A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2019

By Matthew Tonks

You hold in your hands a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know. For scrawled in blood upon the pages are stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in eggnog and Christmas lore. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to ponder, five minutes to sing, five minutes to do almost anything. A tree, a elf, a reindeer, a doomsday. A fat man, a chimney, a sack, a sleigh. Mirrored reflections, a present or two. Death and division, humanity askew. A sock stuffed with coal, underpants up a flagpole, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride the sleigh with me too...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matthew Tonks
• Release date: Mar 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463119815

Matthew Tonks

Together we ride the steed of madness, along a road long foretold. Do not let the dire consequences scare you from this journey, for it is written, so it must be. We traveller. We explorers of otherworldly things. Let us share our providence, so we may all prosper.Hidden in the depths of it all, you will find your utopia, and it will be a beautiful sight to witness.For I may walk beside you, and I may carry your umbrella in the sun, just don’t expect me to dig you up, when the zombie apocalypse comes...

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A Twistedly Jolly Christmas

2019

Words by Matthew Tonks

mtonks.com

Art by Garry Williams

yazgar.com

Copyright 2019 Matthew Tonks

License Notes

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There Is Another List

He runs awkwardly down the alley way, blood profusely flows from a large gash on his head. He stumbles and throws himself into the wall, and into a small fortress of rubbish bins. The noise from his sudden stop sends the rest of the surrounding area in a deep silence. He scrambles to his knees, grabbing at his forehead and letting out a grimace of pain. His whole world erupts into a celebration etched deeply in the spiral spinning rotation of a world gone astray.

Running will not bring this to an end, a voice says sternly from somewhere beyond his vision of sight.

C-C-Can’t you leave me be! I haven’t done anything wrong! I haven’t! PLEASE! he screams.

That’s not true, now is it Gavin. Do you want to add being a liar to the list as well?

WHAT DO YOU WANT! cries Gavin.

Do we even need to discuss that question? If you don’t know why I’m here by now, you’ll never understand.

B-B-But you’re not even real, so why should I care what you th-th-think!

If I’m not real, how am I here?

HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW! SOMEONE MUST’VE SPIKED MY HASH OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT WHATEVER THE CASE, YOU DON’T EXIST!

Do you have to remember to breathe?

W-W-What?

Do you have to remember to breathe? It’s a simple question, that’s sometimes hard to answer.

He stares at him in silence for many moments before finally letting out a stuttered breath. I still don’t understand why you’re asking me if I have to remember to breathe. No one thinks about it, you just do it. Why the fuck would I have to remember to breathe for?

I only asked because you seem that fucking stupid, I thought maybe you’d have to remember to breathe, as you don’t seem like you could do it on your own, he replies laughing hysterically.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!

It’s not what’s wrong with me, it’s what’s wrong with you Gavin. I’ve watched you grow into this thing I’d hardly call a man and tried to steer you on the right path. I tried to believe there was some good inside you, but I was wrong, you’ve always been a naughty boy, and you don’t deserve my grace or my gifts.

W-What are yo-yo-you gonna do, k-k-kill me? You don’t kill, y-you don’t even punish anymore, you can’t. No one believes anymore, no one that matters anyway. So tell me old man, what are you going to do? Gavin says as he stands proudly, thrusting his chest out.

The old man smiles, and chuckles loudly. Gavin, one child’s belief is worth a hundred adults. How do you think someone as impossible as I, actually exist? My power, this magic, he says, holding out a hand. The air ignites as a million tiny stars burst from the palm of his hand and twists and turn through the air. It exists because I exist. And I exist because millions upon millions of children make it so. Millions of children like the twelve you tortured. Millions of children like the twelve you abused. Millions of children like the twelve you murdered. he says as his eyes explode in a golden red, and the stars tear into Gavin, ripping him apart at the seams. You were always a naughty boy Gavin, but this year you made my extra naughty list, and there’s only one way off that list.

Proof of A Lie

You do know it’s all a load of baloney, right? he says with a wicked smirk across his face.

How do you know that for a fact? You mightn’t have witness anything angelic yet, but it doesn’t mean it’s all lies.

Of course it does. If you can disprove one thing, then you can disprove it all. No matter how many people sit out there in their nice little world of imagination, a lie is a lie no matter how pretty you dress it up, Calvert says as he puffs out his chest,