Cave Men, Red Wine and the Dordogne. Harry Rockwell Vol One

By Paul Stansby

Saga of a life of one man on a new journey after being ousted out of retail by online, on this occasion freedom and fruition was found after a particular rocky start as talent overtook the previous downfalls and leads to a new life. It's fiction of course and in nine volumes . The first volume is set in France, the second one in France and the uk, third one in the , Bedfordshire, four and five in Cornwall, uk, , the sixth one in Corfu ,Greece, seventh in the Caribbean, eighth California, ninth San Francisco & Vancouver

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul Stansby
• Release date: Mar 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005144166

Book preview

cover-image, Harry Series One 2022 rewrite red 2015-2016

© Paul Stansby

    Uk, 2015-2021

  Cave Men,

      Red Wine

            &

    The Dordogne

                Fiction                   

    Volume one

    of the Harry Rockwell

    Series .

In nine volumes

Volume One in six parts

Part One

The Cave

Three main characters Harry, Bill & Josephine

Chapter 1

  At the Cave

Thick mist, moisture dripping off the vines, mangled around the pine trees large bunches of grapes majestically hanging down almost ready for cutting protected with fine nets from birds.

Harry slides over long damp grass, geese start cackling away as they sense his presence, grunting of pigs and the clucking of hens are to be heard as he ’ s get closer, he’s clutching a bag of coffee  baguettes, when he reaches the entrance to the cave a head appears through the beads over the entrance.

Bill: Hi, you made it nice and early, oh bread and coffee I ’ ll put the pot on.

The percolator remnants are poured onto the grass, a plastic bottle is filled from the urn, then they disappear into the cave, coffee and water are added to a percolator and a small burner is lit, the percolator is sat on top of it, a large pot of jam is added next to the baguette and percolator, all on a low table inside the cave .

Harry: You’ve got it cosy in here

Bill: I ’ ll get the tent up today as it's staying fine

Harry: Good idea the tent, temporary patio outside for fine days, barbecues and evening wine sessions

Bill: Oh yes, did you bring your pistol for our barbarous task. See if works first is a good idea, if it doesn ’ t blow Bess ’ s brains out, you ’ ve  a plan B.

Harry: knock her over the head with a sledge hammer

thats more gruesome, most likely just as effective, more squealing I think

Bill: Well, you grew up on a farm, chickens and cows you said, surprised you didn ’ t become a vegetarian.

Harry: Bar the chickens the rest were bundled into a transporter and off to the abattoir

Bill: You think you’re going to be squeamish doing it yourself

Harry: I have no feeling after last night ’ s wine session, but I haven ’ t got a band- saw I checked

Bill: So how are we going to chop her up?

Harry: I bought an electric chainsaw plus a generator

Bill: Why electric?

Harry: More control over an electric saw, easier to clean afterwards.

Bill: I ’ ll be coming down to your place to get cleaned up.

Harry: Long showers with lots of shower gel to get freshened up again,

Bill: It’ll be interesting if the police stops us

Harry: Most likely we’ll be arrested covered in blood

Bill: I ’ ll bring a change of clothes, the clothes I’m wearing can go in the washing machine

Harry: Yes its don’t forget the anti-calc around here otherwise

nothing happens

Bill: I’ll look up how make the black pudding, boudin over here, on the internet whilst I’m at you're a later. I'm okay on the pate for I ’ ve done that with somebody else before and I have borrowed Josephine ’ s kit, I just need some gas for the burner.

Harry: Yep, I have plenty of those sealable glass jars, I found in the cellar of the old place.

Bill: How many do you think jars you have.

Harry: Ten boxes, so around 120

Bill: That’ll be more than enough, can we pick up some chateau plastique on the way, we’ll need a glass or two after this

Harry: Yes, and you have a few more pigs to go at when they get larger, should taste good after all the fruit they consume under those wild fruit trees at the end of your field.

Bill: Oh yes, eleven, but I’ve got to keep one back for breeding.

Harry: The geese will be different, you’ll need some protective gear on, thick gloves I would have thought.

