Heart and Soul Truths

By Carmen Marsala

I pray that if you are suffering from dis-ease in your life, you will discover a journey that works for you. Your life can be different, and you too can experience miracles.
I chose to embark on a 12 Step Program of recovery for my spiritual journey. I use the tools suggested by the program and it continues to work for me. The God of my understanding has gifted me beyond my imagination; obtaining my License as an Addiction Counselor, professionally working with others who suffer from dis-ease. Witnessing the miracles of other men and women working the program, coming in wrapped tightly in their cocoon, and over time, One Day at a Time, emerging as the butterfly, they were meant to be.
My heart and soul were buried with shame, guilt, fear, no self-esteem, self-loathing, depression, and other self-defeating thoughts and learned messages. My alcoholism brought me to the suicide of my heart and soul. My spiritual journey is a work in progress, the women in the program loved me until I could love myself. I respect myself and others, I value my worth, I am deserving, and I am basking in the sunlight of the spirit.
I have learned to separate my religion and my spirituality. I found my God who is loving, nurturing and forgiving, I know He chose me to live a life full of love and forgiveness for myself and those I cross paths with. I know the God of my understanding wants me to be Happy, Joyous and Free.
I pray you will discover your own path of healing and learn to live life on lifes terms. I hope you can relate to my shared experiences, strength and hope within these pages. My wish for you is to join me as a walking miracle.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Aug 26, 2014
• ISBN: 9781452594064

Carmen Marsala

Carmen Marsala is a licensed addiction counselor in Louisiana. Ms. Marsala is a recovering alcoholic with over twenty-five years of sharing her experience, strength, and hope. Ms. Marsala resides in Monroe, Louisiana, with her sisters.

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All or Nothing

Dear God,

My prayer is for the inclination to do Your will. I struggle with why I choose to do my will and once again have the negative emotions of guilt, shame, and remorse.

I have experienced the love of those who love me, and it is such a gift and blessing. Why won’t I allow myself to be happy, joyous, and free? It is the total insanity of not loving myself. What am I doing to my body, Your temple?

It is all or nothing for me. I’ve lost my balance. I want my obsessions and compulsions to again be removed, as You did many years ago with my alcoholism. I pray that I will become willing to do the footwork.

Why am I still emotionally unequipped to live life? What is it going to take? I am tired of this continuous losing battle.

Surrender. Thank You, God, for so clearly giving me the answer.

Remove from my mind what is blocking me from You. Take away my fears and insecurities. Fill me with Your abounding love, and comfort me to forgive myself for all my issues I cling to.

Free me from my own bondage in my head, the past, the anger, the resentments, and the disappointments in myself and how I have displeased You.

My heart bonds with You. You have blessed me and given me gifts, knowledge, and talent to help others.

Demonstrate to me how to do the same for me. Help me to clear away my hurtful thoughts and actions that block You.

Fill my soul with the inner peace I so desire. I want to be a better person for You and myself.

Give me the insight to know when to hold my tongue. Open my eyes to the magnificence around me. Let me feel Your strength and guidance and hear Your voice.

My issues that prevent me from loving myself I give to You at this moment. I trust that You will heal me, heart, mind, body, and soul.

Grant me the courage and strength to let go and let You manage what holds me back.

I am not a failure. With Your love and guidance, I will take the steps of my recovery program to be a whole person. I am eager to do the footwork and to give myself to thee.

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Another Way

The ending is near.

The war will soon be over.

Wounded hearts will embark on the journey of healing.

Casualties are the families caught in the crossfire,

Innocent children too young to understand the losses.

Can all start anew?

Is there enough love for forgiveness?

Will we let go?

The battle was lengthy,

Attacks from both sides.

Is there ever a winner?

Survival, at times, can be an end, not a new beginning.

Will peace and love reenter the wounded?

Will judgment cease?

Will we let go of the resentments?

Will our wounds heal as we continue to cling to the pain?

It didn’t have to be this way.

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Balance

My inner child is happy, content, and proud of her adult self.

The little me is full of joy and life; the feelings of abandonment and rejection have dissipated. What a relief!

All these years, the little girl in me has struggled to grow up, to be an adult, a whole person.

The adult in me feels like an adult, confident, loved, accepted, and real.

The child in me is full of wonder and awe, which her adult self creates, believes, sees, hears, and listens to today with no hidden fears.

My adult isolation has ceased for a while.

A divine connection with the adult loudly declares my love for others, my desire to be a part of, and a willingness to be. The frightened child peeks out in the full light and graciously smiles in her heart and soul, knowing this could and would be attained.

The adult in me lovingly embraces her inner child, comforts her, and nurtures her, transferring their active roles. They are coming to a place of unification, and their one heart and soul will rejoice when that occurs.

Will all days be as today? Neither of them are worried; they both accept the miracle of this day and take nothing for granted.

The adult feels motherly; she is aware her inner child has been neglected, shamed, rejected, and guilt-ridden by her. She accepts at times the role of staying small; her defenses fight against the large world of uncertainty.

She praises her Higher Power and gives thanks for His never-ending love, His constant acceptance, and His forgiveness. His introducing her to herself, guiding her to a higher place: adulthood.

Her life experiences over the years have caused much suffering and pain for both of them. The lessons learned, inspiring, fulfilling, growth, sadness, chaos, abandonment, fear, love, despair, self-hate, aliveness, self-love, courage, strength, wisdom, knowledge, patience, grace, beauty, and gratitude.

The rhythm of my heart is now constant—no skips, no swift rushing of the flow, peacefulness. My soul dances, softly unhurried, calming, full of love and inner surrender. My mind is clear, no muddled thinking. My body is at rest. All of me has ceased fighting.

The merger of my inner child, my little girl, and the adult woman is ongoing, full of daily anticipation and wonder, harmoniously in balance today.

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Betrayal

I’ve been left behind again, a new replacement.

In an instant, my life as I knew it changed forever.

My intuition was right—so grateful I trust it.

Lies of omission crowded my space.

I questioned his truths; he lied to my face.

He phoned to share his truths; I had been replaced.

All the years and memories—my heart and soul endures this pain.

My head and thoughts are drained.

At what age does this behavior stop?

If it is God’s will, I will love another.

Recovery taught me to let go of my male dependency.

Blessed forever for the good and bad I’ve learned over the years.

He will never again betray me; that opportunity is gone.

I release him with love.

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The Black Hole

The veil of darkness smothered my existence.

Fear danced joyfully.

Death thoughts ran rampant.

Not wanting to die, not wanting to live like this,

My heart and soul withdrew from humankind.

My isolation kept me from all living beings.

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