Oh, Shoot!: Miss Fortune World: Wholly Moses!, #10

By Kamaryn Kelsey

Things are heating up for Mo and Tony, and Sinful might be just a little too hot for Mo thanks to Carter's slip of the tongue. As she considers Tony's offer to live in Faultless, Minnow and her new husband make a sudden and surprising move to Sinful.

Meanwhile, Gertie's Cadillac has taken far too long to repair, so Ida Belle decides it's time to visit Honest Abe's and give him a tune up. Unfortunately, Abe's is raided and shut down by the FBI before Gertie can retrieve her Cadillac. A look at the fine print in the contract Gertie signed with Abe sends her into hiding and her friends to the rescue. Minnow soon finds herself right in the middle of the usual Sinful mayhem, and Marc? He wonders if Sinful is really hell.

• Language: English
• Publisher: J&R Fan Fiction
• Release date: Aug 21, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386662891

Book preview

Author's note:

This is Book 10 in the Wholly Moses series and is not intended to standalone.

This is a work of fiction. Other than Jana DeLeon's original story elements, the characters and names are creations of the author's imagination.

CHAPTER 1

~~ Washington, DC ~~

Minnow March Massey Gaines scowled at her partner and now husband, Marc. It's bad enough we've been prostituted out to the FBI, but marrying you? Hell, I didn't sign on for this! she grumbled.

He gave her a dirty look. I think the term is 'contracted,' but if you prefer being a hooker...

Min snarled and bared her teeth. Yeah, just remember this hooker is now your wife. She made a rude gesture in the air and hollered, Thanks, Uncle Sam! I owe you.

Classy, Minnow, as always, he scoffed.

Wait until your mother visits, she threatened. I can do trailer trash with just as much class.

Oh, I thought you were already doing that, he insulted. No, I'm sorry. That would be a step up for you. I'm sure my mother will appreciate the effort.

Minnow's foot began tapping with impatience and anger. She closed her eyes. Breathe, Minnow, breathe.

More meditation? Marc sneered. See if you can work good manners into that mumbo jumbo.

Min's foot continued at a slower pace. I have good manners and I use them in polite company. For jackasses like you, there's no point. You wouldn't understand them.

She flipped around when a door opened and saw her pimp boss, standing in the hall. Is it safe to come in? he joked.

Only if you've had your shots, Marc replied. Minnow needs a shock collar.

I need a new job, Min bellowed. Her boss stepped into the room and quickly shut the door.

For once I agree with her, Marc snorted.

The boss grinned wickedly. You just got a new job. And this is why you two make the perfect couple to send to Sinful, he said. I get you out of my hair. Now you're the FBI's problem.

Wow! You don't need to look so happy about it. Minnow folded her arms and her eyes became slits. You sold us, you pimp!

Hell, yes. As soon as I got the offer, he admitted shamelessly. When the director heard about the rate of crime and the unusual activity in that little Louisiana burg, I voluntarily offered you up like a ritual sacrifice when he asked to borrow you. You can blame your background, Minnow. You have connections to Sinful, which makes you the perfect little woman, Marc howled with laughter, to go home and put down some roots. Besides, you already pulled off one successful mission there.

My roots are in Atlanta, she snapped. "And my missions are supposed to be for this agency. I guess you're another stupid man who can't read. It's a good thing they put pictures of stick figures on the bathroom doors for you idiots, or you'd both be arrested. Well, maybe you'd get the hint when you realized you were pissing in the sink and not a urinal, but I doubt it."

Ah, Minnow. Always willing to share the wisdom of your own mistakes, Mark goaded. How many times did you try using a urinal as a bidet before you figured it out? Or did someone finally have to tell you? I think that bony butt of yours just might just fit in a urinal.

Minnow smacked the back of his head and he just laughed, so she headed to the boss with her palm raised. Do you have any smart ass remarks?

The boss' brow lifted. You really are bucking for a new job, aren't you, Massey?

Marc covered his laugh with a cough. Gaines.

Oh, I forgot! How was the ceremony? the boss inquired.

Delightful, Min replied in a bitter tone. "I want a huge lemon cake to go with the lemon husband. Why Marc?"

Because you're partners. You've been partners. End of story.

Gee, Mini Mart. I think that lemon cake fits your personality, Marc taunted. Besides, why are you complaining? I'm holding two bags! I'm stuck with you and Sinful. You have a sister there. What do I have?

Oh, Marcus, are you feeling left out? Minnow mocked in a little girls' voice.

The boss applauded and earned blazing looks of fury from both Min and Marc. Then he smiled. See, you're already becoming a team and working together.

Min's head tilted. You might want to watch your step, Boss. We might just decide to team up against you.

He laughed it off. Make sure you fill out your report for the FBI when you do. They're big on reports, or so I've heard. You two have fun and remember, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call your new boss.

