The House That God Built: God’S Master Plan for Marriage and His Blueprint for Blessing

By Zebedee King

By looking at the nightly news and simply observing for themselves the denigration of homes and communities across our country, many would agree that family foundations are cracking and shifting out of place. This has resulted in untold devastation within the home and our other social systems; therefore, many households and lives have simply given way and collapsed under the weight of a host of societal pressures.
Many believe that a generation of social experimentation along with our cultures fixation at redefining virtually every foundational institution (especially the first human institutionmarriage) are responsible for placing the family and society on very shaky ground indeed, leaving a very dubious moral and economic legacy for successive generations.
When cracks begin to appear upon the walls of a house, it may indicate a shifting or damaged foundation, which may indicate poor foundation work. As a result, builders typically reexamine the blueprintsthe masterplansto determine the manner and materials with which the house and foundations built in order to pinpoint and repair a weak or damaged foundation. It is the authors conviction that in many households within society, weak or faulty spiritual and moral foundations have been laid, resulting in the cultural cataclysm we witness throughout our land.
In his book, The House that God Built: Gods Master Plan for Marriage and His Blueprint for Blessing, Book One of his Strong Foundation for Strong Families series, the author discusses the need for a RE-Vision, of marriage and the familybut not by redefining, replacing or removing these honorable foundations and pillars which have supported societies from the beginning of time. Rather, by employing the word RE-Vision, he calls for a refocusa fresh new look at Gods original design for the marriage and family. This plan is found in Gods Holy Word, specially, the first two chapters of the Book of Genesis because this, he feels, is where marriage, family and social systems began. Therefore, the book is a thorough exposition of the first chapters of Genesis which explore the motivations and the methods through which God Himself built His house (the heavens and the earth). This study provides keen spiritual and practical insights as to how we can build our homes according to Gods plans so as to receive His best blessings upon our homes and upon our communities.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781514438800

Zebedee King

Zebedee King is an air force veteran who currently works in the cyber security field. He is married to Linda, his wonderful wife of thirty-three years. They have two beautiful, godly daughters. Their oldest daughter and son-in-law have two delightful granddaughters who are also being brought up to love the Lord. Zeb began teaching the Bible at a young age. He and Linda have remained active in church since their youth and are heavily involved in several facets of ministry within their local assembly in San Antonio, Texas. Their love for God, coupled with their passion for bringing out the best in his people, remain the driving force behind their devotion. Among his many other passions, Zeb enjoys writing. God has directed Zeb to compile his notes accumulated through decades of intense biblical study into manuscripts, resulting in three books so far, including this present volume with many more to follow.

Book preview

The House that God Built

_________________

God’s Master Plan for Marriage

and His Blueprint for Blessing

Book One of the "Strong Foundations for

Strong Families" Series

Zebedee King

Author of Handfuls of Purpose

Copyright © 2016 by Zebedee King.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Unless otherwise stated Scripture quotations are taken from the - The Updated King James Version (UKJV) - I love Jesus (UKJV).

All Scripture quotations marked KJV, are from the King James Version/Authorized (KJV, AV): Oxford University Press.

All Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version™ Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.

All Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

All Scripture quotations marked NKJV are from The Holy Bible, New King James Version, © Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

All Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

All other versions used are clearly identified within the text.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 02/23/2016

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Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Preface

The Origin of this Series and Book

The Theme of this Book

The Flow of this Book

Section One: Design

Lesson 1:   Introduction: Except the LORD Build the House…

Phase 1: Setting the Foundations

It would be Nice to Have a Blueprint

Marriage May be a Great Mystery, but it is NO SECRET

Yes, There is a Blueprint and Manual for Marriage

Don’t Forget to Consult the Faithful Manual

Lesson 2:   From Chaos to Cosmos

A One-of-a-Kind Creation

The Condition

The Response

Light in the House

Phase 2: Erecting the Framework

God Delegates, Divides and Designates

Phase 3: Placing the Fixtures and Furnishings

A Quick Creation Review

Pleasure in the Process

Lesson 3:   God’s Special Building Project

Keeping Christ in Creation

Delegating Dominion

Section Two: Delegation

Lesson 4:   The Majesty of the Designer

The One-of-a-Kind Creator

The Fullness of the Name

Lesson 5:   The Magnificence of the Design

A One-of-a-Kind Creature

Section Three: Decorum

Lesson 6:   God’s Green Thumb

Home and Garden

A One-of-a-Kind Culture

Process and Patience in Developing God’s Kind of Culture

A Place of Rest

A Meeting Place

Lesson 7:   Daddy’s Little Helper

The Blessedness of Busy-ness

To Serve and Protect

Lesson 8:   Establishing and Clarifying the House Rules

EAT THIS, NOT THAT

Lesson 9:   God’s House is Built on Covenant

God’s First Covenant with Mankind

Lesson 10:   Man’s Best Friend

Daddy’s Little Helper Needed a Little Help

A Helper? For What?

More than Meets the Eye

A Helper in Projecting God’s Image and Likeness

From Glory to Glory

A Helper for Perpetuating God’s Image and Likeness

A Helper to Keep the Covenant

A Helper to Prepare the Domestic and Spiritual Environment for the Household

A Helper for Relationships and Domestic Priorities

A Helper for Life

A Helper to Serve and Protect

Keepers at Home, Not Necessarily Sweepers at Home

A Helper to Rule the House

A Helper to Sustain Him

A Helper Fit for Him

Lesson 11:   Mrs. Good Thang

The Gift that Keeps Giving

The First Stem Cell Procedure?

