The Beginning Of The End, Book 2: Going Through Hell To Get To Heaven

By Jaysen True Blood

There is an old saying that you have to go through hell in order to find heaven. James Perdue, now an adult and struggling as a writer, finds that this is very true. At odds with his father, and struggling to find where he fits in, James married the wrong woman not once, but twice. Both marriages end because of dishinesty, abusiveness, amd cheating. 

 

When he finally finds someone who will love him back the way he loves them, he doesn't get very long with them before death takes them from him. The hell that ensues after onlyt makes the resulting paradise that much better. And well earned.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jaysen True Blood
• Release date: Aug 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201771621

Jaysen True Blood

Jaysen True Blood was born and raised in the Midwest where he currently resides. His first taste of writing came early in grade school with a class assignment. a few years later, his love for writing would return as he found himself with another class assignment, this time a poetry unit. through junior high, he would write a series of novels, many poems, and begin his long interest in writing song lyrics as well. In high school, he would learn the value of tall tales, myths and other kinds of stories as he continued to build his store of stories. upon graduation, he went for a semester at a university, where he would write two stories, one of which would become a serial online for about six months. Returning home, he worked at just about anything he could find, but never strayed far from his love of the story. After his first marriage, he signed on with Keep It Coming, an e-zine, where he wrote two serials, "Tales From The Renge" and "Breed's Command" (the same characters appear with Fancy Marsh in several subsequent westerns. The serial was taken from a manuscript written for a class assignment while in high school). H also wrote writing and music related articles for the print version of KIC that came out for just three issues. When KIC went under, Jay was once again forced to work at different jobs just to make ends meet. between 2007 and 2010, Jay would release "Seven By Jay: Seven Short Stories", "The Price Of Lust: Book One Of Faces In The Crowd" and "So Here's To Twilight And Other Poems".

Book preview

Part One:

Lori

1: So Lonely

It is surprising how lonely one can get even when they are in a relationship. I don’t mean lonely in a sexual way, though. No, I mean emotionally. Spiritually.

Nothing makes this more abundantly clear than being involved with a child of a religious extremist. Compound it with someone who thinks that they have to be in control and you have a very lonely place in a relationship.

Add to this a preoccupation with sex, and you are destined for disater. Either the religiosity will destroy you, or the need to be in control...or the sexual preoccupation will end and you will be left with nothing.

The sex can be amazing, but without the equality that should be at the core of a relationship, it is meaningless.  Sex should never be at the core. It should never replace the equality of the partners in the relationship.

To base one’s relationship on sex is to set one on a course to disappointment. Your relationship will lack depth. It will lack any meaning past the superficial.

I believe most marriages start as something based on a chemical reaction. Lust. Couples tend to base everything on sex, whether it is dating, engagement/betrothal, or marriage. Sex and money.

Lori was no different. She wanted sex. She wanted money. She wanted fame and fortune without doing the work. But I did not realise that until we were married.

In less than a year from our meeting, Lori and I were married by the justice of the peace. Had I been smart, I would have fled from her. But she had acted so mature. So ready for a solid relationship.

She had fooled me. Blinded me. She had lied to me.

Instead of a mature woman, I found a barely functioning quasi-adult. A person dependent upon the decisions of others, not an independent woman able to decide for herself. Someone who had to be guided.

And instead of relying on me, she would only rely on her mother. Or her sexually abusive drunk brother. Or her ne’er-do-well friends.

Still, I would not find this out until our first winter. At the moment, all was good. The newness had not worn off.

Mom said you should quit your job. The statement was blunt and to the point.

And why is that? I inquired, confused by the statement.

She says that your income will interfere with my check, she responded, and I don’t want to lose my check.

Lori received disability checks. She had come to be way too dependent on them. Way too comfortable at the level she was at. And now, she was scared of losing it all.

I had already done the research. I knew that her mother’s fears were not about Lori losing money, but in her losing control of her daughter.

You won’t lose your check, hon, I stated, matter of factly, not even a part of it. My employment has nothing to do with your ability to draw SSI.

Yes it will, she retorted, belligerently, mom said so.

So, I sat back, "your mother is the authority on all things?"

