The Dream Feed Method: How We Got Our Babies Sleeping from Dusk Till Dawn. Without Crying-It-Out

By Jason Freedman, Stacy Karol, Eileen Aicardi and Brian Symon

What if we could assure you that within four months of giving birth to your child, your baby will sleep peacefully from dusk till dawn? That without using the cry-it-out method or any traumatizing sleep-training techniques, your baby will be happily, peacefully, consistently asleep for 12 hours every night? Enter the Dream Feed Method—a tried and true way to get your baby on a regular sleep schedule and have the energy to fully love your baby, your partner, and yourself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543932386

Book preview

Dear Moms

My name is Stacy. I’m one of the moms who put this book together.

Our son, Oliver, arrived six days after he was due—which meant my husband, Dave, and I were as ‘ready’ as any new parents could be. We’d taken the classes... we’d bought all of the ‘things’... our freezer was full of home-cooked meals. And mentally, we’d been preparing for months, verbally managing one another’s expectations, saying things like: Our kitchen won’t be this clean once the baby comes.

But in spite of our best efforts to plan and prepare, there were many things about being a new mother that surprised me. I knew I’d be too tired to cook—but it hadn’t occurred to me that I might also be too tired to eat. I knew breastfeeding would be hard, but I couldn’t have imagined those challenges would persist for weeks. And I’d heard that my hormones would do funny things to my mood, but nothing prepared me for the quantity of tears in those early weeks.

Yet, the thing that surprised me most had nothing to do with being a mother. Oliver’s arrival had changed not just me, but my marriage as well. Dave and I had become like ships passing in the night.

Evenings of shared meals, conversation, and Netflix were replaced by strategic games of ‘divide and conquer’ (read: I slept with earplugs in, while he walked the halls with our wailing infant).

I now look back on those early weeks with a sigh and a smile. Starting when Oliver was four weeks old, Dave and I jointly committed our little family to The Dream Feed Method. What followed were six weeks of teamwork like I’d never before experienced in my marriage. It turned out that teaching our baby how to sleep through the night brought us closer as a married couple and set us on a path of unique equality as parents.

To be sure, our path to ‘Dusk till Dawn’ was not without a few bumps and curves. There was the occasional 1:00 a.m. heated debate at the changing table, our wide-awake two-month-old watching us curiously. There were strings of 2, 3, and 4 nights where I was sure the Dream Feed Method simply would not work for our baby. We stayed the course, however, and by ten weeks Oliver was sleeping from 6:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. And that routine has remained largely consistent.

Something else that has remained consistent is our spirit of equal partnership. While co-navigating The Dream Feed Method, Dave and I built a confidence as parents that now flows into every corner of our family life.

Whether you’re expecting your first or your fourth, my wish is that you too will experience the benefits of not only a good night’s sleep, but also everything that comes with that. Motherhood is a journey, for sure. Let those first twelve weeks set the tone for a lifetime of partnership.

With Love,

Stacy Karol

Dear Dads

My name’s Jason. I’m married to Jen, and we have three wonderful children, Alex, Callie, and Ethan. Having now talked to hundreds of dads, I want to share two observations:

First, most first-time dads have no idea about sleep training before becoming a parent. They attend classes on supporting their wife in labor, infant care, infant CPR, and first aid. But nothing on sleep training.

Second, most dads say that they would have become way more involved in sleep training earlier had they known more about it. But when they did learn, it felt too late.

When I talk to dads around the six-month mark, they’re tired. Their wives are tired. Their babies are tired. And they’re trying to figure out why they weren’t lucky enough to have a baby who magically sleeps through the night. They’re disappointed to learn that there were steps that they could have easily taken to put their families on a better track. And while there are steps that they can still take, such as using the cry-it-out method, those options seem far from appealing.

I was fortunate enough to receive some valuable advice from a dear friend before we had our first baby. He said, It’s all well and good to spend so much time learning about what to do in the first week. But if I can recommend one area where you can really make a difference…it’s sleep training. I know this woman, Jana; you should really talk to her. She’ll teach you more about sleep training than you’d ever thought you’d know.

Dads, I just want to tell you how much your role in this process matters. I know from experience that prioritizing a full and peaceful night’s sleep for both my baby AND my wife has made all of the difference in our day-to-day happiness. I encourage you to put sleep training right up there on your project to-do list, alongside installing the car seat and putting together the nursery furniture.

I work full-time and, like many dads, didn’t get much paternity leave. I know how hard it is to balance nighttime feedings and a full workday. But I promise: if you commit to playing a role in sleep training your baby during these crucial first few months, you, your wife, and your baby will get far more rest for years to come.

