Love and War

By Charlie Green

I _________do Solemnly swear (affirm), that I will support and defend...

That's how it all started. I Do... and I Did! I was all in... Fell for him, hook, line, and sinker! We had the same thought process going in. Commitment - the quality of being ded

• Language: English
• Publisher: Writluxe
• Release date: Oct 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9781735449647

Book preview

Introduction

This book is a reflection of a life-long commitment I’ve had with myself. For quite some time, I have had the urge to put this book into the hands of many. There were times where I knew the story was finished and ready to be read in order to touch the hearts and minds of people who have shared these same experiences. Instead, God told me to be patient because it just wasn’t time yet. The truth is, I needed to finish this puzzle. I needed to bridge the gap between love and war and come to a better understanding of its premise for my own life. That is the only way that the world would understand my perspective, right?

There is so much I want you all to take from this read. There are lessons, experiences, and emotions that will propel you into the heart of my story, but more importantly, they will show you a reflection of your own. The concept of Love and War is not solely about military life or similar experiences. Instead, it is about faith, hope, love, and the ability to understand the stages of life that truly shape who you become. Love and War is about seeing your reflection and truly recognizing who you are, despite the things you’ve gone through. It is, in fact, the reality of Love and War without condition. Meaning, you have found that part of yourself that, no matter what, you can truly live with and continue to grow with.

Erik Erikson, an ego psychologist, developed the theory of psychosocial development during each stage of a person’s life. These stages include the positive and negative outcomes that reflect primarily upon personality development and experiences from infancy to adulthood. He believed that during each stage of our lives, we develop a different part of ourselves based on experiences. While I won’t take you on a journey from the beginning stages of my life, I will be sharing some of the most important highlights that have shaped me into the courageous and empowering woman I am today.

Preface

I took the red biohazard bag and stared at the nurse. That’s it? Yes. You haven’t passed clots or anything, so that means that you’re still pregnant. Here is a pair of mesh panties and a maxi pad to hold you over until you get home. I changed my underwear, took the biohazard bag, and my supervisor, who’d accompanied me at the hospital, ensured that I made it home safely. I had no medical experience, but I was sure that I should have gotten better care than that.

Bria—my unborn daughter— should have gotten better care than that.

I went to the bathroom to shower as soon as I made it home. Before I began running my water, a strong urge to have a bowel movement took control. I sat on the toilet, felt a horrible cramp, stood up to bear the pain, lost my balance from dizziness, and fell into the wall.

My consciousness escaped me for the next events. I came to when I was being carried away on a stretcher to the hospital. My supervisor was the one who called 911. He later told me that he saw a bloody lump of something in the toilet. That bloody lump of something was my daughter Bria. I had given birth to Bria in the toilet the way Sam wanted me to. I had made a commitment to my husband, a life that only he and I shared, and right now, a child didn’t fit the lifestyle he had prepared for us. It was a brutal reality for me, one that has kept my heart in a sling throughout the years, and as hard as it was to experience this moment, the brutal reality was...

She was gone.

Chapter 1

First Love

Idon’t think I've ever been a follower. If I was, I definitely had other plans in my head. I’m pretty sure I had questions for any and everything my peers brought to me. Why do you want to do that? How does that work? Who’s going to be there? What’s the expectation? Thinking back, I’m pretty sure that was annoying. Those, however, were the questions I had when the discussion of college came up between my friends and me. I had already set my mind on Sam. Ironically, love and war have always been a part of my life, deeply rooted in the relationships I later encountered. When I was about 14 years old, I remember wanting to join the military. When I shared that desire with others, they would always say things like, that’s not a job for women or you’re too small to be in the military. What would you even do in the military?" I never looked at it that way, though. I felt like regardless of my size, I could join and be just as successful as anyone else. Even today, I still find it funny that people think the military is not for women. It’s really crazy how what other people think about a thing can influence your thought processes and decisions. I’ve met some of the strongest, most powerful female soldiers and airmen in my tenure, and I have the utmost respect for them.

I had heard about Sam my entire life. I’d been fantasizing about joining the military since ninth grade. The first person I told was my mother’s mom—Granny. She supported Me. She had experienced it through her brothers, nephews, and cousins. Her younger brother James had actually flown with the Tuskegee Airmen. What negative impact could it possibly have on me? I would just be the only female on my maternal side to do such a thing. That’s the way Granny saw it, but I knew to keep it between us because there was no way that Mommy would encourage it. I had to deal with what was uncomfortable within my family dynamic, but also my faith walk. See, my Mom doubled as not only a parent but also my pastor. She loved me and raised me more in the spirit than in the things of the world. However, for me, I was not as seasoned in my spiritual mindset and was moving forward in my own world. Love and War. I did pray that Mom would embrace our differences and come around because I didn’t want to disappoint her. She was relentless with leading me in the faith, and I was determined to be led in service. After talking to my older sister Vanessa,