Winning in a Man's World: Advice for Women Who Want to Succeed and the Men Who Work with Them

By Renee Weisman

Are you a new hire trying to start off on the right foot? A woman working in a male dominated environment? A man working with women? A person whose career has stalled? A working parent trying to have it all? A person whose great ideas are ignored? If any of these people sound like you, Winning in a Man’s World will show you in practical, easy-to-follow steps, how to win in a man’s world. Written by a scientist and successful executive, the advice is straightforward and “laboratory tested”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 29, 2008
• ISBN: 9781450081528

Book preview

Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Who I Am and Why I Wrote This Book

1            Trial by Fire: Being the Only Woman in a Man’s World

2            Starting Off on the Right Foot

3            Great Minds Do Not Think Alike

4            Can You Hear Me Now?

5            Some Leaders Are Born Women

6            I Wish I Had a Wife

7            I Can’t Work with That Person

8            Dare I Ask? Negotiating for Yourself

9            It’s Who You Know

10          Will You Be My Mentor?

11          Having It All

12          Behind Every Successful Woman Is a Good Man

Bibliography

Dedication

In memory of the woman who showed me you can work full time, have a happy marriage and a loving family, and keep your priorities straight: my mother, Clare Kronberg.

Acknowledgments

This book grew from numerous discussions I had with my daughters (and their friends) about their careers and the many employees, male and female, that I mentored during my career. Carin constantly encouraged me to write it all down, and when I did, helped me edit and improve each section. Stacy gave me helpful ideas and cheered me every step of the way. They, along with two great sons-in-law, gave me three of the most delightful grandchildren, Alyza, Carly, and Maxwell. My husband John always pushed me to achieve more—and to ask for more as well. You are my best cheerleader. A special thanks to Norman Cherbino, Jim Keller, and the staff at Langton Cherbino Group for the wonderful cover graphics. Thanks also to Evelyn Menina, Lindsea Therese Tacadong, and Dawny June Ebite for copy editing and to Carin Crook for text editing. Sherwin Soy and Kathleen Zulueta provided excellent design and formatting suggestions and were very patient with my many questions. Melvin Frost and Sarah Arizala kept the entire publishing process moving. Finally, I want to acknowledge the many wonderful people I worked with and for at IBM.

Foreword

Men and women think and behave differently. As a result, many career women working in a largely male environment find it hard to get their ideas implemented, to move at the same rate as their male counterparts, and to find a balance between their home and work commitments. In many cases, these women may even leave the business rather than deal with the fundamental issues. At the same time, men who work for and with women, sell to women, or otherwise interact with them can become much more effective by understanding certain fundamental issues. This book is designed to share my experiences in a largely male environment in the hope that both sexes can benefit from what I learned.

Why do you really need another book on men and women at work? Most self-help books tell you what to do but not how to do it. And those that do explain how are, frankly, dull. This book is extremely tactical, giving you step-by-step instructions with real examples and lessons learned. Each chapter includes specific worksheets (Try It Now) and special advice ("Renee’s Rules") to help you apply the principles and get comfortable with them. Read the chapter, do the exercises, try the results, and redo and revisit the exercises periodically.

I joined IBM in 1969, a lone-woman engineer hired into an engineering group of over 400 men. In those days, it was a common occurrence for other male engineers to stop by my desk to ask me to type something since they assumed I must be a secretary. In 2003, I achieved the title of Distinguished Engineer in IBM, a position at that time held by less than 250 men and a dozen women worldwide. I have also managed several thousand employees in multiple engineering and technical organizations, largely male. I have worked and succeeded in a man’s world; but it did not come without a considerable amount of learning, adapting, and, above all, humor. I also did it without a full-time nanny or live-in help.

Most successful women say, If I only knew then what I know now. My hope is that this book will help women learn these secrets earlier in their careers so they can overcome the inherent traits that have held them back. And as a male managing, mentoring, or working for women in your organization or as clients, this book will open your eyes to differences you may never have considered.

Who I Am and Why I Wrote This Book

My name is Renee Weisman. Until I retired in 2008, I was a Distinguished Engineer and a Director of Engineering at International Business Machines Corporation (IBM) with a total of thirty-nine years in industry and education. I was also a working mother and now a grandmother. I was the only woman engineer in many areas for almost ten years and one of the first woman engineering managers in my division.

I first joined IBM in 1969, three weeks after graduating college and two weeks after getting married! Three months later, I became pregnant with my first child and started working toward my master’s degree.

When my daughter was born, I took a three-month (unpaid) maternity leave and a nine-month (unpaid) educational leave, expecting to return at the end of the year. During that year, I did considerable substitute teaching at local high schools and colleges and found to my surprise that I liked to teach. Since at that time there were no practical IBM part-time work options for my position, I decided to resign from IBM after the year’s leave expired.

I taught for ten years, teaching about fifteen to twenty hours per week with probably an equivalent amount of prep time outside of class. This flexible schedule worked well for me through the birth of my second child four years later and until both girls were in school. I returned to IBM full-time when my daughters were five and nine—eleven years after originally joining the firm.

I felt compelled to write this book after taking an active role in mentoring women in technology, sponsoring network groups, and being told again and again that I should write down this advice. Hearing my stories often helped others realize that their issues were not unique. Surprisingly, the men started attending my sessions as often as the women, and said I gave them a fresh perspective they had not considered.

