The Darker Side of Hope

By David G. Fambrough

The concept of hope is that something better awaits us in the future, so we must trek through the darker side of life until the brighter hope is realized. Discovering a path out of the darkness can be hard work. We aren't always blessed with adequate illumination or insight, and there are both rewards and pitfalls along the way. The Darker Side of Hope offers valuable insights for navigating this journey and gravitating toward the brighter side of HOPE. Are you ready? Let's start walking together!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Oct 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9781977205810

David G. Fambrough

David Fambrough is a graduate of Mobile College, Mobile, AL, and of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Fort Worth, TX. He is a board certified chaplain, with the Board of Chaplaincy Certification, Inc., an affiliate of the Association of Professional Chaplains. His 30 years of ministry experience have taken him, as a sojouner, into the life crises of others in a hospice and hospitals and into pulpits in Alabama, Texas, and North Carolina. David and Sandra, his wife, currently reside in North Carolina, where he serves as a bi-vocational pastor. In 2018, he retired, as a staff chaplain, from one of the state's largest medical centers. The Darker Side of Hope is his debut book.

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The Darker Side of Hope

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2018 David G. Fambrough

v2.0

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This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-9772-0581-0

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018903500

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The Darker Side of Hope is in memory of Jack Anderson Fambrough, my beloved father, and Jesse Lee Newman and Pauline Mary Jane Hilton Newman, my beloved, maternal grandparents. I would consider myself a person who had been cheated were it not for their parenting, guidance, instruction, and life-lessons taught. Words cannot begin accurately to convey how their no longer being physically present leaves indelible tracings of darker sides of hope upon my life. Even so, their contributions and life investments have provided a solid foundation for continuing on my journey. They did their jobs well and have now realized the genuine, brighter side of hope—eternal life with God.

The Darker Side of Hope is in honor my wife, love of my life, and soulmate, Sandra Kay Payne Fambrough, who has challenged me, loved me in spite of myself, and walked many journeys with me through darker sides of hope. She is indeed a priceless treasure that God has gifted to me. It would be a sin not to honor and cherish her. Her love, support, and assistance are eternally invaluable to me. After God’s design for husband and wife, she helps me to rise to greater heights than I could achieve on my own.

Also, of key importance, is my mother, Nadine Newman Fambrough, who continues faithfully to lift Sandra and me in prayer, provide sound insights and biblical instruction, and respects the boundaries of setting one’s child(ren) free, while not relinquish her responsibility to lead and model a dedicated, Spirit-filled life. Mother not only gave birth to me, she also continues to nurture so that growth is perpetuated.

This book is also in dedication to my brother, Mark Anderson Fambrough, who, from childhood, has challenged me to become better skilled, more fully informed, and make better life choices, finding a proper balance between mind and heart. We approach life differently, like daylight and darkness, yet it is in those dawn areas of life, in the blending of the two dimensions, that we have found striking similarities that forge us into being more than brothers.

It is also in great honor of Kathleen Newman Crabb, my maternal aunt, that The Darker Side of Hope is written. She loves Sandra and me as though we were her own children, faithfully encourages and prays for us, and defends us like an adoptive momma bear.

It is in great respect, love, and deep affection that this book is also dedicated to my college roommate and brother-in-heart, Rev. Mark V. Whittington, with whom I have and continue to sojourn on life’s pathways. The imprint of his life upon mine is etched by God, and I am far better for it.

I cannot imagine what my life would be without all of the above named, key individuals, who have been and remain intricately interwoven into my life as my family. The fabric produced by our interwoven threads has produced a design of beauty that possesses strength, integrity, and love as its qualities. Recognizing that my life’s design was not random or happenstance, but MUST have a Designer and Creator, The Darker Side of Hope is foremost dedicated to God the Father, who loves each of us, Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, who redeems us, and the Holy Spirit who sanctifies us, drawing us back to the Father, through the Son. Without the Trinity, there would be no hope, but only an existence that is enveloped in pain, misery, and suffering.

As Hebrews 12:1 states: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. The concept of hope is that something better awaits us in the future. With that premise, the present life journey is one through the darker side until the brighter hope is realized. Finding the path through and out is hard work, and not always one of adequate illumination. Even so, the journey has its rewards, so let us start walking together.

Table of Contents

Introduction

1 Acknowledging the Disparity

2 Deception of Deficits

3 Walking the Dark Hills

4 Dredging the Bogs of Grief

5 Dawn of Awakening

6 Tough Questions

Conclusion

Endnotes

Introduction

Stop. Clear your thoughts. Now focus on the word HOPE. What are some of the words that form your definition of HOPE? Your answers may be something along the line of: desire for a better future, youth, children, change, the thing that keeps me going in life, expectancy of achieving fulfillment, financial security, or eternity with God. These and other answers are all appropriate responses to the question. If one closely examines the answers to the question, both what is said and what remains silent, it becomes evident that HOPE indicates that one's current existence is less than desired or less than perfect. Something better is desired and/or hoped for. What is left silent may very well be as important, even more so, than what is said in the definitions. The goal of this book is to examine the journey through the imperfectness of our current existence and gravitate toward the brighter side of HOPE.

