Cool Raoul

By Alain Ruiz

Raoul is neither the dunce nor the know-it-all of his class, it's just Raoul, the coolest guy in St-Supplice college. He is convinced that his parents did not attend his birth, that his old aunt Gertrude is still an active spy and that his French teacher is an arsonist. Nevertheless, Raoul finds his life super cool. He might have lots of friends, but he prefers to hang out with Bart, his best friend who has a phobia of snakes and spiders. When Raoul and Bart meet Catline and Li Mei, two girls from their class, it's the beginning of a great friendship from a really cool group.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BadPress
• Release date: Nov 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386886181

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Cool Raoul

Alain Ruiz

––––––––

Translated by Lewis Griffiths 

Cool Raoul

Written By Alain Ruiz

Copyright © 2018 Alain Ruiz

All rights reserved

Distributed by Babelcube, Inc.

www.babelcube.com

Translated by Lewis Griffiths

Cover Design © 2018 Agnes Ruiz

Babelcube Books and Babelcube are trademarks of Babelcube Inc.

Chapter 1- the art and the way to not convince your parents

Now, I'm sure, my parents were not there the day I was born! Otherwise, how else to explain their total indifference to all my demands. In the very depths of my mind, I even remember what the midwife told me when I was born, alone, without the help of anyone.

I'm sorry, my beautiful baby, but your parents could not come to see you be born. They had something more important to do.

In my opinion, I was formed in an egg and put in an incubator until I hatched. But before I found myself at the maternity hospital by some miracle, my mother probably had to bury my egg in the sand, on a beach, as the giant turtles do who leave their offspring at the mercy of nature. So, I know exactly how Ninja Turtles felt like to have been abandoned.

For me, it was more than obvious. If my mother and father had really been there when I entered this world, they could not have resisted hearing my first cry, the first of a very long series. Every parent worthy of the name can only be moved by the suffering of their child. Yet I have already arrived in the thirteenth season of the TV movie that was my life and my parents still do not understand what I expect from them. Well, for the first year, I can not really blame them. It was all new. They lacked experience. Okay, they already had my sister Clara, two years older than me, but that didn't count. I am their only son, full stop! Plus a girl's needs are very different from those of a boy. No need to draw a picture. Well, whatever, elder sister or not, my parents have largely had the time to get used to all my daily actions to meet the least of my needs. But after thirteen years, they are still on the first page: He may be hungry... Perhaps his diaper is full... Or else it's his teeth that will work itself out.  

Pfft! Frankly, they have missed several episodes of my life or they do not have access to replay, because I do not see what is so difficult to understand when I tell them that I want an iPhone 6. It is very clear, it seems to me. I pronounce it loudly, spell it to be sure they do not confuse it through the baby monitor, but nothing works. That's not to mention my big pronunciation efforts after all those sessions with the speech therapist. And to say that I wanted to please them. Well, it's true that I pushed them a bit pretending to be dyslexic, just because my friend Bart told me that his speech therapist was very sexy. I wanted to check that out, nothing more. And I admit he was right. Finally, all that was to say was that the source of the problem does not come from me, but from my parents. My pronunciation is not at all the problem, it is rather their hearing. Maybe I should have asked them for a megaphone for my last birthday. Okay, I probably would not have had the last Call of Duty for my PS4 and it would have made me angry to wait for Christmas.

I tried to play it subtly. I specified the iPhone 6 so there is no misunderstanding because it is out of the question that they buy me a previous version.  

You know the iPhone 6, the one just after the 5th, and before the 7th! I told them.

I voluntarily mentioned the 7th in order to prepare them psychologically to buy it the next time, but I did not dwell too much to prevent my father immediately answer me:

We will wait for the release of version 7 to buy you version 6 which will be less expensive.

Getting attention, with my father, must be played finely, otherwise, it is cooked before even putting the dish in the oven. For me, it's the iPhone 6 that I want, and I want it now. I do not want to wait for the release of the iPhone 7. Then, we do not know what the future holds. By then, any form of life can disappear from the Earth if it is hit by a huge meteorite. We could also be invaded by extraterrestrial thieves of under-evolved technologies for their interstellar works museums. The history of humanity shows that people have been looted from their cultural riches by their conquerors, so why should the extraterrestrials not do the same with the Earth? They too must have billionaire collectors of exotic objects on other planets. At this very moment, they may be already preparing to invade us in six months or a year to dispossess us of all the iPhones. They may even take all of our natural resources and technologies to prevent us from making others. So, we would go back to the Stone Age. I would have waited in vain to have my iPhone 6.

After all these years of practice in front of the mirror to master my facial expressions of supplication, ranging from trembling lips to tears brimming, I failed to convince my parents. Even my actions did not get anything. It was not lacking technique thanks to my many hours spent watching Italian films and football matches of the Italian Championship. Though obviously, only real Italians have the power to beg with their hands. It's not for the lack of trying yet though. You can not blame me for giving up so quickly.

In one final attempt, I screamed that I wanted an iPhone 6, I found myself in front of the bank safe that had the thickest door in the world. Neither the breath of the Big Bad Wolf nor the cry of Carrie, no offense to Mister Stephen King, could reason with my parents. Their indifference to me is stronger than Hulk and Superman combined. My mum and dad always look at me with that same pretty dazed look in my special requests.

For a moment, I almost thought they were going to say yes to the iPhone 6, but I saw they were pretending to think about it. Without taking the time to consult each other, they told me: NO. It's like I've been hit by Thor's big hammer.  

When you say no, do you mean no today, but maybe tomorrow? I asked them.

No for today, no for tomorrow, no for the next few days, my mum said at once."

Even if I contribute with my pocket money for the next two years?

NO!

The next five years?

NO!

Oh, how I hate this NO! This word should be forbidden in the mouths of parents. Those who govern us should pass a law of this sense. After all, in many countries, spanking is now prohibited. In schools, the regulation also prohibits all corporal punishment, then in school canteens and during recess, it even seems that we should not stop children from heckling. It favors socialization, it seems. So, why can not we force adults to ALWAYS say YES, for our personal fulfilment? So, life would be much simpler.

Can I have an iPhone 6?

YES. We'd buy it that afternoon without fail.

Can I watch TV tonight even if I have school tomorrow?

YES. You can even watch it all night if you want.

I do not want to go to class today, can I stay at home?

YES. You will be able to continue the level of your video game.

Can I leave my room messy?

YES. I'll tidy it for you.

Can I play ball in the house even if I may break something?

YES. We have just taken out insurance against breakages.

The advantage is that there would be less conflict between parents and children. We would live more in harmony. We would not have to give them a headache for days because they told us NO.

Same thing at school. Relationships between teachers and students would be much more user-friendly if the NO was banned.

Miss, Can I stick my boogers under the table?

YES. I could take pictures for my scrapbook.

Can I go out and get some fresh air in the yard while you solve my math problem?

I'd be glad to. I'll call you when I'm done.

Can my mother come in and take my place for me?

YES, or your father if she is not available.

Can I leave the class earlier today because I have my favorite series that starts thirty minutes before the end of classes?

YES, of course. I even recommend that you leave an hour earlier to be sure you do not miss it.

Can I go to the bathroom whenever I want, without asking permission?

"YES, of course, take