Relationship Bible: Training Your Two-Legged Puppy Before He Matures into a Dog

By Crystal Mayo

A man, regardless of his age, race, color, or culture, who is in a new or untrained relationship with a woman of any age, race, color, or culture, who needs to be trained by that woman in order to meet her requirements of happiness, contentment, fulfillment, and security that is if security is important to her.

Although the book basically talks about training relative to heterosexual relationships, it also applies to same sex relationships.

If you meet a man who proves himself to be worthy (yes, worthy) of your companionship and friendship (first), you can train him to be your man (later). Timing is everything if you start the training process early in the relationship, you can control its destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 5, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469172293

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Copyright © 2012 by Crystal Mayo.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. Date: 06/18/2014

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Contents

Acknowledgment

Dedication

Two-Legged Puppy Definition

Introduction

My Confession

Chapter 1

Think Like a Woman and Train Him Like a Dog

Chapter 2

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Chapter 3

Things to Consider and Ask Yourself Prior to Two-Legged Puppy Shopping

Chapter 4

The Two-Legged Pup Partner

Chapter 5

Shopping for Your Two-Legged Puppy

Chapter 6

Problem Two-Legged Puppies

Purebred and Mongrel

Chapter 7

Two-Legged Puppies as Lovers

Chapter 8

The Pimpin’ Pup

Chapter 9

Two-Legged Pup Training Commands

TRAINING COMMANDS DEFINITIONS

Chapter 10

How to Train Two-Legged Puppy to Follow Training Commands

Chapter 11

Women who are Incapable of Training a Man

Chapter 12

Dos and Don’ts

Once Two-Legged Puppy

Enters Your Life

Chapter 13

Housebreaking Rules

Chapter 14

Healthy Two-Legged Puppy

Chapter 15

Handling Your Two Legged Puppy

Chapter 16

Barks with Messages

Chapter 17

The Catch Him 27 Woman’s Intuitions

Chapter 18

Failed Puppy Training,

but He’s a Keeper

Chapter 19

Bitches in the Yard

Chapter 20

A True Dog Tail

Chapter 21

When to Place Your

Two-Legged Puppy in the Doghouse

Chapter 22

Leash Training and Grooming

Chapter 23

Leash Training vs. Choke Chain Training For Single and Married Women

Chapter 24

Suggested Dog House Offenses and Punishment Time

Chapter 25

The Notorious Cheater with Redeeming Dating Qualities

Chapter 26

Training the Notorious Cheater

Chapter 27

Training the

Noncommittal Two Legged Pup

Chapter 28

Paper Training Your Two-Legged Pup

Chapter 29

Power of the VA-JJ …

Chapter 30

Keeping Your Two-Legged Pup Content and Happy

Chapter 31

From His Stomach to His Heart

Suggested Recipes for the Worthy

Two Legged Puppy

Chapter 32

When to Put the Two-Legged Pup’s Nose in It

Chapter 33

When Training Alert He’s Turned

Off or No Longer Interested

Consider Abandoning Training

Chapter 34

Lost and Found Two-Legged Puppy

Chapter 35

When to End the Relationship

Stop Training

Puppy Needs a New Home

Chapter 36

Things You Are Unable to

Train Two-Legged Puppy

Once He’s in Your Life

Chapter 37

A Woman’s Best Friend

Chapter 38

A Good Woman’s Relationship

10 Commandments

Chapter 39

The Awakening Conclusion

Chapter 40

New Relationships

After the Guide Personal Data

Acknowledgment

I would like to acknowledge Russell Simmons-author, business magnate, entrepreneur, philanthropist, and goodwill ambassador―for making a significant impact in my life through his Success Through Stillness, Meditation Made Simple (published in 2014). After literally devouring 209 pages, I will never be the same, for I now have the tools to elevate my life through meditation to a mindset of stillness where the universe surrenders. Through a daily regimen of silence and stillness, I am committed to aligning myself to the highest level of spiritual connection and inner peace―where books are completed and dreams can come to fruition embraced by love, compassion, and happiness.