W-well no, she stammered, but she says that she looked into it and—

I have looked into it as well, I frowned, and the papers I read said otherwise.

You’re going to quit working or else, she demanded.

If you say so, I sighed, knowing that it was useless to fight her on it."

I HAD LET GO OF MY job to make peace. Peace I knew well could not be found. It would only be a matter of time before her mother began demanding that I work.

Her mother was never satisfied. And always wanting all the control. Wanting to push me out.

She wanted me gone because I represented a very real threat to the way of life she had become addicted to. Comfortable with. I threatened, but not in words, to take her cash cow away from her and she had become used to receiving money from Lauren.

Still, I overlooked this as just a temporary thing. Something that would work itself out. A hurdle that would be removed when the marriage gained traction.

Unfortunately, it did not take me long to realise that the marriage was doomed. I was the only one working at making it successful. Luaren preferred to listen to her mother and oppose every attempt I made at making things work.

At the same time, her world revolved around sex. Every day. Every night.

And while I like sex as much as the next man, I knew that this was not how you strengthened a marriage.  This was how you made it implode.  It was how you drove yourself insane.

I knew that sex was not the right foundation for our marriage. And neither was her mother. Or any other fool who wanted to get involved.

In fact, I knew that a relationship was to be strictly between the two partners. There was supposed to be no one else involved. Not the parents. Not the minister. Not the siblings.

Just the man and wife. Or whoever the relationship was between. No more, no less.

But the relationship I was currently in was all me. None of her. She had stopped working at anything.

She expected me to build on nothing but sex and it was beginning to put stress where there shouldn’t have been. Thus, the fractures began to form. Along with the emotional sinkhole that would swallow her in the end.

But I still tried to build and strengthen. In vain. Without success.

WE HAD DECIDED TO TRY getting pregnant right at the beginning of the marriage. Lori quit taking birth control. I stopped using condoms.

We started having nonstop sex. Well, almost nonstop. There were times we did not have sex. But for good reason.

A few months after she stopped taking birth control, we thought she was finally pregnant. Unfortunately, she was not. We found that she was experiencing a false pregnancy caused by her body’s failure to adjust to being off birth control.

The revelation that this first experience was not a real pregnancy was the beginning of Lauren’s downward spiral. I could not see it then, but it was. This was when she began growing more distant.

She stopped caring. She stopped trying. In essence, she had begun to give up.

She stopped resisting her mother’s attempts to poison her mind. She stopped resisting her mother’s preacher’s attempts to destroy her marriage. She stopped attempting to be anything resembling a partner in the marriage.

She had, as the Righteous Brothers sang, lost that loving feeling. The illusion she had been casting began to dissolve. Shatter.

She began going to church with her mother. She began leaving me alone for extended periods of time.  And as summer turned to fall, a chill began to overtake the relationship.

2: Contact

JOHN HAD LEFT FOR TUSCALOOSA. Things had become too hot for him in Sidney. Later, I would discover that he had been accused of rape.

He would claim that it had been all a big misunderstanding. That the girl had not been truthful. That she had misled him.

The truth, however, was that he had willingly fucked her despite knowing that she was underage. He had allowed himself to get into a situation he had to flee from. Willingly.

Between his drug addiction and his sexual deviance, he had drawn more attention than he wanted, Thus, he split for greener pastures. Or what he believed to be greener pastures.

But not before attempting to get Lauren to see that she had something good. Something she didn’t want to screw up. Something she didn’t want to let go of.

Not that his admonishments were paid attention to. They aren’t. And this would later be evident through the calls she would make south to him and her other siblings at a later date.

Shortly after he left, Tuff appeared. Tuff, unlike his name, was nowhere near being tough. He was a drunk.  He was a liar.

The night he appeared, he was drunk. We were called to go calm him down. When we found him, he was at the high school track and baseball field.

Why don’ nobody love me? He yelled drunkenly at the top of his lungs.

You have to be sober to be lovable, I responded unconsciously, you can’t continually drink yourself into a stupor and expect people to love you.

I immediately realised at this point that Tuff had begun to hate me for telling the truth. This hatred would have far reaching repercussions.it would bring him to cause Lauren and I marital problems.

