HOPE: Hold On, Pain Ends

By Brenda Saxe

"Praise God when you can receive godly support and wise counsel from people who are Christ-minded. We needed support for suicide loss or attempted suicide to help those who are suffering. This book enables us to walk alongside them." International Center for Women's Ministries is thankful to have this as another resource for our sisters in Chris

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781647731755

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Trilogy Christian Publishers

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive

Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2020 by Brenda Saxe

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) taken from The Holy Bible, King James Version. Cambridge Edition: 1769.

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Trilogy Christian Publishing/ TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing.

Manufactured in the United States of America

Trilogy Disclaimer: The views and content expressed in this book are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views and doctrine of Trilogy Christian Publishing or the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-64773-174-8(Print Book)

ISBN 978-1-64773-175-5 (ebook)

Dedication

My prayers are for those who are survivors of suicide loss, those who struggle with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, that you may find the pain ease as you go through this journey and know the hope that only Christ can bring. In memory of my son-in-law, all of his family and friends, my niece and her family, our friends who also grieve the loss of their child, and all the people who have given their viewpoint and information to help others know they are not alone.

May your hunts be favorable. I hold our memories dear and near. You are always in my thoughts as I realize that I needed you just as much as you needed me. I talk things over with you still about business and the children. I am trying to help keep your family grounded and know that we love them dearly. I miss you so much it hurts. Until we meet in heaven. Love, Dad.

Contents

Introduction

Suicide–What Leads to Suicide?

You Are Not Alone

Healthy Healing

Grieving a Suicide

When You Love Deeply, You Will Grieve That Loss Even More Deeply

Whats my Story?

Day 1–Tell Your Story

Day 2–Read Your Story:What’s Missing?

Facilitator Group Exercise: Breathing

Day 3–Psalm 23

Day 4–Grief Assessment

Day 5–Be Honest with Yourself

Suicide Prevention and Awareness

Day 1–Statistics of Suicide

Day 2–Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Prevention Comes from Awareness

Day 3–Emotional Intelligence Part 1

Day 4–Emotional Intelligence Part 2

Day 5–Depression, Feeling the Pain

Grief Is Normal

Day 1–Realizing My Grief Is Normal and Healthy Facilitators Group Exercise: Grief Assessment

Day 2–Emotions

Day 3–Physical and Spiritual Impact of Suicide Loss

Facilitator Breathing Exercise

Day 4–Maintaining Friendships and Connections

Day 5–Rest in God’s Strong Arms

Listening to Others: You Are Not Alone

Day 1–What Helped Me Heal

Day 2–Trying to Understand Forgiveness

Day 3–New Focus

Day 4–Making Decisions

Why We Use CBT

Day 5–Getting HelpWhat Is Mental Health, Medications, Follow-Up, and Advocate for Your Health?

Stronger in Broken Places

Day 1–No More Secrets

Day 2–Different Circumstances: Keeping Special Memories Alive

Day 3–The Clichés

Day 4–Working through the Memories

Day 5–What Is Working for Me?

Self-Care

Day 1–What’s Your Dream?

To Love Yourself

Day 2–Take a Walk

Day 3–Devotional Routine

Day 4–Helping Others

Day 5–One Day at a Time

Where Do I Go from Here?

Day 1–The Struggle Is Real

Day 2–Journal

Day 3–Forgiveness,Yourself and Others

Day 4–Words of Healing and Hope from Others

Day 5–The Blessings

Resources

Facilitator Guide

Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Group Facilitator Guide

Introduction to Support Group

Exercise: A Mental Health Checkup, My Emotions Checkup

Life Stressors

Week 2–Suicide Prevention and Awareness

Day 1–Statistics of Suicide

Day 2–Depression, Feeling the Pain

Day 3–Maintaining Friendships and Connections

Day 4–Realizing My Grief Is Normal and Healthy

Day 5–Rest in God’s Strong Arms

Week 4–Listening to Others:You Are Not Alone

Day 1–What Helped Me Heal?

Day 2–Trying to Understand Forgiveness

Day 3–New Focus

Day 4–Making Decision

Day 5–Getting Help: What Is Mental Health?

Week 5–Stronger in Broken Places

Day 1–No More Secrets

Day 2–Different Circumstances: Keeping Special Memories Alive

Day 3–The Clichés

Day 4–Working through the Memories

Day 5–What’s Working for Me?

Week 6–Self-Care

Day 1–What’s Your Dream?

Day 2–Take a Walk

Day 3–Devotional Routine

Day 4–Helping Others

Day 5–One Day at a Time

Week 7–Where Do I Go from Here?

Day 1–The Struggle Is Real

Day 2–Journal

Day 3–Forgiveness, Yourself and Others

Day 4–Words of Healing and Hope from Others

Day 5–The Blessing

Prayer Request

You will be guided to pray and also add your own prayers or prayer request.

