Braden's Voice: You'll See, I'll Stay

By Mark Speed

The death of a child should never pre-date that of their parents. It's happening far too often more and more in the current generation. The cause of the current epidemic of depression and teen suicide will be studied for decades to follow. In the present, we as parents must open our eyes, our ears, our minds, and our hearts to a desperate situation.

The second leading cause of death of our young people is suicide. When, during your own youth did you ever give serious and pensive thought to taking your own life? Perhaps in a fleeting moment when you experienced sharp pain of a love lost or a word said, but today, the option of suicide is "on the menu" of choices and our youth talk about that menu item daily.

We implore readers to learn about this taboo topic... "The 'S' Word" and to help ensure it is not kept a subject we don't talk about, but rather one we openly acknowledge and fight against as informed parents to a lost and lonely generation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781705668214

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 by Mark Speed

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or by any information storage without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

ISBN 978-1-54399-898-6 eBook 978-1-70566-821-4

International Standard Book Number recorded

This book is vitally important for this generation. Millions of young people are struggling with self-doubt, depression, despair, and suicidal thoughts. Parents need guidance from experts, yes, but perhaps more importantly, from experience. They need to hear this story. Mark and Cathy have courageously and honestly opened the door into their experience with Braden’s life and his death. His story and their story will save lives. This book represents hope. It is a call to be ready and willing to step out of our comfort zones; to love extraordinarily, to talk honestly, and to stay even when it’s hard. What a blessing this family has been to me, my family, my church, our community, and now, to the world.

Dr. John D. Herring –

Former senior pastor, First Baptist Church of Prosper;

Lead Chaplain, Prosper Police Department

To lose a child by his or her own choice is the most painful experience a parent can face. Braden was a wonderful gift to Mark and Cathy and always will remain so. To face their grief head-on and expose it to the world is courageous and bold. But it is the only way other parents and families can learn and lean on their own experience of similar loss. In these honest and heartfelt blogs, you can feel the weight of their faithful journey of God’s healing.

Ron Hill

Senior Pastor

The Fellowship of San Antonio

There are many great reasons to write a book about suicide prevention. I get contacted weekly from someone wanting to write a book or make a movie about their personal experience with suicide. Mark Speed is one of those that has lived through a tragedy and now has taken prevention to the next level.

Working in suicide prevention, I’ve learned that while it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a community to save one. As Mark stressed the importance of building relationships and preventing bullying, this message of community effort stood out to me. Everyone has a role to play in preventing suicide, from educators and church leaders to parents and peers. Mark asks everyone to actively make a difference in their children’s lives. I believe; however, this book will speak most strongly to parents⁠—not only those who have lost a child to suicide, but any parents who are concerned about their child’s mental health but are struggling to connect. It is vitally important, now more than ever, to learn to connect with our youth.

I hope you will take on the mission to seek out those who are struggling with mental health problems and show them love and support. It is clear to me that this book was written with deep faith, vulnerability, and courage. It offers reassurance that even though none of us is perfect, if we make the effort to connect in meaningful ways, we can and will save lives.

Dr. Gregory A. Hudnall

Founder/Executive Director

Hope Squad LLC

Braden’s Voice is a story about one of the many hurting people in our world that just wanted to feel loved, accepted and heard. We pass by those who are lonely every day, sometimes without even knowing it. This book challenges us to look for and reach out to those who may need a smile, a kind word, or just someone to listen. Mark and Cathy welcome you into their lives, as they openly share their hearts, emotions and memories. They share their journey of grief and healing, as well as offering hope and encouragement to others. Braden’s Voice is a tool not only to bring awareness, but to pass on the legacy of their loving son, Braden.

Michael Niles

Family friend and Braden’s Godfather

Braden’s Voice handles the Speed family’s journey through their teen son’s suicide with personal vulnerability, practical advice, and hope for those facing similar issues. I highly recommend this book. 

Candy Noble

Republican member of the Texas House of Representatives

District 89; Collin County

Braden’s Voice is a powerful compilation of blogs penned by Braden’s father, Mark, to illustrate not just the depth of pain a parent suffers after losing a child to suicide, but as a guidepost to help others learn how to succor the lonely and depressed before it’s too late. When the Speed family lost their son, Braden, I was amid preparations for the Prosper Out of the Darkness Community Walk sponsored by the AFSP that I chair in honor of my own son, Christian.