Lesson 12:   God’s Gift to Men

Lesson 13:   One Flesh. One Spirit. One Life. — Together

The Wonder Called Woman

Made from Him. Made for Him. Made like Him.

Spiritual Compatibility is NOT a Yoking Matter

Lesson 14:   How to Leave and Cleave

1. Become Bosom Buddies

2. Love Each Other

3. Revere, Honor and Respect Each Other

4. Please One Another

5. Rejoice IN One Another

6. Rejoice WITH One Another

7. Bless Each Other; Don’t Stress Each Other

8. Grow Together

9. Pray Together

10. Learn to Let Go

11. Love Christ Supremely

12. Get into Your Comfort Zone

13. God Did the Forming; Let Him Also Do the Fixing

14. Love Your Marriage

15. Just Participate!

Section Four: Dedication

Phase 4: Applying the Finishings to the Home

Lesson 15:   From Building to Blessing

God’s Blessing Included a Calling

God’s Blessing Included a Vision

God’s Blessing Included a Commission

A One-of-a-Kind Couple under a One-of-a-Kind Covenant

Lesson 16:   Procreation is a Partnership

A Heritage of the Lord

Kids are the Keys to the Kingdom

Keeping Kids in the Conversation

Lesson 17:   From Blessing to Bounty

What God Builds, He Blesses

What God Blesses, He Provides For

Section Five: Delight

Lesson 18:   Final Inspection

God’s Exclamation Point!

No More Waiting to Exhale

Sharing the Satisfaction

Lesson 19:   Sharing Shamelessly

Section Six: Dwelling

Lesson 20:   A Habitat for Humanity AND for Heaven

Section Seven: Destiny

Lesson 21:   The Importance of the Marriage and the Family

The Primacy of Marriage and the Family

Lesson 22:   God’s Agenda for Marriage and the Family

The Covenant, the Culture and the Kingdom

The Kingdom, the Power and the Glory

Lesson 23:   A Peek at Prophecy

Consummation and Coronation

The Pattern and the Prophecy

Prophecy in Preview

Section Eight: Decision

Lesson 24:   Restoring the House which God Built

How Shall We Then Live?

Things are Looking Ripe for Revival

Whether by Many or by Few

Lesson 25:   Making our Homes Reflect the House that God Built

Making our Homes Temples, not Towers

Making our Homes a Haven

Making our Homes a Witness to the World

Making our Homes Catalysts for Revival

Lesson 26:   Showcasing the House which God Built

The Modern Home or the Model Home?

God’s House: A Model for His Creative Genius AND His Continuous Government

Living under God’s Banner

Building a Home or Just Playing House?

Biblical Marriage: A Beacon and a Blessing

Building our Homes upon God’s Word

Section Nine: Additional Discussions

Lesson 27:   Some call it Matrimony, but is it Holy?

Holy Matrimony is for a Holy People

Lesson 28:   The Covenant and the Culture

Lesson 29:   Marriage Needs Refining, Not Re-defining

Lesson 30:   What Marriage Really Needs is a Re-VISION

A Re-VISION Requires a Revival

Marriage’s Foundations Need Fixing

Endnotes

Dedication

I dedicate this volume to my beautiful wife, Linda, my oldest daughter Tatiana and son-in-law, Lowell; also my youngest daughter, Natalia and her future husband (whoever he may be) as well as my two granddaughters—Nhoa, Kristianne plus any other future posterity and all their future spouses.

I also dedicate this book to my many relatives who have committed themselves to God’s pattern of marriage and the family, especially all my nieces and nephews who have braved the naysaying and negative prognoses of their generation in order to build homes and families under God. My prayer is that their marriages will daily reflect the love and glory of Christ and His Church as examples for others to behold and emulate.

Acknowledgements

While preparing this volume, I was beset with more obstacles, interruptions, disruptions and diversions than I have with any other project that I have undertaken, as far as I can remember. With all of the adverse occurrences confronting me to seemingly frustrate me in writing this book, it became obvious to me that God really had something that He wanted to convey in this present work. God, who is ever faithful, would always ignite my spirit with renewed purpose, assisting me to persevere in bringing this book to print. He also sent a constant stream of encouragement my way throughout the entire process by way of kind words from friends, family and co-workers.

While there are too many people to list in this book so as to acknowledge them for their support in this endeavor, I would like to make mention of Pastors Jim and Denise Rion and the members of the Westover Hills Assembly of God in San Antonio, Texas for always inquiring about the progress of the book. The interest that they showed in the book’s development kept me accountable, challenged and energized regarding the task which God had placed in my hands.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention two of my sisters-in-law, Phillis Alexander and Deloris Thomas, who assisted me in the arduous task of proofreading the manuscript in preparation for publishing. We’d meticulously gone over the manuscript several times; however, there may still be a mistake or two within the text; for these, I take full responsibility.

Finally, I would like to thank my father-in-law, Reverend James H. Anderson for looking over the manuscript, providing comments and preparing the Foreword for this current work. I have known my father-in-law for 32 years and I can confidently say that this man is the most capable Bible teacher that I know; therefore, I consider it a distinct privilege to have him endorse my book. If the Lord tarries, I would be thrilled to work with him on a book project sometime in the very near future. I would consider that the be the highlight of my writing career (although still in its infancy).

Now, on to the next book!