Bill: Josephine has worked with foie grass production, she has no problem with them and will come and pop them off as required.

Harry: Good, they don't look very catchable, we're conning the pig.

Bill: Back in the Cavemen days they trapped animals by conning them into traps and pits.

Harry: Well there are still a few things left to hunt round here, wild boar, deer and rabbits

Bill: Ducks and Pheasant are around too, but everybody uses guns. Nowhere near as sporting than throwing spears and trapping them.

Harry: Airborne animals were safe in those days, even later with a crossbow be difficult to nail a bird in flight.

Bill: Have you ever tried this pistol out.

Harry: Not yet

Bill: Ah so, a first, you’re not the one to go shooting at glass bottles resting on the wall

Harry: I’m sure that ’ s just movies and they’ll be rifle ranges for practice for all these people that go out on present day hunts.

Bill: Let’s get this coffee down and baguette finished before the dastardly deed

The two finish their coffee and baguette and leave the entrance and go around the back to do the business with the pig. They hung up on with the aid of a pulley in the shed that’s situated outside and they burn the hairs off and perform basic butchery, then return to folded seats outside the entrance to the cave.

Bill: The pistol worked fine. What happened to the crazy man who was

apprehended in the car park behind your place,

Harry: Yes, a customer spotted him and got the shotgun and cartridges off him,

Bill: That was when you opened the bar for a short time, he was going to come in and shoot you and the ex-girlfriend.

Harry: He had a manifestation that I was going with his ex as she was coming in the bar. I didn ’ t know the girl. I didn ’ t know him either. Then he ransacked her home the next day. He was arrested and put away till he cooled off.

Bill: How long?

Harry: Eighteen months I think. I got the pistol for protection in case of anymore crazy, over-zealous french men were around, motivated by bottles of Ricard or Pastis, the occurrence of using it never happened. as I shut the bar after eight weeks, an expensive experience.

Bill: Too much bureaucracy over here for me, at least you realised quickly that it was a non starter with your experience’

Harry: The guys opposite me at the garage pointed that kegs were going then coming back, they brought the kegs back empty obviously for the distributor would’ve have pointed out I was kegs in the

returns

Bill: Yes, the Bar Trade is a not a good business to be in anywhere to me

Harry: Or a restaurant, all a nightmare. Let’s get down to Tourtoirac and get cleaned up and into clean clothes and put these clothes in the washer.

Bill: Before the blood dries out too much and you you're in the Audi today I see.

Harry: Yep the shogun gone forever to the UK.

Bill: It’s not possible, to have it registered in France

Harry: It needed one of those European certificate of technique, something like that, European certificate of conformity I think, the car predated that legislation coming in, then you need to be permanent residence here

Bill: Complex

Harry: Yes, expensive and still might not be possible

Bill: Yes Europe, so much red tape,’

Harry: Its horrendous’

Bill:  Of course more legislation the more jobs.

Harry: Oh it creates employment. I've put some sheets on the seats so we don ’ t mess up the seats.

Bill: Good idea, this cars left hand drive, so that’s straightforward to drive around here.

They get in car and set off.

Chapter 2

Driving down to the village

Bill: Have you ever managed that again, the magical event that happened with this car.

Harry: Maybe I constantly miss a village out on the main route from Perigueux to

Tourtoirac, I don't like the village, that saves almost 7 minutes.

Bill: Which one?

Harry: Its aptly named Le Change I go around the corner before it and next thing I know I'm at the corner going up and round the quarry, completely misses it. Nothing compares to that instance on the M6.

Bill: Indeed

Harry: Yes, all I remember was electric pylons flying past me as in a dream. I had been thinking very hard about making the ferry the 11 pm crossing from Portsmouth to Caen. Then suddenly I was on the A40, avoiding a long queue of traffic time at the intersection to Telford. I hadn ’ t got a clue where I was and stopped off at a service station and I was informed I was on the A40 after enquiring.

