LOVE THAT KILLS!: Inspired by A True Story

By Cathy Lee

Love that kills is a book which tells the story of a wife who's fighting to stay alive in a terrible relationship at the hands of her abusive husband. Once beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, and full of life, she's now an empty shell, barely able to think for herself. With nowhere to go and no one to turn to, she finds herself alone in this never-ending struggle to survive!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098300234

Book preview

©2020 Cathy Lee. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief

quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN: 978-1-09830-022-7 (print)

ISBN: 978-1-09830-023-4 (ebook)

Contents

Introduction

How it all Began

Warning Signs of Abuse

Running out of Time

Conclusion

Sources Cited

Introduction

With two sunken, darkened eyes, one arm in a sling, mental and emotional stability shattered into a million pieces like fragile broken glass, I sit, stoic, vacantly staring out of windows, refusing to interact, and trembling with fear of loud sounds. It wasn’t a horrific car crash or a natural disaster; it was one of society’s most underreported crimes.

It crept up on me slowly—a put down here or there, an odd excuse to keep me away from family and friends, the taking away of my car keys, keeping close tabs on where I go and with whom, embarrassing me in front of others, constantly yelling at me, criticizing me, accusing me of having an affair, placing little value on what I say, interrupting when I’m talking, abruptly changing topics when I’m talking, not listening, twisting my words, being overly jealous, and monitoring my phone calls, text messages, and computer. All of this falls under the umbrella of Domestic Abuse, which can suddenly ramp up to domestic violence once the victim is cut off from other people.

In fact, a very close friend of mine revealed to me that she remains in a thirty-year relationship with her abusive husband, who started out with harsh words in the beginning, but has now progressed to beating and bruising, giving her busted lips and black eyes. She has wanted to leave him for years, but she’s afraid of what he might do to her. On one occasion, he even threatened to kill her if she leaves him. She has no clue what to do next.

In an effort to find answers for my friend, I researched domestic violence. Always believing domestic violence was just a synonym for domestic abuse, I was shocked to see that it’s only one aspect. The umbrella also covers emotional, psychological, sexual, verbal, and economic abuse, in addition to the obvious physical abuse.

Many of us focus on domestic violence when we think about domestic abuse. However, (This is not a direct quote, I paraphrased. I’m sorry, I misunderstood the rule for quotation marks--I actually have no direct quotes in my manuscript. I paraphrased everything I have in quotation marks). This should read, according to the hotline.org there is a pattern of behaviors implemented by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner; used for one purpose and one purpose only—to gain and maintain total control over him/her, all while chipping away at their feelings of self-worth and independence, which is also abuse. In cases like these, the abused partner hasn’t literally been hit; however, Just because a person is not battered and bruised doesn’t mean he/she is not being abused. Many of us suffer through emotional Abuse, which is often minimized or overlooked—even by the person experiencing it.

(Again no direct quotation—I paraphrased). Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression and make you feel helpless and alone. The scars of emotional abuse are real and they run deep. You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with physical wounds, but emotional abuse can be just as damaging—sometimes even more so." No one should have to endure this kind of pain; your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your relationship is abusive.

This is where I realize the unimaginable: I am in an abusive relationship myself, and have been for years. Currently I am enduring all the signs of emotional, psychological, verbal, and economic abuse. I never saw this coming!

I sit there replaying everything in my mind. I have sensed for years that my mate has a huge anger problem. I never imagined that control issues are the root of all his anger. It’s an eye-opener for me. My sincere desire is that it will be an eye-opener for any woman in an abusive relationship, and a key factor in her getting out of it.

Unfortunately however, as quiet as it’s kept, many of us stay in abusive relationships. Some of us are afraid to get out, some of us are in denial, or, like myself, some of us don’t even know we’re in an abusive relationship because we’re unaware of the whole scope of abuse. We don’t know the true definition of it, nor its warning signs. As a result, we suffer tremendous stress in these abusive relationships for years—with absolutely no thought of leaving. This is my story.

How it all Began

For eighteen years, I fought the never-ending battle to maintain appearances, while drowning beneath a mass of hopelessness and lifelessness inside. The battle is very demanding—requiring extreme bodily, mental, and spiritual strength. Each day, it is harder than it was the day before to look and feel like the woman I once was.

Today, as I do every day, I stare into the mirror as I apply my makeup to make sure that my outer mask hides all of my internal scars. This time, though, as I look into the mirror, I’m grief stricken at what I see. The reflection starring back at me is one I don’t recognize. Zeal, passion, enthusiasm, strength, self-confidence, self-love, and self-respect are nowhere to be seen. The emotional, mental, and physical damage I’ve suffered daily for nearly eighteen years have weakened and broken my spirit and my body.

It is clear that my physical appearance is on a downward spiral as I gaze at the bones of my face bulging through my fair skin and my protruding eyes and the countless wrinkles covering my face and neck that seem to have appeared overnight. I know my weakened, broken body will eventually fall to the enormous pressure of stress. Unless something changes, not only will my appearance continue to deteriorate, I will surely die an early death. To prevent my death, I know I must come up with a plan. But before I share the plan that eventually freed me, let’s start from the very beginning.

I was sitting at home alone, enjoying a relaxing night while watching a movie. My ringing phone interrupts the movie.. I glance at the phone’s screen and don’t recognize the number, so I ignore the call. Thirty minutes later, another call from the same number; again I ignore the call. An hour later, it rings again. Now I’m curious. Who could possibly be so determined to reach me?

I finally answered and said hello. On the other end a kind, gentle voice said Hello back, identifying himself as Joe. Puzzled, I ask him, Joe who? The kind voice replied, Joe, married to Lisa, and