CAN I BE THE MAN?: A letter from US to YOU

By King Naib

"Can I be the MAN?" - A letter from US to You, is exactly what the title implies. It is a letter written on behalf of African American men in an attempt to put an end to the feud between male and female, so the duality of relationships can be restored. It addresses some hard conversations that need to be discussed within African American culture and relationships. It allows men to be "naked and unashamed" in revealing their failures, but also identifying some of the deep seeded desires African American men have for women. From a much-needed apology from men, to getting a better understanding of the inner workings of the heart of men, to acknowledging that there are no good men, only men striving to be good, this work will touch the heart and mind of every woman that is currently in or desires to be in a harmonious relationship with an African American man.

By the end of the book, it will stimulate a much-needed dialog between African American men and women to bring about peace within their relationships and ultimately restore the fabric of their homes. With the duality of African American relationships restored, their families will be restored, which in turn will repair their communities, and will allow the needed unity within African American culture to stand together in solidarity.

“This work started out a conversation with a few of my elders over a game of spades. From there it became a poem and now has blossomed into a full body of work. I have come to learn that I can express myself much better through writing than I can verbally. It was originally my desire to write the words that I have been struggling to be able to communicate in my own relationships. Over the course of time, I have some to realize that there are many men just like me that feel the same way, yet don't know how to communicate their emotions and thoughts. This work is for the men that look into our communities and see the need for men, but have watched and been unable to ask women the simplest of questions, Can I be the MAN? This work will be controversial in many ways but will ultimately have the desired effect of healing within our culture.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: Apr 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662910760

Book preview

Boone

Introduction

First, I want to start off by saying that reading this has opened my eyes to things I don’t think about when it comes to men and that’s saying a lot because i have nine brothers. This entire book is not just a man speaking to another man but a man speaking to the world on the things we won’t speak on. In reading this, it brought me to so many different emotions, good and bad. I cried, got angry, agreed, smiled, and even disagreed about a few parts but in the end, it made me hopeful. Hopeful that it will clear up the muddy waters that we all might be in denial about. It’s literally for anyone not just men or women but everyone of many ages can learn something from this or even use this to look at things from the other’s perspective. It felt good to read each section, even in reading it like individual stories or letters.

Many of us men and women have some serious unrealistic expectations and standards for each other and it’s not fair. We, as women cannot expect our men or husbands to meet the standards our fathers laid out, it’s unfair. And the same goes for men, expecting all the women you date to cater to you like your mothers is wrong. Those positions are different and should be kept as such. In the end we BOTH must compromise and be actual partners in a relationship for it to work. How you grew up or were raised is no excuse for treating someone that YOU chose to be with and love through hell and high water just to see if they will stay. That’s how you miss your blessings.

I have lived by the saying you can’t love me if you don’t respect me first. I used to question myself if thinking like that was wrong, until this book. Many people have lost their self-respect but many refuse to view other ways of self-respect as well. They want you to be you, but only the you I think you should be. Which is confusing and why so many people don’t follow their dreams in the end.

How can you EXPECT us/women to allow you to be men when many only want to work part time, but you want full time benefits? How do we/women expect our men to want that role or even know that role when the lines have been so blurred that all of us are unsure what’s okay for men/women to do?

In the end this book touched on topics that we as people need to discuss, especially with future generations. This book can help couples understand where the other might be coming from to truly grow together and break many generational curses. Women can read this to get an idea of what our men go through that we don’t think of. In reading this I saw my own flaws brought to light that I didn’t think anything about. THIS book can help people as a whole understand and learn, it brings out the ugly and shows you how to make it pretty again. We are divided as a people, men/women, boy/girl, races/ethnicity and in my opinion reading this book will cut down on the things erected between us that we can’t seem to overcome. Because in the end all we have is each other so why not try to understand the other better and make things easier? Isn’t life already hard enough?

Seriniti Diamond

The Apology

"No need to understand…

Nor have a full concept of the plan,

Yet overstand… our position as a man.

Got it! Mistakes have been made

On both sides there are debts to be paid

But can we come together to stop this empty crusade?

Take a moment and examine what’s around…

Communities beaten into the ground,

Children running rampant nowhere to be found

While we debate on who did who worst

How long will this record repeat the same verse?!

