Crazy Like Me

By Kamaryn Kelsey

Catherine Dexter has two big "Nos" in her life- no cheap hot dogs and no blind dates. When her new neighbor Adam offers her both, Cate turns him down. Cheap hot dogs are just nasty and blind dates always turn out badly for Cate.

That's probably because she's crazy. As a character actor at an amusement park, she's found the perfect job for her unique personality. The bonus is that she gets paid for it. So why does Adam want to hang around a "skinny, crazy woman who eats expensive hot dogs"? And why is he so insistent that they go out to dinner? To Cate, that's just the same as a blind date and she fears it will ruin their newfound friendship. But when she loses a bet and her cool, it's up to Adam to convince the "slender, quirky woman with distinctive taste" that they have more in common than she imagines. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kamaryn Kelsey
• Release date: Jul 31, 2016
• ISBN: 9781386577430

Book preview

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, and events are products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to real people, places, or events is purely coincidental.

CHAPTER 1

HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN say that they have the job of their dreams? Not many, I bet. But I'm one of the lucky people. I know it's not everyone's idea of a dream job, but I love it! I'm a character actor at an amusement park. Where else can an adult get paid to act like a kid?

I'm not the pretty princess or the cute little fairy. Usually, I'm in a hot furry suit, but sometimes when we're stretched thin, I get to play a pirate. That's always fun, even though some people think I'm a guy. I guess that goes with the territory when you're a tall, thin, and rather straight female. But just give me the outfit plus fake brows, mustache, and sideburns and I'm ready to go. I make a pretty good pirate too.

I love the fact that I can be Slim Jim the Dastardly Pirate one day and a crazy chicken the next. One character I don't like being is a clown. Clowns give me the creeps, so I'd rather wear a hot chicken suit than a loose fitting clown outfit. Plus, I never get to drive the clown car which makes me mad. That's the only good reason for being a clown in my opinion.

In real life I'm a little in orbit and a lot in outer space, so it doesn't take much effort to get into any character. I can shake my tail feathers, flip long dog ears, chatter oversized rodent teeth, wiggle my whiskers, or anything else my character calls for. When I'm at work, I'm not just plain old Catherine Dexter. I can let out my crazy side without being committed.

I don't make a lot of money so I take on a few odd jobs when needed, usually pet sitting or dog walking. I live simply to make ends meet, but who doesn't, right? I rent my grandmother's small house for cheap. Grandma stays with me whenever she comes to visit. It works out well since she doesn't want to sell the little house she's owned for over fifty years, and I can't afford to pay a lot for rent.

It's a modest ranch. Small, but the right size for me. It only has two bedrooms, but since I just need one I have more than enough space. There's a small kitchen/dining area facing the back of the house. The living room is at the front of the house. A hallway from the living room leads to the bedrooms and a single bath.

Most of the small houses in the neighborhood have been sold through the years and replaced with bigger, nicer homes. My Grandma is one of the last holdouts. Unfortunately, with taxes going up, I don't know how much longer she'll be able to let me live here with cheap rent.

Both my brothers are married, and I like for them to visit as often as they can. My nieces and nephews love to come see their crazy Aunt Cate. The fact that I can get them into the park at a steep discount doesn't hurt.

We were raised on the East Coast. When Grandma had surgery about ten years ago, I came south to stay for a while to help her. When she got better, she moved to the East Coast to be near my family and I stayed here.

My parents have given up on me when it comes to marriage. I have too many strikes against me, I guess. They call me quirky, which is a nice way of saying I'm different, which is a nice way of saying I'm crazy. I've given up on marriage as well. What kind of guy would marry someone crazy like me?

I've had dates, but no one serious in my life. Now, I don't mind dating shorter guys. At my height, it's inevitable. I do have a problem with cheaters though, no matter their height. A previous boyfriend didn't take kindly to me calling him a two-timing troll and retaliated by calling me Olive Oyl. I'll have you know my brown eyes are not flat round discs, and my dark brown hair is never in a bun. I usually wear it in a ponytail. And I have a few more curves as well. Not big, but hey, a curve is a curve, right? Some of us need to take anything we can get. My looks are average, so I'm not exactly model material, although I meet the height requirement.

But that’s okay. I’d rather be happy and single than in a relationship with someone I couldn’t trust. I figured if the right guy was out there, we’d meet someday. And if not, I’d get along just fine. I’ve made it this far on my own and had no plans to change my relationship status.

CHAPTER 2

ON FRIDAY EVENING I prepared to enjoy a little barbecue in the backyard. I'd worked the day shift which was one of the perks of being at the job longer than most of my co-workers.

Setting my hot dogs next to the grill, I turned it on, and waited for it to heat. I went inside to grab a cold drink and came back out to find I wasn't alone. A huge mixed breed dog had decided that he desperately needed my hot dogs. He gave me a guilty look, but that didn't stop him from eating all the hot dogs and part of the package.

I like dogs, but I'm not stupid enough to challenge one I don't know, especially over a package of meat. When he finished my hot dogs, he sat down expectantly. He didn't appear to be mean, but I wasn't taking any chances, so I didn't move. My thief tilted his head and continued staring.

Are you waiting for the buns? I asked him.

His tail thumped.

If you'd told me you were joining me for dinner, I would have bought the bargain bag of hot dogs. Not the cheap, nasty ones, mind you. The good ones, but they are like factory seconds because they aren't shaped right. You get a lot more for your money if you don't mind how they look. Sometimes you can get a whole box of them. Maybe I could have at least had one, I told.

Apparently, he decided he liked me.