The Sixteenth Hole: A Screenplay

By Jack Sholl

Something stinks at the lush, swanky, exclusive Palmetto Golf Country Club and its not the quality of the golf.

Pig farmer Earl Scrubs loves everything in his life: his family, his home and his animals. The only problem is its in the center of the prestigious Palmetto Golf Country Club golf course where golfers must play through a pig wallow on the 16th hole.

Club receipts are down and something has to be done. The clubs president kidnaps Scrubs most prized possession, his famed prize-winning pig, and holds it hostage to force him to sell the land.

Disdaining the offer of a free lifetime club membership and preferring grilled pork chops to caviar and champagne, Earl challenges the club president to a winner-take-all match. A hilarious, comic sendup of high-status golf that places a pig farmer in a gentlemans game, the fate of the farm rest on its outcome.

Earl, who gets a crash course in the game from legendary mystical gold pro, thought he knew everything there was to know about golf but hes about to find out the game still has a thing or two to teach him about life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491847824

Jack Sholl

Jack Sholl is a former journalist and national editor with The Associated Press in New York and has worked for newspapers in New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Virginia. He is the author of a number of screenplays and other works. He lives in Florida.

Book preview

The

Sixteenth

Hole

A SCREENPLAY BY

JACK SHOLL

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AuthorHouse™ LLC

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, products, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

© 2014 JACK SHOLL. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 02/12/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4938-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4937-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4782-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014900058

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

FADE IN:

EXT. PALMETTO GOLF COUNTRY CLUB—GOLF COURSE—DAY

Establishing—The sedate, serene, lush, green, manicured fairways of the Palmetto Golf Club course. Sprinklers spray a fine mist over the verdant and carefully tended grass.

FAIRWAY

THREE deeply tanned MEN in golf attire, Big Bertha drivers in hand, assess the fairway.

The FIRST stands at the tee and WHACKS the golf ball straight down the long fairway.

The ball soars high in the air into the distance and lands in the middle of the fairway.

The SECOND walks over and places his ball on a tee. He bends over the ball and WHACKS it straight down the fairway.

The ball lands in the middle of the fairway, ahead of the first golfer’s shot.

The THIRD steps forward, places his ball on a tee and lines up the shot. The other two watch from the side.

The third golfer readies the golf club head behind the ball. He looks out into the distance.

An immense PIG comes out of a stand of trees to the side of the fairway and lumbers across it.

The third golfer looks down at the ball and then looks up again down the fairway.

THIRD GOLFER’S P.O.V.—

The pig is mid-way across the fairway. The third golfer’s vision goes IN-AND-OUT of FOCUS.

The third golfer turns to the other two.

They’re watching him.

He starts to speak. But is interrupted.

FIRST GOLFER

(impatiently)

Come on, Brad. You going to take all day?

The pig disappears into another stand of trees on the fairway’s other side.

FAIRWAY

The third golfer swings at the ball and neatly slices it left and high in the air.

The ball hangs motionless in the air before it starts its descent toward the trees on the left.

EXT. FARMHOUSE—PORCH—CONTINUING

A big, ruddy-faced, white-haired, beer-barreled, sunburned man, EARL SCRUBS, sits in the shade of the farmhouse porch. He wears khakis held up by suspenders over a white T-shirt.

Close by, in a watery ditch, 165 mud-splattered pigs wallow, GRUNT, scratch and SQUEAL. Beside the mud ditch are wooden pens. Flies swarm about.

HAWAIIAN MUSIC plays from loudspeakers. The music mingles with the squeals.

Earl fans himself with a large hand fan.

SKY

Golf ball hangs in mid-air.

PIG DITCH

The ball plops into the muddy embankment of the pig wallow and sinks in.

SCRUBS

Gosh darn. One of these days, they are going to take the head off of one of those hogs.

EXT. FARMHOUSE—LAWN—CONTINUING

The THIRD GOLFER, club in hand, stands in the lawn with his golf bag behind him. He wears yellow trousers, a white golf shirt and white golf shoes.

THIRD GOLFER

Pardon me, but did you see a golf ball land here anywhere?

SCRUBS

Sure did. It’s over there, yonder, where most of them go.

Scrubs points to the pig ditch.

THIRD GOLFER

Do