How a Good Geek Went Mad or How a Good Geek Survived the Zombie Apocalypse

By Leni Morgan

You're an uber-geek, you've landed your dream job, in LA working with fellow geeks AND you totally kick ass at the local arcades. Life is sweet, right? Yeah, there's just one small problem though...you know, when you just get that awful feeling that a Zombie Apocalypse is about to kick off right under your nose!? So that's Evie Miller's life right now and while she's hoping that she might just be going crazy, it can't hurt to start preparing for the end of the world, can it? Think you know a lot about Zombies? Think you know how you'd survive? Self-confessed 'zombiephile' Evie has knowledge coming out of her ears....but is it going to save her when the whole world goes crazy and the undead are horribly real?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781326643324

Book preview

How a Good Geek Went Mad or How a Good Geek Survived the Zombie Apocalypse

How A Good Geek Went MadOrHow A Good Geek Survived The Zombie Apocalypse.

ByLeni Morgan

Also by Leni Morgan as Leni Barber:

The Power

Dark Dreams

The Alpha

First Edition.

The right of Leni Morgan to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988

Cover Art: ID 54649918 © Derek Audette | Dreamstime.com

ISBN 978-1-326-64332-4

Acknowledgements:

As always for Fritter, don’t worry you will get your very own book one day. A BIG thank you to my Editor-In-Chief Claire Davies – also for the great cover quote. Mr Gray Lucas, my technical advisor and fellow zombiephile I hope I have done you justice sir. And to my ever loving and understanding husband Jamie for allowing me to continue my zombieffair.

Leni Morgan escaped very early into her imagination. Making up stories and characters became the norm for her. As she grew up it was a choice between going crazy or writing her imaginings down – she chose the latter. Leni now lives in Sunderland with her very understanding husband and their 3 cats.

For those who do not speak geek there is a glossary at the back explaining those words marked with *

Day 1:

So this is my first ever diary, or I guess I should say ‘journal’. I am after all in the States. So why is a 32 year old geek suddenly inspired to write one now? Well, it’ll be one of two things, it’ll either be an insight into how a perfectly sane woman lost her mind or it’ll be a record of how I’ve survived (I hope) what has befallen the world.

I guess I should start by introducing myself. My name Evie Miller and as previously stated I’m a geek and proud! Of course as a leading lady (and, yes, I’m writing this so I am the leading lady), I really should be tall, slim, with long blond hair, stunning blue eyes and a smile that would stop traffic – Ha!! That is so not me!

Nope out of that list I get 1 out of 5, so I guess it’s not all bad. I am actually tall, 5’11" to be precise and that’s as close to the above description as I’m ever going to get. You see I have shoulder length red hair (out of a bottle), grey eyes (natural), all my own teeth – slightly crooked – enough to annoy the Yanks I work with but not enough to spend a small fortune on  getting them ‘fixed’. I don’t have freckles or dimples and my skin is white.

And by white, I mean white!

Snow White would look tanned against my skin. This is because my skin refuses to be cooperative. I have two choices on colour, white or red, blistered, and painful. So after many years of attempting to coerce it into trying another colour I have finally given up and I now stock up on the factor Sod-Off-Sun and resign myself to being whiter than white.

So does this mean I’m an alabaster skinned beauty? Nope – the main reason for this is I’m fat. No if’s, no but’s, none of this you’re not fat you’re cuddly rubbish – I mean what is it with people saying that? Not only are you saying I’m fat but you’re also saying I’m too stupid to realise you’re calling me fat! Anyway I’m digressing here, I’m overweight, fat, cuddly, however and whatever you want to call it, I’m it. I weigh 16 stone 7, which in American is about 231 pounds, granted not as big as some of the Americans you can see round here but it’s still pretty hefty and if I don’t do something about it PDQ* I’m gonna die for sure.

Oh in case you haven’t guessed I’m British – yes that is the same as being English – no I don’t know the Queen – no I don’t know your friends in London – yes the UK is quite big, in fact I think it’s slightly bigger than Florida – yes it is that big.

Yes I am sarcastic and yes I’ve been asked all these questions each and every time I’ve been introduced to someone new over here.