Foreword

This is not just another text book, commentary or piece of literature to decorate your library. The contents herein should inspire the reader to hear the voice of God. The book expresses His will and desire to be in a covenant relationship with the man whom He created in His image—the man He wants to be in a relationship with—in this closing dispensation of grace and truth.

Modern man, according to the first and second chapters of Genesis and many other scriptural references, has been given a glorious opportunity to really know the heart of his creator, God, and to continue the relationship, while abiding in the assigned glory of God. However, due to mankind’s rebellion and self-will (Romans 3:23), God, the creator of mankind was and is willing to reinstate man through the blood of his Son, Christ Jesus and return the man He created in His image to mankind’s first glory.

I have known this author–a godly man—for many, many years; he and his family are very close to my heart. The inspired writer of this book evidently communicated and listened intently to the Spirit of God in order to convey the heart of God to mankind in this dispensation. To write a book of this magnitude required much meditation and dedication from the Holy Spirit. I truly believe that this inspired writer availed himself to much prayer, research and intense study.

It is my sincere desire and prayer that fathers, pastors, laymen and yes, theologians, take this book off the shelf and allow the creator God to speak to and through them, so that the entire family of God will return to Father God.

Elder James H. Anderson (52 years in ministry)

Father-in law to Zebedee D. King, author

Northside Faith Center Ministries

Fort Worth, TX 76112

Preface

I love architecture; I always have. Even before I took drafting classes in high school, I had aspired to become an architect or a civil engineer. I eventually ended up working in the fields of Information Technology and Cybersecurity (both of which I love immensely); however, I still enjoy reading blueprints and especially relish looking at renderings and models of buildings.

In fact, one of my favorite pastimes before I took up writing was (amateur) architectural rendering. When I wasn’t spending time with the family, studying my Bible, doing yardwork or helping around the house, I would either be tinkering around in my garage-turned-computer lab (For many years, I was an IT trainer so I was always piddling around in the lab to stay current with the latest technologies) or rendering some buildings and cities. On my days off, one could often find me in my garage with my T-squares and boards or my drafting boards (I have several) with various pencils, erasers, triangles, slide rules, templates, compasses, etc., strewn all over my table.

Wherever I go, whether downtown in my hometown of San Antonio, or in Dallas, Houston or any other city in which I travel (even in Europe), I gaze at the beautiful architecture—modern buildings, older buildings, skyscrapers or even residential buildings. I am so enthralled at the exactness, scale, symmetry and intricate details that characterize the edifices mankind has built. I marvel at all of the planning, skill, technical acumen and engineering that goes into most of the buildings that are erected.

I am a member of a skyscraper enthusiast forum and every chance I get, I log in and pour over all of the newly posted photos of cityscapes, skylines and construction projects. I also relish witnessing new commercial buildings and residences being built around the city. The whole process fascinates me—surveying and clearing the land, erecting eye-catching structures—even planting the elegant, lush landscaping to accent them. It seems that my city has been in a building boom for decades so it’s been very exciting living here.

Even more enthralling than these magnificent creations of men are the works of God. I’m not necessarily talking about the picturesque mountains, canyons or the marvelous topographies, landscapes and seascapes, although these obviously eclipse anything which man can build. I’m not referring to the vast array of beautiful flora and fauna which overspread the earth, nor of the heavenly bodies which provide merely a hint of God’s creative genius. I’m speaking particularly concerning God’s crown creation, mankind, and more specifically, the multifarious and complex ways in which mankind interrelates with God and with each other. Therefore, it is no small wonder that I would find the inner-workings of marriage and the family—the most intimate of human relationships—to be particularly fascinating.

The Origin of this Series and Book

This book, The House that God Built is the first installment of what I intend will amount to several books in the Strong Foundations for Strong Families Series. Actually, this book (and the future books to be published in this series) is the result of an adult Sunday school lesson which I never got a chance to teach, though I had prepared for it extensively. In my 40+ years teaching the Bible, I had never prepared so much for one Bible lesson in my life. The subject matter captivated me and as I delved deeper and deeper into the text, the Spirit of God kept revealing things to me, which I had never before considered. By the time I was to present the lesson, I had between 15 to 20 pages of hand-written notes in addition to the notes I had jotted in my Sunday School teacher’s manual. I knew that I wouldn’t have time in that class to present all of the material that I’d studied so I was under a bit of stress as I tried to keep the main points organized in my mind and to keep from overloading my class with peripheral information.

Well, my pastor at the time (who was also a district superintendent) solved my dilemma for me when he preempted the Sunday school class and changed the order of service that day in 1993. He made the decision in order to allow a visiting pastor within his district to preach that day. I was pretty dejected by not being able to teach that lesson because as my wife will tell you, I love to teach. I mean, I REALLY LOVE TO TEACH! I’ve loved teaching ever since I knew what it was and I’ve never turned down an opportunity to teach God’s Word since I was seven, which was when I started student-teaching in my primary Sunday School class in my home church in Gulfport, Mississippi.

As it turned out, my pastor did me a favor. God spoke to me in my disappointment that day and told me to hold on to those notes because He had bigger plans for that information than just a one-time presentation. He knew that I would be prone to file those notes away somewhere, only to be discarded with some of my other old paperwork during one of my records purges.

