Out of the Abundance of the Heart: The Root Centered Around Unaddressed Pain and Resentment Towards Her Father

By Canaa Lee

A glimpse into the soul of a woman sharing her awe-inspiring and captivating story through letters from God.
“Authentic and Revealing…Genuine outpouring of feelings...” -U.S. Review

Featured on America This Week with Rick Bratton, Christian book writer Canaa Lee invites you to consider the search for yourself is rarely devoid of adversity and darkness. This compilation of poetry and narrative prose is a candid depiction of how you can overcome those hurdles. There are numerous open letters to family and friends, and even letters of Christian forgiveness to those that deceived her, the root is centered around the unaddressed pain and resentment towards her father.
As she puts it: “During my childhood, I did not experience acceptance and affirmation that were essential to my emotional and mental health as a child. This emotional neglect caused me to have daddy issues. Most importantly, the broken relationship with my dad was the barrier that hindered my relationship with God.”
“It was during my tumultuous twenties that my repressed feelings of resentment, anger and hostility produced a toxic outpour. Oddly enough, I found out I was able to write and was able to assign a voice to my inner pain.”
Out of the Abundance of the Heart is a collection of beautiful letters written during times of struggle to bring light to dark situations. You can see her transformation from someone who is lost in worldliness to someone who now walks by faith, simply by reading her letters and poems written about certain points in her life.
From using biblical phrases to zeroing in on the belief that love trumps all, Out of the Abundance of the Heart is uplifting and provides a soothing feeling of healing and cleansing. Authentic and revealing, Canaa is an open book. She shares her relationship with Christ and loved ones to help her readers navigate through the tribulations of their own relationships by taking a leap of Christian faith and trusting the Lord.
Canaa shares a provocative compilation of poetry and letters that vividly displays the canvas of her heart, her unaddressed pain and resentment towards her father, her dating experiences as well as her personal life experiences soon after becoming a born-again believer in Jesus Christ.


Christian Autobiographies
Christian Memoirs
Christian Living Transformational
Christian Testimony Memoirs
Christian New Believers
Christian New Converts
Christian Lifestyle
Christian Young Adult Relationships
Christian Discipline

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781716879913

Canaa Lee

Canaa Lee grew up in the small town of Brinkley, Arkansas. She has taught high school mathematics for eleven years; she presently teaches in Garland, Texas. She is also the program administrator for Project Educating and Diversifying to Grow Exponentially (EDGE), helping students become more competent and confident in mathematics.

Book preview

OUT OF THE ABUNDANCE

OF THE

HEART

The root centered around unaddressed pain

and resentment towards her father

CANAA LEE

OUT OF THE ABUNDANCE OF THE HEART

Copyright © 2020 by Canaa Lee.

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations em- bodied in critical articles or reviews.

Unless otherwise noted, Scriptures in the book are from the King James Version of the Bible.

For information contact :

Divine Inspirations by Canaa

12011 Paul Eells Drive

North Little Rock, AR  72113

http://www.divineinspirationsbycanaa.com

Book and Cover design by Canaa Lee

ISBN : 9781716879913

First Edition : May 2020

Dedication

T

HIS BOOK IS DEDICATED

to my brother Justin. You have become the man that was able to step into our Daddy’s shoes when he was died. My younger sibling is a man of great integrity.  You are not only my brother, but my best friend, and my brother in Christ.

Epigraph

In the book

of Mark, Jesus said "And when you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven may also forgive you your sins.  But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins." (Mark 11:25-26, MEV).  Although this seems to be simple and a direct mandate from the Lord Jesus Christ, it is not as easy as reading a passage of Scripture and then choosing to release someone who has wronged and/or violated us in some way.  There are two types of forgiveness: decisional and emotional.  Decisional forgiveness is choosing to treat the other person as valuable and without retaliation.  Emotional forgiveness takes more time and occurs when we are willing to replace unforgiveness with forgiving emotions, such as empathy, sympathy, and compassion, and love for other people (Ripley & Worthington, 2014).

Contents

Dedication      v

Epigraph      vi

Book Quote      3

Preface      4

Part One      7

Introduction      9

Search for the Meaning of Life      14

God, where are You?      17

Daddy’s Little Girl      20

One Wish      23

A Little Dose of Reality      25

Reflection in the Mirror      28

Just as I am      30

Is There Love at First Sight?      32

The Art of Love      35

The Love of a Man      37

Part Two      40

Supernatural Encounter with Jesus Christ      42

Gone Too Soon      54

Powerful Words from the Pulpit?      58

Singles Cruise      62

Let’s Connect      67

Taking Responsibility      73

Sin of Dishonesty      76

God is Faithful      80

True Forgiveness      83

Troubled and Confused      86

Sister to Sister      91

Lonely and Confused      95

Forgive Him      100

Who is Your God?      104

Honor My Daddy      107

Wires Crossed      111

Hurt People Hurt People      120

God Spoke to Me      126

Conclusion      130

About the Author      135

Acknowledgments      136

Testimonies      138

Book Quote

My broken relationship with my Dad was the barrier that hindered my relationship with God.