I had added fuel to the fire that would destroy our marriage. Still, perhaps it was a good thing that I had. Then, again, it was inevitable anyway.

Still, over the next three hours, we were able to talk him down. Afterward, we left him where we found him. Perhaps we shouldn’t have.

The next day, we learned that he had destroyed school property after we left. It would come back to haunt me. Lauren would laugh it off.

I really do not believe that she realised, or cared, the implications of it all. Tuff’s drunken antics. The destruction he had caused.

I don’t believe that she realised that it foreshadowed his impact on our marriage. His unthankfulness. His selfishness. His inability to remain a casual observer.

She didn’t realise that she was setting herself up for a fall. Or that her mother would use Tuff as a means to work on her. And I was too forgiving and too lax to resist allowing her to go wherever she pleased.

Perhaps that was my biggest fault. I did not want to control anyone. I didn’t want to rule them. I didn’t want to make their decisions for them.

I felt it was not my place. My place was to support their decisions, whether I agreed or not. That was, and still is, my philosophy.

COLDEN HAD BEEN ANNOYING Lori all day.  He had been begging for a drink. Then, he wanted a new toy. And finally, he was hungry.

I turned around in time to see her snap. What I saw was not something I wished upon any child. Or adult.

Without warning, she whipped around and grabbed him, twisting his arm behind him.  As she did so, she began cursing at him. Calling him names.

As she did so, she pushed his arm ever upward. As if to break it.

Lori! I exclaimed, attempting to break whatever spell she was under. Stop! You’re going to break his arm!

As I spoke, I stepped in and attempted to break her grip. Her attention focused on me.

What do you think you’re doing? she seethed, grabbing my long hair and beginning to pull.

"You were hurting him! I yelled. You need to stop!"

I grabbed her hair as a reflex, without thought, and began to pull. She grew more enraged.

Stop pulling my hair, she demanded.

Not until you stop pulling mine, I responded.

Suddenly, she realised what was taking place and released my hair. She realised that I had grabbed her hair to get her to let go of mine as I released her hair just after she had let go of mine. She slunk off to sulk and I went to get Colden his new toy.

I would never get an apology. Or even an acknowledgement. Just silence. And makeup sex.

But I didn’t want make up sex. I didn’t need it. I needed an apology. An acknowledgement that I had been in the right to step in.

But then, I had stepped in more than once to defend Colden/ when a former boss threatened him. When his grandmother caused him problems.

I had been there for the boy. And I had gotten nothing out of the bargain. Not that I had wanted anything more than love and respect. The two things that seemed absent.

TOM, LORI POINTED to her friend, this is Loretta. Loretta, this is Tom. My brother.

Loretta had mentioned to Lori that she wanted a new boyfriend. She did not mention that she was pregnant by Lori’s brother, John. Or that she really didn’t want to stop partying.

How ya doin’? Tom rattled off.

I’m good, Loretta answered, you?

Good, good, Tuff blushed, wanna go get to know one another?

Sure! Loretta nodded.

Alright, he puffed, let’s go on a walk.

We watched the two of them disappear toward the square. I knew that part of Lori’s problem was that she believed that I would cheat with Loretta. The other part had been a very real desire to get her brother hooked up with someone so that he would focus on something other than her and her relationship with me.

I hoped that the connection would take. I was tired of rescuing Tuff’s drunken ass. I wanted Lori to focus on us, not on her family.

3:All Mixed Up

The scent of a woman does strange things to a man like me. It can make me believe in their fantasy of happily ever after . It can make me desire their touch.

It can even twist me into a pretzel, emotionally, and make me hide. It has a deep effect on my ability to think straight. And to write correctly.

There seems to be certain predatory women who can sense this and who decide to take advantage of it. Lori was one of those women. She knew that she could tell me anything and I would likely believe her.

I was raped by my mother’s boyfriend, she began one day, when I was seventeen.

I wish I could have been there to save you, Love, I responded.

My older brothers even molested me when I was younger, she sniffed, before I was a teen.

The claim seemed to have credence. After all, she was afraid of Tuff and Shorty. Max did not.

Max too? I asked.

No, she shook her head, just Tuff and Shorty. My uncles even tried.

Which ones? I pressed.

Fred and Donny, she admitted.