As time went on, my 20-page notes kept growing and being edited. Linda and I actually used these notes while ministering to individuals and couples while we were stationed in Germany and while I was on deployment in Turkey. We’ve also extensively used the notes which have been fleshed out in the lessons presented in this book here in the U.S. after having completed our tours of duty. So I’m saying that the concepts within the books in this series have been field-tested, used in counseling sessions, marriage seminars, in couples’ bible studies, small group settings and Sunday school classes with much success and positive response. Of course, Linda and I refer to and use the principles taught in these notes regularly in our own marriage and family. I am endeavoring to teach all of what I have prepared in this and other books to my children so that they can have the benefit of this information and pass it on to their children. I believe that the love for and knowledge of the Word of God is the greatest legacy that any parent can leave for their children. My mother certainly did it for me and I’m eternally grateful.

God kept challenging me to begin compiling the numerous notes that I’d been writing over some decades into the books which He wanted me to write. I shuffled my feet for a while, yet God stayed on me about this. He further confirmed His intentions through conversations which I had with three women: my wife, Jessica Wilkes (a friend who published a magazine for which my wife and I had written a few columns) and Angela Wyatt, a dear friend and co-worker. As a result of the reinforcement from those three witnesses, I knew that I had to shift my focus, shuffle my schedule and start moving in the path which God had prepared for me long before I even knew in which direction my life was to be headed. God has confirmed it over and over since then and I have thoroughly enjoyed this journey.

The Theme of this Book

This book is a compilation the musings of someone who has studied and thought about biblical marriage for quite some time. It is designed to give couples a basis of biblical knowledge regarding this first and most beloved human institution. The intent is for couples and soon-to-be couples to take a closer look at marriage as an institution that is worth keeping holy and worth fighting for.

Although this book is not actually dedicated to the topics of architecture or homebuilding, those subjects did inspire some of my thinking as I wrote this book. Again, I’m actually going to talk about subjects which I find even more fascinating than architecture. This book explores the biblical blueprint for marriage and the family, albeit with a few general allusions to architecture and homebuilding. We are going to explore biblical foundations and design for marriage and family as well as concepts associated with building and maintaining these institutions so as to garner God’s richest blessings.

For many of us, our homes are the greatest investments which we will make in our lifetimes. Correspondingly, a mortgage payment is usually the single largest monthly expense for a family. Many of us work long, hard hours daily, denying ourselves many comforts and pleasures in order to afford a roof over our heads. Shelter is one of the most basic needs of man, yet unlike food, water and clothing, a home has a relatively high price tag, but it is still worth it.

Builders go to great lengths to design houses which are habitable, safe and pleasant. This should also be the case with our marriages and families. We should take as much or more care that our households are built upon the right foundations, built with the best materials, maintained and protected from damage or devaluation and are as pleasant and inviting as we can make them.

God is a builder— in fact, He’s the Master Builder. I find it interesting that, when God dwelled among men in the Person of Jesus Christ, His earthly occupation was carpentry. As the Maker of heaven and earth, God has made the world so very intricate, habitable, pleasant and conducive to blessing. God has even caused those who believe in Him to become buildings and habitations of His Spirit so that His blessings can flow through us and on to others.

Likewise, a heart-warming household can provide a pleasant environment for blessing the family, which in turn can provide opportunities for sharing the good news to others. Just ask Aquila, Priscilla and Apollo (Acts 18:26). In building the home (specifically, the institutions of the marriage, the family and the Church), God made a huge investment in erecting these institutions and we honor Him by valuing them because they are the houses which He has built.

Allow me to shift gears for a moment to say that the primary purpose of this and every other book in this series is not so much to push a personal preference or perspective on marriage and family or to marginalize anyone who espouses a different point of view regarding what constitutes wholesome or acceptable behavior in relationships. However, as I am an ardent believer that God’s way is the best way and His plans are perfect, I am compelled to proclaim God’s purpose for marriage and family. I thoroughly enjoy the Word of God, but I do not trifle with it. Therefore, the books that I write will not be culturally or morally ambiguous. I will seek to be as scripturally clear as I possibly can. I hold very strong convictions as to what represents a real marriage and I have never been tepid about articulating my convictions.

In discussing God’s design for marriage and family, I’m going to underscore His ideal for these establishments. This emphasis necessitates that, at places in this book, I differentiate between covenant marriages (God’s intent) and cultural marriages, which include convenience marriages, common-law marriages, trial marriages, civil unions/same-sex partnerships and other cohabitative arrangements which I and many others believe fall short of God’s original idea and His ideal. To God, these other relationships are not on equal standing with or the same as the one model He has established for the nuclear family—the one which He has set forth in His blueprint—the Bible.

I repeat: my intention is not to disparage anyone; it is to speak the truth in love. I am not interested in picking on anyone’s lifestyle choices, for I have close friends and family who have adopted many different points-of-view from those which I hold to regarding what constitutes true love and family. I am, however, interested in clarifying the biblical foundations undergirding marriage and the family primarily for the benefit of those who have committed their marriages under God’s authority and care. These are the people who make up my target audience. I want to help strengthen marriages which are built upon the solid rock of God’s Word rather than those established upon the fleeting sands of human fiat. I hope to accomplish this by emphasizing the blessedness and the blessings afforded to biblical marriages as well as the responsibilities incumbent upon them.

These days, with so many voices out there, finding one’s way to God’s truth and blessing can get baffling. All of this relativism pervading our culture has made what should be the ability to make clear-cut decisions between right and wrong and healthy and destructive behavior very frustrating for many people. Therefore, it is imperative for God’s children—children of the light—to distinguish between the characteristics of the households, marriages and families which God builds and blesses and those which man’s imaginations have erected.

