Waiting for Spring

By Zoë Hickerson

This book is a selection of creative writings from the darkness of burnout, depression and learning to walk into the light again. Many are self-reflective and a deep learning experience about situations I had not dealt with in the past. It's the third book I have written and it is a continuation of my journey, as we all know recovery isn't just

• Language: English
• Publisher: CMD
• Release date: Nov 18, 2020
• ISBN: 9781954223073

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Copyright © 2020 by Zoë Hickerson

All right reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodies in critical article and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The reviews expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

The Word Understands

Prophylactically

It’s Some Different Latitude

Who is in Control

The Music Lives On

Barren Landscape

Military Manoeuvres

Information Overload

To Love or not too

My Wants and Wherefores

See you Later Mate

Where do we go from here

Misconceptions of My Misspent Youth

In a Blink of an Eye

Overwhelmed

16

You took my Soul and Spirit

Heaven can wait

Grown up

Auf Wiedersehen

Unanswerable Questions

Ding Dong

Knocking me for Six

Walking into the Sunset

Dysfunctional

Winter is Coming

It’s Enormous

Loose Connections

The Sound of Silence

Life is a Real Puzzle

Honesty and Transparency

Evil Empire

Would you Miss Me?

On the Run

The Ache of Loneliness

Contemplating my Naval

My Future is in My Hands

Something has Died in Me

My Momentary Lapse of Reason

My World View

Have your Cake and Eat it too

Irritated

I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles

It’s a Bit Awkward

Relax Man

Shorter than Average

Casual as You can be

Forgetting the Simple Stuff

A Whisper in the Wind

A huge Vacuum

Silently Crying Beside You

Stay a While Longer

Sustainable

Hanging From the Rafters

Being Led Down the Garden Path

I Feel so Deflated

Second Helpings

Unhappiness on a Humid Day

My Wretched Heart

Don’t Turn a Blind Eye

A Storm in our Tea Cup

The Every Seeing Eye

Rainbows End

Tipping Point

Delicate little Flower

Unhappy or Sad

Comfort from a Brown little Bottle

When love Turns Dry

Empty Vessels

Gratitude

The War Wasn’t Over

I Hate the Human Race

I’m a Stranger to my Feelings

Pen and paper

I Can Understand

I have Evolved

What Glues us Together

Dry as a Prune

I Wish I Could Pop

Misogynistic Darkness

Deep Inside my Soul

Thin Blue Line

Waiting for Spring

Forgiveness was an integral part of my recovery, I’ve learnt that it’s not automatic, I’ve also learnt that it happens in different stages. I would love to acknowledge Danielle Lopez from Crest Media Distribution, she has played an enormous part in this stage of my journey, in helping me forgive myself, which has enabled me to move forward with confidence to be the person I am today.

The Word Understands

Do you really understand

The word understands?

When you say you do

Is it to make me feel better?

When I can’t produce

It’s a common thread

That makes me dread

A lamented feeling

Has me squealing

As I hold my head in my hands

With bile at the back doorstep

It’s understandable

The connotations

The unhappiness meaning of repression

Brings mild depression

To the fore

Where it once floored

It sits about midrange

The same niggle

Rattling like a babies giggle

It doesn’t bring joy

It’s immaturity in the making

Taking on a more grandiose route

I know it’s a word

It’s heard

With mild exclamation

A quizzical look down your glasses

Do you understand

The word understands?

It displays maybe I don’t get it

When maybe I should

It sends shivers down my spine

Maybe I should keep walking on

Instead of dining on

Ingesting the poison it tries to feed

Let the word dissipate

Into the new dawn of the wilderness beyond

Written 6/7/2019

Prophylactically

Don’t shower me with kindness

Don’t shower me with self belief

The little child right at the back

Sits up straight

Eyes wide

Ears pricked

Waiting watching

For a crumb of praise

She waits in a daze

Wanting to hear more

Her skin flushed with fear

Just don’t let him hear

Don’t give the game away

It will be years for another day

Don’t shower me with kindness

Don’t shower me with self belief

It wasn’t a coincidence

A narcissist was created

I know that can be debated

From the moment of conception

Your alter ego your downfall

Emotional emptiness

Draws near

Never fear

Every crumb

Every tit bit

Prophylactically

Gives me emancipation from my negativity

As there is hope for the future

Years turn to the new millennium

Don’t shower me with kindness

Don’t shower me with self belief

These stumbling blocks

Guide my future

I’m genuine with my acceptance

I will independently get there on my own

Written 10/6/2018

It’s Some Different Latitude

What causes such internal pain?

Rustling again with external mayhem

I don’t want to live in such a hullabaloo life

It’s not controversial dying by the knife

I’ve exhausted every channel

In return I get bitterness

No sweet caress

Nothing I can harness

To call such poetic justice

Is taken from two fold

If I could break into smithereens

I’d find some Queens

To give you attitude

It’s some different latitude

That emotion springs

And brings

Life is a test of aptitude

Nothing ever gratitude’s

The sour or the sweet

When we want to greet our tears

Like ladies in a miff who won’t explain

We swipe them away with an angry sniff

I wish I could blow away

Into the hot stagnant air of the underground

Just like a virus they would multiply

Rats and human excrement

We’re all part of the experiment

In