Bill: A quick trip was had as you made the ferry with time to spare

Harry: I did in two hours forty five from the Telford turn off, impossible to make such good time with that traffic, at that time of day, 6.45 in the evening you need to average sixty plus mph

Bill: So not possible in the old days traversing Birmingham with no toll road and the heavy traffic that resulted with the lack of it 

Harry: I know I was there, here’s the white elephant, no police present, this is the normal midday stop off for them before lunch doing their routine checks.

Bill: Exactly what do the police look for?

Harry: Tools, materials, cartons, checking people aren ’ t working on the ‘Black ’ and for stolen goods, make sure you don't lose your receipt, holiday homes are numerous, easy targets of the less scrupulous.

Bill: Oh, never thought of that, occurred to me they may be doing  breathalysers.’

Harry: Oh if they did that, there would be nobody left to drive on the roads, most people are over, its wine country, don't forget the Pastis, Ricard,

Bergemont and the beers; lovely Stella and 1664 ,

Bill: Also, Chateau Plastique we indulge in, which in fact we have forgotten

Harry: I’m not going in the shop splattered from head to foot in blood.

They pull up round the back of the White Elephant.( old hotel in a state of renovation)

Chapter 3

The White elephant

after showering and changing

Bill: I put the clothes on the heavy soiled mark, it didn ’ t have one for blood, we’ll have to see what happens as the blood had dried off.

Harry: Okay, let’s get some wine and charcoal. I think perhaps not sausages, some Lamb or Steak or maybe both then get pissed.

Bill: I need some skins for the black puddings so I ’ ll ask the butcher for some in

Hautefort, there's not one here.

Harry: No just a grocer, a red wine shop for us, and the tabac bar if which you said you owed them for cigarettes.

Bill: Oh yes, better drive round to the Grocer. Beers?

Harry: You haven ’ t got a fridge.

Bill: I put them in the water collecting tank, that stays cooler with the shade from the trees.

Harry: Okay beers as well and don't forget these jars I have here, and the gas bottle.

Bill: Oh yes, I ’ ll carry the Gas.

Harry: I’m bringing my sleeping bag, the outdoor one, you have a blow-up mattress?

Bill: Got a blow-up doll as well is you get desperate.

They leave, go via the Grocer, and back to the Cave on the hillside.

Chapter 4 

Back at the cave

Bill: There’s Grottes (caves) in French, my place is a Grotte, how is the mayor M.Durand getting along with his Grottoes

Harry: Oh, it's happening, slow, everything is slow here except when they get stuck behind a wheel of the car.

Bill: Might be good, anything in there to look at

Harry: Stalactites, unique ones and anything happening is good.

Bill: Well we have everything out of the car

Harry: There ’ s always odd things I keep hidden in there.

Bill: Let’s get the fold up table out and the tent up, then I ’ ll I can do some salad, cucumber, radish preparation in the tent and you can light the barbecue.

The barbecue is started and lots of smoke covers the field then on glowing embers the meat gets placed, plastic cups are filled with wine from the plastic bottle, potatoes are placed under in the embers the two men sit back and chill, the fat hissing on to the embers.

Harry: You just need the electricity sorting out here, there's no taxes on a cave, also no services though.

Bill: Yes, it’s good but its pity about the electricity, you need to be connected for solar panels.

Harry: Not if you picked up some marine ones, there new and the even newer ones coming out you can just spread them on your field, slightly flexible and even strong enough to withstand walking on, there improving all the time.

Bill: Yes you’d connect them up to the batteries

Harry: There’s a variety of 12 and 24 volt camping appliances

Bill: I think a cigarette is needed to with the wine to add to the tranquility here.

Harry: Good idea, it’s a thick piece of meat and the embers are  hissing away now with the fat dropping down so should take around 20 minutes, there’s about half a bag of charcoal on it

Bill: Should be enough to put a percolator on it as well, get some coffee going, save on the gas.

Harry: Giving us the full outdoor experience, with Hollywood westerns the guys are always brewing on an open fire, all we need are some horses and some cattle in a coral and we ’ ve almost reached wild west cowboy status we just needs the hats and boots to compliment us

Bill: Convert your place into a wild west theme saloon.

