10 Ways to Make Sure You Never Stop Being Defensive

By C J Kruse

W A R N I N G ! ! !

Defensiveness Is A Relationship Killer!!!

Could it be threatening YOUR relationships?  That depends...

        Do you sometimes personalize matters that aren't personal?  Do you feel your own sense of self-esteem rising whenever you are praised, or diminishing whenever you are criticized?  Are you good at spotting the offenses in other people's words?  Do you commonly assume to know what others are thinking?  Do you dodge blame whenever a finger gets pointed at you?  Do you commonly think and act before speaking?  Is it important for you to be right during an argument?  Do you handle unfairness by being unfair back to those who have wronged you?  

        Of course, our goal in asking you these questions isn't to imply that your relationship problems are solely yours.  They very well may be due to the defensiveness of other people.  Perhaps there are certain people in your life who are defensive, and YOU would just like to know how to deal with them.  Is that the case?  

        Do you sometimes find it difficult working with certain people? Do you find your blood pressure rising during your conversations with them? Do some people seem to continually step on a nerve? How do you deal with them? What changes can you alone make that will equip you to be a more steady collaborator? 

        Welcome to 10 Ways To Make Sure You Never Stop Being Defensive. We will discuss many things about defensiveness and the ways we can overcome it. Get ready to delve into a subject that is interesting, beneficial and rarely talked about!

This book covers:

• Descriptions of defensive behavior.
• Explanations of WHY people act defensively.
• How to spot defensiveness in yourself.
• Habits you may already have that KEEP YOU acting defensively.
• Tips and techniques to END your defensive behavior.
• Discussions on dealing with difficult/defensive people. 

                - R E V I E W S -

        "C Kruse has a lot of insight and does a great job of sharing that wisdom in a practical way that is easy to understand. This book is definitely worth the read!"

        - Amazon Customer

        "Brilliant write ! Hits home. Something one can go back and read and be reminded! It was very personal for me. Very relatable. The style in which he wrote captured my attention. Well done!"

        - Amazon Customer

        "Awesome read! Really made me rethink how I act on a daily basis. Highly recommend it!"

        - Amazon Customer

• Language: English
• Publisher: C J Kruse
• Release date: Jun 25, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393434726

Book preview

10 Ways To Make Sure You Never Stop Being Defensive

by C Kruse

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including scanning, photocopying, or otherwise without prior written permission of the copyright holder. Copyright © 2016

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Table of Contents

PROLOGUE.

RULE # 1.  PERSONALIZE MATTERS THAT AREN'T PERSONAL.

RULE # 2.  MAKE ALL MATTERS INTO MATTERS OF WORTHINESS.

RULE # 3.  LOOK FOR OFFENSES IN EVERYTHING.

RULE # 4.  ASSUME TO KNOW WHAT OTHERS ARE THINKING.

RULE # 5.  DODGE THE BLAME.

RULE # 6.  ALWAYS SPEAK AND ACT BEFORE THINKING.

RULE # 7.  DO NOT BE SELF-AWARE.

RULE # 8.  DO NOT HEAR THE MESSAGE BEHIND THE WORDS.

RULE # 9.  ALWAYS BE RIGHT.

RULE # 10.  NEVER TAKE ANY CRAP FROM ANYONE.

EPILOGUE.

PROLOGUE.

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Defensiveness.  What is it, other than a four syllable word?  What images does the word give you?  The root word, defense, means to resist an attack or to protect from harm or danger.  The word defend might make you think of an ancient city’s fortitudes, built to keep its inhabitants safe.  The Great Wall of China may come to mind – that thirteen thousand mile wonder, put up to protect China from raids and invasions along its western border. 

In sports, we often hear that the best offense is a good defense.  Winning a game isn’t just about how many goals your team can score, but just as much about minimizing how many goals the other team scores.  The best way to be a good, effective team, is to have a strong defense. 

We also commonly hear the word defense used in the context of self-defense, which is what a person does (or attempts to do) when he/she is threatened and, rather than lying down or retreating, fights back.

In most examples where we see the word defense being used, it has positive connotations.  By this, we might easily assume that defensiveness is a good quality. But actually, in most cases that involve human relationships, defensiveness has more negative than positive value. 

Take for example; romantic relationships.  John Gottman, relationships expert and author of The Relationship Cure, refers to defensiveness as one of the four horsemen of the relational apocalypse.  In other words, when you see it coming, look out... the end is near! 

Miriam Webster’s Dictionary defines defensiveness as: behaving in a way that shows that you feel people are criticizing you.  Author Shannon L. Alder says that Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming that they need you to value and respect them...

But perhaps we know defensiveness best by its common outward manifestations - the ways a person will constantly make excuses, deflect criticisms, needlessly disagree or insist on being right.  Sometimes it’s what we witness in other people.  Sometimes we see it in ourselves, coming out in the It’s not my fault remarks, or the

Reviews for 10 Ways to Make Sure You Never Stop Being Defensive

[Amanda Lynne Woods · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was an extremely helpful book. It was a pretty quick read, and it has some great tips and advice.

[Clambake Jenkins · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

FANTABULOUS! Is that even a word? I learned ton about myself from this, and even got my gf to read it. It's a great ground level work on the subject - not a doctor's thesis, but good nonetheless. If you struggle with defensiveness or if you know someone who does, I highly recommend this!