Becoming Adam: The True Story of a Perfect Love Gone Right Book 1

By Michael Demers

Michael built a dream home in the Mojave Desert near Las Vegas, Nevada, USA, and settled in with Jen, his beautiful wife. The marriage had been sweet except for a growing malaise in the last two years. No longer busy business partners, they were spinning their wheels and not spinning them fast.

Jen left his bed for another room, and he didnt chase her, even when she beckoned from her bedroom door, bathrobe falling open, relaxed and ready, naked body steamy from a hot bath with candles. That was unusual for himhis sexual needs had always been strong, and she had fulfilled them, content with her man. Mornings had always come with a smile as she did her makeup. Sometimes he stood behind her and brushed her hair; he was gentle, and they were in love. But now she was growing distant, his mind was beginning to wander. Perhaps, without knowing it, they were preparing for what was to come.

Get yourself comfortable. Its a true storya long, delicious read. Theres romance and love, as well as bathtubs and candles. And for men, theres the adventure of a real-life quest, a man going somewhere for a womanand sex. Well, thats a guy thing. You ladies wouldnt understand how powerful a drive it is for us. Once we get the scent of a woman, well follow her anywhere to drink from her fountain again. Try us, and youll see. Just beckon, like a whispered phone call in the night perhaps?

Blended into the entertainment, the author teaches principles he has come to believe from personal experience are correct. Inside these pages, you will learn how to harness the law of attraction to obtain everything you want, how to quickly enter a state of chronic happiness, and what to expect when you die. Youll better understand in the final book why the author is so well qualified to write on those subjects. But if thats too meaty for you, simply enjoy the entertainment!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Feb 6, 2015
• ISBN: 9781490755144

Michael Demers

The author of the "Becoming Adam" series of books writes under the pen name Michael Demers. In real life, he did travel the USA and Canada in a motor home. Although he takes fiction writer's license and embellishes the facts, everything he writes in the books is based on real-life experiences and real people. Incredible as it may seem, he first lives his books before writing them. Due to privacy considerations, names, places, events, and e-mails are altered; the books are true, but they contain elements of fiction. The final book in the series tells how successful he was in finding the perfect love gone right that book character Michael sets out to discover. Blended into the entertainment, the author teaches principles he has come to believe from personal experience are correct. Inside these pages you will learn how to harness the law of attraction to obtain everything you want, how to quickly enter a state of chronic happiness, and what to expect when you die. You'll better understand in the final book why the author is so well qualified to write on those subjects. But if that's too meaty for you, simply enjoy the entertainment!

Book preview

Chapter 1

Jen: (to Michael) My friend Al sent a text message saying he wants to come back and have the pie and ice cream we forgot to have because of our late night chat and the fact he gets up around 4:30 in the morning. He may be discouraged by me and may even be seeing other women for sex. He told me he had three or four women he was dating and having sex with a couple years ago. I told him I was not attracted to men like that. He said it only happened after being single a couple years and not dating after his divorce. Then decided to make a change. He told me he thought he and his wife would be together for the rest of their lives and she became discontent and left him. He said she has remarried.

You are my number one Michael. I find it hard to be attracted to other men. The neighbor next door saw Laura (recent widow as you know) and me setting together at church and came over to talk to us. He said his wife is not doing well. I think I will make chicken soup and take it over to them. He is defiantly looking at two potential good looking women in his own Mormon congregation to date in the future. He wasted no time coming over and talking to us both. He said he keeps looking to see if I am home to find out if he can help me with anything. He’s that kind of man that likes to help people. He would help any neighbor I like that about him. I have no feelings for him or plan to as long as his wife is alive. I want his wife to live unless she is so sick and unhappy and wants to move on. Love you sweetie, your my number one, Jen

M: (to Jen) Why are you available for Al and other guys but not for me? I want us to live together again but you keep denying us that. Why?

M: I always appreciate your messages Jen, divorced or not I still care for you too much, must be a habit. But with this message yet again you reveal either your chronic confusion, your sympathy for me thinking I’m a lost soul, or more likely your decision not to live with me, maybe ever again. You are not fair to me, you lead me on and keep me hanging never certain, wanting to live with you but knowing you won’t allow it, a cruel place to be. You reject me over and over, is that your plan? Or is it that you don’t even know you are rejecting? I’d like to think that’s what it is, but I don’t.

You tell me Al is coming back to your home and in the same breath tell me you don’t want him because he sleeps around. The inference in you having him back is that you do want him, you’re not done with him. You think you have tamed him as a friend, but late at night you’ll kiss and the passion will be instant like it was when you first hugged, inexorable, hands groping to fondle body parts and shed clothing. It will happen. I think you know that, you just try to hide it from yourself because you’re a good Mormon and proud of it, you don’t do sex outside of marriage.

Face it, you’re fond of Al. You listen to his tale of woe late into the night, and tell him yours with me. (Did you tell him all my secrets?) You share secrets and develop a close relationship with a man you’ve only known a few days. That creates emotion, a depth of closeness and caring and familiarity that can easily lead to you falling in love with him and giving him your body, planned or not. That’s what he really wants, for a while, though he may marry and then neglect you long before the 18 years you and I had have passed, he has that history. His beloved wife left for a reason, she was discontent with his love or he with hers or both. Maybe your fourth husband me was the best one for you? Think of that?

