Gentlemen and Pigs

By Robert C. Brewster

Gentlemen and Pigs could best be described and compared to the hit sitcom television show Seinfeld.  It’s a book about nothing.  But, of course, we all know that it is the story within the story of another story that ties all the loose ends together as you laugh yourself silly along the way.  Gentlemen and Pigs is a real hoot!  Its author Robert C. Brewster brings his characters to life in some unique ways.  Sit back in your favorite comfy chair and enjoy the hilarious roller coaster ride.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert C. Brewster
• Release date: Jan 17, 2018
• ISBN: 9781517117153

Robert C. Brewster

Robert C. Brewster is the author of six previous fiction novels. There is also a non-fiction account of his time spending summers along the New Jersey shore in the late sixties and early seventies, called: 'On the road to find out.'  He is a writer/film actor/voice character specialist and lives with his wife Kim and daughter Britany and son Kristy in St. Sauveur des Monts, Quebec, Canada.  

Book preview

ALSO BY ROBERT C. BREWSTER

FICTION

NO BORDERS NO BOUNDARIES

DECEIT DECEPTION AND DELIVERANCE

LIGHT UP THE WORLD

A MOMENT OF CLARITY

NON-FICTION

ON THE ROAD TO FIND OUT

I love hearing from my readers.  Please visit

www.robertcbrewster.com

and leave me a message.

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COVER DESIGN AND PHOTO BY BRITANY ROSE BREWSTER

Create Space Publishing 2015 by Robert C. Brewster

Kindle Direct Publishing in 2015 by Robert C. Brewster

Copyright © Text Robert C. Brewster 2015

First Edition

The author asserts the moral right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. All Rights Reserved.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior consent of the author.

This is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination.  Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

...

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO 3 GENTLEMEN, WHO ENJOYED THE LAUGHTER AND RELISHED, IN THE PLEASURE THEY BROUGHT TO THOSE WHO SURROUNDED THEM AND SHARED IN THE LOVE.  THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO DOUG LUKIAN, MICHAEL CARON, AND ELLIOT SHATSKY.  GOD!  I MISS YOU GUYS.

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CHAPTER ONE

Kaleb

Unlike most other stories of this genre, this is not all about me.  In fact, I do not like to get involved unless I absolutely, positively, without question there is no other choices have to.  Because the world is going to end unless I do, according to the people who hire me?  Most of them, are so superficial and their lives even shallower.  But to them their usually trivial matters are world-altering events.  I guess I should be grateful and get down on my knees once and awhile and give thanks that I can make a comfortable living unraveling the mysteries of their mostly frivolous lives. 

Kaleb, only you can take care of this.  Only you can make it go away. 

Then there was the always favorite and much overused:

Oh Kaleb, you know how I hate to impose because our friendship means so much to me, but there is this little matter that could use your special touch..., 

I am nobody special or ever pretended to have a special touch, unless of course I can use it to my advantage in any given situation.  I am not a violent man and yet I am not a timid one either especially when I have a ‘reindeer up my butt' as my ex-wives are fond of saying.  I am not an ex-alcoholic as vast majorities of my ilk are.  Do I enjoy a variety of liquored flavored beverages, hell yeah!  Do I over indulge more than I like to, another hell yeah.  Regardless all modesty aside, I am very good at mediating disputes between party's who at times can be very unagreeable. 

My techniques are not unique, but people seem to relate to me on a very pleasant level, most of the time.  I am a very likable person or so I have been told on numerous occasions by most I encounter. 

You are probably wondering about my name.  Also, what I might look like.  I am not too big on descriptive stuff, but I will concede to the name thing.  My mother was a Jewish Princess, and my dad was a drunken Irishman.  Kaleb is a Hebrew name that means ‘tenacious and aggressive dog'.  (Mom, what were you thinking?)  Martin derived from the ancient Latin word for Mars, the Roman God of fertility and war; which accounts for my old man always whoring around and getting beat up a lot.  So what I'm getting around to is that if I live up to my lineage I guess I'm your basic tenacious and aggressive god like dog that likes to screw and wage wars.  The ‘god-like' and ‘loves to screw a lot' parts are a large part of my physical and social makeup.  As far as the rest of it, I try to avoid them at every turn. 