Harry: It would be without the girls upstairs, I could not see the Mayor buying that.

Bill: You’d be burned to the ground by the local women, I bet some of these guys round here get lucky only once a year.

Harry: Once a decade,

Bill: They are a dour lot, it’s a shame, they need some spicing up

Harry: Not from me they don't. I ’ ll stick to my own approach and UK girls if required

Bill: Ah yes, you’re two and fro, I have no chance of enticing girls to this cave.

Harry: Not possible for a four-poster bed, fitted kitchen and washing machine in there, primo requirements for the modern women, plus a shower, I can ’ t see them decking themselves over with water from your butt outside here and the mud always caking their shoes.

Bill: Just the basics out here, nothing to keep clean and tidy either.

Harry: No, nothing to sparkle, no windows to clean in fact nothing to moan about because there is nothing.

Bill: Just wine, food, fresh air and on occasion moonlit nights.

Harry: A thick coat for those nights as they’re often chilly.

Bill: We miss their scents, smell and warm bosoms to put our heads on of course

Harry: They wouldn ’ t miss our body odours for sure

Bill: If could try fixing a shower head to the hose that I’ve foot pump attached to 

Harry: Maybe an improvement. Let’s play a round of cards, give the pack a good shuffle, makes the odds more even.

Bill: Then the food will be ready, so we can gorge ourselves and wash it down with this plonk.

Harry: You ’ ve got some cheese in the cave

Bill: Of course, lovely and smelly the way we like it,

They play a round of cards then get the paper plates and eating utensils out on the table take the food from the barbecue and begin eating.

Harry: Oh, this is so good, very fresh, the setting adds to the pleasure of the food, alfresco a la cave

Bill: You can't beat a sunny afternoon. I ’ ll get the cheese out now to add to the outdoor aromas

Harry: The blue Auvergne smells so good and along with that crusty ripe Camembert

Bill: It helps the cave atmosphere, I wake up smelling it, I go to sleep smelling it along with the strings of garlic and fresh sage and parsley hanging down off the roof drying out.

Harry: You’ve certainly have got some various bouquets there.

Bill: Maybe a short sleep on the car seats in the cave after this food, perhaps not though, looks who’s arrived.

Josephine: ‘ bonjour’

Bill: Hi, hello Josephine.

Josephine: I see you two hippies are as laid back as ever. You have done the pig.

Bill: Oh yes, we done her in this morning,

Josephine: I will check. I have containers for the blood to put in my fridge and muslin to cover pig, a wrap for around each side

Bill: I ’ ll come and show you

Bill gets up and takes Josephine to the shed

Josephine: You have done it correctly. I can see. 

Bill: Oh, yes block and tackle to hang it up, then burnt the all the hairs off with a blow torch, split it down the middle with an axe, we thought of chainsaw but tried the axe first, it worked

Josephine: You have the sides adequately covered with salt and pummelled it well with the salt on that bench you rigged up. I’ll put most of it in Harry ’ s fridges as soon as it ’ s starts curing. The shed is to warm for it. I ’ ll get some of it now and the blood.

Bill: I ’ ll get some carriers

Josephine: After I'm done keep the door shut and locked, foxes will come in the night, I think if you put that cheese in there it would help, it’s very ‘stinky’ as you say, disguise pig smell.

Bill: Okay Josephine, right on, anything we can do for you, whilst you’re sorting the pig out

Josephine: You can roll me a cigarette, but I think i ’ ll miss on a glass of wine it doesn ’ t look to be a very good one, maybe you have some bottled water and not from the butt.

Bill: We have a beer

Josephine: Yes, that will do. I suppose that is in the butt, I see the strings coming out, good I take one now and make a start.

She sips and sighs.

‘This is a good place to chill. I like the tent, just need horses now in the field’

Bill: We were saying that, horses and cattle to complete the picture.

Josephine: Horses would be good enough for me, not so fond of cows.