Min and Marc heard him laughing in the hall when Minnow's purse hit the closing door, just missing him. She stomped over to pick up her bag and the items that spilled out. Shaking her head, she mumbled, Stupid lipstick. These caps never stay on, especially the red ones. She pulled the cap off her lipstick and drew a pigs face on the carpet, then she wrote The Boss and finished it off with an arrow pointing to the pig.

She stood and realized there was still lipstick in the tube, so she drew some rude graffiti on the wall. Then she tossed the empty tube over her shoulder, hitting Marc in the forehead. With a grin she said, Well, that was cathartic. You should give it a try. If you're out of lipstick you can borrow mine.

Cathartic, childish. Do you know the difference? Marc asked.

Marc's brows lowered as she patted his cheek, then used her hand to squeeze his lower jaw into a pucker. There's my Marky, she oozed and gave him a smooch on the lips.

They both backed away, wiping their mouths.

She gave him a look of disgust. How are we supposed to pull this off?

He spat onto a handkerchief and scrubbed his mouth. Where's the bleach? he yelled as he raced out of the room.

Minnow followed and yelled, Save some for me! I plan to drink it like Kool-Aid.

CHAPTER 2

~~ Sinful, Louisiana- 2 weeks later ~~

I wonder who bought the empty store? Ida Belle pondered. She was with Gertie, Fortune, and Mo at Francine's for lunch. It's been empty for so long it will be odd to see activity there.

I hope it's a lingerie shop, Gertie said, her blue eyes sparkling with joy at the idea.

Ida Belled tipped her head and gazed at Gertie from the corner of her eyes. Do you really think a lingerie shop could make a go of it in Sinful?

Gertie sat up straight. Yes, I do. Some of us prefer to buy undergarments of a nicer quality than the Walmart in Chalk Lake offers. I know Moses can't just buy bras off the rack. She giggled at her own pun and Mo smiled, used to having her full figure at the center of the ladies' jokes.

Fortune rubbed her neck and took a sip of iced tea, while Ida Belle shook her head and insisted, It's not a lingerie shop, Gertie. It's way too big. Besides, this is still Sinful and while you might not mind paying more for undergarments, most of these people wait until they can shop the clearance racks at Walmart. If they won't pay full price there, do you really think they'll pay more just to support a local business?

Fine. What is it then? Gertie asked.

I hope it's a shooting range, Ida Belle said. Even Fortune's eyes lit up at the prospect.

Wrong, Gertie smirked. I happen to know it's against the law to have a firing range within the village limits.

How do you know that? Mo asked curiously.

Dang! I forgot. Sheriff Lee gave her a ticket for shooting clay pigeons in her back yard, Ida Belle revealed. Gertie hit more street lights than pigeons, plus a couple of her neighbors' windows. You might say she inspired that law to be rushed through the town counsel approval process. I call it 'Gertie's Law.' Well, thanks for blowing the dream, Gertie!

It was a very windy day, and I was facing the sun, Gertie defended herself. Besides, I paid for those windows to be replaced. Not to mention it was more than twenty years ago. She casually reached across Ida Belle for the salt shaker. I guess some people around here have memories like elephants.

Fortune flipped her eyes at Mo. Their agreement was silent and Mo tried to distract them. I sure hope it's not a restaurant, she announced, giving Ida Belle and Gertie pause. Francine was their friend, served the best food, and her banana pudding had started a war between the two churches in town. Competition would hurt her business, and she was already operating on a slim profit margin due to generous portions and parsimonious diners.

Maybe we should go ask Celia, Fortune suggested, knowing it would distract her older friends and unite them in one shot. Celia Arceneaux was the enemy, and even though she was privy to all the business in town, Ida Belle and Gertie would walk into a gator filled swamp before they asked Celia for a favor.

I'd rather eat at Mo's, Ida Belle declared flatly. Mo laughed because she couldn't cook and everyone knew it. Even Tony complained about her sandwiches.

I'd rather spend the night at the Sinful Inn, Gertie added, in her mind making the ultimate sacrifice.

She and Ida Belle nodded in unison as if to say So there!

Well, maybe we could just open the door and ask, Mo proposed.

I already tried that, Gertie confessed. And almost got my head ripped off by a gorilla disguised as a construction worker.

Ida Belle elbowed Gertie and raised a brow at Mo. Moses, you aren't investing in a Chinese restaurant, are you? I heard your father wants you to help him out.

Mo just smiled because she still kept the identity of her father a secret. Only Carter and Tony knew the truth and Mo wanted to keep it that way for now. The texters would blister their fingers when they found out Mo was Carter's cousin, through his mother's younger brother, now deceased.

But Ida Belle was referring to the men claiming to be Mo's father because of the reward money she was collecting for reporting a wanted criminal. There had