–

Out of the Abundance of the Heart

Preface

LOCKED AWAY IN THE SECRET

parts of my heart, were emotions and feelings from my early twenties.  I share a provocative collection of poetry and letters that vividly displays the canvas of my heart, my inner most thoughts of feelings and emotions about my dad, my dating experiences as well as my personal life experiences immediately after becoming a born-again believer in Jesus Christ.

Even though my dad and I did not get along, we had several things in common: I am poet and a public speaker.  My attempts at writing poetry started when I was in high school. I found it very comforting to have my nose in a school book.  In addition, I was an overachiever and involved in a plethora of activities.  During my childhood and adolescent years, I faced much opposition and criticism.  My family and the people at school constantly mocked and criticized me.  It was during my tumultuous twenties that my repressed feelings of resentment, anger and hostility produced a toxic outpour.  Oddly enough, I discovered I was able to write.  This allowed me to assign a voice to my inner pain. Therefore, writing was a verbal and non-verbal outlet for me to express my intense feelings and emotions.

In the fall of 2015, I sat down with a potential dating prospect to share my life experiences with him.  To my surprise, he quickly became infuriated with me because he was convinced that I talked about my faith in Christ too much!  I must admit that I did not expect this type of reaction from him.  The truth is I take my faith in Christ as a badge of honor, and I was unwilling to yield to sexual immorality. 

His unwarranted respond made me think to myself: what if I took the time to explain to him who I used to be.  Maybe this would help him understand me and respect my convictions.

Soon thereafter, I was led by the Holy Spirit to dig into my past and to share my failures, heartaches, mistakes, feelings, and experiences that molded me into the person I was before Christ.  These difficult mental and emotional events in my life led to my supernatural encounter with Jesus Christ.  My supernatural encounter with the Risen Savior miraculously transformed me into the godly woman I am today.

What started out as a friendly email conversation, rapidly evolved into a collection of poems and letters that I firmly believe reveal Jesus Christ to people in a real and tangible way.  My life is a testament of God’s unconditional love and forgiveness: a major underlining theme throughout the Bible.  Every burden and difficulty I experienced and have overcome has allowed me understand and to relate others.  Not only that, but my personal struggles helped me relate to the pain, the disappointments and frustrations many people are plagued with today.  If you are reading this book, it is my goal to be authentic, open and honest as I deliver a narrative that is

INTRIGUING, CAPTIVATING, TRUTHFUL AND ENCOURAGING

.  I am compelled to share my personal hardships and problems in such a way that readers realize they are not alone. I want readers to know for themselves and see and believe that true liberty and freedom is only found in a SURRENDERED AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Part One

Introduction

My world came crashing down on October 5, 2011.  I received a phone call from my mom that changed my life forever.

I desired to be loved, wanted

,

and accepted by others.  Unfortunately, it seemed like I was not able to rely on the people who were closest to me to love me the way I need to be loved.  During my childhood, I did not experience acceptance and affirmation that were essential to my emotional and mental health as a child.  This emotional neglect caused me to have daddy issues.  As a result, my daddy issues directly impacted my interpersonal relationship with other men. 

Most importantly, the broken relationship with my dad was the barrier that hindered my relationship with God.

From the age of three until the age of twenty-five, my relationship with my dad with a raging war.  I very rarely felt loved or appreciated.  I experienced harsh criticism and wise cracks at my expense.  My efforts and achievements never seemed to be to my dad’s liking.  As a young child, the emotional neglect I experienced caused me to be hyper-sensitive.  However, as an adolescent, I developed a defense mechanism that triggered the creation a hard-exterior shell of arrogance, sarcasm, and vanity. This was a desperate attempt to mask the emptiness and loneliness I felt in my heart.

It was not long before I realized that I could not control the way my feelings manifested themselves.  It seemed as if I were forced into life of silence, secrecy, and shame.  All the while, my unaddressed feelings and emotions escalated into anger, resentment, and bitterness that I was no longer able to hide.  Unfortunately, I was consumed by my thoughts, my feelings, and my opinions.  They now controlled me and there was nothing I could do about it. 

As an unbeliever, my life plateaued and plummeted into what seemed like a wretched death.  I was fully convinced I was making the right decisions in my personal relationships as well as in my life.  When I was about 18 years of age, I began to ask straightforward questions about my dad’s life in hopes of uncovering why my he was so mean to me.  My hunt for answers about my dad’s early years lasted for about ten years.  While in search for answers about my dad’s