The Serious & Zany World We Live In!

By Paul Chipperfield

Take a journey into a world which examines the serious side of life, a life that is reflective, challenging & deeply moving.

Detour into another world where the landscape suddenly changes, a world that is humorous, offbeat and surreal.

Combine the two points & throw in a little bit of Australia to view the world from 'down under'. Finally, tantalize the taste buds by mixing all of the ingredients together for one really good scrumptious bite at what makes this world a truly serious and zany place to live in.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Jun 26, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483629179

Paul Chipperfield

Paul Chipperfield was born in 1966 in the city of Melbourne, Australia. In 1983 he graduated from high school on the Gold Coast, Queensland and took on a variety of work before deciding to undertake tertiary studies. He completed a Bachelor of Asian Studies at the University of New England, majoring in Japanese language. He accepted a scholarship in 1995 to complete his degree in Nagoya, Japan where he remained for a further 5 years lecturing in English.

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Copyright © 2013 by Paul Chipperfield.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 05/29/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-800-618-969

www.xlibris.com.au

[e-mail]

503709

Contents

The Lampshade

Insure the Bloody House!!

The Crocodile Hut

Dropped in a Big Pond

Media Frenzy

The Great Chefs of London

Free Gift in Every Packet

Big Appetite

The Fragmentation of Dreams

Shoes with Attitude

Border Insecurity

The Great Aussie Pie

Monkey Business

The Ink Runneth Over

Shoe on the Other Foot

Stuffed Chicken

Toadstools

Buried Down Under

Sole Mates

Bloodbath at the Orion Cinema

Bureaucracy

Soul Reflection

Rejection

Angry Little Caterpillar

Democracy

Touched by a Mermaid

Mind Electrodes

Carrot Cake

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Postcard of a Fly

Nullarbor Blues

The Boofhead Club

The Laughing Galah

Japan

Election Campaigns

The Mystery Guest

Crime and Punishment

Saddle to the Whisky Hole

Consumerism

The Fish & the Lap Dance

Free Spirited

Sailors Anthem

Doctor DVD

Through Cracked Glasses

Australian Eastern Standard Duck

Bird Personalities

Consequences

Suburban Swaggie

Sleeping Colours

The Weeping Picture

Earthanasia

Candy Crack

Sweet Potato

Crayon Soup

Brisbane Thunderstorms

The Ladder to Success

American Gore Fest

Chemical Zombies

King Kid Comes to Town

Great Southern Wildlife

Old Man Stranded

Sound of Jazz

Desolate in a Toxic Wasteland

Hypocrisy Dripping from a Crucifix

Man of Wisdom

Who’s Running

the Bloody Country Anyway!!

Up Against the Stampede

Moon Navigation

Grandma Bakes the Cake

Solitude

Toy Soldiers

Cries of the Dead

The Travelled Road

Christmas Day with the Frasers

The Creaking Tree

Tyranny of War

Recollections of You

Camera Eye

Soul for Thought

The Spreading Octopus

Dream Connections

Serenading

Stop the Blubber!

The Day Australia Became Blind

Road to the end of the Earth

The Fragile Mind

When Life Comes to Pass

The Wonderful World of

Digital Technology

Comparisons

Angel Rain

Television Zombies

Awakenings

Gothic Casino

Blow up Barbie

Journey of a Seagull

Snooker Hall in the Sky

When the Candle Fades

Gardening

Junk Mail

The Cryptic Hyperdome

Timewarped

A Rose for Rusty

Intuitiveness

Dark Visions

Stress Factor

Little Girl London

Picking up the Pieces

The Paranoid Tenant

One Punch Can Kill!

