Breathe
By Renae Floyd
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Breathe - Renae Floyd
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my Twin, Freda Ann. Not from the same mother, but definitely from the same Creator. Through tears and fears. Triumphs and setbacks. From 12am-12pm talks, texts and emails. You gave me all of you and here is the finished product. Finally…… I can Breathe. Thank you.
Breathe © 2021 Renae Floyd
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
ISBN (Print): 978-1-09838-665-8
ISBN (eBook): 978-1-09838-666-5
Contents
HEALING for MY SOUL
touched
THANKS TO THE MOST HIGH! NOW I CAN….BREATHE
I REALLY WANT LOVE
THE WAIT
Different Places
I’m Waiting
Ghost
Let me Know
Confused
SMH
Checkmate
Mind Game
Just Want to be With You
Maybe
I Want to Be
Here I Am
Scared
Thought in my Mind
On Another Level
Chance
Only You and Me
Holding Back
Finally
Can’t get you off my Mind
Calm
Not Meant for Me
Magical
Charged
IN LOVE
In Your Presence
Mushy
Volcano
I can take It
The Journey
Never a Stranger
Your Bed
Not Giving Up on Love
I Love Him
It Shows
A Place that is Formular
Feelings
The Thought
You Made It
You
How Much I Miss You
We’re in this Thang Together
A Lazy Day
The Sweetest Thing I Ever Known
What You Do?
Missed Opportunity
Dang
You’re Back
It’s Hard
It Kills Me
Ingredients for Love
You/Me
That Booty
Just Want To Be With You
A Spell
When We’re Apart
Loving You is No Mystery
He’s Mine
HURT BY LOVE
Playing the Fool
Hurt By Love
You Don’t Want Me
Crazy in Love
The Man I Thought Was Mine
Mad
Threw with Love
I Had a Boyfriend
Who am I?
Something Just Ain’t Right
I Still Desire You
No Game
Not Enough
He Doesn’t See Me
Here, Not There
Not Again
I Can’t Deny It
I’m Not
Not Over Him
I Knew the Truth
BrokenHearted
It’s Over
I Needed to Leave You
Disappointed
Silence
Misunderstood
Where Am I ?
Another Empty Promise
Sad
Cheating Men
If He Breaks Up with Me
I Knew
Liar
GOTTA HEAL ME. YOU KNOW BETTER
Bipolar
Have You Ever?
I Should Know
I’m Strong
Too Tired
No Need for a Title
INSECURITY
A WHOLE MESS
Release It
Keeping You a Fantasy
INSPIRATIONAL
Stronger Now
Coming Back
I Am or I Am
Breathe Baby Girl
Waiting
You Can’t Stop My Destiny
Beautiful
Today
I Need to Run
Why Is This Line So Long?
What Do You Want?
I Need Love
Maybe
STRONGER TO LEAVE
Bye Baby
The Release
Blocked You
Should I ?
The Alarm Went Off
Ready To Give Up
Hear My Prayer
I’m Threw
Moving On
Empty Me Out
It’s Not You I Need
Closing The Door
I’m Releasing You
XXX FREAKY XXX
How To Please a Man
I Want To
Now
Nose Wide Open
Take It
Quit You
I Should Have
The Way You Do Me
I Just Can’t Wait
If You Came Over Right Now
Give It To Me Baby
Not Your Average Quickie
Pleasure Me
Morning
Goodnight
I Want It
Not Waiting On You
I Need To….
