VideoBros: Volume 1

By Grayson Murray

After years of bad grades, brutal scoldings, and violent wedgies, Derek Slothman believes that there is only one way to escape middle school: to become famous. While his logic may be flawed and his self-awareness lacking, the former child actor will stop at nothing to become the world’s most beloved VideoTube star. With the help of a wanna

• Language: English
• Publisher: Grayson Murray
• Release date: Mar 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9781643169804

Book preview

You're On Chapter One, Bro

And you’re one hundred percent sure I need to be in my underwear to do this? Herbert yells from the top of our thirty foot wooden ramp.

Absolutely! I holler to our stuntman. You know how many likes this video is going to get us?

Herbert stares down the steep drop in front of him. On my cue, he’s going to ride a tricycle down the ramp, do three backflips in midair, and land gently in a blow-up pool.

I’m not feeling too safe up here, Derek!

Come on, man! How could this not be safe? I yell back. Sure the ramp is a tad wobbly and most of its wood is rotted, but I am eighty percent sure it’s stable. This is VideoTube gold, trust me!

Herbert swats at a fly that hovers around his half-naked body and then takes a deep breath. He takes a seat on the tricycle at the top of the ramp. It’s showtime.

Don’t forget to begin with your catchphrase, Herb! I glance at Eugene, our cameraman. Are we rolling?

Eugene holds his thumb up to indicate that the camera is recording.

Epic Stunt of Doom, take one, I say. And, action.

Herbert looks into the camera thirty feet below the ramp. Remember kids, safety first! Herbert tilts the tricycle and begins coasting down the ramp.

Let’s go, Herb, Eugene yells.

Herbert picks up speed and begins screaming at the top of his lungs. He hits the ramp’s edge, catches massive air, the tricycle falls out from under him, he flies over the pool…...and lands stomach-first on the ground, skidding an additional five feet upon impact.

Herbert! Eugene yells, running to our wounded stuntman. Herbert rolls around on the ground, gasping for air. The brutal landing has knocked the wind right out of him. Herbert’s skid across the lawn has also ripped a hole in his underwear. Maybe I should have had him wear clothes.

I moan. Without a few backflips and a graceful landing, the stunt isn’t viral video worthy. I didn’t spend three days digging for wood in the scrapyard and piecing together the ramp for anything less than an epic stunt. Herbert needs to perform better.

Dude, you didn’t do a single flip! I say. Herbert looks as if he wants to respond, but continues to gasp for air. He sounds like a wheezing dog.

Calm down, Derek. Don’t be such a Rude Robert, Eugene says. Are you okay man? Herbert manages to nod between a few wheezes.

Great, let’s get you back on the ramp and try again, I say. This time, let’s have you hold some sparklers. It will look cooler. Herbert shakes his head, still unable to talk. Alright, you don’t have to hold the sparklers but—

He means he doesn’t want to do the stunt again, Eugene says. Look at him.

Okay, Herb. Take some rest buddy, I say. I take another look at our makeshift ramp towering over Old Man Kirk’s yard. I’m surprised Herbert’s plunge didn’t wake the senile old man. We’ve been shooting videos in his backyard all year and he has yet to notice.

Eugene, hand me the camera, I say. You’re up.

There’s no way I’m doing that! Didn’t you just see what happened to Herbert?

That was a trial run, I say. We just need to make a few adjustments.

"Why don’t you do it?"

You think Micah Banks does his own stunts? Micah Banks never does his own stunts and I am definitely the Micah Banks of VideoCyclops.

The footage can probably still get us views, Herbert says, finally catching his breath. Everyone loves watching videos of people getting hurt.

No way! This stunt was meant to be epic. It’s only epic if you stick the landing! Herbert and Eugene stare at the ground. We spent three days putting together this ramp. We need to do this right!

Sorry, Derek, it just really hurt.

I take a deep breath. I know it did, Herbert, but if we’re going to get famous, we’re all going to need to make sacrifices. Herbert and Eugene continue to study the grass. Sometimes it seems as if they don’t want to be famous.

Must I remind you guys why we are doing this? No response. When was the last time you guys had girlfriends?

Never, Eugene says.

Hebert pushes his glasses up on his nose. Well, there was this girl at camp last year—

Herbert, answer the question.

Never, Herbert says.

I direct my gaze toward Herbert. Herbert, what did I tell you would happen if VideoCyclops made a viral video?

I wouldn’t get any more swirlies.

What happened to you today?

Crush Weis gave me a turbo swirly.

I glance from Herbert to Eugene. And Eugene, how much money do you need to buy that bike you really want?

Two hundred and thirty dollars.

And how much money do you have right now?

Eighteen cents.

Guys, I’m offering you a new life! Money, girls, fancy cars, no more school! No more bullies! No more bad grades!

We get good grades, they say in unison.

"Okay, so maybe bad grades only applies to me. My point is: your faces deserve to be on People Magazine, not in a toilet bowl."

Herbert and Eugene look at one another. You’re right. We’re sorry, Herbert says. Sometimes this just gets discouraging, that’s all.

Yeah, Eugene adds. We work so hard on these videos, but none of them have had many views yet.

I know, guys. If it were up to me we’d have walked down a red carpet two years ago. My supporting cast did look genuinely sorry. Getting famous takes time.

Herbert’s gaze turns from the top of the ramp toward me. Do I really have to do the jump again, Derek?

Yes, we need you to nai— the ramp collapses. Hundreds of boards and plywood sheets crash onto the ground, producing a harmony of cracking wood and boards thwacking together. A cloud of dirt emerges from the ground. Never mind, forget the ramp, I say. I’ve got an even better idea.

You're On Chapter Two Now, Bro

My name is Derek Slothman and I am the owner, director, and star of the soon-to-be famous VideoCyclops channel on VideoTube.

I was born for show business. At five years old, I was already a star. That’s right, while other kids my age were peeing their pants, Americans across the country were tuning in to catch me on the gritty crime drama, Sirens. Sure, I only appeared in one episode for a total of seven seconds, but believe me, my one line carried that episode.

Unfortunately, I have yet to be cast in another production. My parents told me that my appearance on television was a one-time deal. According to them, my dad was just doing a favor for a friend who worked at WLKD. Honestly, I think they were both a bit overwhelmed by my sudden fame.

Since I’m not co-starring on Sirens anymore, the most logical way to get famous and make millions is to star in a viral video on VideoTube. That’s what Micah Banks did. When he was twelve, Micah began filming himself pulling pranks, playing guitar, and making trick shots with a basketball. Micah posted his videos on VideoTube, one of them went viral, and now he stars in movies. Like Micah, I’m simply one viral video away from wealth and fame.

Unfortunately, there are obstacles that stand between me and fame. For one, I have to go to school for eight hours a day. I legally have to go—I checked. So, instead of spending my day writing scripts, filming, and