It requires saying that this book is written from a Christian perspective. Hey! Uh, what are you doing? Please do not put the book down or back on the shelf because of the disclaimer. There is much for all of us to learn whether we are Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Baha’i, Hindu, Muslim, Agnostic, Atheist, Wiccan, or claim no religion, cult, or creed. It is an intentional endeavor of this book to incorporate principles and tenets from a multifaceted religious and spiritual base when and where appropriate. Even so, what is presented will be from a Christian perspective.

Regardless of one's spiritual preference, hope remains a key component of life. When hope is lost, so is the ability to survive temporally, and certainly eternally. The trek through the situations and circumstances that comprise one’s life has the potential of either fostering hope or diminishing the light of hope until it sizzles in an uncelebrated, fizzled snuffing-out. Therein, hope is intricately interwoven with faith and spirituality, giving meaning and purpose to a person’s concept of life, so that it is impossible to have one without the other.

Looking at the darker side of hope, the journey through difficult, maybe even debilitating, events on the timeline of a lifetime is not to reject hope. Instead, examining the darker side of hope is a means of cementing the determination to continue to hope and to cultivate a means of realizing the fulfillment of that hope. It is also putting a microscope on discovering what gives us hope, culling or avoiding the things that dampen hope, latching ourselves securely to the only genuine hope, and giving ourselves permission to fully experience generated, genuine feelings, and then to express the gamut of human emotions that appropriately reflect those feelings.

It is assumed that, if you are still reading this page, the environment and conditions of life that currently wrap themselves around you leave something to be desired. Or, is it just curiosity? Was that a Humph you uttered? Yes, the book is bugged. There is a listening device embedded in the spine. Oh! Did you really look at the book’s spine just now? Gotcha! No, the book is not bugged, but delving into the common thoughts we humans have in reaction/response to the human experience is what this book is all about, especially when those experiences border on being a desert, a bottomless pit, or deepening shades of black. The book is also about moving toward the brighter side of hope. Are you ready for the journey?

1

Acknowledging the Disparity

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:45b¹

When was the last time that you heard someone, in exasperated frustration or dismay, make the statement, That is just not fair? President John F. Kennedy’s reply to that often-voiced confirmation of truth, during a 1962 press conference, was: There is always inequity in life, and, Life is unfair.² We look around ourselves and see a disparity between what we hold to be right and just and what is actually taking place. The murderer gets only a probationary sentence. The already wealthy individual wins the lottery. The homeless person gets beaten and robbed of what few possessions s/he owns. The rock-solid worker gets a written reprimand placed in her/his permanent employment record when the blame squarely rests on someone in a higher, more protected position of authority. Divorce wreaks havoc on a once loving home and ruins the lives of all those torn apart in that family nucleus. Age, illness, and disease rob the vitality, mental faculties, and literal life from a once vivacious individual. Fairness cries out with gut-wrenching howls only to be trodden under by the reality of the situation. Not only is there disparity in life, but there are times when there is utter despair of life.

It is true that life is not fair. In fact, life never promised anything else. Does not the sun rise on the evil and the good? Do we not observe good people suffering loss and depravity, while wicked individuals cruise through life free of care or pitfalls? Such observations produce wagging of heads, long exhalations of disgusted sighs, and rolled eyes in total disbelief. Why not? In our conception of good versus evil, right versus wrong, justice versus injustice, such disparity should not be the norm. Even so, life experiences teach us that such disparity is the norm. We simply do not like such life lessons, much less have an appreciation for them. Think about it—the mere fact that we have such antonyms in our dictionaries and vocabularies depicting the disparities of life is a subtle acknowledgment that all is not as we would desire or hope for.

So, what constitutes good and evil, righteous and unrighteous, right and wrong, just and unjust? Is the consensus not that those who serve their deity in truth, contribute to or benefit society, love others, provide for their families, do no intentional harm to themselves or others, especially to the elderly or children, obey the laws of the land, and are pictures of patriotism, are the good, the righteous, the right, the just? Of course they are. Whether someone chooses to challenge this premise or not, one plus one still equals two, what goes up must come down…somewhere, and righteousness is good, right, and just. Period.

With that premise firmly established, why, then, are those seemingly the individuals who more notably experience the more difficult losses in life? Even those deemed by society as less than good actually do suffer at times too. Let us not lose sight of that. In our minds, they get what they deserve when trouble befalls them. We want them to suffer, to be punished. Where is grace? Where is mercy? Oh, the guilty must be punished, but is it not the role of the righteous to give hope, even to the wicked, while justice is being meted out?

Human interest stories capture our hearts when we hear of tragedy occurring in the lives of others. Some people remain riveted to their television screens when BREAKING NEWS of a tragedy is broadcast. What happens when adversity strikes? Many times the troubled gravitate toward faith, spirituality, and religion in hope that all will be rectified, that their world will return to a state of normalcy, without having to redefine what normal is.

