The Luckiest Guy Alive

By John Cooper Clarke

'The godfather of British performance poetry' - Daily Telegraph

The Luckiest Guy Alive is the first new book of poetry from Dr John Cooper Clarke for several decades – and a brilliant, scabrous, hilarious collection from one of our most beloved and influential writers and performers. From the ‘Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman’ to a hymn to the seductive properties of the pie – by way of hand-grenade haikus, machine-gun ballads and a meditation on the loss of Bono’s leather pants – The Luckiest Guy Alive collects stunning set pieces and tried-and-tested audience favourites to show Cooper Clarke still effortlessly at the top of his game.

Cooper Clarke’s status as the ‘Emperor of Punk Poetry’ is certainly confirmed here, but so is his reputation as a brilliant versifier, a poet of vicious wit and a razor-sharp social satirist. Effortlessly immediate and contemporary, full of hard-won wisdom and expert blindsidings, it’s easy to see why the good Doctor has continued to inspire several new generations of performers from Alex Turner to Plan B: The Luckiest Guy Alive shows one of the most compelling poets of the age on truly exceptional form.

'John Cooper Clarke is one of Britain’s outstanding poets. His anarchic punk poetry has thrilled people for decades . . . long may his slender frame and spiky top produce words and deeds that keep us on our toes and alive to the wonders of the world.' – Sir Paul McCartney

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pan Macmillan
• Release date: Nov 1, 2018
• ISBN: 9781509896073

John Cooper Clarke

John Cooper Clarke shot to prominence in the 1970s as the original ‘people’s poet’. Since then his career has spanned cultures, audiences, art forms and continents. Today, JCC is as relevant and vibrant as ever, and his influence just as visible on today’s pop culture. Aside from his trademark ‘look’ continuing to resonate with fashionistas young and old, and his poetry included on the national curriculum syllabus, his effect on modern life is huge. I Wanna Be Yours is his long awaited autobiography.

Book preview

The Luckiest Guy Alive

Nothing matters and what if it did

There’s more than one way to make a quid

You’ll be farting through silk if you stick with me kid

I’m the luckiest guy alive

Life is one big happy skive

The luckiest guy alive

Just waiting for the trouble to arrive

On the fairway I’m under par

At the boat club they call me the Commissar

With a monogrammed tankard a-hanging in the bar

I’m the luckiest guy alive

I got a kick-ass drag boat I ain’t allowed to drive

The luckiest guy alive

Just waiting for the trouble to arrive

A broad daylight killing spree

I heard about it on the BBC

Expert opinion tends to agree

Stranger things apparently happen at sea

Anyway don’t worry ’bout me

I’m the luckiest guy alive

A better situation you could only connive

The luckiest guy alive

Just waiting for the trouble to arrive

Time was it was the whole of the Law

That kept my feet on the literal floor

But gravity ain’t my friend no more

Oh no that’s for sure

But I’m the luckiest guy alive

I got a facial tattoo saying please revive

The luckiest guy alive

Just waiting for the trouble to arrive

Attack of the 50ft Woman

Her molecules got magnified

Her faintest whisper amplified

Takes the highway in her stride

She’s a little on the large side

Attack of the 50ft woman

Feeling vaguely discontent

With all the spleen that’s fit to vent

Dressed in a circus tent

Her irritation overspent

To an almost biblical extent

Attack of the 50ft woman

She’s a radioactive predatory flirt

With a figure made to disconcert

Mess with her and you’re gonna get hurt

Lapsed Catholics reconvert

Attack of the 50ft woman

Who needs some overgrown chick

Stomping on their block

Mad bad sad sick

How’s the antidote coming on, Doc?

Sports cars for roller-skates

She straps them on whenever she’s late

She’s too big to appreciate

She’d be better off back in the states

She needs her own space let’s face it

Attack of the 50ft woman

Blacking out the afternoon

She lends an air of ominous gloom

Was it something we said or a phase of the moon

Anyway we ain’t got the room

Attack of the 50ft woman

Attack of the 50ft woman

Please remain alert

Don’t be driving down the outside lane

Peeking up her tent slash skirt

Attempts to reach her only stiffed

Tried gold, flattery, top dollar gifts

In a vain attempt to heal this rift

Still she seems a little bit miffed

Attack of the 50ft woman

What’s the army doing – nada

Totally trashed the state of Nevada

Pissed all over the National Guard

Attack of the 50ft woman

How come nobody seen her coming

Bed Blocker Blues

What me worry I should care

Shit for brains – wire for hair

I seen the future and I ain’t there

Things are