I knew Jana well, and I’m the one that most encouraged her to write a book about the Dream Feed Method. After her passing, I spent a couple of years interviewing all her moms, recruiting Dr. Aicardi and Dr. Symon, and helping to pull together this book. It’s been a wonderful journey and a pleasure to honor Jana by furthering her mission: helping more parents and their babies get a good night’s sleep.

If you’re waiting for your first child, I will tell you fatherhood is the absolute best. You’re going to love it. And if you ever lose that perspective, I’m willing to bet it’s because you’re sleep deprived. I hope this book helps you in the same way Jana’s wisdom helped me.

Most Sincerely,

Jason Freedman

Meet Eileen Aicardi, M.D.

Hello Parents,

I’m Dr. Aicardi. I first became interested in the Dream Feed Method when Jason and Jen, parents I’ve watched raise three kids, came to ask me to be an advisor. Jana had recently passed away, and they wanted an active pediatrician to provide a perspective in the book. Of course, I love the opportunity to talk about something I’m so passionate about: helping the entire family be healthy and well-rested.

I am first and foremost a mom. When I was younger, I had years of infertility, so we chose to adopt. Just before our adopted son was born, I found out I was pregnant. The adoption went through as planned, and the pregnancy stuck. We had two wonderful boys, born seven months apart.

Then I had a baby naturally seventeen months after number two. That’s three wonderful boys in 24 months.

After I stopped nursing number three, my period never came. Guess what? I was pregnant with identical twins. They were born thirteen months after my third.

I have five wonderful boys born within 38 months. My hair is very gray.

And I’ve been in practice as a pediatrician for 40 years. I’ve seen thousands of babies. Now I have the privilege of taking care of my grandchildren, the children of children I took care of in my practice years ago.

I don’t claim to know what’s best for you, and your own consultation with your pediatrician should always come first. Ultimately, the parent always gets to decide. This is just a book with advice. It’s your baby, it’s your night, and it’s your sleep.

Warmest Regards,

Eileen Aicardi, M.D.

Meet Brian Symon, M.D.

Dear Parents,

My patients have dubbed me The Sleep Doctor. I have been caring for families with young children for upwards of 40 years. As soon as I read a working draft of the Dream Feed Method, I wanted to be involved. I knew that it would support parental well-being and that it would dramatically decrease infant crying in the early days and weeks of life.

In my professional work, I care for two types of clinical presentations: sleep problem avoidance and sleep problem resolution. This book is all about sleep problem avoidance. The Dream Feed Method recommends focusing on the nutritional needs of a newborn, which in today’s world are too often overlooked. It is a statement of practical reality that a hungry baby will not sleep.

I count it a privilege to have been able to contribute to this book and congratulate all of Jana’s Well-Rested Moms and Dads for shouldering a task that has become a labor of love. To the parents who read this book, I wish you every success in your parenting journey. There is only one reason to become a parent: the joy of parenting. May every day with your baby be a joy.

As a father of four with my eldest now approaching 50 years, I can assure you that every age has its pleasures. As I write these words, I am home caring for our 3-year-old grandson who is fast asleep. Children are so easy to love when they sleep.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Brian Symon, M.D.

Dr. Symon is the author of two books:

Silent Nights: Overcoming Sleep Problems in Babies and Children

Your Baby Manual: For Optimal Sleep, Feeding and Growth in Babies and Children

And many peer-reviewed studies, including:

Effect of a Consultation Teaching Behavior Modification on Sleep Performance in Infants: A Randomized Controlled Trial, published in the The Medical Journal of Australia.

INFANT SLEEP DISORDERS. THEIR SIGNIFICANCE AND EVIDENCE-BASED STRATEGIES FOR PREVENTION. A RANDOMIZED CONTROLLED TRIAL, published in the The Medical Journal of Australia.

THE JOY OF PARENTING: INFANT SLEEP INTERVENTION TO IMPROVE MATERNAL EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING AND INFANT SLEEP, published in the The Singapore Medical Journal.

What It Means to Be a Well-Rested Mom

Are you nervous about having a baby? So were we.

What specifically are you nervous about? Is it the responsibility of nurturing, caring for, protecting, and ultimately providing for this tiny person? Is it wondering whether you’re ready, or whether you’ll ever be? Is it having enough money? Is it having enough space?

And, on top of all that, are you just worried about being tired—all the time?

You know the type of person you become when you’re tired. Irritable. Impatient. Unreasonable. Are you nervous about being that person all the time? To address this universal anxiety, let us paint you a what if picture.

What if we could assure you that within four months of giving birth to your child, your baby will sleep peacefully from dusk till dawn? That without using the cry-it-out method or any traumatizing sleep-training techniques, your baby will be happily, peacefully, consistently asleep for 12 hours every night?

At 7:00 p.m., you’ll put your baby down, and she’ll put herself to sleep within a few minutes. You won’t feed, soothe, or listen to cries until 7:00 a.m. the next morning.