This is not a cookbook or a playbook, but the methods and experiences are designed to help you rethink your situation. The Try It Now exercises are on topics that I wish someone had shown me along the way. So whether you are male or female, a manager or an employee, a new hire or an experienced worker, this book can help you.

I had the benefit of working in a company where all people were valued, and diversity was encouraged. What this book teaches is even more important if you are in a less-enlightened company.

1

Trial by Fire: Being the

Only Woman in a Man’s World

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em,

Certainly, I can! Then get busy and find out how to do it.

—Teddy Roosevelt

Your career begins your very first day at work. First impressions are made immediately, and the behavioral habits you practice early in your career can help set the stage for future success. So why do so many people say, If I could do it all over, I’d . . . ? You can’t prevent making mistakes, but you can definitely learn from the ones others make instead of repeating them yourselves.

That being said, I know very few people who started their first job loving it. College may teach you what you need to know technically, but it does not prepare you for the business and political agendas you will encounter. My first day after returning to industry from teaching was so frustrating, I almost quit! Today I laugh about that experience, but at the time, I was shocked. About twenty-five people (twenty-three of them men) joined the company that day. After we filled out the necessary forms and went over basic orientation items, our managers were supposed to pick us up and take us to our new work locations. As manager after manager arrived, the new employees filed out of the conference room. After about an hour, everyone had left except the new hire coordinator and me. This coordinator stepped out to place some frantic phone calls. Shortly thereafter, I heard my new manager’s name being paged over the PA system (remember, this preceded cell phones). Another hour passed, and my manager finally arrived to pick me up.

Okay, I thought, maybe we’re off to a bad start but it’ll get better.

I then followed my manager by car to the building in which I’d be working. (They all looked alike). Once we arrived, he informed me that neither my desk nor my office were ready. There were no extra offices, but someone was leaving in three weeks, so until then I could use the desks of people on vacation. Since no single person was on vacation, this meant I would need to move from desk to desk and office to office each day. Of course, I had no key or place to put my personal belongings. (He never considered that a woman would want to lock up a purse.)

By then it was lunchtime, and we went to the cafeteria for my first IBM lunch. We sat with other members of the department, all male. After a quick introduction, the conversation quickly steered to fishing and football.

After lunch, my manager introduced me to the engineer who was supposed to train me. This individual also had been recently hired but had more than twenty-five years of experience and described himself as a technical expert in the area. Unfortunately, this trainer had absolutely no idea what my job was and proceeded to talk at length about himself. When I asked questions about the specific process to which we were supposed to provide engineering support, he expounded at length about the chemistry of the process. Now I was new to industry, but I had an advanced degree in chemistry. Listening to this individual, I could not help but doubt he understood anything about science.

Finally, the day ended, and I went to find my car. Of course, since no one had really shown me around the place, it took me three tries and twenty minutes (it was a big building) before I found the right exit door to the parking lot.

When I arrived home, my husband was excitedly waiting in the driveway to hear all about my first day. I got out of the car and said, If I have one more day like this one was, I am going back to teaching.

Needless to say, I didn’t return to teaching, and the next day was much better. There had been a major yield problem the prior weekend. The line was put under engineering control, and I was asked to work twelve-hour shifts on my second day of work! All of the engineers were asked to be out on the line to bring things back to normal. I learned more in the next few days than I would have learned in a month under normal circumstances. We took tools apart and put them back together; we dumped chemical baths and remade them; and with all of the engineers around, I asked a lot of questions.

One week later, a task force was formed to fix the yield problems. By this time, I knew so much about the tools and processes that people were coming to me for answers! Needless to say, we applied good scientific principles, some experiments to test them out, and extensive data analyses to ensure we weren’t missing anything. As a result, the line had the best performance ever. I watched the task force leader and learned that there is absolutely no substitute for data. This is a major lesson for any discipline. You can draw anything on paper, model something with the very best of models, but success is about getting the right data, interpreting it properly, and taking appropriate action. A senior statistician took me under his wing and showed me how to run important analyses to be sure that I was interpreting the data correctly. I found this knowledge invaluable with so much data arriving every day.

I describe this introduction to my life in industry for several reasons. First, never put too much stock in your first day. I was ready to quit after day one, but day two was much better. Next, focus on the job to be done and do it well. Results matter. Finally, many people will advise you throughout your career. Just because they claim to have experience or have been doing it longer doesn’t mean they are necessarily doing it better. You bring fresh eyes, a new perspective, a set of unique talents, and a desire to excel at the job. Use that and have the confidence in yourself to follow it through. This isn’t to say that you don’t want to take advice from others; just take it with a grain of salt. Get to know the depth and integrity of your coworkers so you know from whom you really should seek advice. Even though I had taken several college courses in statistics, that on-the-job applied statistics introduction has been something upon which I have relied throughout my career. Don’t let the experts turn you away from something you believe is right.

Another important point I learned is not to be afraid of a crisis. If everything is wonderful and you join the group, the expectation is that everything will stay wonderful; therefore, any failure must be yours. But if you go to an area needing improvement and you make it better, people will credit you with that success. You also will get more notice, both positive and negative, in an area that has problems.

One of my advisors used to compare different assignments to the electric company. Since everyone expects the power to always be on, when it’s out we get upset. If an area runs like the electric company, and the power stays on, it’s what people expect. As such, even if your work is flawless, it is underappreciated. What’s worse, if you happen to get there when the power goes out, you will be associated with the failure. If, on the other hand, you go to an area that has very poor service and you make it run