More of Moonie World

By Robert Bob

Robert E. Bob and Princess Lubachenka are back in their whacky broadcast mode with the second bunch of Moonie World tales that will have you gasping for breath between mouthfuls.

• Language: English
• Publisher: CMD
• Release date: May 21, 2020
• ISBN: 9781952046513

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 by Robert E. Bob

All right reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodies in critical article and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The reviews expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Dear Reader; please be advised there are instances of swearing, violence and drug use in these stories. They are recommended to be read by adults to children.

For KMB.

Contents

Erstwhile Utterance

Moonie One Come In

(in which we share some of the Moonie Leader’s anxiety and we learn some interesting phenomenological aspects of flatulence).

Moonies on the move (for world peace)

(in which the Moonies become aware of an evil plot to destroy mostly everyone).

Bigaboo’s Grand Plan

(in which we are introduced to the youth leadership Moonies and oversee the machinations of grand planning).

Moonies and the homeless kid

(in which the Moonies are alerted to a child at risk of getting a multiple personality disorder and try to find a way to prevent this).

The Grand Plan takes shape

(in which – well it kind of speaks for itself; and then takes the form of a global operation involving all 195 countries).

Whatever happened with the Moonies and the homeless kid?

(in which we find out the answer to that question by reading the story; don’t get ahead of yourself already).

Moonies and the Holy War

(in which we discover more about that evil plot to destroy the world, and what the Moonies intend to do about it).

Moonie Mission: Anwa in the Holy War.

(in which the Moonies finally get to do something about it, now that we’ve had two whole chapters about it already).

Glossary

(in which we attempt to demystify some big and strange words and concepts for the reader, as best we can).

Erstwhile Utterance

C ome erstwhile reader, thou curious and quenchlessly queer, thee of pluckily obvious and well- rounded good cheer; let us tell thee what thee are now bound to hear. Nonsense tales of Moonie whimsy and suchlike within; sillious and bonkers to thy human ear; pray begin. Some pithy tales of squashy stuff; chewy reading, sure enough. Be your teeps shiny and ready? It may get rough. Swearing, profanity, nightmarish fare; a disapproval noise; tsk, tsk; is that what we hear? Dost thou balk at the sound of yuckery near?

Stickydate; discombobulate; chuck away thy sissy blanket fluff. Bits and pieces, bloodied, bambigooey, boisterous, botulistics; Wracking, reading scarified bits; fatalistics. Have faith curious reader; within lies the crucible of the fabled Moonie fairy; fantastic and indecorous; the very opposite of civilised with souped-up ballistics. Tis not for the faint of spirit; a true Moonie trait; pluck, intrepidity. Perk up thy beaker and quibble not the tufty morass afore yee; for to give up now would be bunkum; nothing short of snivelling and crumby.

Sooth! erstwhile reader, what? say we are not yet boring thee? Thou art surely a reliable biped of brainy cogitation? Thou wouldst not balk at an opportunity for improper pertubation? Hairy-buttocked, slack-jawed galoots may flounce at this juncture; be they not willing of such fearless occupation. Whiney-voiced grieflets too pale and thick-lipped to read aloud; puck-slappers and lunchbox clutchers; afraid in a crowd. Wouldst thou be amongst this sorry and crapulent bunch of naysayers?

Nay; thou wouldst quell thy teetering languor and stand proud? Yay; the reward of such turpitude, o curious strumpet; recalcitrant risk taker, yeasayer, crispy crumpet; take thee no refuge in convention; here lies adoring admonition; a manky miasma of mirth; like it or lump it. Read on plucky human; thy brows and cheeks a-crinkling; whirring and clunking, so loudly thy thoughts tha-thinking. Our plan; to immerse you; bling back the plawn clackers; never hast thou gone for such periods not bla-blinking.

Moonie One Come In

‘M oonie one come in, over,
come in Moonie One, over. Come in, over.’

‘Come in over Moonie One, come in, over
Moonie One. Are you reading me Moonie One, over’

...

‘Moonie One Come In Over’

...

‘Moonie One this is Bigaboo at Moon base control over; come in over; Moonie One are you reading me over;’

...


‘Moonie One over, Moonie One over’

...

‘I’m getting nothing.’


Bigaboo stares out of the wide space gazer screen. Now he is talking to himself.
Is he going mad? There’s no response. Nothing. Perhaps he is.

His beaker knob twitches; a little nervous habit that has developed, amongst others, on account of all the stress. Management of Moonie missions is a stressful job.

The Moonie Leader does it for love but it sure is stressful.
Love can be stressful.

It twitches again and he grabs it; the beaker knob.

He tries again; ‘Moonie One, come in over…Moonie one…will you come in, over.’

…

Nothing. The screens are black; no Moonie faces looking back at him with smiles. There’s not even a crackle. What the…

He turns and paces left; stops; turns and paces back to his place; stops; grabs both ears; thwack.

He tries again; this time speaking quite a lot louder;

‘Moonie One; Moonie One; Come in will you, over…are you reading me Moonie one over.’

What the heck is going on out there? Is everything OK?

He pinches himself. Ouch.

...ok hold the phone and the story.

…

This is not like Bigaboo, our beloved Moonie Leader to be so stressed. Not like this anyway. And it’s not like the Moonies on a Moonie Mission to stay out of contact like this.