So what is a sarcastic, geeky, fat, British woman like me doing in a fancy, all expenses paid hotel in California? Well, this sarcastic, geeky, fat, British woman has only gone and designed a new hardware and software intertwined method of storing data that will revolutionise data transfer by increasing IOPS at least 100 fold for companies worldwide. You know how the defacto standard today is using this old method called RAID, and there’s many different types either hardware or software? Well my technology harnesses both hardware and software via distributed IO points both logically on the disk, and in software. I call it disk zapping, and basically it eliminates all possible bottle necks in the data transfer process. And what’s best is it works with all disk types from thumb drives to the very latest and greatest $50k fiber channel disks. Don’t worry I won’t bore you with all the details but let’s just say this technology of mine will save thousands of hours and probably millions in pounds, dollars, yen or any other currency, patent pending. Anyway a HUGE pharmaceutical company is trialling my system and obviously I need to be there to fix any little hiccups and/or user problems (so far 99.99% have been user problems).

So, I’ve been put up in this swank hotel suite with the latest Playstation, Xbox and Wii, supplied by them along with the latest games, and this’ll last as long as the trial lasts and they’re talking about extending it for another 6 months – how sweet is that?

For free accommodation, a generous monthly salary with a massive bonus at the end if my program is a success, a company car, everything fully comp in the hotel, I go to their head office and chillax* with their IT team, who are pretty cool. I spend most of the day with them and I write a few lines of code, correct some idiot who’s not followed the instructions properly and blames the system – and yes that would be mostly the managers.

Then, at the end of the day, I drive back to the hotel, grab my gym bag from my room, walk past the state of the art gym to the sauna area and spend the next couple of hours relaxing in the sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi. And if I really want to pamper myself I get a massage as well. Then when I’m finished I head back up to my room, order room service and either watch some films, play some games or read before going to bed.

On weekends I really treat myself, I drive out to the mall and people watch, have a bit of a wander round, people watch, window shop and people watch. Yeah, I like to people watch – I like to imagine what they are really thinking as they walk along - and I guess I will invariably end up at the games arcade to check out my high scores on the shooting games. Okay I’m no Alice* but I’m damn good at these things and the top ten is usually filled with EVI, but recently there’s been a new player that has appeared above my name, an ART. Now you see the problem with this is I’m competitive, and I mean super competitive. So as soon as I see an ART at the top I hand over my cash for the tokens and shoot until he’s behind me again.

But my cushy life is about to change. I really hope I’m being paranoid and a little crazy (yeah I know who wants to be crazy right?). But I’ve always had the theory of better to have something and not need it than to need something and not have it. So along that vein, if I am right then it’s better to be prepared than dead!

So here goes, what am I worried about?

I’m worried about zombies....

I know right? Cuckoo, cuckoo!! Paging crazy lady!!! But you see things are happening that points to zombies. Bear with me here.

I am not an insular geek – you know the type, could tell you each intimate detail of what’s happening in the Whedon-verse* or what the latest XKCD* means but could not tell you what’s happening in the world around them. I know all that but I also know what’s happening in the world because I watch and read the world news online and there’s a bit of a buzz going on on the internet over in China and Korea. There’s a virus going around that makes people go crazy and BITE PEOPLE!!

The authorities say it’s some form of CJD , you know mad cow’s disease, or even a mutated strain of rabies or something like that and not to worry, it’s under control yada yada yada.

My two concerns over this are:

1)      If it’s under control why are more and more reports cropping up only to be deleted within a few hours?

2)      Why are all the reports about people getting bitten? Never just attacked? Every single incident says the same thing, someone was either bitten or the attacker was trying to bite them.

So I’ve decided to err on the side of caution ‘cause if it is zombies and it suddenly breaks out over night I’ll be one of the walking dead within five minutes of waking up! So the first job is to get fit – Zombieland* was right, the fatties will be the first to go and that means me!

Day 2:

Ok I just did my first stint on the running machine – I ran for all of 2 minutes and wanted to either collapse or throw up, or do both. Right there in front of all those skinny stuck up jocks* and their chippies*, all of them looking down their nose and sneering at the fat girl puffing and panting in their gym.

But you’d be proud of me, I didn’t do either. I somehow managed to get to the changing rooms on legs that were now made of jelly, threw up in the toilet then collapsed on the floor.

I’ll admit as I washed my face I thought What the Hell, being a zombie can’t be all that bad can it? But I had to be honest, even though I knew that however long I had left would be such a hard struggle, I wanted to live for each and every second – plus being the zombiephile* I am, I was pretty sure being eaten alive wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences. So I rinsed my mouth out and went back out into the gym to see which would kill me first, the running machine or the zombies!