And your father and mother allowed it?" I was incredulous.

They didn’t know, she shrugged.

I scratched my head. How could her parents not know? Had they been away at the time? Had they been drunk?

Normal parents tried to protect their children. They tried to shelter them from such evil.

Besides, she continued, Fred and Donny were fucking my mom at the time as well.

When did this take place? I asked, shocked.

When we lived in Alabama, she stated, when I was young.

And what your brothers did? I looked at her.

Same time, she seemed to choke on the words, though there were no tears. No sign of real emotion.

In hindsight, I believe the whole conversation to be a lie. Something fabricated so that I would feel sorry for her. Something to make me fight for someone who really didn’t want to return the favor.

I’VE BEEN THROUGH SOME abusive shit, Lori began without warning, knowing she could tell me anything.

Oh? I was curious.

Yeah, she continued, my last boyfriend, Kevin, used to beat the hell out of me. Before that, the guy I was with got me on drugs an’ tried to pimp me out.

I wish I could have been there to get you out of those situations, I stated, but, then, had I been with you then, you wouldn’t have been put through that.

My comment had referred to a conversation where we imagined what it would have been like to have been together from a much earlier time. What if we had come together when she was a teen? Or earlier?

We assumed, or I did, that we would have been happy. Of course, we both knew that we would have had sex at a much younger age. She loved the fantasy of it all. The play acting.

I only tell you so that you can defend me if they show up, she insisted.

You really think they’ll come looking for you? I asked.

They could, she pouted, you never know. Kevin is known for his violent behavior.

Don’t worry, I remarked, I will defend you from whoever shows, but I really doubt they’ll come looking. They both probably have someone new.

But, she objected, Kevin said he would never let me go.

Well, I smiled, trying to get her to calm down, he’ll have a fight if he shows.

You’re not going to go and find ‘im? She demanded.

No, I shook my head, why? What good would that accomplish?

You would show me that you’re willing to do anything to protect me, she pouted.

I don’t go looking for a fight, hon, I corrected, but will fight when there is a need. I will not go looking for trouble just because you want me to.

Then, she huffed, you aren’t serious about protecting me.

Just because I won’t go get myself thrown in jail for assaulting someone I don’t really know does not mean that I am not serious about protecting you, I frowned disapprovingly, that is a very juvenile and careless way to see what I have said.

LOOKING BACK, I BELIEVE that most, if not all, of Lori’s claims were lies to see what she could get me to believe. She also seemed so eager to get me into trouble with the law. By getting me to go fight for her.

I figure that Kevin had not beaten her or treated her in any abusive way, I believe that she was pissed at him for not giving up his job and allowing her to wear the pants in their relationship. I believe that he left her after her family got involved.

As for the man in Council Bluffs, I believe that he didn’t actually pimp her out. My guess is that he caught her hooking and left. Or that he tried to help her leave that world, tried to help her get off drugs, and she blamed him for it after he rejected her.

And her mother’s boyfriend? Well, I was later told that she had slept with him willingly. That she had tried to steal him from her mother.

Odd how the truth comes out after you are away from a person. How you find reason to re-examine everything someone has told you. How you find reasons to reevaluate everything you thought to be true.

Of course, she had accused my ex-boxing coach of doing things to her. She had even accused many others of the same. Not that it wasn’t possible. But I later found that all the accusations were untrue.

I would later learn that she and her siblings had become known for stealing. They’d had to be watched, as kids, when they went into stores. That they had been well known for making trouble.

There were other things I would later find out that would make me question all that she had said. Especially about her family and what they had supposedly done to her. It also made me question if she’d had something going with her mother’s minister.

So many things would not add up. And they didn’t even when I believed them. And yet, at the time, I believed her every word.

At the time, I was blinded by what I thought was love. And perhaps it was. But there was also a touch of lust included,

I was intoxicated by the scent of a woman. All I could think about was having a family with her. And fucking her.

I could not think past my most basic desires. My deepest needs. My lusts.

4: Candy-O

We had moved uptown that first year. The apartment was big enough for the two of us and her son.  But you had to go up a steep flight of stairs to get to it. This flight of stairs was badly lit and our neighbor often fell down them when he was drunk.