Prayer is powerful. Never underestimate the power of what prayer can accomplish. Prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective (James 5:16).

Come confidently before God with your prayers, knowing that He can answer above and beyond what you can ask.

Support Group for Survivors of Suicide Loss

Caring for those whose lives have ever been changed by the loss of a loved one due to suicide, whether an attempt survivor or survivor of suicide loss. This is written as a support group to show God’s hope in the midst of pain and sorrow. It can be studied alone; however, the benefit of small group far outweighs what you can learn on your own. Please consider this before you attempt this study on your own.

Acknowledgments

To our Lord who always provides the knowledge we need to stay in alignment with Him through His Word.

To my loving husband, Larry, four words forever! Thank you for believing in me and always supporting me in all that I do!

For the memory we share of Shawn with our families and friends. May the ripple effect we leave be one that spans and reaches all who read this and are affected to suicide to end the stigma, shame, and blame surrounding this disease. May people learn to help each other walk in the light, be aware, and know that the battle is already won. For the memory of my niece, Heather, and her family and friends, for all those who contributed their stories to help others heal and know they are not alone.

To Mercy Center for Women’s Ministries, ladies, you always lift me up. You are my prayer warriors, my beloved sisters in Christ!

To Jewel Holt, who pushed me to do what I have always wanted to do. Patti Laffoon, Barb Percy, and Candi Smith, who helped me edit and create, gave me encouragement to continue and guidance when I needed it most.

Dedication

To my partner in Family Ties Life Coaching, Monica Sigmund. May we continue to grow in knowledge together of what Christ has done for us and always remember that you are enough.

Introduction

Praise God when you can receive godly support and wise counsel from people who are Christ-minded. This support group is meant to lift you up to help you further along your grief journey. This will be Christ-based guidance and encouragement to help direct you on your path. It is recommended that you are at least four to six months past the death of your loved one or have survived an attempted suicide.

Center for Women’s Ministries is an amazing example of women walking alongside women. The International Center for Women’s Ministries, Inc. is a not for profit organization offering free, Christ-centered peer counseling to women in need. They are headquartered in Bloomington, Indiana, and host many centers around the country and internationally. The founder, Reova Meredith, had a vision for healing and helping her sisters in Christ after her own experiences. The motto is, We’ve been where you are.

I am part of the Mercy Center for Women’s Ministries in Troy, Missouri. I am a peer counseling volunteer. I can attest to the impact this organization has had on my life and the lives of many others. We pray together, worship together, fellowship together, encourage each other, and we also reach out to all women in a nonjudgmental atmosphere. My sisters in Christ are powerful prayer warriors. They are praying with me over this book and over anyone who may take this support group.

Come to me with a teachable spirit. Eager to be changed.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

As survivors of suicide loss or attempted suicide, we need the help of others who have been where we are or who are also suffering as they come alongside us to help on this healing journey. I want you to know that you are not alone.

This is one of the mottos from Center for Women’s Ministries, You are not alone. I found this to be so true in my journey, and I want to share it with you. I’ve been where you are.

A support group helps you to break the stigma that surrounds suicide. It will give you a place where you can find healing and answers. Your grieving is valid. It’s yours! Everyone grieves differently. You will be able to speak with other survivors of suicide loss, and you will benefit from hearing their stories and telling your own story. You will experience a safe place where you will be heard, a place without judgment. For more information about a Center for Women’s Ministries in your area, go to https://cwmhope.org.

I have been part of several organizations, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, American Association for Suicide: Avoiceatthetable.org, National Association for Mental Health, LifeSavers, and American Association for Christian Counselors. I participated in two Out of the Darkness Walks, facilitated two Community Out of the Darkness Walks, and facilitated one Campus Out of the Darkness Walk, plus facilitated a Ride against Suicide. I’ve taken several classes, trainings, and have attended conferences. With each knowledge gained, I find myself no closer to learning for sure the why suicide. I do feel empowered and better equipped to speak about it and to train others in warning signs and awareness. All of these things I do with the blessing of my husband. He will listen to the speech I prepare or read my book as I write, yet this is not how he heals. He heals by being able to talk about his son. He remembers his character and who he was not in what happened to him. My husband gives me strength to heal and to voice my concerns. He heals by spending time with the grandchildren and helping them grow. He has trouble opening up on his own. My writings and trainings give us an opportunity for both of us to heal.

We, as a couple, went to counseling. We worked with a therapist for several weeks to help us navigate this overwhelming grief. I also attended grief support group, participated in GriefShare, and had a peer counselor. We both started reading a daily devotion called Jesus Calling. We started doing a devotional and prayer every morning. There were times when reading the Jesus Calling devotions, it seemed that the writer knew just what to say and what we needed to hear. We allowed God to have a close personal relationship with us.

