that have plagued humanity from the dawn of creation, have their roots in intolerance.

Sarcastically even the lower animals and plants are more tolerant of each other than humans. If we lift our eyes up to the heavens, the stars, planets and galaxies tolerate each other and seem to recognize the potential contribution each of them brings to enhance their smooth co-existence.

From a down to earth point of view, our own physical bodies are made up of different organs that tolerate each other, even though each organ has a different function, to perform for its own benefit and sustenance as well as for the benefit and sustenance of the other organs.

Take the skin for example, it protects all the other internal organs and systems of our bodies from environmental harm as well as give us at least the nominal beauty that we appreciate of each other. Take the skin off the body and there will be a definite fatality.

The heart pumps blood to all parts of the body, to nourish itself and the other organs like the brain, liver, lungs and eyes with nutrients to keep us healthy and alive. If the heart stops beating, then life also terminates automatically.

The lungs also supply the oxygen and the other gases we need to live and if our lungs fail to function, there will be death all the same. We can go on and on to cite many examples in and around us, but these few things mentioned above, I hope have, brought home to everybody how significant and important tolerance is in our lives and in our day to day expression of love to each other, whether consciously or unconsciously.

It is common knowledge, that intolerance by humans is what leads to conflicts in homes, work places, in public, among communities and even nations.

The uterine sibling of tolerance is patience. I would not dare to say tolerance and patience are identical or fraternal twins.

Perhaps, it is the shadow or the mirror reflection of tolerance. Patience simply means the ability to endure delays and obstacles however unpleasant, until our aspirations, objectives and aims are realized or until some problem is resolved or some unpleasant thing or event comes to an end. Like intolerance, impatience also breeds conflicts right from the home through to the community, and even among nations.

Compassion is a derivative of tolerance or vice versa. Here I can confidently say the link between the two is time, period or duration. The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary aforementioned, defines compassion as: A strong feeling of sympathy for people who are suffering and a desire to help them.

Really to show compassion towards others who are suffering, one has to sacrifice one’s time and resources to relieve the suffering of the other person. So, we come back to the status quo: Tolerance and patience. If you are intolerant or impatient you cannot have compassion for others who are suffering.

When you get yourself involved in a compassionate activity it means you are taking some time off from your regular or routine schedules in order to alleviate the suffering of others.

It is worth noting that compassion is not only an inter human quality and activity, but as humans we extend it to animals too. For example, Veterinary Institutions treat ailing or injured animals both domestic and those in the wild. Further there are numerous Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) and substantive governments that are now involved in saving some animal species that are considered endangered species, e g. Chimpanzees, Gorillas, Whales, Dolphins, Penguins and some others.

Let me now ask the bizarre million dollar question: "Is the race by the nations of this planet to reduce the Greenhouse effect of fossil fuel burning and to stall the depletion of the ozone layer by reducing Chlorophoral Carbon emissions, a compassionate act for the planet earth and its inhabitants, including humans?’’

All that I have said above, boil down to compassion. One can imagine a human race without compassion and, ‘what will one get?’ indifference, callousness, cruelty and sadism.

Just as I have said already, that tolerance and patience are uterine siblings, compassion and charity or altruism are also the same. It is out of compassion that we become charitable towards the suffering who need our help. Therefore, whatever goes here for compassion goes for charity and tolerance as well.

Compassion also goes with selfless or voluntary service to someone in need. Selfless service also involves forgoing one’s precious time and resources to satisfy the needs of others.

In our part of the world, you see people volunteering to cook food, serve food and drinks, erect canopies and arrange chairs and tables for guests at any function, be it private or public. I am sure, since we are just humans the quality to volunteer to serve others without any material reward, resonates across boundaries, different cultures and races all over the world.

The next component of love to be considered is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a voluntary act to refrain from or restrain oneself from paying back another, for the wrong he or she has done against you.

It means, self- restraint, from revenge, for another’s offence against you. Revenge is fueled and driven by anger and once you stop being angry to revenge against the wrong of a neighbour, a friend, a relative or any other person, then you are on the path of forgiveness. It means you are no more going to recall the forgiven episode if and when the same person wrongs you again another time. It is a ‘‘let bygones be bygones’’.

There is this popular cliché that one can forgive but not forget. This is absolutely true for every mentally active person. But what about someone suffering from dementia, insanity or Alzheimer’s disease’’. Perhaps, all things being equal, these persons can be the near perfect forgivers, since most of them cannot even remember the offences committed against them.

