Topsy-Turvy: Funky Rhymes for Funny Times

By Carmen Tiderle

If you look for a book of rhyming stories for today’s children, this is it! From unfaithful socks to kings banning ice cream, from split personality hotdogs to mosquitoes that know the meaning of life, from mean bunny shadows to fish that “pee on your towel or your comfy beach chair just because they have to go and the beach is right there”, the characters of this upside-down world are anything but ordinary. Open this book at any page and enjoy!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Apr 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781398403925

Carmen Tiderle

Carmen Tiderle is poet in chief at Funny Rhymes for Funky Times Inc., a copywriter and also Dora and Roman’s mother. She likes monkeys and earthworms, upside-down things, any shade of blue… and she would love to live by the sea. She wrote her many poetry books for children (in Romanian) while travelling to the township of Joyville and the West Pole.

Book preview

Ghiga.

Turvy-Topsy

She turns up into down and sky into ground,

She even turned ‘topsy-turvy’ the wrong way around.

She loves sunbathing on rainy weather,

And when it’s hot, she likes to wear boots and a sweater.

Spilt milk makes her laugh, eating cake makes her cry

And she waits for Santa in the middle of July.

In math class, she talks about novels and poems

And her dreams are the sweetest when her eyes are wide open.

When everybody laughs, she’s all grumpy and sad

And, on her birthday, she always gets mad.

Always.

If you know what to look for, the trouble’s right there,

Her head’s down to earth and her feet – in the air.

One day, I’ll surprise her with a trick off the map,

I’ll swing round the Earth and she’ll find herself

The right side up.

What Would You Do?

Let’s say one summer day (no school!)

A schooner shows up in your pool,

Its captain calling full of mirth,

"Hey, kid, get on, we’re heading north!

We’ll swim with polar bears, as for the whales,

We’ll go skating on their extremely large tails!

With fish – all raw – we’ll fill our mouths,

Then, bellies full, we’ll head on south.

My schooner sails on hills and mounts,

So rest assured, we’ll go right where you want.

We’ll frolic with lions out in the savannah,

With monkeys and apes we’ll share some bananas,

We’ll have an elephant give us a shower –

What do you say? Come, seize the hour!"

What would you do if that were to happen,

Stay home with Mom or sail with the captain?

The Flea and the Cat

I once heard the story of an oddball cat who

Grew smaller, not larger as cats tend to do.

She found she was smaller than a yarn ball one day,

When, lively and cheerful, she started to play.

The next day, no larger than a small grain of rice,

She ran into trouble while hunting for mice.

However, life wasn’t quite as bad as that,

Since no dog could now spot the marvellous cat.

As for the regular flea living in the cat’s fur,

There’s no telling, poor insect, what it had to endure.

It feared, and with good reason, its own impending doom,

Despite the lack of elbows, it had no elbowroom.

First as small as a grain, then as small as a freckle,

Then the head of a pin, and then just a speckle.

In despair, the flea jumped to escape from this blight.

’Twas in vain: now, it had its own parasite.

When Siblings Fight

It’s navy blue.

What’s wrong with you!?

That’s mouse grey,

It’s plain as day!

It’s no mouse, it’s a rat,

and a brown one at that!

Violets are blue!

There’s no way that’s true,

You don’t have a clue!

It’s straw yellow,

You hare-brained fellow!

It’s brown! No, it’s tan!

Turquoise! No, cyan!

You’re out of your mind,

Are you colour-blind?

You mean dichromat?

I mean diddly squat!

That’s brown poo,

Just like you.

That’s magenta! That’s Bordeaux!

No, it’s mauve! It’s indigo!

Are you pulling my leg?

That’s clearly duck egg!

That’s salmon pink

And you sure stink!

Strawberry red!

Pink, you knucklehead!