The Devil Inside Me: Real Life/Twisted

By Joshua T Berglan and Jessica Linn

The Devil Inside Me is a real-life, twisted account of Joshua T. Berglan's life that led him to lose his kids, sanity, freedom, health, money, homes, trust, and hope. What happens in someone's life that they end up in jail 6 times, bankrupt twice, OD multiple times, get HIV, divorced 3 times, end up homeless, and become a chemsex addict? Wh

• Language: English
• Publisher: Live Mana Worldwide Foundation
• Release date: May 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578912097

Joshua T Berglan

Joshua T Berglan aka The World's Mayor is the Chairman of The Live Mana Worldwide Foundation & Multimedia Broadcast Network which is co-founded with his wife Jessica Linn. Together they are passionate about elevating the passion, purpose, and mission of the people they serve. Joshua is also a TV, Film, and Event Producer, Host of Gratitude:UnFiltered, and Actor.

Book preview

THE DEVIL INSIDE ME

Joshua T. Berglan & Jessica Linn

The Devil Inside Me

Published and distributed in the United States by Global Mentoring Coaching Publishing Center & Trust in Vero, Florida.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages embodied in critical articles or in a review.

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book is correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Print - ISBN: 978-0-9996791-7-3

Copyright © 2021 Joshua T. Berglan & Jessica Linn

Table Of Contents

Introduction………………....by Joshua Berglan

 Chapter One…………………………. Newport

 Chapter Two…………………….... Inheritance

 Chapter Three……………………….. Violated

 Chapter Four……………………………..Drive

 Chapter Five…………………………..Surprise

 Chapter Six………………………….LaLaLand

 Chapter Seven………………………….... HIV

 Chapter Eight………………………….Cheater

 Chapter Nine……………………………....Kids

 Chapter Ten……………………………...Death

         Thank you's & Pics

Parental Advisory is Advised

What you are about to read is shocking, evil, sickening, witty, offensive, painful, sad, funny, confusing, inspiring, and disturbing.

You are about to read my real-life story and it is written honestly so that any of the people I hurt over the years will be able to agree that it is truthful and will have nothing to add to it.  While some of the situations in the book could make others look bad or potentially judged, please understand that any evil that was done came at my urging or manipulation.  My desire for drugs, sex, and escaping the pain deep inside me was stronger than my desire to love or even care what others’ needs were.

It is quite possible that the women in this book that I hurt with my lying, cheating, and abusing really loved me and wanted to make me happy so they went along with supporting my desires.

That however does not excuse my behavior in any way. This book is not a biography, but it is my story, written in episodics due to the nature of the content. It is not meant to be read in one sitting and to be honest, after each episodic I wrote, I had to take a break because of the heaviness of the content, and it is my life.  Some episodics will overlap with others and that is by design.  

One other thing you might notice are frequent changes of tone in the messaging within each episodic and while that is not by design, it is because I was not able to control shifting in and out of the different alters I have.  Alters are the different people that live inside of me.  Some people know it as DID, others know it as multiple personality disorder.  You will meet some of the different people that live within me throughout this book and a lot of them you will not like very much. I cannot say I like them very much either, at least all the time.

I also want to warn you that this book is triggering and will awaken any unhealed traumas or pain you have tried to run from or stuff deep inside of you, For some of you, it may awaken past demons, but I do believe that is a good thing because it may inspire you to confront them before it is too late.

I wish I could write this and say that I am no longer this person (or people) and while I work every day to be a better man, and for the most part, I am, I always know that I am one decision away from succumbing to the evil, twisted and deranged behavior I lived in for over 30 years of my life. To this day, when presented with the thoughts of that life, they seduce, arouse, and sometimes comfort me, depending on the day or even moments of the day.  

The forbidden fruit that was exposed to me to help me get delivered from the internal suffering I carried with me since I was a child was so enticing that I could not resist it because it promised not just a relief from hurting, it offered pleasure, happiness, and confidence that I had never experienced before.  That same fruit still taunts me to this day, but the method of seduction is much different now. The devil has modernized its approach because there is nothing more it would love than to have control over me once again.

Flying first class from Newport Beach, California, on my way home to Oklahoma City, downing free drinks. Was this the 6th or 7th? Who cares! I thought.  I was already getting excited and anxious fantasizing about discovering new sex partners with my girlfriend. As my mind raced, I tried to make a mental list of everything we would need. First, I needed to pick up what had become my standing order of two 8 balls from my dealer.  Better get poppers, lube, and sex pills too, I decided, before we started our hunt for playthings or human sex toys as I called them. I wanted to be fully prepared.

Cocaine, sex, and searching for additional sex partners had become our ritual 3 to 4 times a week when I was in town. Oh, but those nights I was just coming back from long business trips away, those nights were always the most special.

I loved my girlfriend. Loved her in the only way I understood love.  My limited understanding of love was merely if you let me do what I want, I will be nice to you. My girlfriend was the first woman I had ever been honest with about my sexual desires. Not only of me sleeping with other men, but my passion for bringing other guys in to have sex with the woman I love also.  Not to mention my cuckold fetish, watching her be pleased by many men at one time. She let me do what I wanted with my sexual desires, so I loved her.

Cocaine fueled all of my desires and always made me want more.  More of everything really. More coke because I could never get enough (don’t get me started about meth). The only thing that made me stop snorting coke was a nosebleed or not being able to breathe through my nose, sometimes both.

Cocaine and meth made my thirst for sex unquenchable. It did not matter if we had just had 2 or 3 guys over, when they left, the hunt for more began immediately.  

My skincare business allowed me the opportunity to travel and explore cool cities, like NYC, LA, Dallas, Miami, and Las Vegas, for weeks at a time. I always missed her on those trips. Although I had fun working, frequenting bathhouses, or going to sex parties I found off of sex apps and websites, I always imagined her there with me. I always wanted her to experience the unsatisfiable, yet pleasure-filled debauchery I got myself into.

As I fulfilled my desires with men, my craving for her being a part of it fueled my desire for others to ravage her even more than they were ravaging me.

My thirst for sex made me feel like what I imagine a vampire must feel after they tasted the first drop of blood. It was an insatiable, undeniably unstoppable, and