THE DAILY JOKE CHRONICLES

By Ken Rochioli

"The Daily Joke Chronicles: A Decade of Laughter" - A ultimate source of hilarity for your daily dose of laughter! A non-stop supply of rib-tickling jokes, witty insights, and lighthearted amusement. Our expertly curated collection guarantees to keep you grinning

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ken Rochioli
• Release date: Mar 7, 2024
• ISBN: 9781088287736

Book preview

THE DAILY JOKE CHRONICLES

A Decade of Laughter

By

Ken Rochioli

The Morning Rambling of an Idiot…

For the past 10 years, I have been writing fun and funny morning social media posts on a daily basis. My goal was to start my friend’s day off with a smile.

Whenever I saw my friends they always commented how much they loved and looked forward to my morning posts. If I’d skip a day, I would get a message, Where’s today Rochiolism?

I have compiled my best post into a book. This book is just not a collection of funny posts, but also a reminder that a little bit of positivity and humor can go a long way to brighten someone else's day.

So, I urge you to start posting your own funny and humorous morning messages or just copy and post these. Give a smile and spread some joy and laughter in a world that can often seem negative at times.

Ken Rochioli

The Daily Jokes

The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.

Big deal Times Square. I drop the ball at least 3 times a week.

I messed up already, 2024 is going to be my year for sure.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Don't kiss anyone on January 1st. It's only the first date. Happy New Year Everyone!

Wanna freak out your neighbors? Name your Wi-Fi FBI Surveillance Van 7.

I Love long walks on the beach with my girlfriend until the LSD wears off and I realize I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around in a Wendy’s parking lot.

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more wine.

It’s hard to trust humans. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.

Back in my day, we had so much toilet paper and eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch-dressing?

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses.

I'm not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.

If you join Audible.com they give you a free audio book. I got Where's Waldo.

Hey, I said I'd be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.

Proofread carefully to see if you left out any words.

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.

She texted me: your adorable. I replied: No, YOU'RE adorable. Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

If she'll be riding six white horses when she comes, she's probably a little more woman than you can handle!

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

I am not turning my clock back on November 1st; I do not need another hour of 2020.

When I die, I want to go out like Grandpa did, peacefully in his sleep...not screaming in terror like the rest of the people in his car.

When a cashier told me, Strip down, facing me, how was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

So they say that having too much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench on October 14th, 2002 at 3:46 p.m.

Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.

I don't care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.

Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

Shout out to all of us old people for graduating high school without Google.

Bored? Send I hid the body. What's next boss? to a random number.

Ironically, the mullet was probably created to STOP necks from getting red.‬‬‬

There was random drug testing at work today but I couldn't decide which one I liked best.

Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with F and ends with K.

Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called fun-sized should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

I remember when I use to go to bed at 4 am. But now that is the time I wake up.

Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Eating junk food after working out doesn't defeat the purpose, it justifies the cause.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

I want to give up coffee, but I'd hate to do that to my coworkers.

Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.

Not to brag or anything, but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

I wish I was in a gang. I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

I've never seen a tombstone that read: Died from not forwarding that email to ten people.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Who was the marketing genius that called them killer whales instead of sea pandas?

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

This summer, live a little and drop an unwrapped Baby Ruth candy bar in someone’s swimming pool.

I wonder how long it will take this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. So I said Implants? She hit me.

I get carried away sometimes… Usually, because I refuse to leave.

I can almost always tell when a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

My boss told me that he will be leaving work early today... What a coincidence! So am I!

Don't be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.

When I was young we used to go skinny dipping, and now I just chunky dunk.

If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail!

Does anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, and then go around to