I was once listening to a program on an F.M. Radio Station. The program was on the act of forgiveness. When the radio station opened the phone lines for the views of the public on the topic, some of the callers said they would find it difficult to forgive others in many cases.

But there was one elderly caller who said he believed in forgiveness, but you cannot forget the wrong done to you by someone. In fact, he gave the impression that the word forgiveness, is not the right word.

The caller spoke in the Twi language, spoken by the AKAN ethnic group of Ghana. He said, ‘Bone fakye’ (borneh facher) which is the Twi word for forgiveness, should rather be, Gyae ma enka’’, which literally means, leave it to stay where it is.

In the Twi language the word ‘kye’ literally mean presenting a gift. So, fakye literally means give it out as a gift. Bone literally means sin or a wrong and we all know that a gift is something we present to another out of love from our hearts for that person. It may be to thank that person for some good done to us in the past or is done out of love or liking for that person.

‘Gyae’ (Jai) in the Twi language means, either stop doing something or leaving something or somebody alone. Enka means ‘Let it stay where it is.’ The word is derived from the word ‘aka’ meaning it has stuck or it cannot move, e g. The vehicle has got stuck in the mud and so cannot move. So Gyae ma enka literally means leave it to stay where it is.

My interest in the old man’s explanation is the fact that we can forgive but not forget. And it is because of this, that he rather prefers to say that there is nothing like forgiveness, but that we only leave the matter where it is whenever someone offends us, since we cannot forget the incident itself.

Forgiveness plays a substantial role in our lives by fostering peace and harmony among humans and reducing the arena of conflicts and it, invariably, carries an element of compassion.

The next component of love is gratitude: simply it is the expression of thanks for something good that someone has done for us. One great thinker once said, that, if you show gratitude to another for what that person has done for you, however little, you open the doors for future opportunities.

It is common that we commit our time and resources to help friends, relatives, children, brothers and sisters, etc. But if they show no appreciation for what we have done for them, we brand them as ungrateful. Only few people will overlook the ingratitude of others and give such people any further opportunities in future. Most people will definitely withdraw into their shells, from such ingrates. Gratitude, invariably, cannot be divorced from compassion because it is perhaps, the immediate expression by humans, of appreciation for the good things, they do to each other.

My next component for consideration is devotion.

Devotion also embraces tolerance, patience, compassion, forgiveness, selfless service and respect. For without these qualities no one would be able to commit one’s time and material resource to a course one has set one’s mind to or chosen to pursue in life. Devotion in one way or the other is needed to achieve one’s purpose or objective. It entails endurance and courage, in the face of challenges along a course one has chosen. Like all other components of love, it should be a quality of everyday application in whatever we do.

My penultimate consideration, deals with respect.

I have always grappled with the difference between love and respect, but I have somehow, come to some conclusion that it is the shadow or mirror image of love. I feel it is the gateway to showing love for others. It is just like a glow of light from sunlight and moonlight on the horizon before these two luminaries appear fully on the horizon.

In real life, we show some concern for those we respect where they are in some difficulty or we pour our appreciation on them for their level of attainment in life.

The Oxford Dictionary aforementioned, defines respect as, (1) a feeling of admiration for somebody or something because of their good qualities or achievements and (2) a polite behaviour towards or care for somebody or something that you think is important.

The difference between love and respect in this context is that love by its very nature and meaning, has no element of discrimination as to who or what should be the beneficiary of its grace. On the other hand, respect applies to where our interests lie. For example, some people would ignore a beggar’s approach to them for a few coins, but others would willingly, give to such a beggar whether on request or not.

Comparing love with respect, respect, carries a narrow scope in terms of how it makes humans interact with each other and with things around them. On the other hand, the scope of love has no boundaries. That is why I have said that respect is the mirror image or shadow of love.

It is the gateway to making friends, embarking on some enterprise or venture or attending to some casual or temporary need of others which would not necessarily consume much of our time and resources. For example, citizens would line the streets to cheer a visiting Queen or President of another country or the Pope, to their country out of respect for such and august visitor. Respect, in fact, is the first step to loving someone or something.

Finally, I will say something about honesty and how significant it is in qualifying love. Ever body would like the other person to be truthful and loyal to him or her in real life. Like the other components, the absence of honesty in any relationship could water down or ruin the relationship altogether. Honesty inspires confidence and trust from others towards us.

Nobody would trust a liar, a thief, a gossip or one who cannot keep a secret confided in him or her by a friend or someone who is fraudulent. In everyday situations some people show their dishonesty immediately, when they first interact with us. Others are dishonest in subtler ways whereby, unsuspectingly, they spend some time with you and do acts to put you off guard and win your confidence and trust before revealing their real intentions.

