Her Journey, My Journey

By Jessie Ryan

Her Journey, My Journey will lay bare two contrasting voyages that of a mother and daughter, and how the pain and grief of one journey ignited a flame of courage in the other's journey. The two journeys are different, yet significant in that both women are challenged to rise above the physical and emotional pain that tried desperately to race th

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jessie Ruth Ryan
• Release date: May 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781087882123

Book preview

Preface

Words are powerful and have an immeasurable way of igniting hope and healing. Moreover, words communicate our love and indifference toward one another.

My love for reading, writing, and books took root at an early age, with the passion carrying over into my undergraduate studies at Spring Arbor University in the state of Michigan. I further developed these interests during my graduate studies at Oakland University, also in Michigan.

Over the course of my life, the following readings were my inspirations: Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life; John Haggai’s Winning Over Pain, Fear and Worry; Charles Whitfield’s Healing the Child Within; and Michelle Obama’s Becoming.

I wrote this book upon my return home following my daughter’s second surgery and long battle with cancer. It was through her pain, but much more through her strength, that I found courage to rid myself of my own personal childhood pain. And in my intellect, I had no idea how someone else’s pain would be probable in opening the door to the healing of another’s pain. Having a front-row seat to my daughter’s illness helped me break free of a pain that remained dormant for almost a lifetime. A pain that was much deeper than what I was willing to admit, and unbeknownst to family. It was during her fight with cancer that I found the determination to heal The Child Within.

The thought of my daughter having to face such an agonizing disease was unbearable, to say the least. While providing care, her personal suffering left me feeling sad, depressed, and isolated. My mixed emotions sometimes led me to question God’s ability and faithfulness to turn her diagnosis around… and into a summary that was reflective of my life-long trust in Him.

Finally, addressing my personal grief in my own way and time brought renewed hope, healing, and gratitude of God’s perfect timing. My writing will attest to God’s greatness and His agility to answer prayers.

Introduction

When we share our journey with others, we empower them, when we reserve our journey, we cripple them.

As an author, I welcome the opportunity to write my story as a collection of memories captured first-hand during my daughter's battle with an unexpected diagnosis. It was during her fight that I decided to fight.

"Her Journey, My Journey" will lay bare two contrasting voyages of a mother and daughter, and how the pain and grief of one journey ignited a flame of courage in the other’s journey. Even more so, how the strength of one aided the other one in unearthing, a deep-seated pain from the past. The two journeys are different, yet significant in that both women were challenged to rise above the physical and emotional pain that tried desperately to raze their destinies.

It is my hope this book will encourage your heart and remind you that, our journey in life is created to serve others, much more than ourselves.

It is also my hope that the transparent moments of reflections in this book will inspire you to remain diligent in your fight.

Facing life-altering circumstances can be one of life’s most difficult challenges. It seems there are never any warning signs or signals to alert us of the bumps in the road ahead. And seemingly, any preparation along our journey in life is still no guarantee that an up-ending life situation will not show up unannounced. This experience was evident and reminded me that no matter how much I love God, or how many times a day I pray, I am not void of the enemy’s stratagem.

My daughter’s cancer diagnosis came at a time when I believed life to be good. The disease in its formation was fierce, vengeful, and ready for battle. Much more, it was aggressive and had already spread throughout the nasal cavity, and parts of the membrane along with a cancerous lump the size of a walnut lodged behind her eye.

I found when caring and supporting a loved one during any sudden or long-term illness, he or she may sometimes rely heavily on both your mental and physical strength for assistance throughout the process. Because of this, there may not be time to process your own mixed emotions in that moment. That is okay because if all goes well, you will have an opportunity to reflect later. The year-long journey left me feeling uncertain, angry, disappointed, and torn about the fact my loved one’s uphill battle and journey with cancer left its mark so unexpectedly.

According to HelpGuide.org, many serious health problems seem to develop unexpectedly, upsetting your life out of the blue. You may feel overwhelmed by waves of difficult emotions – from fear and worry to profound sadness, despair, and grief; or you may feel numb, frozen by shock or believing that you will never be able to cope. The emotional upheaval can make it difficult to function or think straight, and even lead to mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.

If I told you, I was ready for this expedition I would be misleading you. Besides, how does a mother prepare for such a journey, having never given thought of traveling such a road? Fear consumed my thoughts, and I did not quite know how I would manage and get through this time without the support of my immediate and extended family who did not live nearby. It was frightening and overwhelming, and yet, it was my new reality.

Having to provide care was my number one concern. Although I knew that I could not rely on my own strength after having had a labral tear to my shoulder a few years prior; the thought of re-injuring it was in the forefront of my mind. I was troubled with thoughts that I would not have the physical strength to care for my daughter and granddaughter in the event she lost all mobility and ability to care for herself.

For the better part of my life, I have relied heavily on my husband’s strength and support. And after 35 years of marriage, I can hardly remember the last time I even changed a light bulb or took out the trash, for that matter. I worried about being apart from him for several months at a time. I believed the marriage union to be strong, although I was concerned how the stress of being separated would impact the both of us. Now as it stands, my life-long dependency on my spouse would soon be tested, as I prepared to care for my daughter and her family while living out of state.

Finally, it is my lasting hope that the authentic and candid moments in Her Journey, My Journey will uplift your spirit, and strengthen your faith.

-Jessie R. Ryan

[e-mail]

Chapter 1

Fight or Flight

Have you ever wondered why there is, a time for everything and a divinely chosen purpose for every life experience?

Well, according to Ecclesiastes 3:11, God hath made everything beautiful in His time, with the hope to grow our faith in Him. So then, how does one trust God’s timing, when their present situation appears dead and buried?

Migrating from the South to the North in 1965 and having just turned 5 years old, I had no sense of timing or what the course of my life would look like throughout adolescence, young adulthood, and as an adult. As a child I was busy enjoying the backroads of the South, running bare feet, eating yellow and redskin watermelons, and hanging from large willow trees that sat perfectly between family members’ houses. I assume this time in my life was perhaps more than