Luckily one of the trainers took pity on me and informed me that it would be probably best if I just eased into it and helped me set up a program where I walked at a fast pace for two minutes and then ran for one minute before switching back to walking. She set it up for twenty minutes and halfway through I felt like giving up, but I kept it up by imagining teeth ripping through my flesh. I’m telling you, having an overactive imagination at a time like this is a great motivator!

Once I could breathe again and the ringing had stopped in my ears I sat down and talked with Amber, one of the personal trainers, about what I wanted to achieve. Don’t worry I may be mad enough to believe we’re in trouble from zombies but I’m not mad enough to tell anyone else yet. I told her I was running a marathon for charity and if I completed it in a fast enough time my boss would double the money I raised.

I feel stupid just writing about this, almost stupid enough to laugh it off as geeky paranoia, but I’ve written a quick code to search the internet for new reports on people getting bitten or attacked and to copy them before they get deleted so I can read them when I get in. In one day there have been seven more incidents, three in Japan, who had no cases until now and that voice in the back of my head keeps whispering what if?

Okay, so I’ve got the running/fitness thing started, Amber has given me a whole workout to do as well as a nutritious diet that will help my fitness levels. Now I need to learn how to take care of myself.

First things first – weapons. I know I won’t be buying any guns on a temporary work visa but if the worst does happen I’m sure I could pick some up somewhere so I’m going to need some training. I may be Annie Oakley with an arcade lazar gun, but a real gun will have kick back and I reckon I’d be lucky to hit the broadside of a barn with a real one!

I’ll also need survivalist skills in getting food and clean water and all that. I’ll need to know how to fix all types of cars, how best to break into somewhere that I can easily make secure again. Wow it’s a lot and while I am very smart I don’t have a photographic memory how am I going to remember all this?

I’m going to have to think this one through.

I have it! I need to find ways to get power, solar chargers, generators that kind of thing. That way if I can keep the power to my laptop I know I can use the skills on there to stay alive rather than depending on my memory. I can download everything I need and access it easily through a link to my smartphone or tablet if needs be – that should see me through. If I get this right I could fix any car from a top of the range Jaguar to a Robin Reliant!!

Day 3:

I am so tired I could barely keep my eyes open at work today. I was up late last night writing more code so while I’m working at other things my computer is searching the net for all the information I’ll need to help me get through this.

As well as tired I have discovered that I have muscles in places I never knew had muscles. I ache so much – it’s been so hard not to groan each time I moved even my little finger.

I mean what’s with that? I was running for God’s sake! What has running got to do with my fingers? Why is it I’m aching there when I used my legs?

Maybe it’s my body trying to tell me to just give up, be fat and unfit and a nice tasty lunch?

Whatever it is I decided to carry on for at least a month and if things don’t start getting easier and the reports slow down then I’m stopping – I’m telling you all this hard work is…..well hard work.

I called a gun range asking about getting trained and I thought it was all clichéd about how gun happy these guys would be but no they were more than eager to help, in fact it was far too easy. I mean I could be anyone, a terrorist, gangster or even plotting to kill someone but they were fine.

I had a plot all figured out, I was going to tell them I was working on a script (come on it is LA after all) and I needed to research a range of guns and how to fire and clean them. But all I got out was that I was looking to learn how to shoot and handle guns and I now have an appointment with a guy called Bob who can show me anything I want in a couple of days.

What can I say? Americans and their guns eh?

Day 5:

Met with Bob today, nice guy – except maybe a little too into guns. Honestly the way he was talking I wouldn’t be surprised if he went to bed with them – if you know what I mean?

He’s starting me out with the basic handguns then taking me up through the range of them. At least he asked what I was doing it for and I figured why not tell him it was for a zombie movie? You know, in case he had any good suggestions for what guns would be best – did he ever!!

I mean this guy loves his guns and proceeded to run through his top ten guns that would be best for zombies – and the reasons why. I’ve got to say I was impressed, it was all about accuracy, ease of use, lightness of weapon, ease of finding ammunition and reloading times. This is a guy who has thought long and hard over this and I’m pretty certain he will still be standing at the end of this – if this happens that is.

He’s going to go through all of them with me over the next few months. Twice a week so it’ll fit round work and the gym. Guess I should also start working on my upper body strength as well as my cardio now.