She finishes the beer and goes back in the shed to deal with the pig. After a while comes out.

Josephine: I ’ ve filled these carriers and taking them to my home to keep chilled and tomorrow I ’ ll bring them down to the White Elephant and clean out a fridge for them

Bill: Cheers, Josephine

Josephine: See you guys tomorrow, don't overdo it, chow.

she leaves in a beaten up pickup

Harry: She ’ s very demure today, brings out the sunshine to make the heavens shine.

Bill: Okay we better clear up a little, not much to clear though, you hungry still

Harry: Not after that side of beef, could kill a beer.

Bill: Good thinking, let’s not overdo it as she said, more cards.

Harry: Why not, tomorrow we can tackle the grapes the pig seems well sorted.

Bill : Josephine knows her pig, yes think on our endeavour into wine we’re starting up tomorrow.

Harry: Think on it whilst drinking the wine.

Bill: Okay, let’s play some more cards and have a couple of beers.

Harry: The first preparation for the grapes is the sterilising of the crusher at the white elephant,

Bill: Oh yes and the containers too,

Harry: Gonna get crowded in your cave,

Bill: Here, in this cave, I don't think so. Your downstairs is good for storage. There looks to be loads of bunches up in the vines threading through the trees. The vines are doing very well with all the muck I put at the bottom.

Harry : Should be a good harvest, those nets were worthwhile to stop the birds devouring them. It’ll save bringing the wine containers  up here the from the village leaving them at mine

Bill: I originally thought of doing the whole thing here, just not practical and there ’ s a better place to do it.

Harry: Just not so caveman.

Bill: Indeed if they had red wine.

Chapter 5: 

Next morning 6 am

Bill: How’s your air bed,

Harry: Too bouncy. This sleeping bag is good, I’ve not tried this one before, it’s a really warm one to be in.

Bill: I’m just off to feed the geese and pigs. Then we can go for your trailer and return to fill it with grapes and take back down again.

Harry: There's 10 containers for wine, so we could get 250 litres going in, then see what ’s left. It won’t take long, then get another 250 litres on the go maybe,

Bill: After the crusher just its let them mulch them into a must for ten days

Harry: Plenty of bottles too, we’ll put them in the bath with steriliser added

Bill:  The containers shouldn ’ t take much time to sterilise.

Bill goes off to deal with the pigs and geese and returns

Bill: I’m putting the cheese back in the cave for the day, the pig ’ s fine in the shed, it now stinks of cheese in there, everyone ’ s fed so time to get the nets off the trees and you fetch the trailer.

Harry: When I ’ m down getting the trailer, I’ll get some bread and croissants. What do we do with the mush after siphoning off the    liquid, we can’t tip it in the river

Bill: Bring it back up here and give it to the Geese and pigs.

Harry: I’ll put the percolator on the burner and get my head alert for the day with coffee, I seem to sleep deeply out in the open.

They set about coffee, drink and Harry departs to return in half an hour

Bill: You remembered your extendable aluminium pole. I sharpened the knife to stick on the end of it.

Harry: Yep I remembered that and the gaffer tape to attach it.

Bill: I have more coffee on, you’ve got the croissants I see. I ’ ve put the jam on the table

Harry: Cool, a little relax, a cigarette with a coffee accompanied by    croissants

Bill: I didn ’ t do the nets, we can flick them off with pole before attaching the knife,

Harry: Good thinking, a sunny day to enjoy too, it ’ s been bleak for weeks.

They sit at the table outside and sip Coffee and eat croissants and jam

Bill: It’s amazing that anybody does anything in this country.

Harry: You mean with the taxes and charges. Yes, its lucky they leave with your shoes on occasions. There's lot subsidies for their industries, so they get a lot back.

Bill: Oh yes, all give and take, fine internally, but it doesn ’ t make it good for

foreigners investing.

Harry: No, it’s not competitive at all on a worldwide front.

Bill: But who can compete with India and the far-east, China, Europe is on a different level.

