Kelvinism

By Kelvin Bueckert

What the donglebleeb is this?
Well, to be blunt…this book is a compilation of blog postings and social media mutterings. Ahem. I apologize if you are offended by the language I use but that's the only way I can think of to get the point across.
You see, English is the only language that I'm able to write in.
What!? Stick with me. Um. Not that close...we don't even know each other...that's better. Ahem. Anyway, as the late great gladiator, Sparticus, once said as he prepared to hurl a spear at his enemy. "There's no point if you don't have a point." With that in mind, the poems and essays in this collection each explore a different point.
Yes, they do their exploring in creative ways.
Many times they even use humor or satire to sharpen their points.
Poetry has even been sighted, hiding under this book cover...but fear not, it won't leave you slighted.
Basically, what we have here is a daily reader full of short shots at one thing or another...interspersed with illustrations of beauty and inspiration.
If you've been looking for something different to read. This is it. Who knows, it might even make a difference in how you see the world.
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kelvin Bueckert
• Release date: Jul 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393417613

Kelvin Bueckert

Kelvin is a diverse writer who has written drama, humor, suspense, poetry, and pretty much, whatever he feels like writing. His writings have been featured in many different and diverse places such as The Pedestal Magazine, Horizon Magazine, The Fifth Dimension, Writer Online, The Martian Wave, Lyrica Webzine of Romantic Fiction, Bewildering Stories, Alephion, Washing the Color of Water Golden, and many others. As an actor, producer, writer and director Kelvin has been involved with many productions. So, if you have a show in the works, why not contact him? Awards 2nd Place in a Canada Post Essay Contest Honorable Mention in the Unscrambled Eggs poetry contest. Runner up in Breakaway Magazine's Hey World essay contest. 4th Place in the Spinetinglers contest. Outstanding Community Achievement as part of the Austin Manitoba 150th Anniversary celebrations. Garageband, song of the day. Compo10 song contest winner  

Book preview

Kelvin Bueckert

Kelvinism

A curious compendium of forward thinking for a world going backward!

Copyright © 2019 by Kelvin Bueckert

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

Kelvin Bueckert asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Kelvin Bueckert has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

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Contents

What the Donglebleeb is This?

The Last of the Gunfighters, Reflects...in the Mirror

Look/Closer

Uncle Kelly vs the Tractor Salesman

What if Christmas is for the Giving?

Prisoners of Love

She Left Me...Wanting

Thoughts on Conflict and Resolution

Down in the Fire

How to Find Peace?

Jeremiah Kegslurper Preachin Peace!

Love May Cost You Everything...But...

The Monkey Business

What if the Artist isn’t the Problem?

Our World of Longing

Don’t All Those Holy Books Teach Basically the Same Thing?

The World Has Gone to the Dogs

A Conversation After Midnight

Don’t Be a Prisoner of Someone Else’s Imagination

Lessons Learned in the Drowning

Star Wars + Lord of the Rings = A Grand Tale of Romance

Connecting

The Forgotten Superheroes of Smallville

How to Solve the Incredibly Complicated Problem of Darkness

3 Easy Ways to Get Noticed as an Artist!

Yesterday>Tomorrow (Easterwords)

The Day Cousin Billy Brought Them Horses to a Board Meetin

Failure (A Monologue)

Press Release: The Glorious Return of Disco

Questions for Modern Times (Carefully Calculated to Enrage Everyone!)

Beware of Artists! Be Very Aware!

The Fiendish Doctor Kelly and his Pet Peeves!

Actors! Stop Acting Up! Tips to Avoid Temptation!

Flying Saucers vs Gladstone!

Tradition and the Church

It’s Alive! A Story About Somebody!

The Escaping Dead

Feasting With Sinners

Big Fight in Small Town!

In Fading Light

The House of the Wilted Frenchfry

Hope, the Secret Garden

Them City Slickers Were Playin Chicken! A Cautionary Tale

Advice for the Painter

Rumor Mill Under Seige by Anti-Industry Mob!

Colors in a Darkened World

The Intergalactic Rec Commission Proudly Presents: Earth Invasion 2!

The Wheel of Promise (Turning)

3 Good Ways to Stop Progress For Good!

An Improbable Parable of Potatoes

Is it Time to Leave?

Herman and His Hour of Superduperpower!

What if the Greatest Obsacle to Success Was...Reflecting in the Mirror?

In Wintergreen

Acting Up in Manitoba...150 and Beyond

Supernatural?

An Epic Tale of Woah: Superstition Edition

How to Avoid Opportunity and Productivity! A Guide for the Rest of Us!