It’s good that you have a friend, I’m pleased for you, but you leave me, the man you say you love the most, baffled and confused because you keep saying I’m number one but your actions prove that I’m not. You could have been with me in Victoria last night instead of chatting up another man late at night in the privacy of your home, kissing him instead of kissing me. Why are you doing this to me? Is it that you secretly continue to want to punish me for some sin of the past? Are you even aware of that if it’s true? Are you that vindictive, that cruel? I don’t think you are, but you won’t give me a valid reason why you do what you do instead of being with me when you could be.

You tell me you have no feelings for your neighbor but that as soon as his wife dies you most likely will. You like him and you know he is attracted to you, he already wants to do special things for you to get to know you better and gain your favor. He’s another on your list of possibilities, I’m just a distant backup should the others fail. You break my heart sometimes, I’m too fond of you yet, I yearn for you but you won’t have me.

You tell me again in this present message that I’m your number one. But you won’t tell me why you won’t have me back so we can discuss your concern like adults do, and together find a solution. It’s a secret you keep close to yourself or you and a few others. We’ve only been divorced a year but I was chilled when I was at your daughter’s how cold she was to me, as if you and your family had already closed the matter. It seemed that I was thrown away forever, garbage strewn along the street of no return. I felt like garbage.

If that is so, if the final decision has been made, why do you keep leading me on? Does it flatter you that I’d still want you? You know I want you, I tell you often. And you know you could have me. It seems a simple choice and easy to convey, what do you really want with me? Tell me? Would you deliberately mess with a man who gave you 18 years most of it good?

Why are we still dragging this divorce out?

We love each other.

So???

What do you really want Jen? What are you after? What would it take for me to win you back and we live together again? Please don’t ignore my questions even if they’re uncomfortable, that’s the kind of non-communication that got us into trouble as spouses, it doesn’t work. Nor does keeping secrets. We must be open and share all if we’re to have any hope for success. Or do you not want that and that’s why you won’t live with me? What will it take for us to live together? I’m serious, I’m asking, I expect you to answer.

The energy is draining from me today, it started when I was walking in the park, flowed into the giant ancient trees, left part of me there in them. You could feel me there now should you ever want to. I’m not sure anymore that I want to go on, I’m floundering and not fighting back well, not fighting at all really. But I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m looking for that perfect love gone right, the one I’m quickly giving up the expectation of ever finding. You who say you are the one for that slip through my fingers too easily too often. I’m crying Jen. Some of the tears are colored bitter, others I don’t care anymore, a few thank-you for this, I was getting rusty, I needed it, I’m going now. I’m not strong enough today, I’m overwhelmed, I’m overpowered, and I’m allowing it to be.

But I want to finish my books and see some published. I don’t know if that can happen now, my strength is gone, maybe if I lie beneath a tree for a while I’ll be much better. Just for a while mind you…

Help me?

Maybe it’s best that we don’t take that cruise to Hawaii, that you come here and be with me instead for as long as you can, or come and go and come back if business and family are pressing?? I could draw from your strength, like I used to do. We could talk late into the night, instead of you and Al, and I could kiss your lovely lips instead of you giving them willingly to a stranger. Or do you want him more? I don’t kiss the women I’m with, other than a gentle touch at greeting or parting, that’s too personal. I’m not aggressive like your Al. Maybe I should have been more like him, torches lit and flaring, grabbing what he wants even as she repeats just friends.

Please forgive my terrible neglecting as we neared our end, it should not have been so, you were my wife, I still loved you then, I still love you now. It’s just that I had new purpose for being, a course to follow, books to write, energy to drain. But it’s done, I accept what comes now whatever it be I am willing. I’m happy for me, I love being me, there could be no other.

Will you come and lend me of your strength so I can be a while longer, finish editing and polishing my books, then go home for a rest maybe if you’ll let me go? I might come back if you cared and called loud and long enough. That would be fun for me but not for you, life must go on, there are other men to explore, so please don’t call after I’m dead.

Come to me Jen my once darling wife? Fly from your Utah home to Victoria Canada because you want to be near me more than with any other man or your adult children? Cease to hide and be ashamed of your love for me? Prove to me and to you that I’m number one and it’s not just fake words you say repeatedly? Here’s your chance, again. I need you at my side, I’m calling you home to me… Coming Jen?

Part of the irony of the above message is that Jen may be with Al even as I write it. And dear Al is apparently always locked and loaded gunning for everything a woman has, just friends by her stated desire or not. Jen knows that but still invites him to her home, the two of them alone, a pent explosion waiting to happen, he already had his hand on her breast, third date. She’ll kiss him hard some night and invite it on, planned or not. What’s she really after? And meanwhile I’m supposed to be Number One? But right now I don’t even care, I’m just tired, too tired to care at all, I must lie down and rest for a while. Cancel that, I CARE ABOUT HER!!!!! It should be my lips she’s kissing, not some stranger’s. I’m not jealous, I’m me, I want her back.

Jen: I don’t think I know what I am doing. I do want you but feel I can not talk to my children about us because of the fear they already expressed about us getting together again, you abandoned me, you left me alone unprotected. I don’t want to loss my children. If I come back to you I am not sure you want marriage or if I don’t please you, you will leave to find another that fits your desires. We have only 5 to 10 good years left if we are lucky. I don’t want to risk by going back to you losing my kids and you possibly again. I am afraid. It hurts. When I think of you I smile and I know what my life might be with you. Not sure where I want to live. Would love to come to Victoria and live but my Utah properties are costing me and I need to be more involved if I expect a living from them. Just so many things.

