Requiem for a Snappy Dresser: Poems of Expiation and Conceit

By Nicholas Nicholas

In his new collection of poetry, Requiem for a Snappy Dresser: Poems of Expiation and Conceit, author Nicholas Nicholas shares his attempt to reconcile his own life in terms of family, sex, love, loneliness, illness, death, and aging. This compilation of his work offers autobiographical, adult-themed poems, many of them explicit and on the subject of being gay. He presented some of these verses during his ongoing psychotherapy sessions in a Los Angeles, California Veterans Administration medical center, writing them as he fought paranoia, fear, disease, depression, and enormous self-doubt.

Nicholas considers these and other issues with often brutal candor, shocking irreverence, sensitivity, defiance, and surprising humor. He writes with honesty about the danger, loneliness, and pain of self-isolation. With this collection of poems, he hopes to provide others with insight, understanding, and maybe some compassion for all peoplemale or female, gay or straightas they approach and experience their own inevitable final years of life.

One More Poem

One more poem to write
About the old man and the little boy
But the poem will write and right itself
My hand the aging instrument joining the two
It isnt time quite yet
But soon the two must meet
Embrace
Merge
And move to lifes next place
A young boys resolution
On an old mans wrinkled face

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 8, 2013
• ISBN: 9781475984453

Nicholas Nicholas

Nicholas Nicholas has more than thirty five years experience as an actor, director, and writer; primarily for stage. His most recent projects have focused mostly on autobiographical poetry. Many of those poems are included in this publication. The “snappy dresser” who inspired the book’s title was a real person Nicholas encountered while working as a “temp” at an insurance company in California. Nicholas Nicholas, tired and retired, now lives, more or less, in a mint green “little old man” house in a quaint southern town with his loyal and obedient wrought iron dog, Spoticus. “Sit, Spot.” On cool summer evenings they can be seen sitting on the blue front porch rocking gently in the red rocker, smiling and laughing to themselves, or barking at passersby. Neighbors leave them alone.

Book preview

Requiem

for a

SNAPPY DRESSER

Poems of Expiation and Conceit

Nicholas Nicholas

iUniverse, Inc.

Bloomington

REQUIEM FOR A SNAPPY DRESSER

POEMS OF EXPIATION AND CONCEIT

Copyright © 2013 Nicholas Nicholas.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN:  978-1-4759-8446-0 (sc)

ISBN:  978-1-4759-8444-6 (hc)

ISBN:  978-1-4759-8445-3 (e)

iUniverse rev. date:  4/29/2013

TABLE OF CONTENTS

THE BOY AND THE OLD MAN

3 RINGS  NO WAITING

A LITTLE BOY

AN OLD MAN

CHILD

June 27, 2007

LITTLE OLD MAN

GOATBOY

MIRROR RORRIM

ONE MORE POEM

REQUIEM FOR THE BOY

LESS

THE BOY

COMFORT

SOME WOMEN AND ME

COUPLETS

THANKSGIVING DAY  1993

LOVELY

APHRODITE IN DAYLIGHT

OLD WOMAN

WHEN YOU STAR UPON A WISH

WHERE DO YOU LIVE

FEMFLAM

FATAL DETRACTION

MY GRANDMOTHER

ONLY THEIR NAMES CHANGE

L. A.  A LIFE

THE SINK

AT THE VA MEDICAL CENTER

A MAZED

THERAPY

SPIRIT

AMBIDEXTROUS

4:14 A.M.

THAT BULLSHIT

CELEBRATION

MY DREAMS

YUKON MINING COMPANY

I D CLINIC WAITING ROOM

DOCTORS AND NURSES

MY DECISION

SUBWAY MORNING

MY YOUNG FRIEND

NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO

BUMPER STICKER

NOON SUBWAY RIDE

F  C  N’s

HIDING IN THE ARBOR

SUPPLY AND DEMAND

THREE WAY

FISH OUT OF WATER

LOVE OR SEX OR BOTH OR NEITHER

QUESTIONS

STOP

JIGSAW

SENSE MEMORY

TOUCH

VALENTINE’S DAY

FADED

UNDERNEATH

I WANT YOU TO

PARDON ME

THE LOWEST FORM OF HUMOR

BI  SEX UALITY

AND THEN…

COLUMBUS DAY

I HOPE IT WAS

BLUE LINE

RECEPTACLE

SATURDAY, 3 A.M.