I’ve also been thinking about wardrobe. Not in a ‘I must look my best for the end of the world’ kind of thing, more ‘anything to help me get through this alive’ wardrobe choices. After all running around in high heels, a mini skirt and a tube top might work wonders in games but I’m no Jill Valentine* and to be honest I seriously doubt she would’ve survived for long in that get up in the real word. So let’s break it down into what would be good clothes to have that would also help minimise biteability?

Jeans – Comfortable, hard wearing so will last longer. If slim fit nothing much to grab, plus teeth less likely to get through, so if I do find my leg at the wrong end of a mouth I should hopefully get away with a bruise rather than a bite.

Shoes – Leather boots, to the knee. Not for the kink but ever tried biting through leather? Even harder than jeans, plus again it’s the hard to grip bit as well. Especially if it is smooth leather with no dangly bits or embellishments their hands would slip right down and off them. Would also need to be flat, but with a sturdy gripped sole ideal for all kinds of terrain, after all wouldn’t want to run from a ravenous horde and then slip and fall on a wet leaf and die that way.

Sports bra – A MUST. Only women understand the need for this and how it could be a lifesaver – well I say most women, those lucky enough to be able to run downstairs in the morning with no bra on and not have to hold onto the girls wouldn’t have a clue!

Top- Something light, which will allow movement and again not baggy nor constrictive. Probably a T-shirt or a vest top would do the job so no worries there.

Jacket – Again leather. But it must be short. Long brown leather coats look really cool and honestly who wouldn’t want their very own browncoat*?

And, yes, I do own one and wear it with pride on special occasions. However, in the fighting for my life occasions it will be short – again the lack of something to grab when running away.

I’ll also need holsters and a decent sized bag that I can comfortably carry. No point in having lots of useful items to help you survive if the weight and bulk of those items cause you to be slow and awkward. Not everyone can have Lara Croft’s magic bag*. Looks like I’ll be doing a lot of shopping – luckily as previously mentioned I am a geek and yes I do go to Comicon* and yes I do dress up properly so I know of quite a few places that do custom clothes for costumes that are actually made as though real, so just a case of a quick e-mail to find out cost and availability.

I’ve also been thinking about how this ‘disease’ is transmitted. Basic lore is through a bite or scratch. Which would mean their blood and saliva are what infect you. Now obviously don’t get bit is high on the survival priorities, but if we look at it from a scientific, it’s just a disease not zombies, point of view then it can be transmitted via other means.

Now I’m pretty certain I will not ever be in the position to ‘get groiny’*, as my best friend puts it, with a member of the undead. But open cuts and scrapes will need to be protected as their infected blood could also infect you that way.

Not just that, I remember reading an article that said your eyes are extremely porous and even though the risk is low some people working in healthcare have become infected with HIV via blood being splashed into their eyes – by some I think it was only a couple so yeah it might be a highly unlikely scenario. But I’m pretty certain that in a zombie killing fighting for your life kind of situation, there will be quite a lot of blood splatter going on, and I’d rather not take the risk. So I’m going to need some form of eyewear that will stay on during rigorous activity, protect my eyes and most importantly not obstruct my view. Now my costume guys could help with two of the three requirements, but they would not see the need for and would not make them be as protective as I wish……. Now where on earth am I going to get something like that?

Have to say, I love the internet. Found the perfect place to get my goggles from. They would be custom made to fit my face and are designed for people who work and play in high dust areas – apparently they can keep out particles an eighth the size of a grain of dust so I should say they would do. They have lots of designs, depending on what you are doing and I can see there is a shop only a couple of hours drive away. Perfect.

My biggest concern still is where would I go? I mean, yeah there have been suggestions of shopping malls* and prisons* but are they actually safe? If you go by the films and TV then the answer would be a firm NO. If I was home I know the perfect place, my Uncle Phil is a typical English aristocrat, well he is a Lord after all. He has a huge property, lots of guns for shooting grouse and pheasants. Defences could be easily set up and even if they couldn’t he has an underground bunker that would work a treat. That’s where I’m planning to send my parents with Sam and Hugh if it does appear as though I’m not crazy and it gets too close to the UK. Just one slight problem, according to my mum her brother Phil is a ‘stuck up, animal killing toff’ and my mum is a ‘hypocritical crazed hippy wannabe’ so needless to say they don’t exactly see eye to eye. So not only am I going to have to figure out how I’m going to survive, where I’m going to survive but also how to mend the rift between my mum and her brother so that they can go visit to save their lives – this apocalypse is not going to be easy!