I have not let Al go further than a few kisses and always stopped it right away when he touched me, to be fair to him and me. I do not think either of us will go very far in this relationship other than friends that like each other. I like him but would not want to be married to him, I’d be his seventh wife. He feels the law of attraction brought us together but we are not right for marriage. Just to keep each other company. I don’t think he has enough to offer me. Meaning those things that I think are important like being a Mormon. It is different with you. We are married and sealed for eternity in the temple.

I am sorry if I seem to be confused because I am. I feel I can not have what I want. That seems to be you. Don’t even know why totally myself. To many things fill my head and I just back off. I am frighten of making a mistake.

I looked at my neighbor Sunday and thought could I have feelings for this man and nothing stirred inside me. Nothing. I just think he is a nice man. I may never fall in love with another man. My love for you may just be to strong for that. I have known divorced women that never married because of the love they had for their husbands. My grandmother was one of them and she had several offers to remarry. My friends mother never got over her divorce and my friend said her mother died of a broken heart. I just don’t know that might be me. I never loved any of my other husbands as I love you. Even as you explained that a woman’s love differs from a man’s love.

I am sorry my daughter made you feel that way. I don’t think any of my kids want us to get together at this time. They are worried about me getting hurt. Maybe some of your children feel the same. I think kids are a bit more protective of mothers. In my heart you are number one. To be honest. I don’t know what it would take to get us living together. My mind becomes confused, hurt, fear, and not sure where you are going. I will call you.

She did call, we talked fifteen minutes. I told her I needed to back away because dragging out this divorce is just too hard on me. We agreed that she should not call me her Number One because if I was she’d be with me, nothing could stop that from happening. We’re apart because she’s afraid of other people not accepting us being back together again, she lives in her fears. I asked her what it would take to get us together again and she listed three things (she wasn’t thinking of us getting together soon, just should it ever come to that.) One of the three conditions was that I become a temple attending Mormon again, the other that my finances be in good shape. I don’t recall the third, by then I knew her love was so conditional that it would never be fulfilled by our living together again. She did back track on the Mormon condition a bit later.

We’re not likely to see each other until sometime next year though I invited her to come anytime, if even only for a week. I said I’d leave a little light burning in the window. And I’ll do just that and no more, I can’t leave a whole door open anymore, it hurts too much when she doesn’t step through. And now that I’ve closed that door even if not firmly, maybe Law of Attraction will bring me another woman to love. It usually works that way, why should today be any different?

Jen: I will be strong for the both of us now and for always. Move as you need just remember I will be here for you and you can lean on my strength now or anytime.

M: Thank-you sweetie, my little light’s lit, follow it to me anytime you want to come. I’ll (reluctantly) abide by your Mormon rules about no sex outside of marriage. Sweet dreams.

Jen: Ok thank you.

M: As I lingered in the hot shower today with the bright heat lamp on, a glowing pearl appeared on the shower tiles before me. Perhaps it was symbolic of a Pearl of Great Price, maybe Eve, maybe just a water drop. It ran a bit as a teardrop, stopped and morphed back into a glowing pearl. I thought of it as a gift for me. And then in the telling of the story to you it became symbolic of the choice you make, we to be or not to be, that choice made only after the shedding of tears over a period of time. And most likely truly made only after you make YOU the highest priority of all, and live your life regardless of the way others think you should. I wish such a fearless attitude upon you dear one.

Thank-you for calling, I felt a ray of hope as we talked where none today existed before then. I’m weak but stronger now, I think I’ll live to bless another day, I have books to finish.

Jen: That’s my sweetie talking.

M: Reluctantly. :-)

Jen: Be we patiently await for that time when we are once again one. Even if another takes your heart for a time we will know a perfect love. We will be together again. I know not the timing. Be reluctantly my love. Keep your eye on that glowing pearl. I also see it glowing in your shower. That light is the spark of your hope in the future. There is something much bigger in it. Let it grow. For we both are growing and glowing. Be we patient. We both are being prepared.

M: I can’t stay mad at you for long even though I try my best. Maybe there’s something to that I love you thingy, I was beginning to think it was just a myth. I do love you darling, but I won’t wait for you any longer, we’ll see what comes while you do your strange woman thing, acknowledging that we likely have only a few good years left while at the same time denying us togetherness. That’s my sweetie. :-)

Jen: Yes, all you said is so true my love. That thingy called love can go very very deep within us. I was thinking. Never before did I think you would be there for me if I became sick. From what you have experienced with these other women. I think you would be at my side. That means a lot to me to have you at my side through thick or thin. I would for you. Maybe there is a reason for the divorce. We needed to wake up to see who the other one is. Oh my I have awoken to a lot more of you that I love. The challenges of waking up to a love that has gone right. Go forward find a wife if need be, but we are not done yet.

M: Oh I always knew I’d be there for you Jen, it just wouldn’t be me doing the diaper changes and cooking meals kind of thing, I’d hire someone for that. Sure, I’d be there for you my love if I was available to hold your hand when you needed me and it mattered. I thought you understood that. Your fights were always with yourself, you making evil out of me when it was some rottenness in yourself you were experiencing. That’s how I see it, it’s easy enough to do when you stray from unconditional love and look for weakness and sin in another instead of only in yourself. I was actually a much better man than you thought I was, the best husband you’ll ever have I’m sure of that, I know myself.