This support group for survivors of suicide loss has another layer. We, being biblically based, can offer you the light at the end of the tunnel. We can help you find the hope of healing in Christ. As Christians, it may shock you to know there are other Christians where you are. Suicide has no limit to whom it effects.

The Bible speaks of at least seven suicides (paraphrased from the niv).

"Because of defeat by the enemy and great fear after being wounded, Saul chose to end his life" (1 Sam. 31:3).

"Armour-Bearer to Saul, Out of hopelessness and terror, the king’s assistant took his own life" (1 Sam. 31:5).

"Samson, in his great drive for revenge on his enemies, with the last of his strength pulled the pillars down, crashing the temple and killing his enemies and himself" (Judg. 16:25–30).

"Abimelech, this cruel King was so injured that his pride led him to take his own life so no one could say–a woman killed him" (Judg. 9:50–55).

"Ahitophel, out of fear rejection or complete hopelessness he took his own life" (2 Sam. 17:23).

"Zimri, facing utter defeat, and seeing no way out took his own life" (1 King 16:15–20).

"Judas in great despair and guilt for betraying Jesus chose suicide" (Matt. 27:3–4).

Why do I mention these stories and highlight some of the words used to describe what happened? There are common denominations here—defeat, fear, hopelessness, revenge, pride, rejection, no way out, despair, and guilt. You can even read into it and find they had anxiety because of what was ahead. What possible way out could there be?

God has a promise for us. It may be hard to hear or understand the throes of grief, but let this soak into your heart. Ponder it and process it. God tells us time and again in His word that He will never waste the pain we struggle through. He will turn it around for good somehow, someway. He will use this time to strengthen us and to help others. You may be in a place where that seems unimaginable right now. Your pain may still be too raw to understand. That is another reason for you to join this support group because you will see we have pain. There will always be a scar, but God gives us hope, grace, and peace. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the act of suicide is an unforgivable sin. If you are a believer in Christ, you will go to heaven. The Bible is clear that sin which cannot be forgiven is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit and the refusal to believe in Christ. Take heart, my friend, there are many sins that are not confessed before death happens. Our Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross to take away our sins.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom. 8:38–39 niv).

This support group is about helping each other through a time when the enemy wants to steal our joy, blind us to the truth of who we are in Christ Jesus, and confuse us as to who our loved one was in Christ. Any struggle we have, any pain that we bear is never stronger than our Lord Jesus Christ.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all" (Ps. 34:18–19 niv).

Jerusha Clark made this statement, "Every day we battle the tension of knowing God’s truth and knowing the reality of our condition. Is there hope for this sad predicament? By the Grace of God, yes! It will only come by allowing the great I am to breathe His truth into every piece of us.

"I want the great I am to breathe His truth into every piece of me and you! I want to breathe without feeling such a sharp stabbing pain that I feel another breath would just be too much. I want healing from the great I am to fill me and to overflow. I hope and pray that you also want to be part of this journey of healing. I want to hear these words, Daughter, your faith [your personal trust in me] has restored you to health; go in peace and be [permanently] healed from your suffering (Mark 5:34 amp).

Suicide–What Leads to Suicide?

Despite what you may have been told or led to believe, there’s no single cause. Suicide most often occurs when stressors and health issues converge to create an experience of hopelessness and despair. Depression is the most common condition associated with suicide. Ninety percent of people who are suicidal have an undiagnosed or untreated mental health issue. Conditions like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, especially when unaddressed, increase the risk for suicide.

You Are Not Alone

It is said that most people who die from suicide are not thinking of themselves as much as they are everyone else. They feel they are a burden to their family, that everyone would be better off without them. Many people will think that it was a selfish act, yet in truth, it is a self-less act.

Brenda, October 21, 2014, son-in-law died from suicide. Please know that he did not commit suicide, he died from suicide. Just as my uncle died from cancer and my father died from a heart attack. The term committed means that they intended to, wanted to. Let me assure you that no one wants to be sick. No one wants to have their mind controlled by dark thoughts of depression and anxiety.

Everyone experiences suicide loss in their own way. In addition to common grief responses such as sadness and shock, you may also feel anger, shame, disorientation, guilt, and some may even feel the pang of relief. Relief may sound foreign to you which puts you into that guilty feeling. However, if your loved one struggled over a long period of time and had made multiple attempts, the relief would be in not having to worry every time they left your sight, wondering, Is This the Night (a support group book by Annamarie Matulis).

You do not have to go through this difficult experience alone. Suicide affects millions each year, and there are several resources to help loss survivors cope, connect, and heal. A list of those resources is listed in