Where Was God?: A Journey

By Valerie R. Isaiah M.S. M.A.

How many of us go through life not really knowing the people who we love or what they have gone through to become who they are? Valerie Isaiah transposes a life that she wants to abandon into a spiritual awaking through her new book Where Was GOD?
A Journey.

Throughout this journey, Valerie asks several hard questions to which we all need answers. This inspirational page-turner will have you on the edge of your seats waiting for the next journey. Instead of Valerie ending her life as a victim, she chooses to live her life in victory. She shows each of us how to pull out the God in us to help us get to the next level.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 6, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467026642

Valerie R. Isaiah M.S. M.A.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~About the Author~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Valerie R. Isaiah has been anointed by GOD to stand on the word of GOD. GOD has chosen her to write this series of books that will encourage the person that is a non believer in Christ to pick up their cross and to follow JESUS. It will also help the believer grow closer to GOD. Valerie lives in the St. Louis County area of Missouri along with her husband Connell Isaiah and three of her five children. She has been gifted in many areas including healing and deliverance. Her Kingdom assignment has been to win souls for GOD. She has made a decision to live her life in total obedience to the will of GOD. She and her husband have been on their incredible journey with GOD for many years and their marriage is being used to show the world that a couple can have a happy marriage. She had been neglected, abandoned, sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally abused. She was later raped 3 times and left without hope. On January 15, 2001 she surrendered her life to JESUS and her eyes were open to new life. Her family calls her blessed and she has been blessed to be a blessing to the Body of Christ and people all around the world. The book serious has started and she is so excited about the healings that have gone forth all around the world because she was made whole. Look for Book 2 Where Was GOD? A New Revelation to be coming soon!

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© 2011 by Valerie R. Isaiah, M.S., M.A. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 09/07/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2666-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2665-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2664-2 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011915746

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedication

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Acknowledgements

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Dedication

Connell, Thornton, Brooke, and Matthew and CCIGGM: We are blessed to tell this story. This is not just my story but, this is a story of what it took for us to become the Kingdom Builders that GOD has called us to be. Thank you for trusting me with this story of courage and triumph! There was so much pain in writing this book. You all stood by me as I told the mini series of my life. We are all healed! We have been called to encourage others. Thank for living by this scripture: But seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD and his righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you.

Foreword

How many of us go through life not really knowing the people who we love or what they have gone through to become who they are? Valerie Isaiah transposes a life that she wants to abandon into a spiritual awaking through her new book Where Was GOD? A Journey.

Throughout this journey, Valerie asks several hard questions to which we all need answers. This inspirational page-turner will have you on the edge of your seats waiting for the next journey. Instead of Valerie ending her life as a victim, she chooses to live her life in victory. She shows each of us how to pull out the God in us to help us get to the next level.

If I only had one word to describe this book, it would be sensational. Valerie takes us on a spiritual journey from childhood to womanhood. There is healing, recompense and salvation in this book. Valerie’s honesty is refreshing and straightforward. It is clear that her intent is healing those of us who society abuses through neglect, ignorance and abandonment.

From the very first chapter, you are going to want to know more about this mighty woman of God and her journey to righteousness. Valerie delivers God’s message through an eye-opening look into her soul that is strengthened by faith.

I cannot wait for Valerie’s next book. Somehow, I do not think we will be waiting too long!

If you really want to get know someone, take their journey!—

Veronica Irving

Project Manager for DHS

Preface

I have a Master’s Degree in Education and I also have a Master’s Degree in Human Resource Management and Development but none of these Degrees prepared me for what I have had to endure to tell you my story of faith. I have worked on this book since 1997. It has been re-written several times. It was never to be told until the appointed time which is now. I am healed, delivered and set free by the Blood of JESUS CHRIST.

My book is being told in at least 5 books. It has to be told this way otherwise it would be too long for one book. I am willing to give myself away in this book so that many can be healed from their past hurts. This book tells you the story of my journey to the healing of my soul. I met my husband Connell in 2002 and our journey together has been on an emotional but fulfilling roller coaster. We are whole today because of our faith in a true and living GOD. I was very ashamed of letting people know that I had been abandoned, rejected, neglected, as well as sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abused by several family members.