I don’t think we are completely done yet either, we’ll touch again. But I will look for another, my life is not going to stop while you come to your senses. Wish me well as I do you with your search for a better man than me, good luck with that.

I’d ask you to give my sympathy to your daughter on the loss of her dad today, but that would give away that you were communicating with me and that would never do in your paradigm of how it should be with us. You are ashamed of your love for me and mine for you, you’re extremely far from the perfect love gone right that I am seeking. I have no idea how you think things are going to suddenly be smooth sailing for you to be with me in the future any more than it would be today. What do you think is going to cause that really? The problem outside of your raw unreasoned fear is you not feeling ready yet for me, and I agree, you’re not, you’re a long ways from that. Maybe another is prepared and ready, you had your chances in abundance and turned them all away. Harsh or not, that’s where I am with us tonight.

But I left a little light burning for you should you ever choose to trust in the universe and your higher self and make your way home to me with unconditional love in your heart for this man you once had, no conditions or strings attached, just a pure abiding love and eternal commitment. That’s all I ask of you if you are to be Eve. I don’t think that’s what you really want though when you write that you wear your heart on your sleeve for me right now. If it was me you really wanted we’d be together, nothing could keep you from my side.

Once you fall in love with another your love for me will quickly fade away the same as it did for the other men you left. It was you each time who left them, your husbands, not they who left you. You did the same with us, you haven’t changed, it’s a fundamental flaw in your loyalty and commitment to a man. If he wants to change to be more like himself and you don’t like it, instead of adjusting your attitude you walk away, as do your children, judging harshly and cruelly throwing away people they once loved. Think upon that and learn from it, you hide from yourself and who you have become as you rise up self-righteously with your children and condemn others for being who they are. Protect you from me? Maybe it should be the other way around…

Seek unconditional love for yourself, for others, for me, and all will be well for you, and not before you find it flourishing and welcome inside yourself.

You could have it all, but I won’t wait while you learn to let yourself go, trust in the happiest thought and flow with what God brings to you because you are so precious. You have been given much, pearls were cast your way but you didn’t see them for what they are and blindly trampled them into the mud. The gifts will keep repeating until you reach out your hand and eat and be healed reborn, ready finally for LIFE ABUNDANT with me or with another if you waited too long with your silly game and I’m gone. I’m leaving leaving, I don’t sit still, I flow with a fast moving stream. You may never catch me again, I wish you well my lost hope, my long lost love, I wish you well and peace goodnight.

Chapter 2

Jen: Hi sweetie, How you doing today? If you want me to call just say and I will anytime. I am sorry for the disappointment I put you through or unhappiness. I thought you were looking for a permeate relationship and you were hopping it might be Elaine. I guess I though with you dating and looking you would be OK. From your comments in your emails I thought I was not holding you back.

I am sorry Elaine has personal issuers with herself. I think there are just as many women having sexual issues as men when they get older. Do you want to heal her just for her to leave in search of another man. Is your heart strong enough for that. I was wondering why she waited so long for sex and why her and her husband did nothing. Were they like us. Not dealing with the issues at hand. Did he feel she turned him away and he stopped trying to coming to her. I wonder how often that happens to couples. Then she realize being single she had to finally do something about the problem if she wanted a happy relationship with a man. Both of us realize most relationships at this age come with a pile of baggage.

We are so blessed to resolve our sexual issues and be able to spend some wonderful times together. Causing us to crave our togetherness. We can be the best of friends and continue to help each other until things change one way or another. Our being connected can not be taken away by anyone. Even if by slim chance we marry someone else we will have wonderful memories and know at a moment notice we would go to help the other. No other man or woman could take away what we have for each other.

I knew a older French woman where I worked when I was young, she lived with her husband and her ex-husband. I don’t think it was to have sex with him also but I don’t know. It was the fact she still cared for his well being and her and her husband were mature enough to bring him in and keep him company so none of them would be lonely. Love you Sweetie, Jen

PS; We both have our good days and our bad days. Never hold back. Talk to me straight. I will always forgive as you are so good to forgive me. We are tightly connected in love and friendship and being totally sexually attracted to each other. As you go forth know you are not without or have you lost.

I was thinking in January if you are not in a hurry to get anywhere so I could pick you up in Las Vegas and take you to Phoenix to see your son and we could maybe go to San Diego (possible short cruise) then back to my house near Las Vegas for a week or so if you choose. We could make it up as we go. Could take three weeks or more of the winter. Would you want to stay a week or more in Phoenix and enjoy the warm weather.

M: You write as a friend and I value that, thank-you. Truth is I cannot heal anyone, they must heal themselves. Elaine’s crisis is only one year behind her. I think I am giving her some quiet relaxing time with a male to regain trust in this half of the species, she was obviously abused by her ex not giving her sex for years. I’m good with that time for her, I enjoy her company. I could easily let her go to another man, I’m not good at building cages. In addition to not having sex with her, her husband did some things for a brief time that she did not approve of and she divorced him. But he is otherwise a good man with a responsible job. Sometimes people take a few weeks where they push the boundaries of what is accepted as normal behavior. They become for a while as they naturally are, not as society insists they be.

