M/s for the Rest of Us

By K. E. "Master Bear" Enzweiler

This book is about understanding M/s and BDSM relationships. It covers everything from training to abuse on both sides of the whip.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 13, 2016
• ISBN: 9781365531422

Book preview

M/s for the Rest of Us

M/s for the Rest of Us

K. E. Master Bear Enzweiler

Copyright © K. E. Enzweiler 2015

M/s for the Rest of Us

ISBN 978-1-329-06221-4

All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise – without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

CONTENTS

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1: FINDING YOUR MASTER IDENTITY

Chapter 2: MASTER AND SLAVE IN REAL TIME

Chapter 3: THE FOUR PIECES OF THE TRAINING PUZZLE

THE FIRST PIECE OF THE TRAINING PUZZLE: What do you want?

THE SECOND PIECE OF THE PUZZLE: When do you want it?

THE THIRD PIECE OF THE PUZZLE: How much do you want to be involved with it?

THE FOURTH PIECE OF THE PUZZLE: What happens in the end?

Chapter 4: LOOKING AT SERVICE AND YOUR HOME AS A WHOLE

Chapter 5: THE UNTRAINABLE SLAVE

Chapter 6: THE UNTRAINABLE MASTER

Chapter 7: A SLAVE'S PRIVACY

Chapter 8: THE EROTICIZATION OF BREAKING AND ABUSE

Chapter 9: TRAINING FOR THE MIND BODY AND SOUL

TRAINING FOR THE MIND, BODY AND SOUL: A SLAVE'S MIND

TRAINING FOR THE MIND, BODY AND SOUL: A SLAVE'S BODY

TRAINING FOR THE MIND, BODY AND SOUL: A SLAVE'S SOUL

Chapter 10: LIMITATIONS ON A MASTER'S CONTROL

Chapter 11: BURNOUT

Chapter 12: CONTRACTS

Chapter 13: LOVE

Chapter 14: COLLARS

Chapter 15: LEATHER AND BDSM IN PUBLIC

Chapter 16: PLAY

Chapter 17: PLAYING WITH INTENTION

Chapter 18: SWITCHING

Chapter 19: AFTERCARE

CONCLUSION

Almost no one comes to BDSM prepared. First you must cross the ocean of shame and taboo. Then you have to navigate through the images and urban myth of BDSM in pop culture. Then you have to find your way to the community of people who actually practice what you want to learn. And, once there, you discover that the mores vary widely from community to community and when it comes to issues of sex and power, it's particularly difficult to find objective advice, or mentors without ulterior motives. You will frequently feel as if you are on your own, trying to figure out a new and utterly foreign language and landscape. This is not to say that people involved in BDM are dishonest, only that, human nature being what it is, people may be willing to help but are also thinking about what's in it for them. Especially when we're talking about sex and power. I remember my own initiation and trial by fire. A mentor, or just someone who could offer a little common sense, would've been much appreciated. As it was, I had innumerable questions. The literature of the day wasn't much help. There just wasn't a lot of nuts-and-bolts information out there. The bulk of what I could find revolved mostly around the Top/bottom Leather dynamic from a gay male perspective. And it was excellent (and really hot) as far as it went, but it left a lot unanswered when it came to the finer points of getting started with the Master/slave dynamic.

Even now, decades later, after the community has grown and spread across the globe, there's still been quite a shortage of down to earth, real world advice for people wanting to explore the Master/slave dynamic. Until now. Here in M/s for the Rest of Us, Master Bear does us all a great service and draws from decades of experience to bring us a handbook for everyone interested in M/s. For the neophyte Master and slave couple, basic principles are laid out with compassion and common sense to help get them off on the right foot. For the more experienced in the dynamic, there's plenty of material and insights to sharpen practice, or to renew the passion that was once present.

I wish there had been a book like this when I was just getting started.

Lori Ellison

International Ms. Leather 2004

Dedication

I dedicate this book to the people who made it happen. To my slave  ̶  you are a jewel on this earth and an amazing and powerful woman. I am blessed to have you in my life. To Pixie who started this whole thing with that one question: what would be your dream job? I started writing the next day. To Jaime and Lori without whom this may never have gone to print. You pushed me; you made me do better; I will always be grateful. To MSM whose love and support never wavered.

Acknowledgements

I would like to deeply thank all of those that made this book possible. First and foremost to my slave  ̶ you are my muse, my life, my love, and I am deeply blessed that you are in my life. To MSM I love you so much. To Stan and kathryn for all of those years of amazing guidance and friendship. To Rapacious and Purp for taking me in, teaching me and for answering my questions openly and honestly. To the amazing Albuquerque Community: Sera Miles, Ms. RuffDomme and Travis , Alibi, Alex, Nick and Darla, Kate S., Grant (may you RIP), Conny, Diane, Rex and Reuben, Mauro, Major, Drew and Shauna, Amber and Silva, and to everyone who keeps the Albuquerque community alive and growing! To the people who moved me with their stories, their honesty and candor Malik and slave cathy, Sir Stephen and slave cathy, MamaVi, and MaxRulz. To Jaime and Lori without you this never would have been on paper.