I grew up as the only girl in a house full of boys. I love all of my family and I am not telling this story to destroy our family but I am telling it so that my family can be healed. I suffered from a life of depression which told me each day to kill myself.

My life has been changed forever by allowing my story to be told. I am no longer the victim that you will read about in this first book Where was GOD? A Journey. It has made me desire to be an even better human being. GOD has spoken most of these words to me because my memory of the course of events was very foggy. The memories of these painful events flooded me like a river. My emotions seemed to go so out of control. I had to let the tears flow and move into healing. With the tears rolling down my face, they reminded me that I had made it through the storms of life. I am free to share my story of redemption and deliverance.

I am especially grateful to my husband Bishop Connell Isaiah for his great support and love. He was there to catch me each time I felt that I was falling. His love and support helped me tell this story without trying to compromise. He encouraged me to tell it like GOD was giving it to me. I thank each person that is reading this book. If you are reading this book it has been assigned to you to tell someone else about this book so that they can begin to heal and know that they are not alone in their situations.

Introduction

The sky looks blue on most days. The rain comes to wash the earth. The clouds sometimes look dreary. Life reminds me of the sky, rain and the clouds moving at various points in my life. Have you ever wonder why GOD allowed you to go through all of the crazy stuff that you had to go through in life? I have sat for hours trying to process and figure out why I had to endure the many tragic things that happened in my life.

Every once and a while, I will hear a story about someone that went through something worse than I did, and I thank GOD at that moment for delivering me from all of my drama. I did not always have a mind to thank GOD! I remember driving down the highway wondering was there more to life that what I had been experiencing. Life sometimes seems to bring you too many lemons. They say that you should take the lemons and make lemonade. I have not yet seen a person in a deep fog from life make those lemons into lemonade.

GOD was always big, ancient, and scary to me. He seemed to sit high but I wasn’t sure if he was able to see everyone in the world from his view. GOD’s view is quite large. He sits high and can see everything that the people in the world are doing.

I often wondered what goes through his mind when he sees someone being murdered, molested, or raped. What goes through his mind when he sees someone’s car spinning out of control? GOD was so distant to me, he was said to be mysterious in all of his ways. I never thought that GOD was good like people said that he was. He seemed to have forgotten about me so I seemed to have just forgotten all about him. GOD has a way of waking you up from your state of forgetfulness. He has a firm way of grabbing us by the arm and saying wake up. He was probably laughing at me because he had to grab me so many times. I still have the marks on my arms from him grabbing me and telling me to wake up on January 15, 2001. My life was spared that day!

One of the most exciting and powerful things that I have ever done was to admit that I had no choice over how my life started or how my life would end. I knew all of my life that I would be a famous attorney. I knew that people from all around the world would be watching me do what no other attorney would or could do. I would be able to defend people who really needed a break. I would defend those who had gotten in the messiest situations. I would defend those who had paid other attorneys and were not getting the results that they had expected; the court room would be my home. I could just see myself walking in the courtroom with those professional but sexy suits. I would walk in with high heels and the sexiest legs. I would walk in with my hair pulled up in a bun just to show that I could be professional but as soon as I left the courtroom, I would pull it down and my hair would flow all over my shoulders. I could see myself walking out to talk to the reporters about the victory that my client had just won in the courtroom. I was convinced that even those attorneys on TV could not beat me. I had it all figured out; so I thought.

I wondered for years what kind of money could an attorney make. My father came in often and threw wads of money on the bed and I could just see myself counting all of the money that I would make. I was going to take the money and buy food for underprivileged children and those who needed to get off the street. I was going to be a great humanitarian; I was planning to take over the world. I still have a lot of that in me.

I had heard that there would someday be a black president and just maybe it might be me. For real I just figured that it had to be me. Was this a vision or fantasy? Did I really think this kind of life could be mine? Sometimes I can just see myself in that court room saying I object your honor. It sounds so good when the judge says sustained. I can’t understand for the life of me why it never happened. Can you believe that after all of my years of dreaming I knew that my only real goal was to become a young mother? My only real goal was to find someone to love me; I knew that if someone could love me that I would be alright. Love is one of those things that we all seek after; Love is one of those things that we all long for. I cannot understand why I started out with a vision but because of death it never happened. I wanted a baby so that my child’s life could be better than mine. I wanted to be able to dress my child like I always wanted to be dressed. I wanted to be able to go to the store and buy beautiful furniture for my daughter’s bedroom.