Should we be starting to get worried Reader? Is there something gone wrong on the Moonie Mission? We’ve never had that happen before.

Hang on; any one here read any of the other stories?
Huh?
You know; like in the other book of Moonie stories.
Blimmin hope so.

...
...

OK Reader; we’ll take a moment and leave Bigaboo to his stress quirks.

I’m Robert E Bob, just in case you haven’t read any of our stories. Nice to meet you; allow me to introduce, or re-introduce Princess Lubachenka; me old fairy Godmother and general whiz on what’s proper and how to deal with writing children’s fairie-tales for adults. The Princess has a very important part to play in these stories; and she’s from Russia by the way.

Hi Reader.

Say hi to Princess Lubachenka like good kids. You are good kids we know otherwise you wouldn’t be snuggled in tight with Daddy or Mummy or grandma or your babysitter and listening to this here story.

Otherwise you might be off doing stuff like swinging the cat by it’s tail or stealing cookies that should be left for school lunches or hiding your dirty underpants.
...
...
Ok say hi now; there ya go; there ya go; there ya-blinkin-well go.


So, well, where were we?
We were where? It was when? Wow; see how that works. What?

Robitty Bob!

You look at me strange sometimes Princess. ...
So...where wer-

Robitty Bob!

There’s that look again. I can tell you are becoming frustrated Princess; something about the scrunched-up eye-brows. Oh well; I guess it’s a good thing you still have some. Heh heh.

Sorry Princess; they are real; aren’t they?

Yept Robitty Bob! You are already being annoying.

OK; I will return to our story if you are quite ready.....


OK; so Bigaboo is looking out to space. His Moonie Mission team have still not responded. This is bad. Oh cripes. He has something more to worry about.

He says, ‘Cripes! They blinkin-well better not well have blinkin-well left their blinkin monitors and radars switched off.’


‘MOONIE ONE, MOONIE ONE, WILL YOU COME IN OVER…’

It’s no use; there’s no response. This is driving him nuts. What the heck are they doing out there? He throws his arms up and is about to slam them down on the desk.

Hang on a mo Reader; and chillens; I know it’s hard, but if we try; if we use our imagination, figmentally-like, we can see him, the big Moonie leader, all stressed out, with his hands up in the air. It is hard so we’ll give you a picture.

Bigaboo is experiencing a lot of stress so he looks funny. For some reason, his Moonie Mission crew are not responding from their spacerocket. This could be really bad. What’s gone wrong?

Notice his restless and fidgety body language; his exaggerated actions that seem objectively comical. There is something so tense in him, like he could just burst. He is so alert right now he is hyper- alert. Every sense in his body is fizzing with alertness. A heightened state of anxiety.

His eyes and ears are keening out towards space on the screens. His hands are active on the space-gazer control desk in a blur of activity; twiddling and tweaking.

Speaking of tweaking; that’s more like a better way of describing his beaker. It’s not a twitch; it’s a tweak; he’s freaking out. Anyway, stress-peaking doesn’t look like it’s doing Bigaboo any good (this week).

What a cheek RB.

Heh heh. Nice work Princess.

He gives up twiddling knobs and walks up and down in front of the control desk. He feels helpless. There’s nothing he can do. The spacerocket might be broken; the Moonie crew might be…

Oh blimmin heck; he is beside himself with worry. He farts.


(Reader; make a fart noise if you can; we know it’s a bit rude but it may get a laugh; not that we want to rely on farts for laughs. Thanks for that).

It’s a beauty.

…the big Moonie Leader, all stressed out with his hands up in the air

This is good because at least it relieves some of the abdominal tension that has built up inside his big ol’ tummy.

You actually should hear some of the farts that Bigaboo does. This fart was actually nothing compared to some other memorable farts from the Moonie leader. Unfortunately we tend to think that he probably actually farts more than the other Moonies, but then you see, this is unfair to Bigaboo, because he is in the stories more than the other Moonies, so it really only seems like it.

He farted in the last book as well Princess; do you recall?

…

Moonies all actually fart quite a bit. And that’s not surprising given how much they can actually tuck away, so it makes sense. Methane’s gotta go somewhere. Also, methinks Bigaboo’s farting may actually be related to stress, cos his job is so-blinkin-stressful; and tummy stress can actually cause flatulence.

Actually, while we’re waiting for the Moonie Mission to get back in touch; perhaps we could examine that a wee bit.

Fart is an onomatopoeia Princess; you know what this is? I realize this is an unnecessary diversion, but the term flatulence reminded me for some reason; because that is not.

Not what RB?

Not an onomatipeioa.

Flatulance isn’t; but fart is.

Robitty Bob this is a gross overuse of the pointless word ‘actually’ and you are getting off track on dodgy topic. I’ll be surprised if Reader is still here.

How silly; Reader are you still there?


Say, ‘hello Mr. Bob’ if you’re still there.

...

And hello to you. Thank you.

Princess Lubachenka we think perhaps you are worrying too much. There’s no rule book on how often or not to use the word actually. We know you’re good at what you do but you actually need to relax. Allow yourself to immerse in this story process. The process is actually as important as the story itself.

…

So this fart wasn’t actually that bad, stink-wise, but it was a release of the abdominal tension which helped.
He tried another but there was only a high-pitched squeak.
No good.

It’s OK. There’s still no signal.

While we’re waiting for the Moonie crew