I believe that the biblical design for marriage and the family is God’s gold standard for families everywhere. That said, if you are given to strong sentiments or sensibilities about people making distinctions about what they feel to be right and wrong or between what the Bible condones and what it condemns, I suggest to reach for another book, rather than this one. Otherwise, reading this book will prove to be a very bumpy ride for you. For the rest of you, bring your hard hats as we journey through this book. I’m sure that most of us will encounter some ouch moments at certain points.

The Flow of this Book

Marriage and familial relationships are the primary foci of this book. In view of this, we will move quickly in this book through the very familiar account of God’s six-day creative activity to concentrate most of its pages on discussing what occurred on the last creative day, specifically, the forming of man and woman and how God intended that they were to interrelate. In focusing on this aspect of God’s work, we hope to draw out insights that will assist the reader in discovering God’s model for marriage and family. This will afford the reader the freedom to emulate these models and appropriate the same blessings of fruitfulness and godly authority conferred upon the first couple.

While reading this book, you’ll immediately notice that I do not incorporate a corpus of statistics, research studies and citations by experts. You will, however, detect abundant quotations and references from the Bible. That is because I affirm that God is the only true expert in marriage, family and relationships of all kinds, since He made marriage, the family and everything else.

Therefore, this book is primarily a Bible study (as most of my books will be), not a case study. This is in spite of the fact that I personally engage in my share of reading material from many gifted authors and communicators who have invested much research and reflection into the dynamics of domestic relationships. This Bible study is designed to give the readers a basis of knowledge for appreciating the premium that God has placed upon marriage and the family.

In making my cases, I often rely upon a common core of experience—things that occur in and around virtually everyone’s lives. So if I do make a statement like, Marriages are in crisis or Divorces are commonplace in our society, I don’t feel the need to back these statements up with statistics. I assume this information to be common to my readers through their daily observation and personal experiences. If they themselves are not experiencing crises in their marriages and families, they almost certainly have friends and family members who are.

By the way, the institutions of marriage and the family ARE in crisis; more specifically, I believe that they are under attack. Therefore, I believe that these institutions need reviving, not revising. Statistics and studies are great and helpful to draw attention to the problem, but to revive the marriage and family, we need more than information; we need insight and that comes from revelation, specifically, the revelation in God’s Word.

The reader will also notice that there is a bevy of Christological references in this book. This is very hard to avoid since the entire volume of this book—the Bible—is written of Jesus Christ (Psalms 40:7; Hebrews 10:7). These references have been placed within the book deliberately. I believe that the purpose will become abundantly clear when we discuss the Section called Destiny.

Yet another thing that readers will notice is that, unlike many books on marriage, this one isn’t overwrought with romantic themes, although there is a lot of love talk in the book. It’s not that I’m not romantic. I’m hopelessly so, but I believe romance isn’t all there is to the marriage narrative. Also, unlike others, I don’t think that romance is overrated; I do believe that it is overworked. I believe we have loaded upon romantic love a burden it was not designed to bear alone. Many—even Christians—have made it the cure-all for whatever ails a marriage. Most of us have learned from experience that it is not.

I have another book planned to explore romantic themes within the Bible, anyway.

Exaggerating or overemphasizing the part that romance plays in marriage does a disservice to couples who feel that all it takes is love to keep them together. (Ironically, and sadly, even the musical couple actually famous for singing that song in the 1970s have filed for divorce.)

Casting no aspersions, the books in this series don’t present a chicken soup or a cup of hot cider treatment of marriage. These heart-warming books are good for when your relationships are experiencing a common cold, but the breakdown in marriage is an epidemic so we need something a bit more potent. We need all the protein we can get to strengthen and fortify our families; we need strong meat for strong marriages.

Again, this series is intended to be a study in biblical marriage. Consistent with my call as a teacher of the Word (since the age of seventeen, although I was being groomed to teach the Bible since I was seven), this book is divided into sections and lessons rather than sections and chapters. Another reason for this structure is that the material in this book began as Sunday school lesson notes, and counseling and conference talking notes. Therefore, I believe that lesson divisions lend themselves more readily to the way the material in this book is presented. However, there will not be any quizzes or questions after the discussions in this book—at least, not in this first edition (…and everyone said, Thank God!).

While this book certainly isn’t a tome or even as comprehensive as other books on the subject, some readers may find this book a bit verbose. That is because quite a few people favor a checklist approach to books on marriage. They prefer marriage manuals for quick fixes to marriage issues over books that attempt to go under the hood or recheck the blueprint to see how the product was designed to work. Like I said before, I’ve been teaching in some capacity or another most of my life. I’ve found that the difference in training and teaching is that training emphasizes methods and teaching emphasizing concepts. Most of my books may involve both, but will lean more toward the latter. However, I believe and hope that for those who persevere through it will find it enlightening and enjoyable.

I have sought to write my heart out in this book as I strove to do in my first book, Handfuls of Purpose. I published that book almost six years ago and people are still telling me how thorough the book is and how helpful it has been to them. I think that my joy of writing and teaching, as well as my enjoyment of the Bible and my fascination with the subjects of marriage and family and relationships will be clearly evident to the reader as it is in Handfuls of Purpose.

Finally, some readers may note a level of redundancy in this book. I assure you, this is deliberate. The purpose is to emphasize and re-emphasize some points or themes which I feel are important. In this book, I utilize the Law of Repetition—one of the learning laws that I learned in instructor school—to some extent.