Friendships

The Personality Jigsaw

Tribute to an Aussie Bloke

Summer Sizzled

Love and Music

Skimming Stones

The Band That Never Was

The Miracle of Nature

Depression

A Child’s Touch

Getting Dumped

A Glittering Gesture

Facing the Challenge

Travel Romance

Weather Forecast of a Violent Alcoholic

Spiritual Shower

Staircase to the Mind

The Psychedelic Train Ride

Squirt of Madness

Feeling Warmth

Tangerine Dream

Jukebox Brain

Barcode in a System

The Far Side of Oz’

Disorder in the House

Closing our Eyes

The Last Meal

A Father’s Lullaby

Searching for a Dream

The Evil Camouflage

Pissed Again at an Aussie Pub

The Spider Column

The Gifts of Life

A Kiwi in Australia 1989

The Face of Advertising

Celebrity Fly

A Royal Tail

Control Freaks

Midnight Dream

Stargazing

Truckie Vampires

Stumps

Keeping Them Out of Your Hair

The Reality Signpost

Board Games

The 9.03 Express to Psychiatric Buck-Passing

The Wrapping Metaphor

Blood in every dollar

Avanza Dreams

Ballad of the Tribal Village Monger

City Ants

Position for President

Galaxy

Joe’s Farmhouse

The Life of a Cat

To Sieglinde—thank you for your love and support.

Special thanks to Siegfried, Rosa, Leslie, Gwen & Dawne.

The Lampshade

Sitting on a lampshade

can make it dark at night

You’re better off to let it be

because truth is also light

Moths have understanding

They’re not so dumb at all

They want inspiration

by taking on the call

So it leaves me to conclude

that man’s not always right

Perhaps we should just trust the moth

’cause they can see the light

27425.jpg

Insure the Bloody House!!

The heater got grilled

when it wouldn’t toast the egg

And the microwave radiated

every word said

That the egg wasn’t cracked

It was doing just fine

It just didn’t want the frying pan

to burn its mere behind

So the electronic kettle

radiated steam

It wasn’t happy with the toaster

cooking nothing in between

But when the gas oven fired up

It wanted to avenge

So it burnt the bloody house down

& ended the revenge

27433.jpg

The Crocodile Hut

There’s a great little restaurant

in the heart of the valley

They serve unique Aussie grub

as long as it stays in the belly

We called to make a reservation

There were 6 of us that night

& with a hundred quid to our name

we thought we’d be alright

Grandad enjoyed the crocodile

followed by a shepherds pie

But Aunt Ellie couldn’t taste the emu

because there was too much chilli in the stir-fry

Grandma enjoyed the witchety grubs

done in a coconut sauce

She loved the creamy taste so much

she was on her sixteenth course

Uncle Jim tried the kangaroo

but called it another day

Because while he was trying to cut it up

the bloody thing jumped away

Cousin Wally liked his food underdone

He chose the brownest of snakes

But once he bit into the poison

his body went through the shakes

We finished off the evening

with lashings & lashings of beer

We nibbled on some dingo jerky

& farewelled the atmosphere

A truly unique Aussie restaurant

& bound to open many doors

Though I’d stay well away from item 29

the Irish Stew with Ned Kelly’s balls

27435.jpg

Dropped in a Big Pond

Poor ol’ Jack for about 20 years

had been waiting on that Telstra Line

He said he’d have a coffee one day

when he had a little more time

But time was never to be

He was a very persistent man

That phone went with him everywhere

to the bedroom, the car & the can

His behaviour became quite bizarre

over the point of some overcharged rent

& every single place he visited

the phone too also went

That phone was always at his side

It went from ear to there

& no one could get a conversation in

any bloody where

He took it to church, he took it to golf

the board meeting & all

& because he was stuck to that blasted line

nobody else could call

His resilience meant the super glue

so the phone was actually stuck to his ear

& when the surgeon couldn’t remove it

his intentions became quite clear

The poor ol’ blighter with the biggest earring

said goodbye to his wife

He took a walk to a waterfall

& tragically ended his life

We buried him in his favourite coffin

Alas, we would see him no more

& just as we laid the flowers to rest

the operator answered his call

27437.jpg

Media Frenzy

The media have got their way

I’m now in bloody hospital

They need to do the operation

to remove the microphone

I did the wrong thing

I answered all their questions

But now I’ve got a gut ache

My soul has left its home

They’ve