Together Alone: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By T. S. Hanes

Marriage is supposed to be a uniting of two hearts as one, facing the obstacles of life, laughing, living and loving in concert.
In sickness and in healthtill death do us part
Thats what the commitment in marriage is; this commitment made before man and before God. It is a promise made without foreknowledge of what the future holds, but it is a commitment nonetheless.
This book tells the inside story of one womans outward life, as she struggles to live a married life void of love and affections due to a vast age difference between her and her husband. It addresses the unforeseen struggles she faces as she tries with all that is within her to stay and care for her aged husband when she so desperately longs to go. She now lives her life between these two choices.
She tries to answer some serious questions about how and why she found herself in this position in the first place; and now even more importantly, how she can live with this situation today.
When people are by themselves there are some times of expected loneliness, but it is tragic to be in a relationship with someone, living together, yet alone.
What should she do? Choices- choices-choices!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 12, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453554463

T. S. Hanes

Gladys Young a native of Columbia, South Carolina, the fourth child of ten children. She and her husband Nathaniel are the proud parents of four children; Malinda, Thomas, Brian and Carlton. Gladys is the Executive Director of Kindred Hearts Ministry. Kindred Hearts is a Christian Drama Ministry; out of this ministry a youth ministry emerged; Kid’s With Attitude, lovingly called ‘KWA’. The play they performed was Bridge of Hope, which was also the title of the first book she published. This Same Jesus is the first full length play she wrote and she gives God all the credit because He inspired it.

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Copyright © 2010 by T. S. Hanes.

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Contents

INTRODUCTION

Grow old (along) with me; the best is yet to be

A Child of Poverty

No Foundations

A Letter To The Father I Never Knew

Your Own Opinion of Yourself

One Choice for a Life-Time

The Well Laid Plan

The Dreaded Return

My Present Reality

My Abiding Hope

Is This How It All Ends?

My Closing Thoughts

INTRODUCTION

I am well aware that there are so many variables in the lives of every individual that there can never be another story exactly like mine. Nor do I believe that everyone will do the things that I did or choose the solutions I chose.

So as a word of caution: I want to state the fact that this book is not intended to be a cookie cutter story for others to take as a definite rule to apply to their own lives.

I must admit that it is a little scary to put intimate parts of your life out before the whole world and have no idea how it will be accepted by others, but once I submit my manuscript it is literally out of my hands.

My purpose for writing this book is to try and give my experiences of some of the effects of a relationship with major age differences. I have heard some lovingly refer to this as a Winter/Summer, or May/December relationship; Even though that has quite a beautiful ring to it, for some reason, that just doesn’t seem to fit my story.

The seasons are placed in their proper places and they allow the other to function in its appointed time and, silently, patiently wait as the other does what it was designed to do and then the other once again emerges.

In my case it’s more of a pushing and holding rather than a merging and releasing affair.

I’ve had the title of the book in my mind and my heart for some years now; but for some reasons the words to tell the story just wouldn’t come easily. I’m sure there are good reasons for that. I’ve heard the subject alluded to but never discussed at any great length.

My story is a story that carries a lot of heaviness and a lot of hurt. As I begin to try and tell my story I struggle with things-such as—what if I’m not taken seriously or what if in the process I cause hurt for others. It truly is not my intentions to hurt others but I do feel I must tell my story in hopes that it will be beneficial to some one else.

The hardest part I guess is just getting started. Where do I begin? People say ‘just start at the beginning’, but whenever I think I’m there, I discover yet another beginning point; so since I’ve been encouraged to just begin I have decided to put myself on a time limit to get my first draft done in a few weeks-so here goes.

As I tell my story you will find that some parts bleeds into the other, so some of the things I’ll talk about may have taken place previously or simultaneously. I have done it this way to try and clarify a particular point being discussed at the time.

 Grow old (along) with me; the best is yet to be

This quote by Robert Browning, I heard many years ago and I thought it sounded very nice then and it still does; but my dilemma is this; how can I get it to fit into my life now?

When you are in a Winter/Summer-May/December relationship the {along} ‘with part’ will never happen. There are no similarities, nothing in sync. ‘The best is yet to be’, is only a dream.

This is obvious to me now as I watch my husband, who is now ninety one years old, as he struggles in every area of his life. There is so little that he is in control of; all of his thoughts and energy are exhausted on himself and his needs, very little thought is given to me and what I might need. I can’t really say whether that is intentional or just a part of the aging process.

But I think Growing Old Together is the way that things should be; two people in love going through the years and stages of life together, having some of the same feelings and experiences at the same time. It would seem that this would only serve to strengthen the bonds of love they shared. They could spend their latter years sharing special moments, moments perhaps they had no time for before. They could now find the time to rediscover the reasons they came together in the first place; that place where they fell in love and then rekindle that flame. It could be a time of making new memories to leave behind to sweeten the lives of others that watched the