Don’t Attend Another Meeting Without It! (This form that is.)

How to be Constructive and Political. (At the Same Time!)

The Easy Way to Spiritual Maturity

Winning the Race War

Why Should We Care?

Wondering About Thanksgiving

Exciting Zoning Codes! (Find Your Place in Society!)

A Mesage From Our Sponsors

Which Path Are You On?

The River Always Changes

The Hour of Superduperpower vs Steve

Love...Versus

My Tragic Story of Thinking and Debauchery

It is What it is

Humbug to All! [The Misery of Christmas and How to Deal With It]

Looking for the Spirit

The Wall in the Path of Progress (And How to Get Over It)

Woe! Under the Mistletoe!

After Darkness

My Date With Destiny. A Cautionary Tale.

You (after waking)

The Radical Implications of Christmas

Burdens [As the Snow Falling]

Art.

Greeting [a new season]

The Author

Uncle Kelly’s Second Little Book of...Wisdom?

Stories From Our Town

Christmas in Our Town

Beauty in a Scorched Land

What the Donglebleeb is This?

Well. Above is a publicity picture for a Christmas show I did. I’m the one in the middle, with my mouth open. As time went on, I was to learn that you can learn more by keeping your mouth closed and your ears open. But I digress.

What is Kelvinism? That’s what you really wanted to know. Kelvinism is a phrase coined by Pat Weber of Gladstone to describe my writings. I decided that it made as good a title as any…besides, my name is Kelvin, so it fits.

Important! Kelvinism should not be confused with Calvinism! Depending on your school of thought, Calvinism refers to the teachings of the comic strip Calvin and Hobbs…or, the teachings of the reformation theologian, John Calvin.

Kelvinism would probably fall somewhere in between these two extremes! Lol.

Want to get in touch about what is written here?

Want to become a kelvinist?

Why not?

I’m just glad you’re reading this.

Honestly.

Thanks for dropping by,

Kelvin

www.kelvinbueckert.com

1

The Last of the Gunfighters, Reflects...in the Mirror

Big Showdown Downtown!?

What went wrong?

It’s hard ta say. know it’s sure hard ta have a good ol fashioned showdown if people don’t even wanna show up.

How do people expect these community events ta keep goin if they don’t wanna come out an support’em?

I just don’t know what I’m supposed ta do anymore.

I woulda thought Six Gun Billy woulda come down fer the big gunfight at least. See, Billy is a pretty big man round these parts. Yep, he’s got a big ‘ol cowboy hat, he talks bigger’n everybody else, an he’s got the biggest black horse ya ever did see. I tell ya, it’s quite tha sight ta see Billy sittin way up on that there on his high horse…thing is though, that big ol’ horse is dead, so Billy never seems ta get anywhere by ridin it.

Lookin back on it now, I guess that’s probably why Billy missed our big showdown. It ain’t that he didn’t wanna fight me, it’s just that he couldn’t get down to tha gig. Heh heh, he’s probably still out there at his ranch, sittin on that dead horse…waitin fer the day it gets’em somewhere. There’s not much horse sense goin on at that ranch I tell ya.

Don’t know why the rest of the town didn’t wanna come out to tha big showdown though. Guess they were too busy makin excuses instead of helpin boost our reputation as a rowdy wild west town that nobody wants ta visit. Thinkin of themselves, that’s what these people were doin! It’s shameful if ya ask me.

Especially at Christmas.

Yeah. I’ve been doin a lotta reflecting lately…in the mirror. I can challenge people to a gun fight, but if the townpeople don’t wanna come out an watch what I’m doin, what’s the point? It really makes me wonder if I’m in tha right place, know what I mean? If people don’t wanna support what I’m doin, why should I stay here?

Why shouldn’t I move on?

Anyhoo, I guess since it’s Christmastime our next big community event is gonna be a hoedown. It’s a square kinda town, so I figure a square dance should bring more people out than fightin and roundhousin.

I tell ya babe, if ya like dancin around…tha real issues in our relationship…ya should check out the big New Year’s Eve dance we got planned fer this town.

If it’s anything like last year, we’ll be spendin the evenin kickin up our heels…while Fast Fingered Eddie does some fiddlin…with his shoelaces. Yeah, it’ll be quite tha time I tell ya…just you an me…an a bored staff of waiters fiddlin around in the corner of the empty room…waitin fer somebody ta wait on. Yep, that’s the kinda thing that happens when people don’t show up an support community events. It’s kinda sad when