Harry: The standard of living must drop in Europe a lot, then people will blame the leaders and politicians

Bill: We get by here, it’s a beautiful country, using our heads we survive easily,

Harry: That ’ s proving itself, if you work and make money they cane you for it over here, in most places I suppose.

Bill: How relative to the Uk is it here?

Harry: It’s easier there, taxes aren ’ t so complex and less of them. It ’ s still not great the system and a still a huge divide with the well off and the not so well off.

Bill: A lot of people just exist here I think.

Harry: A lot of people just exist In India and China as well, and most likely do a 12 Hour days for a pittance.

Bill: Where are your heading this year with your supplementary income

Harry: I thought of Greece but my friend is in the Caribbean, he needs a house sitter and boat sitter, which suits him and me down to the ground, I'm free, so costs him zero

Bill: A luxurious boat

Harry: Oh yes, the works.

Bill: What’s the boat worth?

Harry: 7 million plus US, plus I paint it for him, varnishing starts at one end, you just go around and around, you never finish

Bill: Is ganja legal there

Harry: I believe so, but I don't bother anymore

Bill: My mates used to indulge. I had the occasional joint when it was around the barracks and mess hall

Harry: When I was getting too bored I used to chant this in the morning, I woke up in the morning, I couldn ’ t turn my brain on, could have tripped out easy, but now I’ve changed my ways, now everything is cool , that was after I started that bookshop, a total mind-expanding exercise going into that area of retail

Bill: Good to have chant to start the day.

Harry: It was totally different sort of retail as well,

Bill: You didn ’ t read a lot of books i suppose, not a book reader to heart

Harry: Oh no, hadn ’ t read anything for years.

Bill: Yes, it’s amazing how it worked

Harry: Almost didn ’ t, almost binned it on a couple of occasions, and eventually did thanks to Amazon, what do people say, once you come to the brink, you must change, it’s not the end .

Bill: Too Star Trek, I ’ ve heard it.

Harry: We had new agents for the building and they found a good client, furniture outlet, always thought that building was excellent for that kind of store, good business, everybody wants furniture and kitchens, and all the other interior items for a house, endless list.

Bill: Do you miss it?

Harry: Oh no, you know who I miss. I'm so happy with the result. I should have never done it and got out after I started the newsagent,  enough people wanted that 

Bill: You took a different road, it did n o t achieve what you wanted, but you’re getting around now.

Harry: I ended up down here, in France, should have kept clear of this place. White Elephant completely justifies its nickname, labour costs a fortune down here & it was pretty much the same routine as a shop so adieus bar

Bill: So, the eventual failures were a godsend.

Harry: Oh yes, everything that happens to me seems to have a reason

Bill: So how was Malta last year?

Harry: Okay, thats where I met the guy with the boat, better say yacht, he calls it boat though.

Bill: Much action in Malta .

Harry: Loads of sport bars, in some there would be 20 tv screens with ten different football matches on barring the football not much, too hot in summer, 4 months was plenty 

Bill: Maybe you'd been better buying your local where you were, as it was on offer

Harry: For tax relief, yes roll it over definitely. When the time was up for roll over they were after me like sharks. They tell you it’s fine, you don't owe anything then of course when your possibility for roll over has expired it's totally different.

Bill: They can do that

Harry: They can do what they want, they're the law, the ones in control, your best getting accountants otherwise can be a total balls-up and sometimes they mess up.

Bill: Yes, depends what you want.

Harry: I wanted choice. I wanted out of there, au revoir Cheshire and northern England.

Bill: White elephant could have been catastrophic but you knew when to put the brakes on, you haven ’ t used the ejector seat yet.

Harry: Experience kicked in, but I haven ’ t bailed out, eventually the fairy dust will sprinkle over it and something will happen.

Bill: Needs a bit of magic for sure and for some reason that mysteriously happens to you. Things have a habit of falling in place, might take a bit of time, maybe the Mayor ’ s caves will be the answer.

Harry: I don't think so, bars and restaurants are a waste of time, just a matter of some niche in the market and it’s too cold to live in winter, so something feasible here for 5 till 6 months.