In the first case you are prompted about the dangers in any relationship you might be contemplating. In the second case you would be led far away along the road before you have the shock of your life.

I remember a recent Australian case, where a man swindled a woman under the guise of marriage. In fact, the woman was quite rich and richer than the man. The man spuriously convinced the woman into opening a joint bank account with him. After the opening of the joint bank account and this woman having invested all her life earned fortunes in it the man bolted away with the money by fleeing to another country.

I cannot by any stretch of my imagination, determine the parameters of this woman’s anguish and trauma that she would be going through by now. Her love for this man should totally be shattered because of the man’s dishonesty.

Perhaps, honesty constitutes the eyes of the vehicle of love. I must confess I am a little bit confused as to the analogous position I should place this word as I have done to the others. Nevertheless, its place in the proper functioning of love is very significant and indispensable.

Readers may see this attempt to define love as nothing less than an idealistic or moralistic adornment of what the ordinary man or woman in the street understands by love. I will rightly say, love is perfect and pure simpliciter. It does not matter from which angle we see it. It is an ideal. It is also aesthetic, ethical and emotional.

Every human has the inherent potential of all the components that constitute love as I have described above. The virtues of love, are expressed as a whole in the lives of some people. In other people, these qualities vary in their individual magnitudes depending on the circumstances they encounter. For example, some people do good to others because of some expectation of reciprocity from those other people. Therefore, if they are not reciprocated, they may go for their pound of flesh.

Love as the aggregate of these components is a plus situation. It has a zero tolerance for subtraction of any of its components or ingredient.

Take away tolerance and patience and every relationship will collapse or fall into chaos. Take away compassion, selfless service and charity and indifference, callousness and sadism prevails. Take away forgiveness and revenge even over trivialities becomes the norm in a relationship. Take away gratitude and you close the door to future opportunities, progress and development. Take away respect and you cannot enter the realms of love. Take away devotion and no aims, objectives and aspiration will be achievable. Finally, take away honesty and like the explorer who loses his compass, and therefore cannot find his way, love loses its focus for building confidence and trust.

In short, I want to say that abandoning any of these components or taking them for granted, simply, means going for the direct opposite of love that is hatred which carries with it the components of intolerance, impatience, in- compassion, un-charitability, ingratitude, unforgiveness, revenge, dishonesty, selfishness, lack of devotion to any course one prefers and disrespect.

It should be clear to us all as humans, that to love is not a matter of rhetoric and fringe activities or actions towards one another, but is a matter of serious commitment to perform the duties required by the love components as analysed above.

Love, as defined above, is the binding cement or wax, in any life lasting relationships, be it familial, friendship, romantic, conjugal, altruistic, etc.

It is aesthetic because when love is performed dutifully it brings bliss and harmony to those involved in its expression to each other. It becomes an entity of beauty for public admiration. Love is ethical because of its moral content or component without which it cannot function. Love is the outward expression of the positive side of our emotion to each other.

Narrowing down this rendition of love, to sexual relationship between a man and a woman, I would be honest enough to say that I cannot assign the word love holistically, to such a relationship looking at the unsavoury manner in which most of such relationships, including marriage end.

It beats my imagination when we are in a sexual relationship and we claim that we are in love, but such a relationship in most cases end up on the rocks, shattering the aesthetic corona of aspiration that we build around them from day one, of such relationships.

Just take for example, the pomp and pageantry that accompany most marriage ceremonies. Society will agree with me that most marriages today either end up in divorce or remain a life- long loveless marriage where couples hardly communicate with each other even though they live under the same roof.

In our part of the world, where there is a very strong sentimental attachment to and love for children, most wives reeling under an unhappy marriage would tell you that they are not inclined to opt for divorce because of the CHILDREN of the marriage.

It is equally true that many wives are in an unhappy marriage because the husbands are the only source of their livelihood. These women, metaphorically, earn a living as housewives because they are not in any gainful employment. It would not be any big mistake to say that these adverse conditions found in many marriages are universal with all cultures.

However, I am not saying that some men are not living in a loveless marriage. Men also do, for similar reasons. Men however, generally, take quick decisions in respect of contracting a relationship or abandoning it than women.

Women by their nature are security conscious in any relationship and would not risk leaping abruptly into another or breaking it at random without careful considerations of the consequences of ending such a relationship. This dichotomy between the two sexes is what, I believe, make it seem women are more likely to stay longer in an unhappy marriage or relationship than men.