With that in mind, the reader will notice the sections in this book which are distinguished from the main discussions by borders and font. The sections entitled, "Driving the Point Home: and Blueprint for Blessing: provide additional material to the main topic under discussion. Whereas the main topics tend to be more informative or didactic, the Driving the Point Home: and Blueprint for Blessing:" often provide more practical information. Some may even find that the information within these sections could serve as devotional material or even discussion material for group study.

Section One

Design

Lesson 1

Introduction: Except the LORD Build the House…

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in

vain that build it: (Psalms 127:1 KJV)

Let’s first consider the scripture above. The declaration that it makes is unmistakably clear. If families don’t invoke God’s assistance in establishing their households, a solid, stable and sustainable family life is a difficult proposition at best, if not utterly impossible. Many people would object to what this scripture declares, but many more of us can testify to the veracity of this statement. One has only to watch TV, read the newspaper or browse the Internet to come face to face with the reality that many marriages and families are collapsing. Marriage, as an institution is under enormous strain. Even the most affluent and advantaged among us are not immune. The celebrity gossip mill confirms this, as it constantly churns out news of one failed marriage and called-off engagement after another.

Do you know what I believe? I believe that most of the couples and families which are experiencing such turmoil in their relationships and homes do not want nor ever intended for these things to happen.

Let’s get this straight. If marriage and the family are socially constructed, then no one has the right to dictate to anyone how to build their homes, what forms their marriages should take or what their households should look like. No one should presume to force our convictions down people’s throats anyway, even though we should still be free to share them.

If, however, marriage and family are ordained by God, then it behooves us all to seek to discover how He intended for it all to work—for maximum benefit to the family and society at large. Also, those who have discovered God’s framework for the family are responsible for the good of the family and society to share what they’ve learned. Many times in His Word, God shows us that He holds men liable for holding back on proclaiming truth, no matter how unpopular it may be.

Again, if the former case is valid and marriage and the family are culturally construed, then every lifestyle and model for marriage is equally as valid as the other and none of us has the right to impose our views upon the others as to what the perfect, ideal and model home should look like. After all, isn’t what we are witnessing as happening in the family today just the next step in our social evolution with the requisite struggle involving nature’s and society’s discarding outdated, no-longer-useful morays in the struggle for human progress? The preceding question characterizes a relativist point of view espoused by many today. If this were a study in worldviews or book on apologetics, we would examine that view here in detail and discover its basic flaws. The point here is, if this position were true, then the dubious polls which supposedly reflect the majority’s approval of questionable lifestyles hold just as much weight as those who hold to the biblical and traditional framework for marriage and families.

On the other hand, if the God that we serve is the Sovereign Lord of all and if He has created all things (including marriage and the family) for Himself and through Christ has recreated us to show forth His excellencies, then we have both a right and a solemn responsibility to shine our lights in the midst of darkness, chaos and confusion. This is the sum of the duties incumbent upon the Christian and the family: to let (not make) our lights shine in a world of spiritual darkness and confusion just as God commanded the light to shine in the darkness and confusion in the beginning. All of this spiritual darkness exists in a world in which humankind has otherwise displayed their God-given brilliance in many other areas, such as science, engineering and technology.

As always, because some of God’s people have let down the standard of God’s righteousness and have left their posts to follow the world instead of leading by living the light, the world has once again gotten confused, started groping in the darkness and finally has given up to go their own ways, reaping vanity and sorrow. This lot has also fallen upon many Christians and Christian marriages.

Some people take exception to the idea that attempting to establish one’s household without God’s participation forfeits His blessing, making their enterprise a futile effort. Some resent the notion that the blessings of the Lord falls upon some homes and not upon others. Sure, God is full of compassion and His mercy is over all that He has made (Psalms 145:8, 9). I, like others, believe that mercy, grace and blessing are three separate expressions of God toward mankind, and I’ve always wanted my family to experience all three.

I have found personally that with all that life has thrown at my family, there is absolutely no way that my household would have survived and in fact, thrived without the help of the Lord. We have certainly been beneficiaries of God’s mercy.

We have also been recipients of God’s grace and blessing. James 4:6 and 1 Peter 5:5 (quoting Proverbs 3:34) state that God gives grace to the humble. Also, God blessings are upon them that fear the Lord—the righteous—and surrounds them with favor (Psalms 5:12). Proverbs 3:33 tells us that God blesses the home of the those He has justified. Without the guidance from God’s Word and His Spirit and the resultant grace and blessing to help us establish our household, I’m certain that our marriage wouldn’t be nearing its 32nd year, which we are approaching as of the writing of this book. Certainly, we wouldn’t have children (including a son-in-law) and grandchildren who love the Lord and are prospering beyond belief. God promised my wife and me that if we trusted in the Lord, great would be the peace of our children (Isaiah 54:13). To this word from God, we have to emphatically say, Amen! I truly believe that any viability and vitality that our family has enjoyed is directly attributable to God’s unceasing care—His mercy, His grace and His blessing.

My wife and I have lived in covenant with the Lord since before we met as teenagers and we placed our marriage into God’s care at the very onset. Though the enemy has raged against our marriage, we knew that we have been joined together by God¹. God has been faithful to His Word to preserve our union with His overshadowing presence and grace. By talking to many of our friends, we can see that we are not alone in enjoying God’s cornucopia of blessings by any stretch of the imagination.