YOU’LL DO

FOR STEPHEN SHEPHERD

BACK ROOM

CARL SAGAN REDUX

IF YOU MUST

BENEFICENCE

SKIN IT BACK AND LET THE GNATS AT IT

JOHNNY

LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON

INSTRUCTION MANUAL

RICHARD LOWRIDER

I THINK I THINK THEREFORE I THINK I AM

EXCUSE

CHARM

STANDARD BEARER

LATER I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU

OUTCALL MASSAGE

TRUE BLOND

Rx SOMA

SURPRISE

360%

NECK

THICKER THAN WATER

PISS and VINEGAR WOMAN

LAUGH

RUTHIE

TO MY SISTER GINGER

LEDGER

SPINNING

TOWER

TWO WORLDS

CHOICES

IN LIEU OF FLOWERS

TRUTH

WARRIOR

CANCER  HER  WAY

TOO LATE

ECHO

VERISIMILITUDE

SAYING FUCK DOES NOT MAKE ME BAD SAYING GOD DOES NOT MAKE YOU HOLY

SEEING MY FATHER AFTER THIRTY FIVE YEARS

THE GOLLY MAN

KNOCK KNOCK…WHOSE THEIR

DEAR SON

A LETTER to MY FATHER

CERTIFIED  #1

CERTIFIED  #2

CARPING at FISH

E  POEMS

MISTERIE 1

BUT WOULD IT HAVE MATTERED

EXPLANATION

OSMOSIS

WEIRD OLD GUY

LEG DANCE

E DANCE

E=MC2

ECON 101/SEX  ED

POSTCARDS FROM OZ

EXCEPT

CRITERIA

E LOOK

E MISSION / IMAGE HOMAGE

ETERNITY

MISTERE 4

EARLY WARNING

ABSOLUTION MISTERE

EMPTY

E FEELING

KIND WORDS

MY ABSOLUTELY LAST POEM ABOUT YOU

DEJA VOUS E

MISTER  E  FINAL   E

PSYCHOLOGY OF AN ADOLESCENT

POST PUBESCENT OFT TUMESCENT

MALE WAY WAY WAY OVER 50

THE ODD ONE

PERMISSION

BASE

WHEN I WAS A KID

NOW I KNOW

CAR DEAL GONE BAD

ALIEN

LONERS

ME’S TOO

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

SAFER

DEPRESSION

ANOTHER WEDNESDAY

I

ICD9 301.83

INTERNATIONAL CASSIFICATION OF DISEASES

MY ART AND POETRY

LULLABY

THE GILLETTE WALTZ

YOU ARE NOT PARANOID

THE IT

A NIGHT LIKE THIS

SOLUTION 1

GILLETTE

PULLING BACK

PINBALL

PRE REQUIEM

ONE OF ME

SO FAR / PROBABLY

THE PHALLUSY OF GRACEFUL AGING GO AHEAD, BE A DICK

THE ONES

APEX

ALIEN ENCOUNTER

TALK

SCAREDY CAT

SUICIDE PROPERLY PERFORMED

INVITATION

MY BED

DIAGNOSIS

A LITTLE AFTER MIDNIGHT

CANTERBURY (cautionary) TAIL

ON TOP

OLDIES

FAR FROM THE TREE

HBD59YO

OLD WHITE MEN

IN DEFENSE OF OLD MEN WITH SKINNY LEGS

LEGACY

IT IS WHAT IT IS

EASY TARGETS

HAPPY HOUR / FUCKING IN GRAVEYARDS

DIRTY OLD FOULMOUTHED MEN

SOMETHING

EAST INDIA COMPANY

CHEAP SHOT 2012

RAKING LEAVES

HUNG JURY

AFTERTHOUGHT

FRIDAY DECLARED DAY OF MOURNING FOR R. CRUSOE  (DECEASED)