Looking at all these negative aspects of sexual relationships, between a man and a woman, I would rightly put it that such relationships are potentially, sexual passion driven, but not love. Those relationships that have stood the test of a lifelong union and have been crowned with relative bliss and peace can be clothed as love relationships But rather if each and every man and woman, would make the effort to display these qualities of love, however moderate, in his or her daily love relationship, such relationship would be like a pearl.

Divorce or broken marriages and broken sexual relationships have lived with humans from time immemorial. But these manifestations have reached such astronomical magnitudes in the modern world, especially, in the industrialized world. This trend of indiscriminate breakdown of marriages and other forms of sexual relationships, is now having a spillover effect, in the third world.

I would not be far from right, if I say that this situation has come about because of the constant changes in values across generations, in respect of matters of the heart, between men and women.

Even, just recently, as at the beginning of the 20th Century, men had the leverage of being the head of the home and the chief provider of the family, in marriage whilst women took care of the children and the home.

In our part of the world, before the advent of the 20th Century, marriage and sexual relationships, were governed by customs, traditions and taboos because people were living in closely knit communities where members of the community knew each other very well. So, the choice of a sexual partner was based on what one knows about the prospective partner and the family. Enquiries were made about the character, industry and even of any hereditary disease by the families of each of the prospective man and woman. Most often the medicine man or witchdoctor is consulted as to how successful such relationship would be.

The primary reason for these enquiries is to sustain the social cohesion, therefore arranged marriages were common in most cases. In many parts of the world, including Ghana, these arranged marriages are between relations like Cousins, Nephews and Nieces, depending on the customs and traditions of the particular community, clan, tribe or Ethnic Group.

However, the advent of modernity, in the form of scientific and technological advancement, has brought about rapid industrialization, universal income generation, unemployment, universal education, the computer age, the development of information technology and the internet. Consequently, these developments have drastically changed or shaken the roots of the traditional value systems of sexual relationships and marriages.

Today, love- based marriages, as it obtains in the industrialized countries, is rapidly uprooting the traditional practices of marriage, e g. Betrothals, forced marriages and other forms of arranged marriages.

This modern era has also opened the flood gates to women who now have equal access to education and employment, even though not universal, since the female sex still suffers discrimination in many parts of the world.

Again, the concept of women’s liberation, equality of opportunities for both men and women have all expedited the trend of the changing value systems. For these reasons it is no surprise that many women are now kicking against anything that they brand as male dominance or male chauvinism.

For example, the industrial revolution and the two world wars of 1914-1918 and 1939-1945 have tremendously propelled women into the job market and also into the areas of higher education. Today many women are Doctors, Engineers, Scientists, Lawyers, Politicians, Economists, Bankers, Chief Executives of businesses, etc.

It is no wonder that most women in a sexual relationship are asserting their freedom, equality and independence from men because they can earn an income to support themselves. Science and Technology have eroded the functions of the brute strength of men which they formerly applied as hunters, miners, builders of infrastructure like buildings, bridges, roads, railways, harbours, military service, etc.

These functions are today being performed by machines and computers where at the press of a button, could cause the performance of any physical feat previously regarded as the preserve of men. These developments have so affected the sexual relationships, being contracted by men and women that the traditional value system of such relationships have been transformed into monetized and capitalized relationships, whereby the dynamics of such relationships are less morally based and not governed by custom as they were formerly.

In our present world, the old value systems are being overtaken and replaced by the dynamics of wealth. Marriages and married life have now become a monetized and capitalized institution. It has now been overwhelmed by the avaricious consumption of manufactured goods and services.

I do admit, that, for a relatively stable marriage to last for a life time, it will depend on the material resource the couple, especially, the man, can inject into it for its sustenance.

However, the impact of modernity has led many married people to give priority to the avaricious acquisition and consumption of material goods and services as the basis of a successful marriage, instead of giving love, the very foundation of any and every relationship, precedence over all other selfish material considerations.

I read about a recent American case, in which the wife left the marriage because the husband had lost his job a year back. Fortunately for the man he decided to sell the only house he had to keep him going. In the course of striking the, ‘For Sale’ sign post into the ground in front of the house, he struck crude oil or black gold. He then called in an oil mining company to access and confirm the find and which the company valued and bought the place for about US $60 million.

I have to bring in this story and others that I have already cited, to buttress my assertion that sexual relationships, are potentially driven by passion and not by love.

I cannot, in any way, totally blame the wife, in this story for leaving the husband for the sole reason that he has become unemployed. It is also likely the wife might be reeling under some other adverse situation emanating from the man or from external influence. Of course, she has not told her side of the story. But prima facie, this is the story.