People have been given the capacity to choose how they will build their homes and relationships. However, if some don’t follow the plan as set by God, can they reasonably expect the same results and blessing that are reserved for those who do? God has provided families sovereign ground from which to order their homes as they choose with the intent that they will choose His order for their blessing and His honor. He doesn’t desire that couples attempt to build their families upon transient cultural norms, but upon the rock of His unshakable Word.

Phase 1: Setting the Foundations

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if you have understanding. Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof; (Job 38: 4, 6)

Heaven is my throne, and earth is my footstool: what house will all of you build me? says the Lord: or what is the place of my rest? (Acts 7:49)

For every house is built by some man; but he that built all things is God. (Hebrews 3:4)

That God created the heavens and the earth, for many is a foregone conclusion—a fact beyond question. Indeed, the Bible itself doesn’t even try to argue for the existence of God, but rather begins its narrative with the bold assertion that He was already present to create the heavens and the earth. It then begins to describe in a measure of detail the process of God’s creative work.

The fact that God created all things is a constant refrain in the Bible, repeated often to etch that reality indelibly in the mind of the reader. Below are a few select scriptures which drive the point forcibly that God created all things by Himself and is the Lord of heaven and earth:

• Who laid the foundations of the earth, that it should not be removed for ever. (Psalm 104:5)

• The LORD has made all things for himself:… (Proverbs 16:4)

• Thus says the LORD, your redeemer, and he that formed you from the womb, I am the LORD that makes all things; that stretches forth the heavens alone; that spreads abroad the earth by myself; (Isaiah 44:24)

• … the LORD your maker,…has stretched forth the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth;… (Isaiah 51:13)

• For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen. (Romans 11:36)

• You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for you have created all things, and for your pleasure they are and were created. (Revelation 4:11)

Whereas the sciences and other disciplines have increased our understanding of the intricacies of our universe extensively, the information that we ascertain by these human enterprises are essentially incomplete, sometimes inaccurate and often open to debate because the human perspective is limited. God has chosen to provide humankind with a more complete body of knowledge about the purposes of His design through the revelation of His Word.

Now, one point that I want to interject at the onset is that every aspect of God’s creation was deliberate and purposeful. In fact, during the times at which He paused to evaluate the progress of His creative acts during those six days, He pronounced His creation as good or very good. By making this periodic assessment, He was not only stating that creation was beautiful, but that it was fit and useful, which means that it was purposeful—it fulfilled a purpose.

The Scriptures establish that God created all things for His pleasure and He owns all things. Furthermore, Isaiah 40:14 and Romans 11:34 intimate that God didn’t take counsel with anyone regarding His creative work or the judgement which He executes. This tells me that creation is God’s idea; He didn’t consult with anyone else, but by working all things according to the counsel of His own will (Ephesians 1:11), He planned the ages. For that reason, He alone knows how it all has been designed to work, not only the physical aspects of His creation, but all other aspects, including relationships.

Since we are discussing foundations, upon what did God lay the foundations of creation? The Bible teaches that God founded the earth upon the seas (Psalms 24:1, 2), but this speaks of location. I suggest that, with regard to means and methodology, everything was ultimately founded upon and framed by the Word of God (Hebrews 11:3)—the same Word by which he upholds all things (Hebrews 1:3). The foundation of everything that God does is expressed in His purpose and His purpose is expressed in His Word, as the following passages testify.

The LORD by wisdom has founded the earth; by understanding has he established the heavens. By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew. (Proverbs 3:19-20)

He has made the earth by his power, he has

established the world by his wisdom, and has stretched out the heavens by his discretion. (Jeremiah 10:12)

God, the Architect of the Ages, created all things by His Word, which is expressed in His wisdom, understanding, knowledge, discretion (discernment) and power. That means that He had foreknowledge; this tells us that He operated with a plan and with full knowledge and understanding as to how that plan is to be executed.

In order to lay the foundations of the heavens and earth, God was working with a blueprint. God doesn’t do anything haphazardly. He always does things by deliberation, according to forethought. Now, that we have established this point, let’s turn our hearts to home.

A family without purpose is a family without a plan and parameters and a family without these is an aimless enterprise. Plans anticipate an expected or desired end. Plans connote purpose and destiny and are essential in bringing about harmony and order in any endeavor. The sages of the ages (revered thinkers of the ancient world) have always understood this and would make mention of this concept often in their teachings and writings.

The first foundational truth of the Bible is that God created everything for His glory and our good. This includes the family. If a family is to be a house that the LORD has built, it must identify itself as a family created by God and for God.

Serious dysfunctions or even upheavals occurring in a house could indicate a defective foundation, a framework issue or some other structural problems. The same holds true of a household. God invites us to build our homes upon a strong foundation and with the right tools and materials so that we can enjoy a stable and solid family environment. The Bible tells us that the foundation of God stands sure (2 Timothy 2:19). This is a powerful scripture. We will quote it in its entirety in another discussion later on in this series.

Family foundations are giving way at an unprecedented rate in today’s society, leaving homes damaged, devastated and in disrepair. What is even sadder is that some people think this to be normal. Well, it certainly is not and there are many people not buying into that lie. They cannot imagine that the home, which should be a place of affirmation, love, nurturing and care was destined and designed to be a place of neglect, disrespect or pain.

Many innocent lives are being ruined as a result of the breakdown of the home. Many feel that the erosion of domestic tranquility is no accident. Although the weakening of familial bonds is to a large part due to neglect, there are some deliberate actors working toward the demise of the family unit. We will discuss some of these further in this book and in several books in this series.

