Funny, Sad, Weird: Lyrics and Poems, 1989 to 2019

By Anthony Joseph Greco

A collection of 30 years of lyrics and poems by Anthony Joseph Greco. Divided into three sections, for entries that are funny, sad, or weird. Admittedly there is some overlap. Special thanks to my wife and to the Cherks.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9781678135836

Book preview

FUNNY*

*Not guaranteed to be funny.

13 days with a dead racoon

With my girl I went for a ride

Didn’t see the ’coon, I slayed its hide

My peace-loving girl

I guess I can’t knock her

She said, Wait here, I’ll get a doctor

Day 1 passed without a vet

Day 2 passed, no not yet

Day 3, man it started to stink

Day 4 went and I needed a drink

Day 5 came and there were flies

On Day 6 I couldn’t open up my eyes

On Day 7 I was wracked with hunger

On Day 8 I couldn’t stand it any longer

On Day 9 I took a little piece

On Day 10 I thought, This isn’t bad meat

Day 11 came and I serenaded it

On Day 12 I sung, I’m sorry that I bit

Sorry that I bit you, Mr Racoon Baby

Day 13, my girl came to me at last

There was no vet and she was sporting a cast

She got run over on her way back into town

She fell into a lake and almost nearly drown

Looking down, she saw I’d eaten from our friend

She furrowed up her brow and looked down on me just then

Then I decided, why bother to deny it

I looked at her and said, Don’t knock it ‘til you try it

13 days with a dead racoon

Armstrong spent less time on the moon

13 days is way too long

To babysit roadkill and sing it songs

Baby I’m bored

Signs in car windows

How passé, how stupid

Like I really care

About your dumb kid

Baby on Board

Well give me a break

That's not a good reason

For me to start using my brakes

Baby I’m bored

There’s road left to travel

Baby I’m bored

There’s still mystery to unravel

You know what sign

I’d have in my car?

One that explains

Why I drive so fast and so far

Baby I’m bored

Is what I have to say

So take your kid home

And get the hell out of my way

Baby I’m bored

So lock up your child

Baby I’m bored

And I was born to be wild

Bitch

I am looking for a bitch

And any one will do

She don’t gotta be rich

And can have a pup or two

But she’d better have some eggs

Left inside her womb

Otherwise I wasted

The money on this room

Butterfly stroke

I was pretty, I was healthy

I never ate hamburger

But I got caught at someone’s barbecue

And now I have no feeling in my lower left wing

It was a butterfly stroke

And you can laugh if you want

But now I just fly in circles

And that’s how I got caught

I guess I got sick of aphids

And the sap that oozes from elms

And those people eating all that meat

They really seemed to be enjoying themselves

A human I guess

Gets a bunch of days to gorge themselves

But we’re different, it was a sudden thing

I barely finished my fries

When I lost feeling in my side

It was a butterfly stroke

And you can laugh if you want

But now I just fly in circles

And that’s how I got caught

Can’t relax in slacks

I used to wear pajamas when I was a kid

I sometimes wear suspenders like my grandpa did

I’ll put on my sweatpants when I’m hanging around

I’ll go without socks when it’s not cold on the ground

I even like shorts, in my closet I have stacks

But semi-formal pants are not for me

I can’t relax in slacks

I can’t relax in slacks

I’ve gotta give you the facts

I can’t relax in slacks

Chuck Norris

When you need a tree cut down

When your entire family drowns

When a bully picks on you

When you need to pick out shoes

When global warming looms

When you need to decorate a room

When the president’s a jerk

When you’re late for work

Any problem big or small

That you have to face

Shrinks down into nothing

When Chuck is on the case

Commode

I know where it’s at

I know a commode is a hat

And even though it may also be

A place where my uncle once shat

I know that a commode is hat

I know where it’s at

Because I know a commode’s a chest of drawers

And even though it may also be

Where my uncle peed on Army tours

I know a commode’s a chest of drawers

Of the English language I have a command

I know a commode’s a movable stand

And even though it may also be

What my uncle likes to call the can

I know a commode’s a movable stand

Take your lace headdress and shit in it

Take your crapper and put it on your head

We will be alive in one form or another

Long after one language goes dead

Damn the consequences

I don’t care anymore

Damn the consequences

Get the neighbors angry

Then just build higher fences

I