My time with Elaine may be healing for her, we don’t discuss her former husband or her problems. She is in denial but as a writer I see stories in a sentence, it’s hard to hide things from me. We’ll be going to a movie tomorrow night, the once a week get together she allows us. She may come over first with some healthy food, she knows I don’t eat well on my own, someone’s taking care of me. :-)

Your story of the French woman with in effect two husbands living with her is an act of love on the part of each of them, they fulfilled each other’s needs. That was strange to society but I commend them for it, love is everything. The famous psychologist Carl Jung lived and traveled with two women, they were never separate, society had to accept all three if they were to interact with any one of them. Obviously the three loved each other deeply. As I wrote, love is everything, especially when it is unconditional with no strings or conditions attached. That approaches the love of God.

I haven’t asked about my first wife going on a Mormon mission, she is never in my mind even after 28 years of marriage in our history. It will be that way for us as well much as you want to romanticize our present connection. Your fond feelings will fade and die when one of us marries another. It’s inevitable, it’s the consequence of your unwavering choice to indulge your fears, attach strings to your love, and keep us apart. I must admit though that it’s nice to have a potential backup in each other. But with both of us actively looking for someone else to live with, that’s a very shaky possibility, not one to be relied on.

You are not here with me Jen and you know how generous Law of Attraction is, so I will not commit to being with you in January just in case someone else becomes my priority in the meantime. However, I’m sure I would enjoy that time with you so it’s a realistic possibility, thank-you for suggesting it. It’s not that far away, we’d have fun and your body shaping program should be well on the way by then, happy bonus for both of us. Take care, enjoy your time with family.

M: (to Elaine) Tell me about tomorrow sweetie, when where? I really enjoy your company, let’s keep whatever pace you need to enjoy mine, I’m good with that.

M: (to Jen) Brrr, I just got in from the breakwater and even though it’s a sunny day there’s a cold wind and I’m freezing, didn’t wear my warmest jacket, thought that would be overkill for a sunny afternoon but it wouldn’t have been. I think I’m moving to Hawaii. Coming?

I like Elaine a lot even though a quick kiss on the lips at parting is likely where that will remain for a long time yet while she works through her stuff with men. The best times for us are when she reads aloud to me and our bodies touch on the sofa as she does, that’s the closest we get. I haven’t seen her in a skirt or dress but she says she’ll dig one out for movie night tomorrow. It will be nice to see the feminine side of her, I can’t imagine it yet.

Keep telling me about Al and other men you meet and things you do, I continue to be very interested in you. I wish we could be together for a while, your body is calling mine and it’s calling with some urgency - you do something to me. Michael Still (Reluctantly) Yours in Many Ways

Jen: I invited Laura over for lunch. She stayed 5 hours talking about her life with her recently deceased husband. They once separated for 3 years. She shared some very interesting hospice experiences as he was dying. I purchased a whole chicken and cooked it to make healthy chicken soup. Took some over to the neighbors and visited with his sick wife for an hour or so. Busy day

M: I’m jealous, wish you would have come over with some chicken soup for me too. I’m real pleased that you have befriended Laura, I think you two will be good for each other, maybe eventually your very best friend. I don’t remember what she looks like only that she was attractive. Too bad she’s Mormon so unavailable for the likes of me. :-)

M: You told me that Al had texted you to get together at your place for pie and ice-cream. Has that happened or is it scheduled? Yep, keeping a close eye on you two passionate beings, wanna know what happens, respect your choices, you are single and free.

Please share with me Jen, I don’t want us to become strangers with things we’ve hidden from the other. Being open and fully disclosing with each other are the ties that bind. That’s why I was concerned that you and Al talk so much in private. That emotional private sharing of your personal past and how it was with former spouses brings with it familiarity, empathy, caring, possessiveness, and eventually one or both falling ‘in love’ with all the implications of that. But of course it’s entirely your business to do that and not tell me about it if you don’t care to share.

At least you know that I’m still very interested in you. Wish you were here, I want your soft warm body next to mine tonight, even if just to spoon and cuddle and whisper I love you’s in the night. I need that, miss it so much. Yes, I’m lonely even after meeting and walking and talking with another woman today, nothing there for me. I’m for sure looking for an overnight steady, that’s what I need, time is moving on rapidly. I’m hugely grateful for the passion for women that I still feel but it can’t be neglected for long - use it or lose it applies at my age. Come when you can, I want you, I need you. (Reluctantly. :-)

Jen: You make me giggle Mr. Reluctantly. We will get together. I am not promising but maybe I can come the first week of December for a week. Then home to get ready for Christmas. Possibly in January for two or three weeks. I know. No promises, you may have a new love by then.

I never set up a time for Al to come by and I am ready to through the pie out. I have not talked to him verbally since Sunday. I did check my messages and another man here in my home town wants to meet me. I just sent a message asking him to tell me something about himself.

Elaine: Hi Mr. M. The writer that dares to be known…. I’m back home now… busy day… dinner made. Did you go to any ceremonies today? Was a good day, but I did my quiet remembering inside, because I was sewing in morning.

I think that I want to push off the movie date until Friday… a friend of mine is feeling a bit low and I want to spend a few hours chatting and being supportive… I just can feel the mood. And believe me, it’s not some kind of hot date! So, if you want to do Friday night, if indeed you are free, that sounds more like a date.

