Let's Ask Grandma

By Ruthmarie Matthysse

The author has garnered knowledge through the often difficult and varied years of her life. She has drawn on her experience as wife and mother, to write a book that will help the younger generation. Trial and error have helped her acquire the know-how that every woman needs as she begin life as wife and/or mother.
This book is dedicated to the authors granddaughters and, as such, offers down-to-earth advice on relationships, being a mother, raising children, household and cooking tips and recipes, as well as the authors philosophy of life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 18, 2007
• ISBN: 9781465323156

Ruthmarie Matthysse

Ruthmarie Goerke-Matthysse was born in Germany, lived in Venezuela for 55 years and presently resides in Miami, Florida. Her travels took her through Europe, Asia Minor, Africa and South America. A polyglot, she is fluent in English, German, French and Spanish and can still manage the very seldom used Arabic, Turkish and Swahili. She has worked as a simultaneous translator (English to Spanish), a journalist, and has translated books from German to English and Spanish to English. She is a member of the South Florida Writers Association and of a Writing/Critique group which has four published authors.

Book preview

LET’S ASK GRANDMA

Ruthmarie Matthysse

Copyright © 2007 by Ruthmarie Matthysse.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in

any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission

in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

39619

Contents

FOREWORD.

OUR EVOLUTION.

OUR SPIRITUAL SELF.

KNOW YOUR SELF, both the Good and the not-so-Good.

HERE ARE SOME GENERAL TIPS YOU’LL FIND USEFUL IN THE KITCHEN.

ON BEING VEGETARIAN.

SUGGESTIONS FOR COOKING VEGETARIAN

PASSION, ROMANCE AND LOVE

THE UNWED MOTHER. THE SINGLE MOM.

SALADS.

MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS.

THE BROKEN HOME—Divorce.

THE UNAPPRECIATED WIFE.

FIRST COURSE recipes.

THE BATTERED WOMAN.

ALCOHOLISM and/or DRUG ABUSE.

PASTA.

YOUR CHILD

Simplify Your Life.

THE DELIVERY—D-Day.

TO NURSE OR NOT TO NURSE: THAT IS THE QUESTION!

THE WORKING MOM.

THE LEGUME.

RAISING YOUR CHILD.

The Teenager

RECIPES FOR THE SWEET TOOTH.

Dedication.

I dedicate this book to my lovely granddaughters:

Victoria, Jacqueline, Alison, and Alejandra

as well as to all women about to begin life as wife and/or mother.

A grandmother’s down-to-earth advice and suggestions on:

Relationships,

   Being a Mother,

      Giving Birth,

         Raising Your Child,

            Household tips and Recipes,

               Philosophy of Life, and much more.

We seldom need advice or help when all goes well. That explains why I write more about difficult (and unhappy) situations. I hope my suggestions will help.

*     *     *

We tend to take for granted all the good that comes into our lives.

But let us remember that while good does attract good,

by the same token, the negative will attract negatives.

FOREWORD.

I was a few months short of my 21st. birthday when my family and I arrived in Venezuela in December of 1948. Until then my life had been very unsettled and, yes, quite difficult.

In 1952 I met a wonderful man and after a whirlwind courtship, we got married. I was almost 25 years old. Eighteen months later I gave birth to our first child. This was in Caracas, Venezuela. Three months after that event, we moved to a small ‘fishing village’ called Lechería, out in the middle of nowhere.

Having been apart and out of the mainstream of civilization, so to speak, I used to wish there were a book I could read, to learn about what is involved when you get married and start a family. There was nowhere I could go for advice. It struck me as ironic that there was no training to help prepare yourself before you start on the most important and challenging enterprise of your life: marriage and motherhood.

In spite of my initial ignorance (and after the first few difficult years) I became a good wife and mother, and eventually an accomplished cook and hostess.

Over the years, often through trial and error, I learned many things. For example, that you can not change a person. You can only change yourself.

Also, that if you have a good partner, you should know that he is more important than even your children. Eventually they will grow up and leave home. Unless you have nurtured and treasured your relationship with your partner, once the children depart, you will be left alone.

I realize now that being wife and mother were only two of the many titles I would acquire over the years. Companion and confidante, administrator and secretary, hostess, cook and dietician, tutor, nurse, chauffeur and gardener, are some others. Our title should really be Domestic Engineer!

And so, whether you decide to follow a career outside the home or be a ‘stay-at-home-mom’, don’t allow others to make you feel guilty or influence you one way or the other. Be proud of what you do, and know you are doing the best you can.

OUR EVOLUTION.

For the women of my generation, and the thousands that came before, it was an accepted fact that we were to be subservient to our men. Furthermore, our education was insufficient and deemed unnecessary. As little girls we were encouraged to ‘help mama’, learning to clean, cook and wash. It was understood that our main goal was to marry and have children. Our toys were dolls and strollers, meant to teach us things we would need as adults.

To this day there are men who would prefer to keep that status quo!

Years ago, job availability for women was limited. Many young women had no formal job training and they usually worked in mostly female occupations such as a domestic, in factories, or as receptionists. So if, for whatever reason, the marriage didn’t work out, they had no recourse. Without an education or job experience (apart from being a wife, mother and ‘servant’), they were stuck in the unhappy relationship and dependent on their husbands for financial support.

Furthermore, divorce was unaccepted and taboo, especially if you were catholic. Starting with the ‘Women’s Lib’ movement, this gradually changed. Today we know that woman isn’t inferior to man! We can study and have a career, giving us more freedom and independence, even after we marry. As we became professionals and it was more acceptable for us to work outside the home (and to prove that we could) we worked alongside men as doctors, dentists, lawyers, engineers, police officers, bricklayers, etc.

At times I feel the pendulum has swung too far. It is accepted as fact that we have the same rights as man. We have an education and, if marriage isn’t all we expected it to be, we tend to throw in the towel because we know we can fend for ourselves! We don’t believe it is (only) up to us to make a ‘sacrifice’. Some of us even feel superior and, as a consequence, man assumes the role we used to have: being insecure and accepting our decisions. In a good relationship, neither partner should feel superior, nor belittle or degrade the other. We as women do not want a weak partner when we marry and man doesn’t want a dominant wife. Our roles are inherently different and should not be in competition.

I say, let man be the physically stronger. We are stronger in most other respects. Let us remember that difference, and be proud of it. The ability to bear children is ours alone. (It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if man could give birth, this world wouldn’t be overpopulated!). Another advantage we have is that we are more sensitive and intuitive. We can cry, feel empathy and emotion which many men (of my generation at least) could not. From the time