400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone

By V. Subhash

400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone has everything you want in a jokebook and more!

• Jokes that you don't have to think about - bar jokes, blonde jokes, cross-the-road jokes, knock-knock jokes, lightbulb jokes, pun jokes, romantic jokes...
• Entire chapters for people with special skills or interests - computer jokes, programming jokes, physics jokes, chemistry jokes, biology jokes, medical jokes, financial jokes, geography jokes...
• For those looking for sharp content, plenty of jokes about philosophy, advertising, news and politics.
• All jokes are child-friendly and family friendly. No (‿ˠ‿) humour.
• This book satirizes everything. Political correctness is not an exception. But, remember, this book is child-friendly and family-friendly. So, the blondes eventually trump Chuck Norris. (Chuck Norris asked me to write them.) Ethnic jokes are not racist jokes. Confucius-say jokes are squeaky clean. (They are like original Mel Blanc's Zookie jokes.) Romantic jokes are actually breakup jokes and totally devoid of mushy stuff.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: V. Subhash
• Release date: Feb 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393838555

V. Subhash

V. Subhash is an invisible Indian writer, programmer and cartoonist. In 2020, he published one of the biggest jokebooks of all time — 2020 FRESH CLEAN JOKES FOR EVERYONE. He followed this jokebook with a tech book on the free multimedia-editing utility FFmpeg and a 400-page volume of 149 political cartoons. Although he had published a few ebooks (using off-the-shelf software) as early as 2003, Subhash did not publish books in the traditional sense until 2020. For over two decades, Subhash had used his website www.VSubhash.com as the main outlet for his writing. During this time, he had accumulated a lot of published and unpublished material. This content and the advanced book-production process that he had developed helped him publish 21 books in his first year. In February 2023, Apress/SpringerNature published his rewritten and updated FFmpeg book as QUICK START GUIDE TO FFMPEG. Thus, by early 2023, Subhash had published 30 books! In 2022, Subhash ran out of non-fiction material and tried his hand at fiction. The result was UNLIKELY STORIES, a collection of horror and comedy short stories. After adding new stories to this fiction title (for its second edition), Subhash plans to pause his writing and move on to other things. Subhash pursues numerous hobbies and interests, several of which have become the subject of his books such as COOL ELECTRONIC PROJECTS, HOW TO INSTALL SOLAR and HOW TO INVEST IN STOCKS. He was inspired to write his jokebook after years of listening to vintage American radio shows such as ‘Fibber & Molly’ and ‘Duffy's Tavern’. For more, check out: www.VSubhash.in

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Preface

When I was a kid, I read an American jokebook and here is the result. (I should have read Shakespeare instead.) Initially, it was a mystery to me as to who the blondes were or what the fuss was in crossing a road. The book was nevertheless funny and I enjoyed reading it. This jokebook is based on that model. Vintage shows from the Golden Age of American Radio

were also a great inspiration. A special chapter on vintage radio shows is available as an annexure.

I created this book in 2020 to test self-publishing. At that time, I was hoping to get the full 2020 jokebook (with over 3200 jokes) traditionally published. The moronavirus pandemic fouled up everything. I chose just over 400 jokes to do a trial. Later, I made the ebook version of this book free. That has made it the most popular of my books. Another subset, made specially for kids, is also available with over 2200 jokes. If you like this book, try the full version or the kids subset.

This book satirizes everything. Political correctness is not an exception. But, remember, this book is child-friendly and family-friendly. So, the blondes in the blonde jokes eventually trump Chuck Norris. (Chuck asked me to write them.) Ethnic jokes are not racist jokes. Confucius-say jokes are squeaky clean, like Mel Blanc's Zookie original. Romantic jokes are totally devoid of mushy stuff and are actually breakup jokes. Humour arises from the distortion of reality. Hence, this book should be read only as a jokebook. At best, it should be considered as opinion with obvious scope for mistakes and subjectiveness.

V. Subhash

20-02-2020

Contents

Part 1 - For Learning

This part of the book is written to improve English vocabulary and general knowledge.

Children's Jokes

Computer Jokes

Computer Programming Jokes

Cross-The-Road Jokes

Elephant And Ant Jokes

Animal Jokes

Fancy Creature Jokes [NOT INCLUDED]

Geography Jokes

Jokes You Love To Hate [NOT INCLUDED]

Knock-Knock Jokes

Mix Jokes [NOT INCLUDED]

Physics Jokes

Chemistry Jokes

Biology Jokes

Medical Jokes

Pun Jokes

Useful French Phrases [NOT INCLUDED]

Useful Latin Phrases [NOT INCLUDED]

Useful Foreign Phrases [NOT INCLUDED]

Part 2 - For Fun

This part is purely for the hedonistic consumption of humour.