Or we can push it forward more. I know we have a weekend rendezvous… remember The Secret Garden next Sunday…. I’m still keeping the movie night venue secret for us though… don’t guess, better leave that…. Elaine with the garlic fingers…

M: Sure, Friday will work for me Elaine, bestest to your dear friend. You’re a caring lady enriching people’s lives, mine too, grateful for that, think of you a lot. Yes, in addition to mysterious movies etc. let’s be sure to schedule reading time, that’s my fav, I love the touch of you. I’m not even going to try to plan events for us, there’s already so much I’d like to do with you and you know your schedule, it’s best that you do that if you don’t mind. (I’d most likely pick reading time every time. :-) I do appreciate the time you give me sweet one, you’re precious.

I didn’t forget the Secret Garden just didn’t have it impressed in my mind that this coming Sunday was the day, time moves right along. If you’d sooner only do Sunday to conform with your self-imposed seventh day only rule I’ll accept that though I do love every moment with you and you do have me intrigued about where you’re taking this body for what movie.

I didn’t get to a ceremony today but watched the flyover and of course heard the cannon. I did walk the breakwater this afternoon with one of the spiritually-oriented ladies I mentioned being newly in touch with. She’s nice, we’ll probably walk again, we have some common interests. She’s an artist too but I didn’t inquire much about it, may do next time and let you know if you’re interested.

I got my delivery of white tea yesterday, a year’s supply so please remember to take a box of it home with you, I got extra with you in mind. Enjoy the evening, your daughter and your friend sweetie, sweet dreams.

Elaine: OK then…. Friday on… Glad you had walk with spiritually minded soul…. keeping connect…. Elaine, connectdiva

M: Good choice Friday, love you for it.

M: (to Jen) Elaine moved our movie date to Friday so she can chat tomorrow with an ailing friend who needs her support. She said that it’s not a hot date so that validates what I’ve been feeling and you’ve been saying all along that there are other men in her life who are more important to her than I am. I just got bumped for one of them, I’d better get used to it. Maybe it’s the age thing, she’s ten years younger than me but says she likes it that way. It would be interesting to know the age of the man she bumped me for. It’s quite possible though that she’s been seeing him much longer than me and so he’s more familiar and thus a higher priority.

She may be mainly just curious about me, I’m quite a complex man, writers need to be. And then too my heart is always on my sleeve, she may be reacting to the affection it’s so easy for me to give to women. I seem born with that, too much female in me, it makes me vulnerable around women. I’ll continue to care about her and meet her when she gives me time but it’s perfectly clear that I must continue my search for who I want. (Since you’re not here, dig dig.)

Tell me about you and Al. Do you have long phone conversations in between meet ups? Does he call you or you him late at night when you’re in bed? When’s the pie and ice-cream at your place event? You told me that you’d be inviting your daughter and her husband next time Al came to your place but that didn’t figure into it when the moment came, you grabbed it. You’ve become very fond of him and want the two of you to be alone in private together where all things are possible should it come to that. I can’t fault you Jen, he’s an attractive man and knows women. Enjoy your opportunities with your man, I can’t be there to fight for you for me. All I can do is send words of interest knowing all along that you won’t allow me into your life, you only have time for other men, you’re not available for this one. That’s not a whine or a pout, that’s a fact.

You surprised me when you told me you’d invited Al to your place for dinner on Sunday. And that just a few days after he picked you up after the movie at your place, laid you down on the sofa then himself hard on top of you, his hand on your breast. I thought dinner would happen in a restaurant after the movie and you’d go home in your car, he in his. You originally said you’d drive your car to the theater then go straight home. He’s changing you real fast Jen! He has a winning way with women, makes them feel sorry for him (as if he was an innocent boy needing guidance and affection) because he’s lonely, when maybe the night before he slept with another woman, just forgot to tell you that? Do you really know for sure which way it is? Do you care?

Are you naive or deliberately blind with him like you were with your first husband do you think? You know Al has had numerous wives and recent sex with other women, and that he expected you to jump in bed with him right away even though he knew you’re Mormon and you said more than once that all you want is a friend. Does that say a lot about him? And a lot about what he thinks of you? Do you choose your friends wisely? Now Laura, there’s a friend worthy of you…

You deny it but you’re falling in love with Al dear one, and keeping it from yourself, I knew you would. And you’re causing him to think of making you his wife so you’re there for him every night and making his dinner, is that what you want? Please don’t be too hasty, back away, back away I say, there are other men too though I know you think you have him tamed and understand him and he you, it’s flattering, and deceiving. You trust him after those long talks, you’re familiar now, but maybe it’s him who has trapped YOU! That’s easily done because you’re lonely and vulnerable after our recent divorce, not thinking clearly but feeling desperate needs. You’re confused about the ex you think you’re still in love with but are not sure enough of that to invite him back into your life.

Stay with Al and as I told you before you WILL have sex with him planned or not, good Mormon or not. He’s moving you along very fast though you’re not seeing that, thinking you’re in control. You’re not, it’s a rebound, you’re not ready to be dating. You keep impulsively changing your mind about your carefully thought out plans and meet with him instead in private places for private discussions with private possibilities, already so soon. If that’s what you really want, fine, just don’t say you weren’t warned if it’s not when it happens. (I’d still have you back sweetheart.)