KING

REQUIEM FOR A SNAPPY DRESSER

REQUIEM FOR A SNAPPY DRESSER

INCURABLE ROMANTIC

ICE FLOE

EPILOGUE

EUPHEMASIA

EPITAPH

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

foroddpeople

"so many people to be

so little time to be them

too small a plate for such a feast"

from  CELEBRATION

it’s not just another pretty phase    these days I’m going

through      a sorting out for the journey coming    I have to

gather the me’s     a little boy    scared     alone     doesn’t

know he always will be alone       an old man  is disappearing    

I looked for him   he wasn’t there     you sacrifice yourself at my

altar   old white man are easy   won’t fight back    but  one day

I’m not into leather   I could be swayed   you are not paranoid if

they really do want to kill to you     I wonder what your fuck-face

looks like     areyouloudwhenyoucum???   I  think I dream about you

sometimes    can’t be sure       don’t bitch with me, fuck        you

can never find an hermaphrodite when you really need one

nobody died for your sins     I was never comfortable being loved      

he’s here   that old man    the snappy dresser     that dapper

gent I always    feared   I would become     dapper gent   he’s  here              

out here   out here on the ice floe        on the ice floe                  

in the land of one

one              

THE BOY AND

THE OLD MAN

3 RINGS  NO WAITING

Yes, boys and girls of all ages

The circus is in town

Full of wonder     packed with joy

See the little old man on display

Watch his body change before your very eyes

Those very eyes will bulge as his eyes recede to ‘no one there’

See his muscles shrink and his belly bloat

In krazy karmic komic relief   ha ha   ha ha

See his face skeletize

See hollows where dimples used to be

And oh to have cheekbones like that

People die for cheekbones like that

Some of them women

And the movements of his body

Did somebody say ‘graceful’?

I think not

See this old  ‘bag-o-bones’  twist and turn

Swimming in the tears of his despair

Hear his laugh become a cry and back again

Back again so fast you’ll swear it’s all a trick    a lie

But it’s not a lie

You’ll even hear him say  goodbye

Don’t worry folks

It’s all good clean fun

But be warned   it’s not for the faint of heart

Medical personnel are standing bi

And when their coffee break is done

They will administer last wrongs

Cover    sign    and move along to the next corpse

Humming dirges    unaware of their own irony

Yes, boys and girls of all ages

The circus is once again in town

And we’ve just lost another clown

A LITTLE BOY

A little boy I know is scared   but hopeful

He knows that he’s alone

But he does not know that he will always be

What would be crueler?

To tell him the truth

Or to feed his false hope?

Destroy to build

Or build to destroy?

There are those people who are sentient shadows

Whose core cannot be reached

Whose essence can only be approximated

Their feelings indicated

Written with longing on pages and walls

Or heard in echoes

Or shadows of echoes

In shadowy halls

They are like faraway stars whose brightness shines for us

Only after they have died

Distance their sin

Speed of light our loss

And they can be loved

Only in retrospect

Too late

Too late

AN OLD MAN

An old man I know is disappearing

Several times lately I’ve looked for him

But he wasn’t there

I thought he’d gone forever

I almost wished it

But he turned up later   unexpected

And to some degree unwanted

He can be a pain sometimes

Okay   all the time

Most of the time

Although he does bring a pleasure of sorts

A continuity of camouflaged crisis

A Valium scream

He seems to know my secrets and my fears

And how my real joy sits in simple things

And where I can be touched

Sometimes I feel he is preparing me for something

Or preparing something for me

Or both

What it is I don’t know

And I’m too frightened of the answer

To ask the question

Knowing he would not lie to me

I’ve never seen his face completely

But I’m sure he knows my face

Even in darkest dark

He knows every line

Every movement

Every expression

Every flush since my first

I think he watches me all the time

I wear him

I am never naked

Not even in darkest dark

I think that’s where he goes

When I look for him and he’s not there but I can feel him

He’s preparing a place for me in darkest dark

A place where I can see his face

CHILD

June 27, 2007

I’m sixty three years old and still a child

A boy’s tears sliding down my face

A boy afraid his mother is leaving him

And I’ll never see her again

Old man me knows the boy is right

Death has a way of doing that

Separating those who stay a while

From those forever gone

And who can live on only in our memories

And in unexpected fleeting thoughts

Which reach unsought across a mist

And settle in our heart

‘Mama would really like that if she were here’

But she’s not

She’s not

This hurts so much

I don’t think it will ever stop hurting

I wish I had never quit drinking

LITTLE OLD MAN

(waist  36, inseam  32, height 5’8", weight 130 lbs)