I was so fascinated with old movies from the 30’s. I loved to see how people from back then danced and sang such beautiful songs. I loved movies that made people who had sad situations feel vilified in the end. It made me think that life could be easier than I thought. I just wanted a child so that I could feel the real love that I so longed for each night when I cried myself to sleep begging GOD to make my mother take me with her.

My mother was my god. She was the one person that was supposed to take care of all of my needs; she was supposed to be my savior. She was supposed to make sure that all of my needs were taken care of. She was supposed to provide and teach me how to be successful in life. I had seen a lot on TV and I thought often that my mother was not like those TV mothers. TV mothers took good care of their children; they made sure that their children were safe. What is safety anyway? GOD was supposed to keep you safe. Where was GOD? Where was GOD? Where was GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Acknowledgements

I remember a few days before I finished this book I knew that it was not the end of the story, but I also knew that as I looked back over my life there was going to be healing for so many people. I can laugh about writing this book now but it was no laughing matter. My husband said that he had to shut down and leave me alone for a while because of how I was snapping on him. I had to tell him how sorry I was and that as the head of our house hold, he should have set me straight. He said that he understood what I was going through.

I acknowledge my husband’s presence and support of this book. It is not easy for a Man of GOD to read and hear about the things that I have shared about my personal journey. He is always right there with me. I said to him that it was so detailed about what I had been through and that I did not want to hurt our marriage. He told me that it was just my past and not my present. I am so grateful to have this Man of GOD in my life.

I thank all of the ministers and members of Christ Church International Grow In Grace Ministry for all of their prayers and support of me leading the ministry that I have so graciously been allowed to head along with my husband. They have stood by me and encouraged me along the way. They have had to speak life over me throughout the last 5 years. Several of them helped to type the book from the hand written initial copy and I thank them.

My children have been another source of inspiration for me. They have grown into mighty men and women of GOD. I am grateful for Thornton, Brooke, Matthew, Delia and Satori. I am also grateful for my little grandson Caleb. GOD has given them to me and I pray that he will continue to use each of them to show forth the glory of GOD in all that they do.

I am so grateful for La Toyia Mason who has been so good to me. She has been there to edit the books and to support me every step of the way. She has believed in the vision that GOD has given me and has worked timelessly to help fulfill GOD’s vision.

I thank Veronica Irving who took the book and read it over night so that she could write the forward with sincerity and honesty. She has been an inspiration to me since I was 18 years old. I have watched her raise her sons to be great men of GOD. She is a source of encouragement to the Body of Christ.

GOD has blessed me with a gift to speak life. I acknowledge that the reader’s life has and will be transformed by this book. I thank GOD for allowing me to tell you about what I have had to go through in life to see the grace of GOD shine forth in every area of my life. I don’t take it lightly that you have chosen to read this book of my life. May GOD bless you to be everything that he has called you to be!

Chapter One

AM I DEAD

Go ahead and assume what you want about me everybody else did. Life sometimes shows up when you are not ready. Life can make you think that you are ready when you truly aren’t. Sometimes people look at you and wonder, What’s their story. No one ever seemed to wonder about my story; they just seemed to have gone through life thinking that I never existed. I must be in a dream; no one seemed to care about me. I was dirty and very un-kept most of the time when I was a little girl. I had sandy red hair that was thick, long and bushy; where did I come from?

My father was this tall very black man. He looked like a giant to me when I was a little girl. He was always smoking cigarettes and drinking so I don’t know what he really smelled like. He always wore the same clothes for a whole week to work. He had plenty of money to have more clothes but he just never took the time to change them. He liked to laugh a lot and he made other’s laugh which made him seem to be a happy person. He and my mother argued all the time. He seemed to be a good person, I guess. How would I have known if he was a good person? I hardly ever saw him in the beginning of my life as I remembered. He was always gone to work or out chasing women. He was one of those people