You’re woman smart though if you want him. After those long personal talks he’ll be thinking of you much more fondly. You’re not just for sex anymore he’ll be thinking, though he does want that, can’t blame him, luscious sexy you. You listen to his story and share personal things with him about your life and mine as you gaze into each other’s eyes and maybe sit close enough to touch. It’s moving right along, I knew he’d be huge competition for me right from the start when you first glowingly described this dashing artist with the fancy convertible sports car and his sudden interest in you and you in him. He took you for a thrilling ride top down after your first meeting, lunch in a public place, the rest of the day alone with him on a mountain. I don’t know what you did that first date night you never told me. But it’s your business. It’s just that I’m interested in you too even though you keep me at a distance.

You remain precious to me Jen, please keep in touch and share fully with me as I did with you about Kira and Elaine so we didn’t become strangers, and so you’d always know where I was with you. I see you and Al from the male point of view, I know Al’s wants and needs much better than you do, he’s succeeding with his seduction of you. You romance your relationship and justify what’s happening even though it’s swift because you’re woman and woman spurned wants above all to fall in love again. It’s enormously exciting, couldn’t possibly be rebound, feels too good for that.

Now with me there’s no rebound for you, you’ve already lived with me for 18 years, your eyes are fully open. With me it’s not just the blindness and hope of romance and new found love that lasts only until the sex becomes routine for the man and much of the connection women crave melts away. It leaves her wondering if she made a right choice, or a too hasty mistake and is trapped, maybe for years or decades if she feels loyal and he’s willing to keep her.

Back away Jen I say, back away, you’re not ready for this. You’d be far better off with a good Mormon man like your neighbor even if he’s not as exciting in the beginning as handsome dashing Al is. In time you’d grow to love your Mormon man much more, I’d be happier for you. That’s how I see it, that’s how I counsel you as the dear friend I hope I still am to you.

Should you share fully with me about Al and others as I shared and continue to share with you, I’ll have a better idea of where it is for us and how aggressively to pursue someone else to take your place. I will give you sound male counsel if you will allow it and provide me with full and true facts, holding back nothing. I know men and their ways very well. And then, after my counsel it’s up to you to make your choices, and live with the blessings and the consequences. I think you’d be wise to pay attention to wise counsel, especially when you admit that you’re confused and not thinking clearly right now. Are you really ready to date anyone except me who you already know, especially sexually aggressive non-Mormon men like Al who has already had his hand on your breast? That’s my job darling, I want it back, I need you.

Jen: We did text once back and forth but I have not set it up or talked to him. We are moving further down each others list. We may get together again. Other wise we have no plans at the moment but tomorrow we could if something comes up. I do not wait for his phone calls or messages. You are on my mind 10 times more than he is.

M: All is well then, I was concerned. I thought of him as competition and in the absence of information from you I let my imagination flow freely as I often do. Also I didn’t want to see you get hurt, you told me you are confused about me and have fears about us living together because I might leave you again or sleep with other women because I’m no longer an active Mormon. That’s got to be difficult to handle when you still feel a lot of love for me. I just wanted to help and protect you, you are dear and precious to me. If you were meeting him just for sex I would understand and wish you well. It’s your right to do with your body as you will, you are single and free. And you know I’d have you back anyway if it came to that. But it’s not just sex you want (I don’t think) so I thought you might be thinking of getting married to someone and seeing where it might go with Al if you spent a lot of time with him and got close by talking personal - that would do it. And that concerned me! Thus my message last night, shows I care…

Chapter 3

M: (to Jen) A lot of thoughts flow through my mind as I read your message this morning. But first let me tell you that it is a delight to receive a message from you that is as well thought out and well written as this one is. I know it must have taken some time for you to compose it and I appreciate the time you give to me, you were never big on writing or spelling.

I’m a writer but I’m slow. I’m not suggesting that you do what I do but the message last night for example took me three hours to get to the point where you could skim through it in a couple of minutes. Yes, really, that’s the effort that goes into writing the books that people take so much for granted thinking that the author just has a talent for creating books and it’s easy. Yes, the talent must be there, and the muse, and that’s what gets the original ideas onto paper or drive. But that’s just the beginning. It’s the endless hours that go into editing and adding to and polishing that original draft that make commercially acceptable writing. Authors earn the meager royalty they get from agents and publishers and distributors who often take much more than half of the money the reader pays to buy the book. All the author wants to do is write, so it’s an acceptable business arrangement, the author lives with it.

You show potential of becoming my new Suzanne to replace the hospice nurse from Texas who was my primary counterpoint for many months and got me started as a writer. In fact at present I have no other counterpoint to bounce my stories off and inspire new ones. You write a bit and I expound at length, put it all in my journal, and from there come my books. That works for me and I love what I do. And that’s why silence from my counterpoints is so feared by me, it stops the flow of new creation which is what I live for. You could write often to me, write comprehensively, thoughtfully, daring to expose your female feelings pleasant and not so. Such writing would bring us close, the way it was with me and Suzanne, even long after she turned our first meeting in San Antonio into a one night stand when she found out the man she was overnighting with was ten years older than she thought he was.