I Want
It’s Been A Long Time
Freeze
Introduction
This project has been in the making since I was a young girl learning how to write. Drawing those connecting cursive e’s pretending they were rhymes that expressed my emotions. As I grew up, so did my expressions. So did my emotions. And so did my experiences. I lived and life that was filled with different things that I wanted to release. Good things and not so good things. It has evolved and expanded to the words that you will soon read to reflect different phases of life and love. As a romantic, I have experienced so much. From being so in love, to uncontrollable tears, to wanting to just crawl up in a ball, in my bed, and allow the television to take me away from the pain I could barely explain. I also grew into a woman who experienced love that hit the spot at times and missed the need at others. I went on a word journey that allowed myself to know what real sexual desire and pleasure felt like once it is allowed to explode into pure pleasure. Now I get the chance to release it. Not just for me for you too. Release all that has been experienced by us. All that has been hidden in our souls. All that we couldn’t say, I pray, that I have said it in the words on the following pages. As you read this, I pray you gain peace in love, peace in hurt, peace in finding yourself, peace in being a freak, or peace in a storm to find the love you seek, so that one day you too can…….Breathe!
HEALING for MY SOUL
touched
Touched in the wrong place as a little girl
Just to think about it makes me want to hurl
Why did they do that to me?
It changed my entire destiny
I was supposed to be a powerful woman full of life
Now I walk around and I attract strife
I was supposed to be a superstar
Now I walk around with this inner scar
Why did they do this to me?
Didn’t they realize all that I was supposed to be?
My mouth was supposed to speak life
Now the actions I take won’t allow me to be somebody’s wife
Who wants a messed-up woman who still has the mind of a girl?
Who wants a woman who still needs to convert back into a fantasy world?
Is there anybody who understands me?
Is there anybody who will allow me to heal and create a new memory?
Will the love that I need so badly to cover my brokenness and hold me through triggers,
Will that love ever be delivered?
I wish I could just be in a place of pure rest
A place where I can just be held against my lover chest
A place that is safe and has security
A place that allows me to see my new reality
It is ok I don’t need to suffer no more
God has opened up a brand-new door
I’m healed and I’m ready to explore
I wonder what all He has, what’s in store
I am free to love and be accepted
Sometimes I get nervous to be rejected
I am happy inside and out
Sometimes I’m so scared I need to shout
I bring the love I have to give to me and it stays
I just pray that the pain can just go away
I want to be all that I am supposed to be
Damn, I just wish nobody ever touched me.
THANKS TO THE MOST HIGH! NOW I CAN….BREATHE
One day the sky was clear
My mind was open, my heart was tender
I moved from being so needy to a selective lender
Standing strong and moving forward to the direction of my destiny
Not because I’m without flaws but because you called me
Breathing in and out my breath calmer now
Taking it one step after the other
This is how it feels to walk on solid ground
Taking a moment to look at my reflection
Gives me the energy I need to bond under spiritual connection
Tears fall from my eyes, not out of agony
But I’m able to recognize the scales that just fell from me
Breathe, step, stop, think.
Breathe, step, stop, blink.
I won’t stop loving and being open to it
I know the more I heal, I’ll learn how to do it
I just need to take my time
Examine the facts, will the end results be mine?
If the flags fly high in my face
The strength of God’s voice will help me regulate
My future is clear, bright and open to me
As long as I don’t forget to Breathe
I REALLY WANT LOVE
THE WAIT
I hate crying all the time
Feeling down and out and lonely yet having to pretend everything is fine
They say tell God your wants and desires
He’ll send them to you quicker than the spread of a forest fire
I’ve done that and I haven’t received
It’s getting harder for me to sit back and believe
But then I see my prayers come true in other people’s lives
That gives me hope that maybe my negative thoughts are all lies
The waiting part has placed holes in my chest
The place that use to be full of love and tenderness
I’m trying to understand what I’ve done wrong
To make me have to wait so long
I know I’m not perfect and I’ve made a lot of mistakes
But did all that I’ve done contribute to this current fate?
Stay optimistic, be encouraged, don’t give up they keep telling me
As they walk away with their husband and little baby
It’s coming you just wait and see they say to me
As they get off the phone to get their quality time and needed intimacy
Prayer, fasting, writing down what I want doesn’t work for me
I’ve done all 3, this feeling won’t let me be
I want to be done and content with my current state
But something inside of me keeps encouraging me to wait
My heart says true love will