In My Destiny

By Sarah Libardi

Uma história que não fala de amor

Luana, a young university student from São Paulo, with low self-esteem, sees her dream boyfriend become the biggest of her nightmares. Facing an abusive relationship, without understanding what is happening, goes a long way in pain and self-knowledge. Find friends a support to overcome their biggest challenges. A suspense that takes you down uncertain paths, where pain and love go hand in hand and the greatest enemy is what she believes.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BadPress
• Release date: Dec 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781071516546

Book preview

Chapter 1

I get off the subway at Trianon-Masp station, I'm not sure what I'm doing here, I just want to get away, and find a place to think. When leaving the station, the fine drizzle falls on my body, I shiver all over, I’m not sure of what I am doing here, but the truth is that Paulista Avenue calms me. You must be thinking that I’m crazy, but this is the truth, I love this place... with its imposing buildings and its constant movement. She, this avenue, is alive and pulses in the rhythm of this city.

I start walking guided by the flow of people, the cold wind hitting my skin gives me a wonderful feeling, I love to go cold. I stop in front of the park.

I stand for a few seconds in front of that place, staring. It's raining harder. The stalls that always live around here are empty, so there shouldn't be a lot of people at the park. I just come in. On the way I see some people exercising. Not even with the rain people stop?!

I wanted to be like that yet; but this obstinacy not long belong to me anymore.

I see a concrete bench later and decide to sit down, after all I just need to think about what to do, because this must be the thousandth fight I have with Guilherme and I'm not standing it anymore, but I love him and I want everything to be fine between we.

I watch the raindrops fall into a puddle and my thoughts lead me to December 31, 2016, the day I met him. New Year's night. Nothing could be more magical than knowing the love of my life at the turn of the year.

Guilherme seemed beautiful and polite. When I first saw him, I felt my soul leaving my body. He is not a very tall man, but he has the height to make anyone happy, his straight black hair tossed aside, the naughty man's face few have, these features conquered me at first glance.

It was so wonderful that I often wondered if it was normal to feel so much happiness. It was months of pure joy, with a perfect, caring and loving boyfriend, until the fighting began...

Today we fight over everything from the clothes I wear to an opinion we don't agree on.

Part of me dreams of the day when he will be what he once was, but the other dreams of the day when I will be free again, living without the fights and confusion.

There are days when I imagine myself married, thinking about what our children's faces will look like, but there are days, which, like today, I just imagine a way to get rid of the problem and, by the way, the biggest of all today, has only one name: Guilherme.

I am still sitting in the rain, my clothes are stuck to my skin and I am starting to feel the discomfort of the cold, the feeling of the clothes clinging to my body is not doing me any good. I hear my phone ring inside the backpack and run to answer it, my hope is that it is him; but the disappointment is great to see that it's just my mother. I do not answer. I'll leave the explanations for later, because now I can't talk.

Taking advantage that I took the phone from my backpack, I send another message to him, I realize that all the others I sent have not yet been viewed...

I take the way back. The fine drizzle gives way to huge drops of water. By the time I get to the front of the subway steps I'm totally wet. I'm going down. I notice that the few people I meet look at me a little cross. I turn toward the panel with the station map and see my reflection in it. I feel ashamed, after all the white clothes I have to wear in college are transparent, my makeup drips off my face, which by now is a shade of purple because of the cold, huge black smudges appear under my eyes, my blond hair now look like a big dog with a wet hair on a bathing day, I even try to get it done, but I know it won't do much good. My only choice is to put the backpack forward and move on.

Now, besides being sad, I'm ashamed and going home has become the biggest need of my day.

If I'm with a little luck there will be no one and I can enter without further explanation. During the journey I keep thinking about the fight, I think he will never forgive me, I know he is jealous and yet I was talking to my teacher at the college door. With the shifting of the wagons I can hear the shouts of Guilherme. His voice echoes in my mind. I still feel the shame of the moment and my biggest doubt is if he will forgive me this time.

Chapter 2

I go in the building with my heart coming out of my mouth. I know my looks are