People enter marriage and family life with so much hope and anticipation for a happily-ever-after or at least a together-forever marriage. Yet, without having built upon a proper and firm foundation or having used the right tools and materials to build and maintain the home, hopes and dreams become unraveled, making people feel powerless to do anything about it. Some cite such precipitating factors for the demise of their marriages as irreconcilable differences or having grown apart, but I believe cracks or shifts in the family foundation could have been the case also. My life’s experience and my knowledge of the Word and power of God have convinced me that nothing or no relationship is irreconcilable and that God is a specialist at bringing again to oneness and wholeness two people who have grown apart (2 Corinthians 5:19; Ephesians 2:15; Colossians 1:20).

It would be Nice to Have a Blueprint

A house is built by wisdom, and it is established

by understanding; by knowledge the rooms are filled with every precious and beautiful treasure.

(Proverbs 24:3-4 HCSB)

A lot of people envision a home where peace, prosperity and love abide, but many do not obtain this. They enter into a marriage with so much joy, hope and promise, but for many, the outcome of their marriage is much different than what they had hoped. As a result, they are left dejected and depressed when things don’t work out. In order for us to have what we want out of relationships, there is more involved than just having high hopes or wishful thinking. I believe that, along with casting a vision of the ideal family, there is also planning and effort involved.

I don’t agree with those, even Christians, who say that there is no blueprint or manual for marriage, parenting or life. I cringe when I hear that, as much as I do when I hear statements like, Everything’s relative. Assertions such as these are manifestly false and can be quickly refuted and debunked. It is obvious that people who say such things are not really giving much thought to what they are saying and are possibly just parroting some homespun maxim from someone who purports to be an expert in such matters.

I believe that the Bible is the perfect blueprint for all matters of life and godliness. In fact, I’ll go even further by saying that I agree with others who have labeled the Bible as The Manufacturer’s Handbook. I believe that the Bible has been authored by someone who knows a thing or two about how everything is supposed to work, and not just work, but work optimally, seeing that He created all things. I think that the reason people don’t see the Bible as the Manual for Life is that they haven’t come face to face with the transforming power of the Bible and maybe are just parroting other sources—sources that allege that the Bible is antiquated and irrelevant in the real world and hence, of no practical value. True, some people believe that the Bible is just a bunch of stories, like fables that teach some moral truths and nothing more. If they want to believe that, they are welcomed to their opinions. However, there are myriads of people who have taken the teachings and precepts of the Bible at face value and integrated them into all aspects and levels of everyday life, from managing personal matters all the way up to providing guidance on administering the affairs of state. You would be surprised at how in the original constitutions of many nations, there are a litany of allusions or outright affirmations to the words of holy writ.

One can hardly find a book, movie or official document that doesn’t contain some quotation or allusion to Scripture. That is as true in the West as in other parts of the world, such as Sub-Saharan Africa or Asia. Therefore, to assert that Scripture cannot be used to guide the steps of individuals and even nations is to ignore the part that the Word of God has already played in shaping nations and cultures since God uttered His first words to our progenitors (Adam and Eve, Noah and the Patriarchs).

Some people don’t see the Bible as a relevant guide for life because of its antiquity. Well, to that I say that whereas technology, fashion and methods have changed significantly since the Word of God was first pronounced from the mouth of a prophet, people haven’t changed much at all. They’ve had the same basic physical, emotional and spiritual needs that they’ve had for thousands of years. For this reason, many people from eons ago and even in our postmodern society have found the Bible a sure foundation upon which to build their lives and legacies. Besides, people don’t seem to have a problem quoting the classical Greek and Roman historians and philosophers, as well as the teachings of Sun Tzu or Confucius because of their antiquity. Some even consult the aged love manual, Kama Sutra/Kama Shastras for a few tips to spice up their marriage so the Bible’s antiquity is hardly a disqualifier.

I suppose also that some people don’t see the Bible as a manual for life and relationships because the Bible is full of prose in relaying its precepts and principles. For this reason, many dismiss the Bible as just a book of stories. The Bible addresses all of life’s basic issues, but it typically wraps its precepts around narratives, poetry and other literary forms. God employs such powerful literary tools as meter, tempo, tone to express His heart or He uses role-modeling around the lives of the Bible characters to demonstrate not just how to do something, but why it is important to do it.

In this technological and scientific age, we depend heavily on checklists. Checklists may be good for cars, planes and computers, but making life work involves more than just flipping a switch or rebooting a system. Life is a journey. God’s Word is designed to walk us through life, not just step us through a series of tasks. In fact, God has promised to walk with us through life and guiding us with His eye upon us (Psalms 32:8). People and lives are complex. We come with all sorts of bells, whistles and trapdoors. When things get out of whack in our lives, we need more than fixing. We need to be made whole. Being made whole is a lifelong process. Therefore, studying the Bible, God’s manual for life, should be a lifelong endeavor.

When it comes to providing guidance and clarity in all of life’s situations, I will quote the Ragu Spaghetti Sauce commercial which says, It’s all in here. It truly is. If we work the Word, the Word will work for us. The Scripture states,

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. (Psalms 18:30).

God’s Word is refined and pure and has been field tested by countless people from all walks of life and in all situations in life from generation to generation. It is not antiquated. It is ageless, just like the God who breathed His word into time and space since from the beginning of creation and just like the Word of God who, being with God in the beginning, also became flesh and