My books must have the female point of view to balance mine, readers demand that. We could become a successful team of writers going on into the future, first living our books the way Law of Attraction provides, then sharing our lives with our readers who thirst for more because we’re so open about being male and female and what we do together and with others. If you’d become as open as Suzanne was and I am, we’d show baby boomers that there’s LIFE after retirement! :-)

Speaking of Suzanne, because I must work some sex into this if it’s to get into our books, she’s the only one since I left you to buy my motor home and you filed for divorce who I deposited my seed inside! That happened during a hot Las Vegas night and consumed perhaps two minutes, I was so ready. She came too, it was a rare precious moment, she pronounced it good. I’m glad Suzanne and I shared that moment, she was the only one that happened with. Besides of course you and you don’t count because sexy beautiful you I cannot resist.

Think well of Suzanne, she was good for me, she was a gift, it was her who made me a writer. She’s gone now, she no longer writes to me. I search for another Suzanne, maybe she’s you. You’d have to be willing to take the time to write, and most of all to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with me and with our readers, including about sex. Suzanne was good at that, I still watch and listen to the video she unexpectedly sent me one night titled A little fun with Suzanne. And I look at the photos of the naked breasts I once fondled and rested my head upon. But oops, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I’ll telling too much already.

In real life Suzanne is a deadly serious hospice nurse controlling the pain of those living out their dying, sometimes attending the funerals of little children doomed to death when she met them. She loves them all, day after day it is her job, but she does more. She’s an angel sending her charges to heaven happy, a smile on their face because there was an angel there when they left. I love her for that Jen, I’ll tell some of her hospice stories in my books, she asked me to. Be sure to have tissue handy when you read them.

Maybe someday you’ll meet and love real life Suzanne too, she’s a heroine, she’s dear to me. She was my angel when you weren’t there, that wretched wonderful complex delightful miserable Texas woman. She may be changed now I don’t know, but when I knew her by night perhaps for balance she was the wild bisexual reckless woman she told me she always wanted to be. I respected Responsible Nurse, but I loved Suzanne the most. Love her Jen, love her for me…

It’s fun sharing once you get over the initial inclination to hide yourself even from yourself because you’re wild inside and don’t want to face the animal part of you. You live those moments of abandon over and over as you write about them. And later as you reread what you wrote it’s arousing, like having an orgasm that never stops. As you become willing to share yourself wholly with others, Law of Attraction makes life delicious, abundant to overflowing with opportunity. You will have LIVED!

A new hobby for you, a new Suzanne for me?

Your Writer Man in Canada - Michael Demers

M: (to Suzanne in Texas) Below is part of a message I sent this morning to Jen. We were married 18 years, we’re good friends, sometimes lovers. I thought you might be interested because as I try to persuade her to be my new Suzanne I write about the way it once was with you and me. (I send Suzanne most of the message to Jen that you just read, extracting parts of it.)

M: (to Elaine) You’re getting me curiouser and curiouser about mystery movie night as Friday draws closer naughty you. Sure you can keep secrets? I’d never tell.

Jen: I have not talked to Al since Sunday. We text once to each other. That’s the end to that. I am not falling in love with him or him with me. Neither of us are very high on each others priority list. I only keep moving down his list because I won’t have sex with him. That’s OK with me. We just like each other. Nothing more.

When does Elaine start her new job. I am sorry this other male friend took your date night. But she is going to see you Friday. Interesting. Other than her not wanting sex. She must not have a problem being alone with several different male friends and have to date at the same time. She’s doing more than me. I am sure she likes some better than others. For me I see Al on very rare occasions to date. The reason I invited my daughter and her husband to dinner Sunday was because I thought it would be safer but they could not come over at the last moment. But I will have to say Al was well behaved. I was telling Al that you were a perfect Gentleman and he asked me if he was a gentleman and I said uhhhh you are nice. You are a more refine man then him.

I am not even trying to meet anyone. After my communication with the two other men I don’t feel like trying right now. I guess I should check my online dating site and see if I have any messages. There are three that I can think of that want me to contact them when I get back to my son’s in California. But I am in no hurry and most likely I will not contact them.

Laura told me much of her and her husband’s life through the years. She told him it was OK to go. He told her he did not want to die and leave her because of the love he had for her. She reassured him all will be OK here and where he was going would be wonderful and to just go. She said she would set and read to him about other peoples near death experiences to help him move on with ease. The hospice nurse medicated him so he could pass with out pain and when no one was looking he passed away. She said she meet all that he asked of her to do before he died. So many people were coming to her door to give their goodbyes that she had to turn most away. He was to ill and in pain. I will tell you sometime the miracle they saw after he died. The hospice nurse said she had never seen this before happen.

Laura is talking about selling her house. She might move into the apartment down stairs in my house. It was just a thought she had and an option after her house is gone. She only has a small insurance policy from his work and a small social security check. She has not worked since she was young. With social security she can not earn more than a couple hundred a week. I told her the aptmt down stairs would be $600 a month. They built their house more than 20 years ago. They must of refinanced it when he got sick or she is playing the poor card. Or she may just be frightened that she does not have enough money to live comfortable in her golden years.

I told Laura I still loved you. Love you Sweetie Jen

M: That could give you some extra cash and be a pleasant arrangement for both you and Laura if she moves into your downstairs apartment. You’d surely become best of friends and neither of you so lonely. Popcorn and romantic movie tonight, upstairs or down? Sure, I’d love that, my place, you make the popcorn. Wish I was there to watch the movie with you and taste the popcorn. That would be such a delight, two gorgeous women, one of them mine. Should I come into money, you two could be the two women