Introduction

To start off this is a note about what this book is and what this book is not. This book is a guide for those learning to come into their Master identity, and those who want some step by step guidance on how to train their slave. It focuses on the concepts of Master and slave identities (hereinafter  ̶ and in the community at large  ̶ you'll most often see it as M/s) as part of a long term relationship. Because the focus is relationship-based and not geared toward role-playing games, or weekend warriors, this book deals with the consequences of actions and how those consequences can impact a long term relationship. This book is about how the Master and slave identities are integrated into everyday life. This book is about consensual relationships. This book is geared towards those of us who are anywhere from downright poor to financially challenged to financially comfortable. This is a book for those of who live with family of any construct (from small children at home to aging parents moving in with you, to both and everything in between); a book for people who live in any type of dwelling (house, apartment, loft, etc.), and for people who have gender and sexual identities of any form (anything from heterosexual male to transgender asexual female and everything and anything in between). This is a book about consciously and deliberately creating a particular type of consensual relationship.

This book is not a finite answer to complex problems. It does not give the Master unlimited power without accountability or consequences. It does not justify nor advocate breaking or abusing another human being. This book does not focus on the Master and slave relationship as the pinnacle expression of a Leather or kink lifestyle. This book is not about non-consent or abuse in any form, from the people in the relationship to the people in their space. This book is not about people with unlimited funds, unlimited space, and no other responsibilities in life. In other words, this is a book about bringing the Master/slave relationship out of the world of fantasy and into your day-to-day life for the long term. This is a book for those individuals who have come to the conclusion that they are Master-identified but find themselves wondering about next steps. This is M/s for the rest of us.

If this is you, please read on. If this is not you, please stop here, otherwise, you get what you get.

Respectfully,

Master Bear

Chapter 1

FINDING YOUR MASTER IDENTITY

So you think you are a Master? Or you want to become a Master? Now What?! You'll find there is a ton of media, pop culture and community bias out there to tell you how to look, how to act, and how to be in order to get it right or be real. But a Master's journey is personal. You will not be a Master like any other Master. And no other Master will be exactly the same as you.

Coming into a Master's identity is just like coming into, or coming to terms with, any other identity. Whether it is your sexuality (Mom, I’m gay), your profession (Trust me, I'm a doctor), your relationship status (I'm a married man), or your family status (I'm a mom) you already allow yourself to identify and be defined. Some people fall into being a Master easily and find it very comfortable. They continue to learn and refine their skill set under that identity.

For others, Master becomes a goal, something that they work to achieve or allow themselves to be called after time and experience. Some people view themselves as Master because that is how their partner views them. Some feel that they are a Master despite what others may see, or tell them. Others go through their whole lives feeling their Mastery but never find the words that encompasses those feelings until they find BDSM.

What I am trying to say here is this: you come into Mastery in a way that is unique to you. There is no rule book or single experience that will make you a Master. This is something that you must decide for you, and about you. If there was a rule book it would make this whole damn process easier!

Here is the other kicker: just because you have decided to be a Master or follow a Master's path doesn't mean that you always have to identify that way. You can change your mind and decide that M/s isn’t for you. Coming into a Master's identity does not, and should not, lock you down into anything. Your journey in your Mastery should be as unique as you are.

There are some traits that are stereotypically tied to the identity of Master. It's practically urban myth that a real Master is violent, humorless and infallible. You'll find, however, that this is not the case. As you learn to integrate your version of Mastery into your household, you'll discover that redefining these stereotypes becomes imperative. Attempting to force your personality into behaviors that don’t suit you won't last long, and will become unsatisfying and perhaps harmful to your relationship if you try to do over the long term. Redefining Mastery to suit you and not the other way around is central to being successful and enjoying the process.

The other thing to keep in mind is that what is hot and heavy in a book or a movie can translate very differently into real life. The emphasis here is to develop and cultivate what means the most to you and your partner. It will be your connection and understanding of what drives you as a person that will define your drives as a Master. So, self awareness, insight, and at least a basic understanding of what gets you off all help as you define yourself in your Master's identity.

Mastery is based on the concept that it is the Master's feelings, experiences, desires and choices that are the cornerstones of the household. Having the household that you want and defining Mastery in a way that fits you is much more significant than trying to be the Master that everyone else feels you

Reviews for M/s for the Rest of Us

[jennifer baral · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Finally a book that is easy to understand for someone new to the lifestyle while still letting the reader customize what works best for them.I have read hundreds of books and none were as helpful as this one. Thanks for writing this in layman’s terms for “ the rest of us “