Hidden Shallows

By John W. Fenn

If you are easily offended or you are a stickler for political correctness, then perhaps this book is not for you. But if you are someone who enjoys a good laugh, a gentle titter or even the odd wry smile, then you should find something here to tickle your fancy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Nov 24, 2010
• ISBN: 9781450277587

John W. Fenn

John has been writing his own special kind of poetry ever since he was a schoolboy, and over the years has had quite a few of his poems published in various anthologies and magazines. John now lives in a small village near Kings Lynn where he continues to write in his own inimitable style.

Book preview

Contents

Desire

High fibre Harry

Eat me

Lollipop

WORK

Certified

My word you do look queer

Doodah

Positive mental attitude

My little Willy

I got a gal

A treat for the girls

The worlds biggest cock

Feed me

Cool hand Gus

Uncle Albert

Crims

Move over, please

Big kid

Big and hairy very scary

Infanticipating

Don’t forget the sausages

Bundle of joy

You dancin’

The fount of all knowledge

Lovers tiff

The Dragon

Virgin

Dutch oven

Every dog has its day

Refund

Pigeons

Doggy doo

Aerial assault

There are Fairies at the bottom of my garden

Hamster

Silly old bag

Gimme, gimme, gimme

Wellies

Hush hush

Birds and Bees

Sock monster

Valentine

Pearly gates

Feeling grim

Busy busy busy

Mind your head

Respect

Mister ordinary

Space

Evolution

Floral tribute

Under new management

Happy days

Sans culottes

Away with the Fairies

Invasion

Basil

Sod it

Badgering

Botty burp

Bear in the kitchen

Beano

Hormones

Hunter

The Widow

Chatterbox

The Cockney

Vicars

Muck

Disgruntled

Toolbox

Halitosis

Lent

Lesson for life

Does my bum look big

Chocolate

Marbles

Animal crackers

Could do better

Leaving Blighty

Birthday suit

The worlds’ greatest invention

Hill of beans

Knight in shining armour

Desire

You are the one I’ve waited for

You are my hearts desire

You are the one I’m longing for

To quench this raging fire

This is the love I’ve dreamed of

To last eternally

You are my one true passion

My mug of Yorkshire tea.

High fibre Harry

He is the baked bean tester

And he works the graveyard shift

Well he isn’t very fragrant

Now I think you get my drift

For he’s frequently exploding

All the people call him names

And it’s ever so important

He avoids all naked flames

His underpants bear witness

Each emission leaves a blot

But they’ll be back on tomorrow

They’re the only pair he’s got

Each Friday it’s his bath night

He lies soaking, feeling snoozy

Relaxes botty muscles

To create his own Jacuzzi

Eat me

Eat me she said, eat me

Just do what has to be done

Take me with your mouth and

Tantalise me with your tongue

Lick me she said lick me

Taste the pleasures that I hold

Savour me with each mouthful

Let your senses unfold

Taste me she said taste me

As my juices are starting to flow

Finish me off in a mouthful

I’m only an ice cream you know

Lollipop

You gots to wear your ‘elmet

It’s a rule what can’t be broke

Suspose you ‘as a haccident

That wouldn’t be a joke