Bill: Oh yes, it can get mighty cold in that dip, cold air rushes down there and settles. I’ve heard the mains water can be frozen in the pipes for week.

Harry: You heard correctly.

Bill: I ’ ve finished my coffee. I see you have, great croissants. Let’s get the nets off.

They go over to the trailing vines in the trees

Harry: This long pole is for lifting the nets off.

Bill: You’d need a cherry picker otherwise to pull them off from above, just take a section off, because there are loads of them appearing underneath the leaves, the rays of sunlight got through to ripen though.

Harry: Wow yes, big bunches we’ll soon have the trailer full.

Bill: I ’ve seen that you’ve put plastic down in the back of the car and folded the seats forwards so let’s full that first then re-attach the trailer.

Harry: Yep. get the most in we can

they proceed to fill the car and trailer

Bill: That was quicker than expected, I ’ ll just flick the nets back, keeps them hidden as well

Harry:The car can go straight into the garage at the White Elephant with this lot then grab some beers from the fridge

Bill: Chill for a while, it’s sure thirsty work and we're not used to doing much so we sweat more

Harry: Oh it pours off me like a running tap

Bill: It’s good that Josephine ’ s father dropped her grandfather ’ s crusher off.

Harry: It is, it was there on the patio this morning so we need to lift it in.

I acquired a press, of course you need white grapes for that, it was easy to borrow than buy, an item of little use.

Bill: How many grapes you think we have.

Harry: No idea, but I'm sure this lot will fill ten containers

Bill: We ’ ll find out soon enough.

They set off to the village with car and trailer and put the car safely into the garage out of the sun

  Chapter 6

  The White Elephant

Once the car is safely in the garage at the white elephant they go upstairs and relax.

Bill: This 1664 sure tastes good, you ever watch the TV, some football maybe.

Harry: Football is okay. I pick up the movies on DVD in Perigueux. The Leclerc is good for that .

  Bill: We take it turns on the crusher if you have two wheel barrows.

Harry: No, one, so we put some plastic down for putting the grapes and rinse them off with the hose. Let’s go back down

they go back down

Harry: I ’ ll sterilise the crusher and buckets while you organize the hosepipe and clean the barrow

Bill: Yep it ’ s all got to be as clean as whistle for producing wine.

Harry: It ’ s a lot of work but we're not doing anything else. If we're successful we ’ ll save a load of money and take enjoyment in drinking something we made.

Bill: We mustn ’ t forget to sterilise these containers for the crushed grapes

they set about these jobs

Bill: I’m starting to bring the grapes through and put them onto the sheet

Harry: I ’ ll wash them off as you bring them and after then start the crusher, it takes the stalks off too.

Bill: I ’ ll take a bucket to fill up the barrow

  the grapes are piled and washed

Harry: Good there all in and washed

Bill: I ’ ll fill the crusher and you turn, we’ll take turns on it .

Harry: See how it goes we ’ ll swap over after one container is filled with grapes.

Bill: Yep here goes the first bucket of washed grapes in the hopper. Twenty full wheel barrows were in the car and trailer.

Harry : Looks as though we ’ ll fill these containers we have.

Bill: Josephine ’ s grandfather has a load more

the two crush grapes and fill containers

Harry: Wow that was different. A lot of work filling the containers and we are well out of condition.

Bill: Activity is good, we spend too much sitting around.

Harry: Well I'm ready for some sitting around with a beer

Bill: All the containers are full, Josephine ’ s coming to night to check the pig and rub some more salt in ,

Harry: Good stuff salt for preserving meat before freezers. I wonder who came up with that idea.

the two go back upstairs

Bill: Well its 4 pm now, so i ’ ll select a DVD and relax a while. If we leave at 6.30 for Josephine is coming at Seven

Harry : Yes, we need to lift the sides of the pig on to the table for her,1664 is good, well chilled at the back of the fridge

Bill: Magic, okay to smoke

Harry: Oh yes.