Therefore, I am just going to step out of the way for a little while and jump back in when I can make a Grand Entrance.  And hopefully with your help figure out what is going on in this story.  Sit back and enjoy the ride as you meet the people who will consume both of our lives for the next little while.

CHAPTER TWO

Bob & Brenda

You're a pig! Brenda was pissed.

How can you say that?  Bob replied

All you want from me is sex!

I thought that's a good thing?

It is.  But it's not everything.

Baby when I look at you, it's the only thing.

That's exactly what I mean.  You're a pig!

Okay, now I'm totally confused.  I love you to the death, and all I want to do is make love to you which you find very attractive, but because of it I'm a pig.

Exactly, because that is the only thing, you want to do.  Have you ever offered to clean up or bring the dishes to the kitchen after all the fine meals I have cooked for you?  Have you ever for one moment thought to say I love you, baby, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me?  Is there anything that I can do for you or help you with?

Don't I do and say stuff like that before I want to have sex with you?

Exactly, that's the problem.

Now I'm really messed up.

You don't get it do you?

Maybe I don't.  But if you'd just crawl back under the sheets with me, maybe you can explain it to me again and this time I'll get it.

You know right now I'd like to pick up the stove or fridge if I could and smash it over your head.  Maybe then, you would realize that until you come to grips with the fact that there is no you and me until you can see what is in front of your eyes, and my face.  You have to wake up and not smell the roses, but grab the world by the balls and do something with your life...and hopefully, our future.

With those words, the love of his life walked out of the one room apartment they both shared and struggled to survive in.  The best thing that had ever or would ever happen to him had just stormed out of his world in a fit of rage.  She left him as horny as any of God's male creations could be in a similar situation...and totally unsatisfied.  ‘What's up with that?'  He thought to himself.

CHAPTER THREE

Charles & Cindy

You are such a gentleman Charles, Cindy said and smiled.

Well I've been called a lot of things ‘sweet thing' but I've never been called that before.

Don't you think you are, a gentleman? she said stretching her subtle curves to highlight all her features in the best light.  She paused long enough between her last two words to make his manhood rise to the occasion and shift his mind into ‘I got to get me some more' overdrive. 

I'm not foolish enough to argue with a woman who knows what she wants when she wants it, he said playing up to the little ‘tart' who was costing him five hundred an hour, but who cared.  She did what he paid her to do.  Get it up, keep it up, and fill it up with her sweet lips.  He would tolerate stuff from her that he would not from any of the other woman both young and old that he paid to satisfy his needs, both natural and otherwise.

Could I have a little more champagne my sweet; if you don't mind? She rose in the bed, so her engaging subtle breasts with her now protruding nipples were staring him in the face.  They were begging him to leap from his prone position into her warm, sweet arms, where he could satisfy his most primitive and primeval desires.  ‘Ah back to the womb’, he thought to himself.  Back to a place where all was still and peaceful and he was living a dream.  Back to a time, when time stood still, and ‘he' was not even part of the scheme.  Was it possible to think for a moment, that somehow, if it wasn't for a very curious, and maybe in some people's minds kind of like a ‘screwed up' situation? He might not be here at all.

Darling, you promised me Champagne.  Oh, I see you might have other things on your mind, she said pleasantly with a coquettish smile on her face.  Champagne first and whatever else it is you are up for. She extended her glass. 

Also, he was sure admiring his manhood.  His penis was fully erect and standing at attention.  If he were a conceited, ‘full of himself' son of a bitch, who he was not, he thought.  He would have said his pecker extended a good