Day 10:

Well that didn’t go well. I made a subtle suggestion that my mum gave her brother a call to see how things are going and I got a long lecture on how she wouldn’t give him the time of day – especially at peak grouse shooting season because he would have blood on his hands and she didn’t want to be tainted by it. I love my mum but yeah sometimes she can be too stubborn and a little hippyish – can’t she see I’m trying to save her life?

So we are going straight to plan C (plan B was getting Uncle Phil to reach out to mum – something tells me that this will go just as well as plan A). Plan C is to get Hugh to figure out what’s happening without sounding crazy. So what I’m doing is sending him an e-mail with a couple of the news stories in and joke about it being the start of the zombie apocalypse.

I’m hoping he’ll pick up on this ‘joke’ and run with it so we can start making plans that he should soon realise he’ll need to implement.

I suppose I should explain who Hugh and Sam are. Sam is my best friend, even though she has only a little geek in her, we’ve known each other for more than half our lives and I consider her a sister. Heck even my mum and dad say she’s their second daughter.

Hugh is her fella and a full geek like me, we have what we call a ‘special’ relationship – which is we get on amazingly, are very close but also give each other as much grief as possible. Most people when they first meet us assume we are a couple and have said we would be better suited than him and Sam – which is just wrong! I mean EW! It’s Hugh for goodness sake! I love him yeah but I don’t love him.

Anyway he arrived in Sam’s life a few years after me and totally understands that if Sam could only save one of us we would miss him terribly. But hopefully he’ll use that noggin* of his and figure this out so both of them can be saved.

Day 46:

Just got delivery of my outfit and I’m loving it – can’t try it on just yet as I did deliberately order them in smaller sizes because I am actually shedding weight and inches with my new fitness regime. Amber has gotten me working on all round toning as well as cardio work and once I got past the ‘I am going to die if I run another step’ stage I am actually enjoying it. I have a ton of apps on my phone that are charting my fitness levels, weight loss and recommendations on what to do next.

I’m still waiting on the goggles to come through as they take almost 3 months to be made. Hopefully I won’t need them until then.

I still keep hoping that this thing stops but Korea, both North & South, have gone quiet. I mean North was always quiet and secretive but then South started releasing information about possible biological weapons being used by North Korea, about a rampant rabies virus released in several cities. Then the North released warnings that it was the South who had attacked them with it and now they were being ravaged by their own and that they would retaliate with missiles.

Now you would think that this would make the world sit up and take notice, but unfortunately this is something that has been happening for years and years so it’s a simple case of the countries that cried war instead of the boy who cried wolf. The other country that seems to be getting affected is Russia, again another secretive country that doesn’t like sharing and has endless rumours flying about that are usually taken with a pinch of salt. Now the thing with Russia is that it is a big country and the middle is known for being a waste land where people were sent there to die, during Stalin’s time, so I am hoping that this might stop this whole thing in its tracks.

The other piece of good news is Hugh has totally taken my suggestions about a zombie apocalypse and started running with it. Ok a lot of his suggestions aren’t realistic but at this point I can’t tell him to think more realistically without divulging I could be going insane. But it’s a start at least.

My main problem is I have no idea on where to go myself. I’ve been here for a while now but don’t really know the place, I mean why would I? I go to work, go to the mall and my hotel room and that’s it. That is my life. Don’t you roll your eyes at that – it was a pretty sweet life, I enjoy it and really wish I can keep it, but I have that stupid voice that keeps on nagging me as soon as I think seriously about going to see a shrink. Not only that, it sends me nightmares of what could happen in full HD surround sound, which isn’t pleasant in the slightest.

Day 52:

Hey you’ve been away for a while. Jock said smiling widely from the token booth.

Ok his name wasn’t Jock, I had no clue as to his actual name but he was a jock through and through – a gorgeous and actually quite nice jock – but a jock nonetheless so until he tells me his actual name he will forever be Jock to me.

Now here’s a little secret for you about geeks, actually mainly girl geeks. We don’t blush, stammer and get all gooey eyed over jocks. There is no need. I’m not saying that they’re not attractive to us, and believe me Jock is attractive, tall, lean muscular physique, piercing blue