Your friends with kids may have already scared you with stories of getting up two or three times a night for the first 18 months. But what if your experience could be different?

What would it mean for your life, your marriage, and the well-being of your baby?

You will get your evenings back.

The bedtime ritual is only going to take a few minutes; at 7:00 p.m., you’re done—the evening is yours. You could enjoy dinner with your spouse, read a book, and watch a movie. You’ll have time and energy for romance. Anything you currently do now between 7:00 p.m. and whatever your current bedtime is will still be your time. This time period will not change pre- and post-baby. So, you can continue your hobbies or work late or devour your favorite novels. You can continue the quality time you currently enjoy with your partner. Every single evening will effectively be a ‘night off.’

You can hire babysitters.

In fact, it’s going to be the easiest babysitting job they’ve ever had. You invite them to come over at 7:00 p.m., and the baby is already put to sleep. Their job is literally to sit there, do their homework, and make sure a fire doesn’t start in the house. You can go out and see friends after 7:00 p.m., or have a weekly date night, or do whatever you want without even having to trust the babysitter to put the baby down.

But it’s also fine to teach your babysitter how to put your baby down because, frankly, it’s not going to be a complicated affair. If it takes you 20 minutes to put your baby to sleep, it’s going to take your babysitter 20 minutes as well.

You can take nights away.

Because your baby sleeps through the night and is easy to put down at night, it should be totally fine for you to leave for the weekend after the first four months. Have your parents come over for the weekend, and they’re going to be able to enjoy their grandchild from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. And at 7:00 p.m., they get to call it a night and get their own rest.

Because your baby is so easy to care for, you can leave for a weekend, guilt-free. Go to that wedding. Or that reunion. Or just take a weekend at the spa together. Plan on doing something fun, not just restful. Because you’re sleeping fully every night, it’s not like you’re going to need to catch up on sleep during your vacation. Plan fun things with your spouse just like you did when you were dating. You’ll have plenty of energy for it and will come back even more energized and reconnected.

You will get your mornings back.

If you’re the type who likes to wake up early and work out, schedule that every day of the week if you choose. One parent needs to be home at all times for safety, but there’s no reason why one of you can’t work out for an hour every morning. It’ll do wonders for how you feel, and because your baby is sleeping soundly until 7:00 a.m. there’s nothing to do in the morning anyway. On the mornings you’re not working out, enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee and make yourself a nice breakfast. Read the paper. Mornings should be relaxed until your baby wakes up at 7:00 a.m. and is ready for her first feeding of the day.

You will get your energy back.

You’re not going to be irritable, impatient, or unreasonable. In fact, you should have even more energy than you did before the baby was born, when you had the added responsibility of being pregnant. Yes, absolutely, you’ll be tired during the first few months while you’re working through the Dream Feed Method. But from the fourth month onward, you’ll have the energy to go back to tackling your job or simply engaging with the people around you. Exhaustion won’t play a primary role in your life.

Your marriage will get its energy back.

Because you won’t be so exhausted, you’ll treat your partner with the level of care that you always have up until this point. You won’t take out your exhaustion on each other. You won’t fight over small things, because you’ll have the energy to remember that small things are indeed small. You won’t consider your partner like a fellow employee at a sweatshop where you’re both working past the point of your physical capacity. You’ll get to spend quality time together—just the two of you.

And best of all, you will get a happier, healthier, less-fussy baby.

Your baby is going to sleep 12 hours a night, from dusk till dawn. In this first year of her life, sleeping well is one of the greatest gifts you can possibly give her. You’ll give her body and brain all of this extra, uninterrupted rest in order to do the hard work of growing. You’ll notice how happy and peaceful your baby is during the day. If you thought all babies were fussy, you’ll be surprised to find out that most fussiness is caused by lack of quality sleep.

Because your baby sleeps a full 12 hours every night, she’ll wake up in a great mood and spend the day in a great mood. You’ll spend less time trying to calm her down. And with a great nighttime sleep schedule, it will also be much easier to have a great daytime sleep schedule. You will be happy to know that this added rest has been proven to lead to better brain development, which is scientifically correlated with higher IQ and fewer mental disorders later in life.

What was it again that you were so worried about? Parenthood is fabulous. You’re going to love having this little bundle of joy. Take a deep breath.

Your baby is going to sleep, and so will you. You can do this.

What It Means To Be a Well-Rested Dad

Yes, this book is also for you, dads and partners. You, too, dread sleepless nights, low energy, and loss of personal time for you and your marriage. Everything that was a benefit for Mom in the last section is obviously also a benefit for you. But as the one who did not carry this baby for nine months, who did not endure hours of labor and weeks of recovery,