Bill: I feed the animals at around seven too, it ’ s my routine of the day morning and evening don't have any others

Harry: I have no routines, zero baggage, not even a garden. a free life with no commitments

Bill: Oh, people create jobs and routines for the sake of it.

Harry: That ’ s how they are, If there ’ s something that ’ s supposedly gotta be done more than likely somebody will be telling you to do it and no doubt how to do it, gotta to be done their way

Bill: Plenty of those bossing people around, total pains. I'm going to stick the Transporter film on okay, some crazy car chases.  French must love this movie also as its set in Nice.

Harry: I like this one. After a couple of hours of resting I ’ ll be back to life and up to it.

Bill : Up for what ?

Harry: Another Barbecue

Bill: Oh yes grab some gear on the way back from the grocer, charcoal, and some chicken and fish, ‘ chateau plastique’ and get the barbecue fired up.

Harry: Beats having to go out and trap or catch it.

Bill: Oh, Josephine ’ s going to do a goose tonight

Harry: Cool, the evening highlight, the death of a goose. I wander if it likes a chicken where they run around headless round the field spurting blood for a few seconds before they drop.

Bill: It ’ s strange that happens with chickens, freaky to see, most likely not with a Goose.

Harry: Hence that expression ‘running around like a headless chicken ’ .

Bill: Here ’ s Jason Statham a pre-evening entertainment. I ’ ll grab another two of these 25 cl ’ s of beer they don't last long

Harry: I know a couple of swigs and they're gone, pour them into glasses and they ’ ll last longer. I ’ m finished as well. That ’ s why bars are keen on giving you a bottle, you drink a lot more

The DVD comes on and the two settle down to watch it.

Chapter 7:

  Back at the cave

Harry: The barbecue is struck up and has caught well.

Bill: I’ve put the ‘ chateau plastique’ into a decanter and put the plastic tumblers out.

Harry: Let’s sit down on our plastic chairs. Most things are plastic, the decanter eludes us to that the wine didn ’ t arrive in a plastic bottle

Bill: Only took Josephine 10 seconds to do the goose then stuck it in some hot water we heated to get the feathers off, its now hung in the shed

Harry: No drama at all compared with chickens

Bill: Are going to roast it back at yours?

Harry: Nope, cut it up and have a stew, use a large pot, and add loads of garlic and veg .

Bill: Yes let it cool off then scoop the grease off the top, then re heat, as you know Geese are very fatty

Harry: Josephine took the liver to make foie gras.

Bill: I thought that was duck

Harry: I know it’s a very good pate she makes, almost the same. I sold a cookbook once called Goose Fat and Garlic ’

Bill: Good seller.

Harry: Oh no, dismal, no pictures, need to be in colour cookbooks, I liked the title though.

Bill: Coals are glowing now so I ’ ll chuck the trout on, something    different in the shop for once. I ’ ll coat it with oil as it cooks, you said to do that

Harry: Yes, stops its drying out, a spray is good idea, just put oil in one of those water plant sprayers

Bill: Rapeseed oil is good as you say.

Harry: Oh yes, olive oil is useless, just a load of smoke, as is sunflower oil burns to easily, but grape seed oil is better still, little expensive.

Bill: They make oil out of grape seeds, incredible.

Harry: Yeah there's so much to cooking, technique, timing, hint of herbs, cut of the meat, how long to hang the bird. Then there's all the sauces, desserts, pastries. We are doing the basics now, almost the same as 60 k years ago. Start a fire, then drop the grill onto the red-hot embers to place the food on, in our case the fish, have you any more silver foil, we could bake a couple of these, forget the grill.

Bill: I think that’s where kebabs came from, before grills, they speared the meat onto sticks to hold it over the fire.

Harry: Sticking some mushrooms along with meat on the skewer to cook in-between

Bill: I ’ ll get some foil, wrapping the fish is a good idea. Cavemen coming across the fact that you could cook with fire was an innovation back then.

Harry: Beats tenderising the meat with a rock, cooking enhances the flavours too.

Bill: The supermarket trolley, the gadget kitchen, the SUV to transport everything