Bar Jokes

Blonde Jokes

Financial Jokes

Horoscope Jokes

Jokes In Advertising

Journalism Jokes

Rajinikanth Facts [NOT INCLUDED]

Religious Jokes [NOT INCLUDED]

Romantic Jokes

Wit and Wisdom [NOT INCLUDED]

Part 3 - Only For Intellectuals

This part of the book is NOT meant for people who are easily offended.

Confucius Say Jokes

Ethnic Jokes

Lightbulb Jokes

Off-The-Wall Philosophers [NOT INCLUDED - has the best one-liners ever]

Political Jokes

Unclassified Jokes

Annexures

Excerpts from my book World of Word Ladders

Vintage Radio Shows

Some Aanayum-Urumbum Jokes

Books By V. Subhash

The chapters marked as 'NOT INCLUDED' are available only in the For Everyone version of this book. The For Kids version has some non-political jokes from Part 2 and none from Part 3.

Part 1 - For Learning

This part of the book is written to improve kids' English vocabulary and general knowledge.

Children's Jokes

Chicken run

These jokes are most fun if you read them in a question-and-answer session with someone else.

What do humming birds like to read?

Musical notes.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It saw a zebra crossing.

---

In India and some other countries, a 'road crossing' or a 'crosswalk' is known as a 'zebra crossing'.

Why did the zebra cross the road?

The chicken dared it.

Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

The chicken. It had legs and won the race.

Which chicken? Which egg? Be specific.

Why did the lizard sue the hospital?

After it broke off its tail, a psychiatrist wanted to treat it as a split-personality disorder.

---

Autotomy is the ability in some animals with which they can break off a body part to distract or escape from a predator. The shed body part usually regenerates.

How does a fish go to war?

In a tank.

Tank

Complete the word ladder - from FUNNY to JOKES

One and only one letter can change in each rung of the ladder. No acronyms, proper nouns or non-English (loan) words.

Word Ladder

What did the rolodex say to the calendar?

"Your days are numbered."

What did the calendar say to the rolodex?

You may have many friends but I get a lot of holidays.

What did the new calendar say to the old calendar?

Your days are over, buddy!

Computer Jokes

Floppy disc

Do you use computers? If not, start with a Linux computer and you will be a cut above the rest. Linux is a free and open-source software (FOSS) operating system (OS). If you already have a computer, install Linux as a virtual machine (VM) and see if you like it. Linux has FOSS alternatives for most proprietary software that you use. All the illustrations in this book were created using Inkscape and GIMP. Both are FOSS and available for other operating systems too.

What happened after the robot's 3D printer broke?

No arm done.

What made the quantum computer so frustrated?

He made a complete fool of himself.

---

A quantum computer is a theoretical self-replicating computer.

What did one byte say to another?

A bit of advice.

Why did exclamation mark key (!) break up with the question mark key (?)?

There was a question about his character.

What did dollar key ($) say to the Euro key (€) about the pound key (#)?

That he is of Sterling (£) character.

Why did the dot key feel down?

Its character was called into question (?).

A question mark was hanging over it.

Why was the space key depressed?

It had no character.

What did one emoji (😉) say to another?

You think I am funny?

What did one emoticon (😂) say to another?

What's with the funny expression?

Why did one emoticon (👎) not like the other?

He stuck out like a sore thumb.

What is your mother's password?

Mum's the word.

What did one network node say to another?

Sorry, I can't talk to you. We are not on the same subnet.

---

Requires networking knowledge.

If a cow wanted to work in the IT industry, where could it go?

A server farm.

What happened when Unix dæmons attacked Chuck Norris?

He hit them so hard they remained misspelled to this day.

---

Requires Linux knowledge.

What happened after Unix dæmons met Rajinikanth?

Before meeting him, they were like other processes. Now, they run in the background like zombies.

---

Requires Linux knowledge.

How does Count Dracula remain discrete in this networked world?

IP cloaking.

How do bears find each other in the woods?

Bear-to-bear networking.

Whois

Knock knock

Who is there?

man

Man who?

man whois

---

Requires Linux knowledge.]

Whois

Knock knock

Who is there?

43

43 who?

43 whois

---

Requires networking/Linux knowledge.

Computer Programming Jokes

Jesus vs Devil

Can you write code? I have written in more than a dozen languages, even assembly. How many do you know? This book was written in Markdown using an Eclipse IDE, exported to HTML and formatted using CSS. The jokes were counted using Javascript. Eclipse and many