Faith Is Not a Shield

This subtitle may fly in the face of some Christians’ beliefs and maybe those of other religions, too. In fact, Christian Scripture specifically identifies the shield of faith as one of the key armaments of the weaponry given by God to deflect the fiery darts of the devil and to fight against all that is evil.³ While that use of faith remains valid, possessing faith is no shield from troublesome times. In fact, the shield of faith may shrink to the size of a drawer pull during troublesome times, especially if everything is done within the tenets of one’s faith, yet the trouble remains. We find ourselves cowering behind a shadow of faith, hoping that all that is promised within our religiosity is valid and true.

In fact, most religions teach that suffering is as much a part of life as are blessings.⁴ It is through suffering that we are molded and shaped into a stronger, more resilient, more effective person of faith.⁵ Hope is ignited when adversity pitches its tent and camps out in what we consider to be our natural environment, or life as we desire it to be. The grasping for a means of returning to more peaceful, less stressful times fuels hope, and even defines what hope’s appearance will be.

The belief that only good comes to those who are righteous, while the wicked are punished is not a new concept. The righteous are rewarded, while the wicked are punished. Annals of history record accounts of this mindset.⁶ In Christian Scripture, Jesus’ disciples asked Him a question regarding a blind man who was found begging: Who sinned, him or his parents that he was born blind? The answer Jesus gave was that neither the man nor his parents were guilty of a causative sin. Trouble fell upon this family from the time the man was born, yet his parents were well-known, as well as regular in attendance, in the synagogue. Beggars were not recognized as the pillars of the community. Blind beggars were a double burden on society. Not only was the man begging, but someone had to lead him to his station so that he could beg. Ironically, Jesus said there was a greater good to be gained because of the man’s blindness than the mere punishment of some horrible sin. Jesus said that the man was blind so that God would be glorified through his healing.⁷

Is not that also our mindset today? Really bad things happen to really bad people? Really good things happen to the best of society? Odd how that is rarely the scenario lived out in reality. Just because a person is esteemed as being grounded in their faith, fundamentally following the tenets of their faith, and living in a venerable manner does not guarantee or entitle that person to live in the lap of luxury, with rose petals adding a blissful fragrance to every breath inhaled. No. Reality and fairness could aptly be declared as polar opposites. Rarely are they twins. For that matter, they are not even siblings, much less identical siblings. They may not even be cousins! Reality and fairness simply do not often mix. They may not even be cordial to each other. Instead reality snubs its nose in the face of fairness and dares a challenge.

Possessing strong faith, or being the sterling, exemplary epitome of what living out one’s religious and spiritual beliefs looks like does not prevent bad things from happening. Faith is not a shield that prevents bad events and circumstances. Faith does, though, provide an anchor for steadying us and enabling us to endure when troublesome times take up residence at our address.

In other words, just because you may be experiencing very troublesome times does not indicate the degree of your righteousness, or unrighteousness. There is a tendency in us humans to automatically, and sometimes falsely, blame ourselves, or be blamed by others, for the fact that we are facing adversity, when we are in a knock-down, drag-out, kicking, clawing, slugfest with the rascal. And, on top of that, the dust has not cleared to know who is winning!

The truth is that blessings and hardships come to all. Hope is the light that we are drawn toward, and faith is a vehicle to get us there. Hope and faith are the siblings here. Not reality and fairness. It is virtually impossible to have hope without faith, and vice versa. Whereas hope and faith are inseparable, reality and faith are polar opposites.

REALITY VS. FAIRNESS

James Yoder, Jr., one of my trusted colleagues, has raised the argument that there is no such thing as fair, that the best to be achieved is what is equitable. Whether it is to dutifully fulfill the demands of the workplace, balance professional vocation and home life, be in a relationship, or hold down multiple jobs to make ends meet, there may not exist what is fair. When a colleague is away from work, the demands of the workplace do not reduce. On the contrary, the demands appear larger, because the same workload now has to be carried by fewer employees. There are other times when vacations or other special, meaningful occasions are planned and the demands of the workplace necessitate the change of those plans, maybe even their cancellation. In any marriage, there are times when one spouse temporarily does not have the energy or the capacity to complete certain tasks and the other spouse steps up and assumes these additional tasks. One’s supervisor may insist upon your working additional shifts when you are already scheduled to be at your other job. TENSION! ADVERSITY! The cry is raised: This is not fair! What did I do to deserve this? And yet reality insists upon actions and responses to its demands.

When reality strikes the chord of imbalance and injustice, we are immediately engaged in the battle to right the wrong. Adversity has struck. It presses its foot against our throats, choking us to the brink of perceived death through anguished gasps for hope and help. We struggle to reestablish the status quo. We have the hope of fortifying our position as we grapple and dig foxholes of faith. Fear strikes at our hearts because of the ensuing threat, and anger is kindled within us, often displayed in gross fashion.

Does this feel or sound familiar? It should. It is what most