Of all the places we lived, this apartment was by far the nicest. It needed no repairs. There was little need for the landlord to visit except when rent was due. It was close to almost everything except the local store.

That first winter would be the worst. I would be kicked out every other week. Then, she would call and cry, begging me to go back to her.

Six fucking times, I was kicked out over nothing. Just on the word of her mother. Or her mother’s minister.

It would start with my criticism of her brother’s claim that it was not for the common man to know the Bible. From there, I would prove him wrong and point out scriptures that opposed everything he and his mother was doing concerning my marriage to Lori. And then dealing with the misinformation in  the pamphlets their minister had sent home with Lori.

My knowledge of a book he believed indiscernible frightened him. He began claiming to have had a dream where I was stealing souls. From there, it all went south. Especially after I went to church with her and became the object of a visiting preacher’s scorn.

Through the following spring, I would nearly kill Tom. had it not been for my mother, I would have pulled the drunken bully through his own screen door and tossed him down a flight of cement steps. And I would have done it so hard that he would have been dead by the time he hit the bottom step.

The deputy that Loretta had called did absolutely nothing. In hindsight, I realise that the deputy wanted to see an end to Tom and his mother. And the trouble they had become known for.

They had become too much of a liability for the town and the county. No one liked them. No one wanted them around.

And had I killed Tom, they would have found a way to deal with Lola, his mother. It would have pushed Lori away, though. Further than she already was because of their meddling.

And that was all it was. Meddling. Destructive meddling.

Had my mother not pulled me away, I would have been a murderer on my birthday. The one day that should have been the happiest for me was the worst day, well one of the worst days, of my life. And yet, it had taught me a lesson.

I learned that I had a murderous rage that had laid hidden for too long.

I learned, also, that Lori was no woman. Sure, she was physically a woman, but emotionally, not so much. Nor mentally.

Nor was she very honest. She was not above stealing. Or cheating.

And she could not make any decisions without her mother, brother, and preacher. A recipe for disaster. A bad temper completed the volatile mix that was Lauren.

YOU SPEND TOO MUCH time away from me, she accused, sometimes, I think you’re cheating on me.

My mouth fell open. Where had this come from? Why was she doing this?

I have to work to help pay the bills, babe, I responded gingerly, "I cannot be here all the time."

Of course you can, she snorted, you can quit any time.

But that isn’t the right thing to do, I objected.

Are you cheating? she asked out of desperation.

"What?!?" I asked, incredulously.

Are you cheating? She repeated,

Of course not, I stated truthfully, I don’t have enough time, or even the inclination, to cheat.

I don’t believe you, she rejected, I wanna accompany you to work tonight.

Fine, I sighed, feel free. But you cannot go inside and you cannot follow me everywhere. They won’t allow it.

Alright, she snorted indignantly, I guess that’ll do. Just as long as you come out on break and spend it with me.

You know that I can’t do that, I frowned, not on my 15 minute breaks. Just on my lunch hour.

I don’t believe you, she pouted.

"You don’t have to believe me, I responded, because I know the company’s policy. I also know that I risk being fired for allowing you to come to work with me. But I can’t get you to understand that either."

I still think you’re cheating, she stated coldly, because sex with you sucks.

There it was. The slap to the face. The abusive insinuation that I was disappointing her,

Are you? I turned her assumption around on her.

Am I what? She demanded.

Are you cheating? I returned. After all, in order for you to suspect me, you must have a guilty conscience and be doing the very thing you accuse me of.

The conversation was over. She would go to work with me and sit in the car waiting. Overnight.

I would go into the factory and work. Though I would come out over the lunch hour, we would not talk. I had upset her, but I didn’t care.

I HAD BELIEVED THAT going to Alabama would end the problems with her family. Sure, we would be with other family members, but I would have her away from her mother. I would finally get her to work on our marriage with me.

The flood had pushed us out of Hamburg and I did not want to move in with her mother. Or with my parents. I wanted to strike out and put distance between us and them. Thus, I had decided that we would go to Alabama,

I did not count on her southern family being just as meddling. Nor did I count on her cousins being little vamps determined to come between the two of us. Nor did I count on Jack being an ass.

I had hoped that I could get a job working with him. Unfortunately,