The Speed’s loss rocked me to the core, the story all too familiar. Just weeks after losing Braden, Mark began to write. He writes to remember and honor his son. He writes to share his deep conviction and testimony of Christ. He writes to encourage all of us to reach out, to listen, to stay. Braden’s Voice will save lives if people will listen and truly hear. It’s a challenge we should all accept…You’ll see; I’ll stay.

Wendy Tyler

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

DEDICATED TO BRADEN THOMAS SPEED

Son, we may likely never understand all the factors that weighed into your decision to leave the life we gave you. From our eyes, it was a senseless waste of a beautiful God-made creation. Through your brief life here as well as the days and months to follow your premature departure, we have gained a broader perspective and have grown to see ourselves, others, and the entirety of our existence differently… in a good way.

Our hope lies in confidence that one day soon we will all be together again. In the meantime, may we honor your life here and your legacy from your leaving by helping others in some way who are walking a similar path.

God will hold you until we can again, our precious son.

Love, Mom and Dad

Acknowledgements

Following the loss of our son, several friends and family encouraged us to begin writing about our observations, experiences, and emotions during one of the darkest times anyone can face. They believed others needed to hear messages directly from a family personally impacted by the loss of a child and specifically, by suicide.

We’re glad we took this advice as it has been cathartic for us and beneficial to others. The blog called, BradensVoice has reached over 66,000 readers in 73 countries. Statistics clearly indicate we have an epidemic rise in the rate of self-harm and suicide in this generation of teens. Something drastic and different must be done.

We wish to thank the Prosper, Texas community with neighbors whose hearts and prayers have carried us through the most difficult time in our family’s life. The many friends we knew and have come to know are too many to mention individually. We trust you each know how much you mean to us.

For encouraging us to endeavor to write and to speak, thanks to our family and to ministers, Ron Hill and John Herring. Thanks also to Michael Niles who encouraged writing even upon waking from a dream.

Sarah Feurbacher, thanks for good counsel and for helping keep our family on track after Satan tried and continues to try to derail us. You became more than a family counselor. You became family.

Our heartfelt thanks to readers who have prayed, supported, and encouraged us. I would give anything to meet each one to thank you personally. Your prayers are deeply and dearly appreciated.

Prologue

Dream Before the Nightmare

Our son was a beautiful and happy baby. He was healthy as a horse with legs as strong as one. Braden was standing at seven months, walking at nine, and running one week later. He loved to run full speed and tackle his dad. He also had a huge smile, bright eyes, and a strong heart, both biologically as well as relationally. For approximately four years, Braden’s life and ours as a family was a dream with very few if any real concerns. All baby charts were tracking right in above average from a weight and height gauge as well as physical and intellectual development.

However, as we entered the world of public school and learning to make friends, we began experiencing struggles. Braden couldn’t stay on task many days and teachers began sending notes regarding this behavior. We went down the typical trail of having him tested for attention span, dyslexia, and any other early areas for early intervention. As do so many children (boys particularly) Braden was diagnosed with ADHD highly inattentive. These kids are also typically labeled, At Risk. I’ll never forget the first time I heard that phrase.

No one wants to hear their baby has any label other than Most Likely to Succeed. I took it particularly hard. He was such a normal child in every way, but he just couldn’t keep focused and executive thinking was lacking. It was paying off with school issues and sadly too many other parents excluding our kid when he didn’t fit the perfect easy mold.

Play dates became rare as he entered upper elementary school. Don’t misunderstand. Braden wasn’t hitting, yelling, or hurting other kids. He wasn’t breaking or tearing up property. He didn’t act or play differently. He just was a little out of sync in social circumstances, slower to notice body language and to respect boundaries, which meant to some parents, Let’s not invite Braden. We’ll try another kid. Never thinking how that impacted our son.

It’s easy to be a complacent parent, busy with your own well-adjusted child, leaving others out when your kid isn’t the one who struggles. It’s easy to miss the amazing gift they are because these kids may not line up. They don’t walk in lockstep with everyone else. Ironically, these have historically been the very ones who have more to offer. Often, they are the ones who change the world.

So began an increasingly steady chain of interactions which excluded Braden from successfully making or