I Didn't Ask For This Devotional: Surviving The Trauma of Transition

By Kabrielle Baker

"I Didn't Ask For This"

These are the words that those who have been called and chosen by God will repeatedly play while experiencing seasons and times of transition. As a minister of the gospel, we can experience being overlooked and undervalued

• Language: English
• Publisher: Triple Threat
• Release date: Jul 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578946559

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Copyright © 2021 by Kabrielle M. Baker

All rights reserved.

Published in The United States

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No part of this book may be reproduced in any form unless written permission is granted from the author or publisher. No electronic reproductions, information storage, or retrieval systems may be used or applied to any part of this book without written permission.

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, (KJV) King James Version (Public Domain). Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV Bible® (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.Scriptures marked NLT are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION (NLT): Scriptures taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION, Copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked TPT are from The Passion Translation®. Copyright © 2017, 2018 by Passion & Fire Ministries, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ThePassionTranslation.com.All Scripture quotations are from The Passion Translation®. Copyright © 2017, 2018 by Passion & Fire Ministries, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Dedication

This book of prayers is dedicated to all spiritual frontline workers who help the world transition through their various seasons of life. Spiritual frontline workers are Pastors, Preachers, and Ministry Leaders who fed sheep when they experienced seasons and times when they didn’t know who would feed them. I dedicate this book to the clergy who was afraid to speak up and out about his or her pain. This book is dedicated to the ones who opted to suffer in silence in fear of their reputation being damaged. This book is dedicated to those who experienced burnout but made it a lifestyle in spite of the fear of being labeled as weak if they needed additional spiritual support or a pause. This book is dedicated to those who were content with struggle because they didn’t see their greater being produced from their position of feeling powerless and unqualified for their next. This book is dedicated to the ones who struggle with blooming where they were planted.

This book is dedicated to the old me. The old me thought that pain and suffering was my permanent situation. I stopped believing my greater was on the other side of the process because my vision became blurry from the tears of the wilderness and feelings of constant defeat. I dedicate this book to those who felt they were being punished by God instead of processed for purpose.

I dedicate this book to all the caterpillars who are wondering when their day of flight is coming. I pray you let this book minister to you in your place of doubt, hurt, pain, and questions. I dedicate this book to the future and improved you. Let this book serve you as you take a posture of perseverance to reach out for help like the woman with the issue of blood when faced with a crowd that could have prevented her from getting to Jesus. She persevered past the distractions and, with faith, reached out to touch the hem of Jesus’s garment, and immediately the bleeding stopped. My prayer for you is that by the time you finish reading this book, you will be in a posture of greater love, healing, and reconciliation as God will stop the bleeding in you too.

Introduction

Becoming a Pastor was one of the most blessed burdens I have experienced in my life. Many of you may ask how dare I say it is a burden, but I coined it to be a blessed burden meaning it is a burden that I am blessed to have. If many of us were honest about pastoring, we would see a decline in people rushing to become self-proclaimed PROPHETS for PROFIT. When I say self-proclaimed, I mean some have decided that they love the attention and the preconceived misconception of the glitz and glam of pastoring, not understanding the calling’s depth to lead God’s people. I am quite curious to see the number of people entering ministry now that our current platform has shifted. Our space has decreased, but our reach has increased. During the pandemic, some went from preaching in their clergy robes to preaching virtually with bathrobes. They have shifted their church physical address to a web address. Church may appear to have less space for ministry, but the reach is deeper and more demanding. Leading God’s people is nothing we should take lightly, for we are held accountable for the spiritual development and formation of those whom God has entrusted to our care. The dual pandemic of COVID-19 and slaughter of innocent African American lives taken in the name of injustice has exposed the PROFITS from the PROPHETS.

I learned in Pastoring, even before the pandemic, that becoming a shepherd is a burden that God the Father Himself and Him alone ordains in our lives. Some difficulties and stressors from the demands of family, life, and ministry were previously present before the onset of a pandemic. There were pandemics in their families and jobs, and for some, there were spiritual pandemics in their own lives. Many were familiar with staying at home because they would preach, do church (yes, I said do church), and then go home to return and do it again on Wednesday, not touching the community. Many preachers were practicing social distancing emotionally and mentally from their members, so they didn’t know that they were bleeding and leading. Some were washing their hands of prodigal spouse children, friends, and the truth is some of us were prodigals preaching in the pulpit. Meaning we were close to the church but far from the heart of God. Some were far in rebellion, stubbornness, and pride, but some were prodigals due to burnout.

Can you imagine trying to shepherd a flock when you feel like you are the lost sheep in a community of spiritual frontline workers yourself? Becoming a shepherd isn’t something you can learn in a crash course, watching your mentor, or even from a textbook. Becoming a shepherd can only be matured through the journey of life we are called to ministry. You can’t teach someone to be a shepherd, but it is something that comes with time after God has called you. And you began to walk you through the process of becoming all He has called and predestined for you to be. I wish someone told me before my yes that the process would come with fire, beating, crushing, and silence. Becoming a Pastor does not make you a shepherd. Pastoring is not a title, but it is a state of becoming. It takes a person of sensitivity and obedience to the spirit of God, compassion, wisdom, and selfLESSness to be a shepherd to God’s people. Pastoring is you walking out that calling. In ministry, I don’t care if your calling is to shepherd thousands, six people, a church or a nonprofit, a specialized ministry, or a congregation; when you’re called, you will be processed by God for His glory to be revealed THROUGH you.

Becoming a Pastor was not on my ministry bucket list. In the summer of 2004, at the age of fifteen, while attending the General Conference of the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Indianapolis, Indiana, I attended the late-night revival sponsored by RAYAC, our young adult ministry of the Connectional AME Church. The preacher of the night was Pastor Jamal Bryant, Founder, and former Senior Pastor of Empowerment Temple AME. He preached the word Ephphatha. The word was preached with power and conviction rang loud about responding to the words and lips of God. I had never experienced such an experience when I heard the audible voice of God, I’ve called you. At the end of the sermon, there was a call for those struggling with hearing the voice of God calling them into ministry.

I was still in High School. I couldn’t fathom answering the call to ministry formally or informally because, after all, I still had roughly over ten more good years of being in the YPD and I had already planned I was going to live My Best Life. My Best Life and American Ministry Dream was that I would reconsider and give God a yes to use me after graduating from the YPD (Young People Division of the African Methodist Episcopal Church) at age 26. That night I took a step of faith that I would never forget. I remember being consumed with tears, boldly going to the altar, while still feeling scared but trusting that something extraordinary would come as a result of my yes. The one question that rang loud in my head was why God would call me so young as if he didn’t know my best YPD fun days weren’t ahead of me? Why would He call me when ordination and a Masters of Divinity was light-years away because I hadn’t even gotten my high school diploma, let alone thought of what college I wanted to attend? Though I gave God a yes, my actions reflected still pending. The only thing I was concerned about after my yes was how being called to ministry would impact being an officer in the Youth department (YPD). Talk about a jaded perspective in need of healing.

I always found myself leading, caring, and providing a version of Pastoral care with my peers. I can recall even the night I gave God my first yes, I ended up at the revival because it was my night to pick what my friends and I would do for evening entertainment. The night of my activity choice, I chose we would attend the late-night revival because I just felt there was something there for us. I laugh now because, at the time, I was unclear about evangelism and was walking in it blindly. That evening I called my parents and told them a group of about six would be joining me in service that night. I was bringing my friends and even the ones I had just met at the General Conference. Knowing leadership was in my bones, years later I became the YPD President of my Episcopal District. As an Episcopal President (I was able to oversee the YPD in the conferences of (Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Chicago,