A WOMAN’S PRAYER

As it Relates to a Man

Thou lay me down to sleep,

I pray to the Lord a Man to Keep,

That he will Come with Caring, Loving, Open Arms

With Blessings and Full of Charm

That he will bring his best Attri-butes,

Willing and able to Contri-bute,

That he will Stick by me Through Thick and Thin,

On the Battlefield for my Love and Affection,

With the Intention to WIN—

His Queen . . . His Prized Possession . . . ME

AMEN

Dedication

This guide to better new relationships is dedicated to women of the world whose hearts have been broken by promiscuous, noncommittal, selfish, self-centered, immature, turned-mature puppy dogs who just so happen to walk this earth on two legs rather than four, spreading their litters from porch to porch; breaking hearts from city to city; and lifting their legs from tree trunk to tree trunk, fire hydrant to fire hydrant.

To women of the world who have risen above this earth’s doggish men, women who still believe that their true love, their prince charming (or, shall I say, champion breed) will someday appear and gallantly sweep them off their feet and, together, they will head toward a rising sunset that will finally beam true love forever after, eternal puppy love like no other.

To women who are still willing to give love another chance… to be in love… to make sacrifices for the right love, but under conditions that they have set, terms that are endearing and worthy of their needs, wants, and desires.

The ultimate dedication is for women who have given their all in every sense of the word to relationships where they have accepted less but now, finally, insist on only giving of themselves to men who are deserving of the privilege, the honor, to be loved and cared for by them.

Through the trials and tribulations of worthless, unproductive, meaningless relationships, this new breed of woman now understands that the best love is self-love. Through this special love for self translates peace, contentment, fulfillment, and the true meaning of happiness where a man must deserve the right to partake. Kudos to you, my sisters.

Two-Legged Puppy Definition

A man, regardless of his age, race, color, or culture, who is in a new or untrained relationship with a woman of any age, race, color, or culture, who needs to be trained by that woman in order to meet her requirements of happiness, contentment, fulfillment, and security—that is if security is important to her.

Although the book basically talks about training relative to heterosexual relationships, it also applies to same sex relationships.

If you meet a man who proves himself to be worthy (yes, worthy) of your companionship and friendship (first), you can train him to be your man (later). Timing is everything—if you start the training process early in the relationship, you can control its destiny.

Introduction

F or my female readers, if curiosity has led you to this page, obviously you have a sense of humor.

You now have in your possession 318 pages introducing you to common practices, guidelines, and rules when training our beloved two-legged puppies better known as man.

If used wisely, this guide may be helpful to detour a worthy puppy from a temporary trip, permanent residency, or membership in the dog pound either during your relationship with him or further down his trail of romances.

This guide is guaranteed to bring about some thought-provoking woof-woof moments.

Once you have read it, keep it in a special place for future reference. It just might come in handy since some two-legged puppies, by their mere nature, should continue on a lifetime puppy-training regimen.

This guide to better new relationships was written for the enjoyment of women with a little lighthearted humor laced with quite a bit of truth. While it will truly tickle your fancy, hopefully it will also step up your dating game.

As I finalized the last few pages, I became excited at the thought of women, the sisterhood (by the way, that’s women of all nationalities), finding enjoyment and some entertainment in its reading as well as some much-needed direction as they head down the dating path positioned in the driver’s seat.

One other thing, no, I’m not on a man-bashing mission nor am I one of the walking wounded looking for a vehicle to vent. Okay, I’ll confess, I’ve needed a love crutch and even possibly a rabies shot, at least once in my serious dating life.

My Confession

I ’ll be the first to admit that I did my part, my contribution, to the transformation of one man, in particular, to his extended dogmatic state. Since in retrospect, he was a dog when I met him, perhaps far beyond the puppy-training stages.

Within six months of dating, it had become quite obvious that he had gotten away with too much philandering in past relationships. By his (cheating) actions, he was apparently also convinced that he could deal with me in a comfortable dating as usual—manner… same cheating behavior, but different woman. Well, I guess he was right, because for nearly six years he did just that—or shall I say I allowed him to do just that!

Totally committed to him (my man) and our relationship, I accepted and dealt with his doggish bark, attitude, and canine cheating behavior all for the sake of love.