Since man is supposed to lead, we’ll go first…

We see you… we see what our absence put you through…

We see what you’ve done and do… front row seat, clear view…

Our mistakes we realize, and we understand we’ve allowed you to be compromised…

We take responsibility and apologize!

Now can we please come together and build…

Nah, we not looking for an apology, all has been fulfilled

Let’s bring back family and let positivity be willed!

Yet we need a favor… set aside how you feel

We need your trust although it’s not ideal

Being vulnerable is the only way for us to truly help you heal.

We know it’s not going to happen overnight

And it might not be in reach, but it’s definitely in sight

So, stand back and let me fight…

For us… for our children… for our community…

For our ancestor’s sacrifice… for our future… for our unity!

Follow us…"

SPEAKER

Equality is a fallacy. For years, the fight for equality has tarnished and helped destroy the fabric of the duality of the relationship between man and woman. We function like Yin and Yang, allowing us to attain perfection within our relationships. I know you may be thinking, Perfection… nobody or relationship is perfect! Well, that depends on the perspective of the individual defining perfection. From my perspective, my wife has always been my perfection, from the moment we became a couple. It does not mean that we do not have our issues, but the duality that she brings to me is perfect. When you hear people say opposites attract they, without understanding, are talking about duality. It is a common agreement that gives equality relevancy. Think about this, the money we have in our wallet is no more than paper. This paper is supposed to represent something of tangible value. It was agreed that this monetary note would represent the item of tangible value. Without that agreement, those monetary notes would be no more than Monopoly money. So, the question that I have for you ladies:

Who told you… you were not equal to us?

For the vast majority, this thought comes from a religious or biblical stance. Woman was made subject to man, then bam, woman is now less than man. However, is this true? Or was the duality of the relationship between man and woman put in order? Let us examine this for a moment. From a biblical standpoint, woman was formed from man. It is common belief that a rib was taken to create woman, but the womb is what was stressed in giving the name womb-man or woman. This leads me to believe that not only was a rib taken, but the womb of man was also taken to create woman. For this to be true, it would have to mean that man is incomplete or imbalanced without woman and woman is incomplete or imbalanced without man. This is the definition of what duality is. Let us go a bit further into our examination.

The fall of man is where most teach the hierarchy of man and woman. Is there any truth to what has been taught? Man’s original responsibility was to take care of the world, have dominion over all the creatures of the earth, and to be fruitful and multiply. Before woman was created, this responsibility was already being handled solely based on the fact that all creatures had been named and were in order. The final responsibility was yet to be addressed and woman was created to provide companionship in the process of being fruitful and multiplying. This obligation became the responsibility of both man and woman. Prior to the fall of man, there were no guidelines on roles, just a singular goal. After the fall of man, things changed. The punishment of man cursed the entire world and forced hard labor in caring for the world. The punishment to woman produced pain in giving birth and placed her desire solely upon man where man would rule over woman. The common agreement is that man became greater than woman at this stage, yet it is in these punishments where the order of man and woman’s duality would be established.

Prior to the fall of man, the constant duality of man and woman’s relationship was man carried the seed and woman carried the womb. Together they have the godly power to form life. This remains the same to this day; understanding this truth is of grave importance. Behind every great man, is a greater woman! In overstanding the duality of not just the physical, but all aspects, we are able to overstand the concept that man is able to produce, but ultimately it is woman that provides the nurturing needed to conceive and bring life. This overstanding works in the same way for woman as well. Woman is able to conceive and bring life, yet it is man that produces the seed necessary. This is the Yin and Yang of our relationship. So where is the confusion? One word, rule! This one word has caused so much confusion to the duality of man and woman, so let’s take a moment to bring back clarity.

The Hebrew origination of rule has three words that it could be translated to; rule, govern, and master. Overstanding the duality of man and woman, govern would be more appropriate than rule. Why govern? The use of the word rule denotes that there is a form of greater and lessor, while the use of the word govern denotes appointment. Allow me to explain. A King rules his subjects, meaning whatever is asked of by the king, the subjects must do. While a Governor governs or speaks for the people. So, when you overstand the duality of the relationship between man and woman, you will overstand that the role man was placed in was to take responsibility for his household or to