Can we going by this alone and say that the motivation for the marriage, was for love or sexual passion driven by material considerations? The success of every form of relationship that carry strong sentiments of attachment by one to another, depends on love.

This, in my opinion, equally applies to sexual relationships between a man and a woman. But where love becomes polluted with selfishness, lust and greed then the term ’love’ cannot be applicable as a description of such relationships.

It is amazing that in all other forms of human relationships whether they are familial, platonic friendships, etc. we hardly ever describe these relationships as, "love’ or falling in love or we are in love with each other’’.

The only differences between sexual relationships and all other forms of relationships are:

(i) Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman

(ii) Marriage between a man and a woman.

(iii) The procreation of children desired by the married person in order to raise a family.

(iv) The joint commitment by the married people to be responsible for the welfare and interests of each other as well for those of their children, if any.

In such a relationship, as marriage, legal as well as moral obligations are imposed on the parties as to their responsibilities to each other and their children, if any. This is very clear in familial relationships as found especially, in the nuclear family.

In other forms of relationships, the emphasis is on moral obligation. Invariably, in every relationship, conflicts are bound to occur, but we can only resolve these conflicts with the tools of love.

Love so defined above, should form the foundation of every and any successful relationship.

CHAPTER TWO

THE OTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE PART 11-

TYPES OF LOVE

This chapter is the second part of the preceding chapter and it is meant to examine the types of love as discussed by John Algeo in his article, ‘The Seven Loves’ which was highlighted in the preceding chapter.

In the preceding paragraph to John Algeo’s article, he referred to St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians in which he stated the three theological or spiritual virtues of Faith, Hope and Love. He said further that the greatest of the three is love.

In my view, Faith and Hope are integral parts of Love. They are not separate virtues from Love. For, one needs Faith and Hope in order to Love because Love is the Archetype and symbol of attachment to our objects of affection.

From a religious or spiritual point of view, we are dealing with a belief in the invisible being, called God. From this perspective, humans place the realizations of their desires in the hands of a Supreme and Spiritual being, Atheists excepted. This does not mean non-believers in a Supreme God and Atheists do not hope in or have faith in the realization of their desires. In reality, they also do.

The Oxford Dictionary defines Hope as to want something to happen and think that it is possible. To those who are religious their expectations about the fulfillment of their hopes should be left in the hands of a Supreme God. To non- believers it is a matter of initiating a Scheme and applying their will to achieve the expected results.

Faith on the other hand, is defined as trust in somebody’s ability or knowledge or trust that somebody or something will do what has been promised.

In religious or spiritual circles such trust is conferred on a Supreme Being. In other circles, the trust is conferred on some person or thing by inferences drawn through the empirical observation of the character or the qualities of persons and objects.

In the case of both Hope and Faith we need time for the realization or actualization of what we desire. In respect of, Hope, we need patience and tolerance in order to realize our desires. With regard to Faith, we equally need the passing of time to build the trust in somebody or in something. Therefore, patience and tolerance cannot be ignored, here also. In these respects, Faith and Hope cannot be divorced from Love, but they are derivatives of it.

I would say that ordinarily, I agree with John Algeo about what he said about Love in Paragraph 2 of his article. He wrote thus "When we talk about love, what we often mean is a vague sort of feeling or sentimentality, a warm and fuzzy affection symbolized by pink hearts and chubby little cubids. But that vague feeling is not really love, it is only an emotional state that may accompany some forms of real love and there are more forms of love than one, indeed more forms than we have words for.’’

At page 447, paragraph 1: he said, ‘Love’, is many different things and we do not have enough distinctive words to talk about all of them".

From the onset, I have stated that great scholars, mystics, philosophers and theologians have not been able to give any precise definition to this mysterious word, called Love and that most often they end up by writing about the types of love.

It seems love, in the general sense, is a matter of semantics which is applied to anybody or anything that we have a physical, emotional and psychological attraction for and attachment to, irrespective of how we apply the virtues mentioned above.

My conviction is that love should stand alone by itself and be defined with certainty and precision, by the qualities and qualification I have put forth in the previous chapter. This approach, I believe, will go a long way to remove the definitive, vagueness and ambiguities that have shackled it, from time immemorial.

If we restrict ourselves to the universal meaning that love is a strong feeling of attraction and attachment to somebody or something, which vary in its application at different levels of human relationships, including sexual relationships, then love becomes nothing less than an instinct or an impulse or passion devoid of any values or virtues.

Having gone this far, I would now take the seven loves of John Algeo, to see how best each, fits into my definition.

LOVE AS