Once I discovered that he was a serial cheater, months into the relationship, I should’ve returned him to the dog pound (actually I met him in a bar—that’s another book with multiple chapters), where I’m sure there was a cage reserved for him.

In this book, he is classified among the purebred—status, position, got it going on, the whole nine yards. Since I considered myself a thoroughbred type woman who any man should’ve been happy to claim as his, I believed him to be worthy of my love, time, energy (you need a lot of that when dating), and the commitment that I was willing to give. I felt (well, knew) that I was a worthwhile investment for what he believed to be his caliber of woman. Wrong, since as they say, You can’t teach an old dog new tricks—well, particularly if he’s not on a training regiment in the beginning of the relationship.

As crazy as this may sound, I thought that he loved me, so I forgave him every time he got caught either cold-busted cheating—or using my woman’s intuition (Chapter 17), I had that gut feeling that he wasn’t being faithful. His excuses and cover-ups just didn’t add up to making good sense.

His explanations for not being where he was supposed to be, or not being where I expected him to be, or where he said he was going, started with those generic lies—the ones that have never made any sense, the same damn lies and lines that they all use. I was at my brother’s; the office; then there’s the late meeting; cell phone dead; blah, blah, blah. Give me a freakin’ break! Men always tell on themselves—they are the worse liars when it comes to making excuses and covering up their cheating.

I must admit that women are better liars (and cheaters) than men. Not to say that we have a patent on disloyalty, but to say that we are just smarter covering up the act. Here’s a perfect example: A man will go to a hotel with a woman (a side piece) and leave the hotel bill in his car and even in his wallet where he put the change given to him after paying for the room. Then go home with the evidence and the stupid look on his face—ladies you know that look. Contrary to his stupidity, a woman will destroy evidence while maintaining a sense of innocence.

A friend of mine who was cheating on her man once told me that after leaving the hotel en route to her house, she realized that she had the hotel bill in her purse as she put the key in the front door. What did she do since her man was on the other side of the door sitting in the living room? She ate the bill. True story―she actually put the bill in her mouth, chewed it and swallowed the evidence.

From my experience with a cheater—always use these three senses—sight (keep your eyes wide open and not even slightly shut as a result of being blindly in love), smell (literally sniff him out); and sound (listen to everything that he says and take mental notes). You’ll uncover a cheating dog every time.

Anyway, back to my cheating man. But I loved him and was willing to stick by my man through his whorish appetite for women outside of our relationship. I wholeheartedly believed that when you truly love someone, you stick by them through the good and the bad, the ugly and even the oh, no he didn’t. I’d also convinced myself that he was going through a midlife crisis. He’d get over it.

In retrospect, the problem was that I couldn’t get over it and wasn’t willing to walk away from the relationship allowing another woman to walk into his life—take the spot that I’d worked hard to position myself in. I loved him so much that I just couldn’t imagine another woman in his arms, smelling him, touching him, caressing him, kissing him… taking care of him. The statement that love is blinding is truly an understatement for I was blind, deaf and dumb. How foolish I was to even try to hold on to him and the intimacy that I (alone) apparently treasured, when actually not just another woman but other women were experiencing all that I treasured behind cheating doors—with me still being his woman.

Cupid had me strung out between his bow and arrow. My heart was pierced, my eyesight blurred, and my ability to reason was in a constant questionable state.

By allowing him to stray from woman-to-woman, I was giving him approval to continue to dog me and our relationship out. I should’ve handled his cheating behind in exactly the same manner that my local animal control deals with stray dogs. They throw them in the dog pound.

I was so emotionally tied to this man and felt that I was living the ultimate relationship dream—we travelled, took intimate train rides and romantic boat rides and shared many road trips and teed off at every golf course along the way. We enjoyed the same things, laughed all the time and never argued about anything, but his suspected side pieces and proven affairs. Perhaps, this is why I hung in there for so long—he was perfect in every other way.

I’d made up my mind that for all the heartbreak from his infidelities and the many sleepless nights questioning why he wasn’t answering his phone and finally coming to the conclusion that he was with another woman,